


The Remaking of Nuke

by MDFawn



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-13
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:06:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 147,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MDFawn/pseuds/MDFawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How this young couple survives after a violent attack and the resulting aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Do not copy/duplicate this work.

 

  
    "Noah, are you going to make it to Metro in time?" Luke asked hoping to hear that the love of his life would be making it to one of the biggest nights his foundation would have.   
  
    "As soon as I get off, I'm going home to change and I'll meet you there as soon as I can." said Noah into his cell phone.  "You know I wouldn't miss this.  You and your mom have worked on this non-stop for the past six months."   
  
    "Good." Luke finally breathed.  "I'll see you there around 6:00.  I love you."   
  
    "Same here."  Noah said as he closed his phone.  Just a few more things to straighten up from his shift at Java and off to get changed and the fundraiser.  He couldn't believe it had only been six months since the kidnaping and his father's return and it just seemed that everything was just going a little too perfect.  Now, the fundraiser for the "Save One Life, Save the World" project was here and both he and Luke were overjoyed.  This had been the actual first project they had done from start to finish together and it had been so rewarding and had brought them even closer together although he hadn't thought it was possible.   
  
    Lily, Holden and Damian were learning to peacefully co-exist and that was always a step in the right direction.  It made life with Luke easier when he knew all of his parents were at least trying to get along.  It didn't hurt that Damian was focusing on someone else besides Lily.  Although, it still surprised Noah that Holden wasn't just as mad that Damian was dating his sister, Meg.  But it worked and that's all that mattered.    
  
    5:00 finally arrived and Noah practically ran out the door in order to get home and change quickly for the fundraiser.  As soon as he got home he noticed right away that his dark blue suit and dark blue shirt were laid out on the bed.  Luke strikes again, Noah thought as he quickly pulled his Java shirt over his head and threw it into the basket in the corner.    
  
    Whenever Luke could get him in this outfit he did.  It was the one he had worn their first New Year's together and Luke loved the color on him.  "It brings out your blue eyes" he always said.  Noah smiled to himself as he headed into the bathroom to get cleaned up and thought about the look he would see in Luke's eyes tonight when he walked into Metro.

  


* * *

  
    "Is Noah on his way, baby?" Lily asked from behind Luke making him jump as he turned toward his mother.   
  
    "Yeah" he sighed.  "He just had to finish his shift and go home and change, then he'll be here."   
  
    Lily stepped back and looked at her son.       
  
    "What?" laughed Luke.   
  
    "I'm just so happy that you and Noah are just so much in love."  she smiled even more broadly.  "You two just seem to get closer and closer.  I'm so happy."   
  
    "Me too."  smiled Luke.  "He's all I ever needed or wanted and I know he feels the same way about me."      
  
    "Well, good.  That's what love is supposed to feel like." she laughed.   
  
    "What's love supposed to feel like?" asked Holden as he came up beside Lily.  "Like this."  He grabbed Lily around the waist and kissed her neck lovingly.   
  
    "Not us, silly.  Our son."   
  
    "Sorry,"  he smiled.  "Luke and Noah have been through a lot in a short time.  If they can withstand all that - I'm sorry, I think you two are stuck with each other."   
  
    "That's fine by me."  smiled Luke.  "Working these last couple of months together on this project has been great.  I can't imagine doing anything else but being together."   
  
    "Well, that's how it's supposed to be, like your mom said."  Holden looked happily at Luke.

  


* * *

  
    "Damn.  I can't believe I'm going to be late."  Noah said as he jogged down the street and looked at his watch.  He decides to take the short cut around the lake to try and save some time.  He was trying to call Luke's cell again to tell him that he'd be a couple of minutes late but it was going directly to voicemail again.  "Damn."  he said as he started to actually run around the lake shore.  He was so intent on getting to Metro and Luke that he didn't see the three young men up ahead that had obviously already been drinking.  They were hitting stones into the lake with tree branches.    
  
    "Hey, it's Noah the budding film genius!" yelled a young man with a slurred voice.    
  
    Noah stopped short of the trio that were suddenly blocking his path.  "Hey, Jeff." he said recognizing the guy who had spoken as a former classmate who had flunked out of Film History the previous semester.  He had started complaining to anyone who would listen almost immediately that the whole department at Oakdale University was run by a bunch of fags and all the students were the same.   
  
    "I thought you were doing Professor, oh, I'm sorry, Mason?"  Jeff laughed as he elbowed the guy next to him.    
  
    Noah attempted to get by but was blocked by Jeff.  He didn't notice the other two move over behind him.  "I don't have time for this."  Noah tried again to pass but obviously Jeff wasn’t finished as he stepped up in Noah's face.   
  
    "What?  Late for a date with your boyfriend?" he sneered.  "I guess you have to console him since he couldn't even manage to steal an election right."    
  
    Noah just stared at Jeff for a moment.  "Let me by."  he said again.   
  
    "Sure thing." Jeff said as Noah passed..  "Fairy!"   
  
    Suddenly Noah turned and said, "you know, you didn't flunk out because you weren't gay, you're just stupid.  Why don't you try coming to class without a hangover once in a while."  Noah turned and started walking again toward Metro.  He didn't see the tree branch coming before it hit him in the back of the head.  He staggered forward and dropped to the ground.  He was trying to focus and struggling to get back to his feet while wondering how this could be happening.    
  
    He had turned and saw that not only had Jeff picked up a stick but that the other two already had theirs ready to hit him again.  Noah was still having trouble focusing his eyes from the blow but he knew he had to get away before these drunken idiots decided to finish what they started.  He tried to make his legs move backwards.  He knew he wasn't that far from the lake entrance to Old Towne.    
  
    "Not so funny now, fairy boy."  the second guy yelled.  Noah wasn't sure but he vaguely thought he remembered his face from Lit. class.  One of Kevin's supporters from the election.  "Jeff, let's go.  He's not worth it."    
  
    "No." he said to the other two.  "He thinks he's so talented.  You think you can take me man to man, fairy boy?"  Jeff threw his stick to the third guy who Noah realized he'd never seen before this night.  "Let's see how much you can take."   
  
    Suddenly he rushed toward Noah and tried to punch him in the face.  Without even realizing what he was doing Noah dropped to his knee and came up behind Jeff as he passed him and punched him in the side.  He kind of found it funny that all of those hand-to-hand training lessons that that Colonel had forced him to take all those years were now actually coming in handy.    
  
    That is until he was tackled from behind by the other two.  Noah and the other two went tumbling into the bushes lining the walkway and Jeff picked himself up off of the ground and ran right in after them.   
  
    Noah and the other two were struggling to get up and trying to untangle themselves.  Noah was going to come up swinging until he saw that Jeff was taking another swing at him with the branch he had picked up again.  He ducked again and was about to run through the bushes when he was knocked to the ground by the guy from his Lit. class.  "Faggot!"   
  
    Noah was kicking and punching anything that came within reach, just trying to get out from under the guy when he was hit in the head again.  His vision totally doubled then and he was trying to scramble away as he was hit one more time.  He fell over and looked up and saw that all three were now looking down at him.    
  
    Jeff didn't have the limb in his hand anymore his hand was actually fiddling with his belt buckle.  Noah realized that being beaten wasn't as bad as it was going to get and as they came near him his instincts took over and all that his father ever taught him he tried to use to fight the three off but they stopped his resisting by hitting him in the head again with one of the branches.    
  
    Noah's last conscious thought was that for the first time since he had known Luke, he was glad that Luke hadn't been with him tonight.   


  


* * *

  
    The applause was dying down at Metro as Lily announced that they had raised a total of $400,000 for the "Save One Like, Save The World" Project but Luke wasn't paying much attention.  Where was Noah?  He had said he was going to be here by 6:00 and here it was 6:30 and still no Noah.  He pulled out his cell and was surprised to see two missed calls, both from Noah but no messages.    
  
    "Luke?"  Holden said beside him, "he'll be here, he's just running late."   
  
    "I know." he said as he punched the redial button and heard Noah's voicemail.  "I just get nervous since the kidnaping."    
  
    "He's just running late." Holden said as he put his arm on his son's shoulder.  He would never tell Luke to his face but Lily and Holden also had the same fears.  Ever since the kidnaping of both Luke and Noah they feared every time one of them didn't answer a phone.  "He'll be here any minute.   
  
    "Your right."  Luke sighed.   
  
    "And now I'd like my son, the founder of the Luke Snyder Foundation, to come and say a few words."  Lily smiled at Luke as the crowded exploded in applause.  Luke was forced to put his worries aside and headed up to the microphone to deliver a speech that Noah had helped him write.   
  


  


* * *

  
    "You know your father and mother are going to be ticked that we're late to the fundraiser" Allison smiled to Casey as they walked hand and hand around the lake toward Old Towne.  "She wanted us there to show our support of Luke's foundation and the project.   
  
    "Luke knows that we support him" Casey said as he brought Allison's hand up to his lips and kissed the back of her hand, looking at the newly placed engagement ring.  "I think both my parents and Luke and Noah will excuse us for being late once they see this rock I just gave you!”   
  
    Allison smiled up at him and looked at the ring again.  She still couldn't believe that Casey had asked her to marry him and even more surprised at how quickly she had said yes.  "You're right but I do want to get there as soon as possible."   
  
    "We'll be there in a few minutes.  Then we'll all have even more to celebrate tonight."   
  
    They walked quickly around the lake and were heading to the Old Towne entrance when they both noticed something laying near the path in the evening light.  They couldn't quite make it out until they were almost on top of it.   
  
    "Oh, my God!"  gasped Allison.   
  
    "Stay here."  he said as he put his hand up to stop her from going forward and he slowly started toward what they say now as a person laying on the ground.  The person looked like they had crawled out of the underbrush but passed out before getting completely clear of it.   
  
    Casey was glad he had told Allison to stay back because the poor bastard, whoever he was, looked like he had been beaten to a pulp.  He could only tell it was a he because of the suit jacket he was wearing otherwise he couldn't tell anything about him because his face was covered in blood and anything that wasn't bloody was already black and blue from the beating.    
  
    "Allison call 911" he said over his shoulder.  "I think he's still alive."   
  
    "I already did."  she said as she kneeled down next to him and reached out to check and see if the person had a pulse.  "Yes, he's still alive - barely.  Who would do this!"  Allison was quickly trying to assess the person's inquiries when she noticed that the man's pants were actually pulled down past his buttocks and that there was bleeding there too.  She suddenly realized that the beating wasn't the only assault the man had suffered.   
  
    Casey stood up and was looking around for any sign of the person who had done this when he noticed a cell phone in the grass near the unconscious man's hand.  As he picked it up he noticed that there were several missed calls.  He opened the phone up and pressed the last number called button and saw that the last three incoming calls had come from Luke's phone.  Casey's head snapped up and he looked closely at the man and bent down over Allison's shoulder to look even closer.   
  
    "Oh, my God Allison, it's Noah." Casey said in a stunned shock.   
  
    "What!?"  she looked up at Casey.   
  
    "This is his phone.  Luke's left three messages." he was taking his dress jacket off getting ready to put it on Noah to try and keep him warm.  He could hear the police and ambulance sirens approaching.    
  
    "Casey" Allison whispered "you need to call your mom.  She's got to tell Luke and his family."   


* * *

  
    Who would be calling her now, she told them she was off tonight.  Margo yanked her cell phone out of her pocket.  Her mood didn't improve when she saw that it was her son Casey calling.   
  
    "Where are you?" she said into the phone. "You were supposed to be here almost an hour ago.  You've missed Lily and Luke's speech."   
  
    "Mom, stop.  I know.  This is important." Casey yelled into the phone.   
  
    "What's wrong?" Margo could here Casey's frantic tone.   
  
    "It's Noah.  Allison and I were coming to the fundraiser and we cut around the lake and found Noah laying on the ground.  He's been beaten, mom.  He's really bad. Allison said he's barely holding on."  Casey was almost crying by the time he finished.   
  
    "Oh, my God."  Margo said as she scanned the crowd to see where Luke was.  She found him standing by the bar with all three of his parents.  "I'll get Luke and we'll be at the hospital in a few minutes."   
  
    Margo hung up the phone and quickly started making her way through the crowd to Luke and his family.  "Luke."   
  
    "Hey Margo" Luke smiled at her "I'm so glad you could come.  I'm just sorry Casey and Allison didn't make it, I wonder what happened to them?"   
  
    "Luke."   
  
    Luke suddenly noticed the stricken look on Margo's face. "Margo's, what's wrong?  Is it Casey?"   
  
    Lily, Holden and Damian who were standing around Luke all stepped slightly forward to hear what Margo had to say.   
  
    "Luke, Casey just called.  Noah's on his way to the hospital.  We need to get there as soon as possible."   
  
    "What!" Lily practically screamed.    
  
    "What happened to Noah?" Luke said.  He's world suddenly seemed to move in slow motion.    
  
    "I'm not certain.  Casey just said that he and Allison found him near the lake.  We've got to get to the hospital."      
  
    "Let's go, Luke" Holden said as he quickly started guiding Lily towards the door.   
  
    Luke's feet seemed stuck to the floor.   He couldn't seem to move.  How could this be happening again.  "Luke" Damian whispered "Come on."    
  
    Luke could feel Damian's hand on his back and allowed him to guide him to the door of Metro.  Once he got moving he realized he was running for the door and praying at the same time.   
  


* * *

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

  
    Casey and Allison spun around as the doors to the ER burst open as Luke ran through.  Casey was glad to see that among the other people with Luke was his mom.  He really didn’t want to be the one to tell Luke and his family the extent of the attack on Noah.    
  
    “Casey, where’s Noah!” Luke barely stopped before running into him. “Where is he!”   
  
    “Luke.”  Margo interrupted before Casey could answer.  “I’m going to go in and talk to the doctors and see exactly what’s going on.  Margo passed Casey and Allison as she went through the door he was standing in front of.  Casey saw her staring at him intently and knew that she wanted him to not tell Luke anything until she got back.  Yeah, that was going to be easier said than done.    
  
    “Casey, please tell me how Noah is.”  Casey couldn’t stand to see one of his oldest friends so desperate.    
  
    “Me and Allison found him along the path near the lake.  You know the one that leads to Old Town?”  Casey said as Lily and Holden came up on either side of Luke.  Casey knew that before the night was over Luke would need the support of his parents and everyone that loved him and Noah.    
  
    “Go on.” Luke said.   
  
    “I don’t know really what happened” Casey was trying to back paddle to try and buy time for his mother to get out here.  Allison saw and tried to help.   
  
    “Luke, we don’t know what happened.  We just found him lying there and he was covered in blood.  We called 911 and Casey’s mom and that’s when the ambulance arrived and we came here. “ Allison knew the extent of Noah’s injuries but just didn’t have the courage to tell Luke yet.  Maybe she was wrong, she hoped she was.  Noah was one of her best friends and seeing him like that had broken her on the way in.   
  
    “What happened?  How did he get hurt?” Luke whispered as he turned to his parents.   
  
    “I don’t know, baby” Lily said.  “Bob will be out and tell us as soon as he can.”   
Damian and Lucinda  also were standing in shocked disbelief.  Only a half hour ago they had all been celebrating the latest victory for the Snyder Foundation and now they were waiting to see if Noah would celebrate it with them at all.   
  


  


* * *

  
    Margo tried to stand as small as she could against the back wall of the room.  She was stunned to see at least three doctors beside Bob Hughes and countless nurses working on Noah or at least who she assumed was Noah.  She could see as the nurses cut away his shirt and pants that his head wasn’t the only part of his body that had been brutalized.  She could see cuts and bruises all over his chest and stomach.    
  
    She moved around to get a better view of the exact extent of his injuries.  She caught Bob’s eye as she moved along the wall and raised her eyebrow in a questioning manner, saying “how is he?”  Bob simply shook his head and continued giving the orders for different MRI’s/CT’s/X-rays/blood tests all on a Stat basis.    
  
    Margo had finally moved around to where Noah’s head was and she almost cried when the nurse moved and she got her first glimpse of him.  She couldn’t recognize the boy she had know for the last two years.  The boy who had been at the house on several occasions.  He was covered in blood and his head seemed to be unusually larger than normal.  His eyes were swollen and black and blue and his left cheek was perturbing out.  His hair was soaked in blood and she could see that blood was coming out of his ears, she knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign at all.   
  
    “Bob I need details as soon as possible.  I need to tell Luke something.”   
  
    He walked over to her and they moved to the back of the room out of the way of the orchestrated chaos that surrounded Noah.  Margo didn’t like how Bob wouldn’t meet her eyes as he walked with her.    
  
    “You should prepare Luke and his family for the worst.” Bob said solemnly.   
  
    “Oh, no.”  Margo nearly cried.  “It’s that bad?  Was he beaten?”   
  
    “By at least two people, maybe more.” he was barely getting the words out.  “I’ll be out in a few moments to talk to them.”    
  
    Margo watched as Bob turned back to his patient and the boy they all had come to know in the last few years.   The worst part of her job was telling a parent or a spouse that their loved one was gone.  The only thing worse was telling them that they needed to prepare to lose them.   
  


  


* * *

  
    “When are they going to let me see him.” Luke nearly wailed to Damian.  “I need to see him.”      
  
    “They need to do their jobs, Luciano.”  Damian was almost as worried as his son.  He had seen the frenzied staff going in and out of the room they knew Noah was in.  Damian was fearful that he had finally become a part of his son’s life only to help him deal with the loss of the love of his life.    
  
    Casey saw his mom’s face first as she came out of the exam room.  Allison must have to since she immediately grabbed his arm and he could feel her shaking like a leaf beside him.    
  
    “Margo, can I see him?” Luke asked in a quiet voice.  Lily had her arm around her son.    
  
    “I can’t tell you that Luke.  Bob said he’d be out in a few minutes to talk to you.”   
  
    Luke wanted more but he was afraid of the look on Margo’s face.  He hoped that Bob would reassure him and let him see Noah.  He had to see Noah.  Had to.   
  
    “I want to see Noah.”  Luke nearly yelled when Bob finally appeared through the door.  “I need to see him.”   
  
    “Luke.” Bob started looking at Luke and his family behind him. “We have to get him to CT but you can see him for a moment.    
  
    “Good.”  Luke started for the door but Bob forestalled him.   
  
    “Luke - you need to prepare yourself.  He’s bad.”  Luke could see that Bob needed to say more but he couldn’t hear it right now.   
  
    “I’ll be fine.  I just need to be with him.”   
  
    Luke turned and pushed the door open and went into the room that was filled with people rushing back and forth all centered around the body on the gurney in the center of the room.  He wanted to go immediately to Noah but there was a nurse by his side running an IV or something.  As she moved away Luke moved up and stopped.   
  
    He was stopped in his tracks by the sight of the man.  He was totally covered in blood and bruises.  He looked horrible, but it wasn’t Noah!  He felt bad to be so elated at someone else’s misery but it wasn’t his Noah.  Thank god, but how could they have worried him like this.  He turned and almost ran into another nurse as he pushed his way through the door.   
  
    “That’s not Noah” Luke almost sang to his family.  “That’s not him.  I’ve got to call him.”   
  
    Luke was reaching for his cell when Margo stopped him.  “Luke, that is Noah.”   
  
    “No, it’s not Margo.”  Luke was furious.  He knew Noah better than anyone else, knew every inch of his body and that man wasn’t him.    
  
    “Yes, it is Luke.”  Margo looked helplessly toward Lily and Holden for help with their son.   
  
    “Baby, are you sure?” Lily asked her son.   
  
    “Mom, I think I’d know Noah.” he snapped.   
  
    “Let’s go in again.  I’ll go with you this time”   
  
    “Mom, I told you it’s not him.”   
  
    “I hope it’s not Luke, but let’s just make sure.”   
  
    “Whatever, but I have to call Noah when we get out.   
  
    Lily took Luke’s hand and they both turned and re-entered the room.   
  
    Again, the first view of the man was blocked by all the chaos going on around him.  But as Lily and Luke approached, the nurses and doctors saw and retreated slightly so they could be near him.   
  
    Lily’s hand shot to her mouth as she tried to hold back a sob.  “Oh, my god!  What have they done to you.” She asked in a shaking voice.   
  
    “Mom, it’s not Noah.” Luke was getting angry now “It’s not him.”   
  
    “Baby” Lily looked at him.  He saw that tears were spilling from her eyes. “It is Noah.  It is.”   
  
    “NO! It’s not.” Luke yelled.  “It doesn’t look anything like him.”   
  
    Lily just shook her head and looked back down at the boy who had become almost like another son to her.  She saw all that the attackers had done.  No wonder Luke didn’t recognize him, although shock and denial were clouding his vision.  He didn’t want to see Noah, so in his mind it wasn’t him.  But as Lily looked over his battered body she saw one thing that would convince her son that his partner was lying there.   
  
    “Luke, there’s the bullet wound scare on his left arm.”  Lily whispered “It’s Noah.”   
  
    Luke looked at his mother but refused to look at the arm that she was pointing to.  He just shook his head and wouldn’t look.  If he didn’t look and see the scare than it still wasn’t Noah.  But the tears starting falling and he knew that the love of his life was lying there almost unrecognizable to him.  He quietly walked the foot to Noah’s side and silently wept.    
  


  


* * *

  
    “Bob, how bad is it?”  Holden asked as Lily and Luke went inside to see Noah.   
  
    “Bad.  He’s been beaten almost to death.  He’s gotten multiple broken ribs, a collapsed lung, both forearms have fractures, multiple facial fractures and we have to wait for the MRI’s and CT’s but I’m sure he’s got at least one skull fracture maybe more and I don’t even know the extent of any brain damage.”   
  
    Holden, Damian and Lucinda were speechless as Bob listed off Noah’s inquiries.  How could this have happened.    
  
    “Whatever you need, Bob, just tell us.  He’ll get it.” Damian said in a shaken voice.  “If he needs specialist or needs to be moved to a more advanced hospital, just tell me.”   
  
    “Money’s not going to cure this.” Bob sighed.  “I think you need to get Luke prepared.  Noah may not make it.  Some decisions are going to have to be made and unfortunately Luke’s not the one that’s going to be able to make them.”   
  
    “What do you mean?” Holden and Damian demanded at the same time.   
  
    “Unfortunately Illinois doesn’t recognize same-sex partners for decision making purposes.  Other individuals are granted priority over Luke, guardians, spouses, adult children, parents.   
  
    “Well Col. Mayer’s not getting a hand on that boy.”  Lucinda almost screamed.    
  
    “I agree.”  Said Holden.   
  
    “Your best bet is to petition the court to make some one an emergency guardian” Bob said “and the sooner the better.”   
  
    “Well, I don’t retain a hundred lawyers for nothing.”  Lucinda said as she reached for her cell phone “someone’s got to have a favor to call in.  If not they’ll wish they had a favor.”  Lucinda walked off already talking to her assistant telling her she didn’t care if it was 7:30 on a Saturday evening she better get all of her lawyers to World Wide and get this started or they could all start looking for other employment.   
  
    “I need to get back in with Noah and get the scans done.”  he said looking at Holden.  “I’ll be out in a little bit to update everyone.   
  
    “Margo” Damian asked “How did this happen?  Why?  Was it a hate crime?”   
  
    “I don’t know, Damian” she shook her head “Dallas is at the scene trying to piece together any evidence we can find, eye witnesses, anything.”   
  
    “Mom, I didn’t see anyone around when we found him.” Casey said as he held Allison.    
  
    “There’s always evidence, Casey.  We’ll find something.” Margo hugged her son and Allison “I better go and see what Dallas has come up with.  I’ll be back in a little while.”   
  
    They all turned as they heard the door to Noah’s room open and out came a Lily.  Holden immediately went to her and looked into the tear-streaked face.    
  
    “Holden, what they’ve done to him.”  She couldn’t go on.  She crumbled into Holden’s arms and wept silently.  Her sobs were joined by Allison who was also weeping into Casey’s shoulder.  She knew that she hadn’t been wrong.  Casey held her close as her tears were joined by his own.    
  


  


* * *

  
    Luke was sitting by Noah’s head.  He couldn’t remember which one but one of the nurses had slid a rolling stool over and he had sat down.  Now that he could look at him, he couldn’t take his eyes off of Noah.  What they had done to his beautiful face would have made him weep but he couldn’t cry anymore.  He needed to be strong for him, his Noah.    
  
    Noah was always the strong, silent, reliable one.  Not him.  He was the flighty, outspoken, do what you have to, worry about the consequences later type of person.  But he’s be strong for Noah.  He would.  Noah needed him and he’d be there for him.    
  
    Luke wanted so much to reach out and run his fingers through his curly hair like he’d done some many times before.  He ached to do it, but he heard the nurses mention skull fracture and he didn’t want to cause Noah anymore pain than he was already enduring.    
  
    “Luke” Bob said quietly from behind him “We need to take him to CT.”   
  
    “Can I go with him?” Luke asked in a whisper.  “I don’t want him to be by himself, alone.”   
  
    “No, you’ll have to wait here.  He won’t be alone, Luke.  I promise.”   
  
    “Okay.”  Luke got up and looked down at Noah’s broken face and whispered, “I love you, I’m still so much in love with you.  Come back to me.”   
  
    He backed up as the nurses and technicians started packing him up and rolled the gurney out the door and down the hallway toward CAT Scan.  Luke could hear the startled expressions from who he believed was Lucinda and Damian as they watched Noah being rolled past them.    
  
    He was standing there looking at the trash on the floor.  All the remainders of the IV’s, and chest tubes and all the other medical instruments and devices they were using to save his life.  It was a whole two minutes before he realized he was staring at something that was thrown to the side of the room.  It was only a foot away and he bent down and picked it up and held it before his tear blinded eyes.    
  
    He remembered pulling it out of the closet just a few hours ago and lying it on the bed.  Tears poured down his face as he held the blood soaked shirt in front of him.  The dark blue shirt that he loved Noah in.  “It sets off your blue eyes, baby.”   They had cut the shirt off of him and just thrown it away like trash.  He remembered Noah’s smile every time he told him.  The tears were turning into a river down his face.  He didn’t even feel it as Damian came up behind him and wrapped him in a huge embrace.  He clutched the shirt to his chest and tried to remember Noah’s smiling face from their first New Year’s together instead of the beaten one that had just left.   
  
    “Come back to me, Noah.” Luke whispered.   
  


  


* * *

  



	3. Chapter 3

   Luke was sitting waiting for Noah’s return from the CT scan.  He was trying not to think the worst but it was hard.  Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Noah’s beaten and broken body.  Not the body that he laid next to every night.  Not the body that he longed to be one with every day.  He angrily shook his head trying to rid himself of the images.  He stared at the green tile floor of the emergency room trying to remember all the wonderful times with Noah.  The oddest memory suddenly flashed into his mind.

  
     _“Are you serious?  I can’t believe this is happening.” Noah smiled “I get to live with you and I’ll get a built-in family too?”  
    “Yeah.”  Luke smiled “So, is that a yes?”  
    “Yeah.  Yes.” Noah’s face broke into a giant smile and Luke pulled him into a warm, loving embrace.  Luke’s heart almost broke as Noah pulled away and he saw that he was on the verge of tears.  Tears of joy.  
    “Well, let’s make it official.” Luke took the key to the farm off of his key ring and handed it to Noah and that’s when Noah melted Luke’s heart completely with the smile that was on his face at that moment.  That had only been the beginning but it felt like yesterday._  
  
    Luke couldn’t bear it.  He buried his face in his hands and the tears started again.  Noah had been so happy, so overjoyed to be with him and to finally have the family he never had and always craved.  Luke’s family, Noah’s family now, were all waiting for Noah’s return.  
    
   Luke almost jumped when a hand softly squeezed his shoulder.  He looked up to see Casey standing there looking down at him.   
   
   “He’ll be okay.  Whatever it takes, he’ll come back to you.” Casey said quietly “You two love one another too much not to be together.”  
  
    Luke reached up and clasp Casey’s hand and shook his head.  “I know, he’s tough.  If he could survive growing up with the Colonel, he’ll get through this.”  
   

  


* * *

  
    Noah’s body quietly moved into the CT machine.  Bob Hughes, a resident and the on-call neurologist, Dr. Borda were all waiting in the viewing center to see the results of the head scan.  Bob knew that there was a fracture but this would tell them how bad and how many.  It always amazed him even after all these years just how much damage one human being could do to another.   
  
    The machine started its imaging cycle and the information started to appear on the screen.  Bob’s hopes that maybe it wasn’t as bad as he had hoped were dashed immediately by the dark mass on each side of Noah’s head.  Dr. Borda turned to look at the Chief of Staff.  
  
    “You said you knew the boy and his family?” the neurologist asked in a reserved tone.  
  
    “Yes.”  
  
    “Are you going to tell them than?”  
  
    “Yes.” Bob barely got out.  “He’s young and strong, there’s still a chance there won’t be any lasting damage.”  
  
    “Slight.”  Dr. Borda nodded his head “Not very often but if anyone has a chance, I’d think he does.  Once he’s stable enough we’re going to have to put the shunt in to help relieve the pressure.  Then it’s all up to him and his body.”  
  
    “I know.  I’m going to go tell them.”  Bob turned to the attending resident who had been listening.  “Get him packaged up and moved into ICU.”  
  
    “I think you need to talk to the Police Chief.”  
  
    “Margo?  Why?”  
  
    The resident stepped to the back of the room drawing Dr. Hughes with him.  “We need to do a rape kit on Mr. Mayer.”  
  
    Bob stood stunned.  The thought hadn’t even occurred to him.  He hadn’t considered the fact that the attack on Noah had gone beyond the beating.  “Are you sure?”  
  
    “Positive.  There’s ripping, tearing, bleeding” The resident was usually one of the most calm and reserved of the new crop of resident’s but telling the Chief of Staff this was trying even his professional demeanor.  
  
    “Get the kit done and I’ll tell Margo.”  Bob sighed.  If it wasn’t bad enough that Noah had been beaten nearly to death now he had to tell Luke that his boyfriend had been raped on top of everything else.  “Make sure the samples aren’t contaminated.  I want these bastards caught.”  


  


* * *

    They heard them coming before they actually saw them.  The noise of about eight people guiding Noah’s bed back from the CT room and into the ICU unit.  Luke and his family would have followed right behind but Bob stopped them before they reached the door.  
  
    “Let them settle him first.  Okay?”  He asked.  
  
    “What did the CT show, Bob?”  Lily asked.  Holden was between her and Luke with an arm around each.   
  
    “It was what I was expecting, maybe a little worse actually.”  Bob looked directly at Luke trying to decide how honest he should be and decided to tell him the whole truth.  He could see Margo slipping through the door and come up quietly behind Luke.  
  
    “Noah has two skull fractures.  One on each side of his head from the beating.”  He stopped while the shock of that hit home with everyone.  “On the scan we saw that there is considerable bleeding surrounding the brain which is causing a great deal of pressure.”  
  
    “Can you operate?”  Luke nearly cried.  
  
    “No.”  Bob shook his head “The only thing we can really do is wait until he stabilizes.  Hopefully, tomorrow we can do a procedure and put what we call a shunt in to drain some of the fluid from his brain to try and relieve the pressure, keep him in a medicated coma and wait.”  
  
    “Wait!”  Luke yelled.  “That’s all you can do?”  
  
    “Luke, the brain is a miraculous machine.  One we don’t fully understand.  We can’t really relieve the pressure any other way.  We drain what fluid we can and hope that the body can heal itself with minimum residual damage.”  
  
    “What do you mean by damage?”  Damian asked.  “Are you talking about brain damage?”  
  
    Luke’s breath caught.  He had just been focused on Noah living.  He hadn’t even considered the possibility of brain damage.   
  
    “Again, we don’t understand the brain.  Sometimes in these cases a patient will wake up and there will be minimal to no damage.”  He could hear the exhaling of held breathes around him.  “Other patients wake up and have suffered catastrophic brain damage.  Some don’t wake up.”  
  
    Luke almost crumbled again hearing that, but he had to be there for Noah.  Noah would wake up and he would be the Noah that he loved.  He was so intent on these thoughts that he almost missed what Bob said next.  
  
    “Have you started on the guardianship?”  
  
    “What?”  Luke asked in confusion.  
  
    He looked around and saw that Lily, Holden, and Damian were all looking anywhere but at him.  “What’s he talking about?”  
  
    No one seemed to want to talk as Luke looked at each of them.   
  
    “This is stupid.”  Lucinda said “Bob told us we needed to prepare in case decisions had to be made about Noah.”  
  
    “But he’s going to be okay!  No one’s going to have to make any decisions.”  Luke yelled.   
  
    “Of course, of course, dear.”  Lucinda grabbed his shoulders and gave them a squeeze.  “But in case, Bob told us...”  
  
    “Mother” Lily interrupted.  
  
    “He has to know.”     
  
    “Somebody please tell me what’s going on.”  Luke said in frustration.  
  
    “You can’t make any medical decision’s with regard to Noah.” she said looking straight at her grandson.  “Illinois doesn’t recognize what you and Noah have together.  So Bob said we needed to get guardianship of Noah so we could make any decisions that need to be made.  I have Conrad calling in every favor he’s owed.  He’s at a judge’s house right now getting him to sign the guardianship papers.”  
  
    Luke was just staring at his grandmother trying to process exactly what she was saying.  “So I can be with him, love him, live with him” Luke took a breath “but I can’t make any decisions regarding his life even though we are each other’s lives?”  He just shook his head in disbelief.  
  
    “Conrad should be here within the hour with it.  He said he made it out with you, Lily and Holden as co-guardians.”  Lucinda squeezed his shoulders again.  “I know it stinks, but just think that’s something you and Noah can tackle with the foundation when he’s better.  Right?”  
  
    Luke smiled and shook is head. “Your right, grandmother.”   
  
    Luke turned back to Bob and asked “Can I go in now?”  
  
    “Sure.  They should have him settled by now.”  
  


* * *

    Lily and Holden watched as Luke disappeared through the door.  They were about to ask Bob another question when he excused himself to speak with Margo.  
  
    “Margo, I need to talk with you for a moment?”  Bob said as he walked over and guided her away from Luke’s family.  
  
    Margo looked expectantly at Bob.  Wondering what he didn’t want Luke’s family to hear.  
  
    “You’re lab will be getting a rape kit sent over ASAP.”  Bob said in a hushed voice.  
  
    Margo just looked at him in confusion.  A rape kit?  Then the realization suddenly dawned on her.  “I’ll tell the lab to put a rush on it.  Hopefully, it will help us catch these creeps sooner.  Have you told Luke yet?”  
  
    “No.”  Bob shook his head “He just went back in to see Noah.  Maybe we should tell Lily and Holden first?”  
  
    “Go take care of Noah.  I’ll tell them.”  Margo really didn’t like her job at these times.  She watched Bob go back through the doors to the ICU and she went over to talk to Lily and Holden.  They were almost more Noah’s family than his own father.  They would know how to break it to Luke.  
  
    “Can I talk to you two.”  Margo said as she walked up to Lily and Holden.  She looked at Damian and Lucinda and decided that this needed to stay as private as possible.  “Alone, please.”  
  


* * *

    Luke couldn’t believe the amount of tubes and wires that were coming out of Noah.  He hardly looked alive let alone like the man he’d been sharing his life with for the past two years.  The nurses had cleaned him up the best they could, the blood was gone but there was nothing they could do to make the bruises and cuts go away.   
  
    Luke reached out and touched Noah’s left arm.  Tracing the scare on his upper arm from the bullet wound he received during the kidnapping   “And we thought it couldn’t get any worse than that, baby”  Luke chocked “At least we were together then.”   
  
    “You’re still together, Luciano.”  Damian said quietly from the doorway.  “I’m sorry, do you want me to leave?”  
  
    “No, Damian.”  Luke said as he looked over his shoulder.  “Please stay.”   
  
    Damian pulled up a chair and sat beside his son and Noah.  It was harder than he thought it would be to look at Noah.  He had seen him wheeled out earlier but he had thought when they cleaned him up and wiped the blood off it would have made a difference.  I did, only it made it worse because you could see the true damage that had been done to the man.  Damian instinctively reached out and gripped Luke’s free hand.   
  
    Luke pulled his gaze away from Noah long enough to shoot Damian a grateful look.  “I think I’m going to need everyone’s help to stay strong for him.”   
  
    “You’ll be as strong as you need to be.”  Damian smiled sadly “That’s what it means to love.”  
  
    “I know you’ve never approved of my lifestyle, Damian.”  Luke began.  
  
    “That was another man, Luciano.”  Damian cut him off.  “When I came back and met Noah and then got to know him, I realized that love is love.  He’s a good man, not a good gay man but a good man and that you two were lucky to have found one another.”  
  
    Luke looked sadly back at Noah.  “Thank you . . . father.”  
  
    “You’re not alone in this.”  Damian whispered “We’re all here for you and Noah.  Me, your mother, your . . . dad, Lucinda, Meg, everyone.”   
  
    “I just don’t know if it’s going to be enough.”  Luke looked at his lover’s battered face.  
  
    “We’ll make sure it is.”  Damian said as he looked again at Noah.  
  


* * *

    Lily and Holden stood in stunned silence.  They couldn’t believe what Margo had just told them.  Rape.  Noah had been raped along with being beaten.  What kind of animals were able to do this to another human being.   
  
    “Are you sure?”  Lily whispered.  
  
    “Yes.”  Margo said sadly “Bob has already had the rape kit performed and the results are being sent to the lab as we speak.”   
  
    Holden hadn’t said anything the whole time Margo and Lily had been speaking.  His mind was spinning in circles.  Rape.  Noah.  He could only image the terror that Noah must have been filled with.  Now they had to tell Luke.  How do you tell you son that the one person he cares for more than himself had been violated in such a traumatic and personal way.  
  
    “How are we going to tell Luke?”  Holden said while staring at the floor.  
  
    “If you can’t, I’ll tell him.”  Margo offered.  At least she could do this for this family.  
   
   “I don’t even know how to tell Luke that on top of everything else that Noah was raped too.” Lily said.  
  
    “Noah’s been raped?”  They all spun around at Luke’s whispered question.  
  


* * *

  
    “Noah’s been raped.”  Luke said again.  Maybe if he said it enough times it would sink in.  “How do you know?”  
  
    “Bob told me a few minutes ago, Luke.”  Margo said to the stunned young man in front of her.  “He’s positive.  They’ve already done a rape kit.”  
  
    “Noah’s must have been terrified.”  Luke hadn’t realized he was crying again until he tasted the salty taste of his tears on his lips.  “I don’t know what to even think.  I want to kill them, mom.  I want to kill them.”  Luke sobbed.   
  
    Lily grabbed her son in her arms and tried to comfort him.  “We know baby.  We know.”   
  
    Holden was so intent on the scene in front of him that he nearly jumped when Meg silently touched his arm.  He looked at the tears running down her face and knew that she had heard the conversation.  He squeezed her arm and nodded his head toward the ICU doors.  “Damian’s in there, sitting with Noah.”  
  
    Meg gave Holden an encouraging smile but failed miserably and instead gave her big brother a quick hug before going through the doors to the ICU.  Meg had thought that she had prepared herself when Damian had called her about Noah’s beating and asked her to come and be with him and Luke, but she had been wrong.  The sight of Noah’s battered body was almost too much for her.  
  
    She regretted that she hadn’t gotten to know Noah as well as she should have.  She remembered his quiet support when Paul had taken Eliza and the tape he had suggested that had eventually led to finding her.  But she had been so wrapped up in her own life that she hadn’t taken the time to get to know her nephew’s partner.  Now she just hoped she’d get the chance to correct that.  Meg was surprised to see that Damian was actually holding Noah’s hand when she entered his ICU room.  
  
     “You know, he was the first one to actually believe that I had changed and was willing to give me a chance when I came back to Oakdale.”  She jumped as Damian spoke while still looking at Noah’s face.  “At first I just used his relationship with my son because it was expedient but he was . . . is a good man, Meg.”  
  
    Meg quietly sat down next to him and took his free hand in her own.  She was surprised to see tears in the man’s eyes.  He must have seen her confusion as he turned to her.       
  
    “You’re wondering why I’m so upset?”  Damian almost smiled.  
  
    Meg guiltily nodded her head, “ Yes.”  
  
    “Because Meg, the animals that did this” he stopped and took a deep breath “That could have been me a few years ago.  When Luke first came out, was I much different?”  
  
    “You were old fashion and you were set against accepting it but I don’t think you would have ever done anything like this.”  Meg said with conviction.  
  
    “I’m not so sure, Meg.”  Damian looked down at the floor.  “Sometimes when I look back at that time in my life, I think I was a completely different person.”  He looked back up at Noah’s face.  “But Luke and his love, it isn’t any different from what I feel for you.  I couldn’t have said that when Luke came out but since I’ve been back and seen them together I’ve changed.”  
  
    “Well, that’s a good thing right?”  Meg asked gripping his hand even tighter.  
  
    “Yes, but now that I’ve accepted it and even appreciate the love that they share and I’m grateful that they’ve found each other, am I only here to help Luciano get through losing it?”   
  
    “I don’t know, Damian.”  Meg looked at the young man again.  “But we’ll all be here for Noah and for Luke.”  Meg stopped and wondered if she should tell him what she had heard in the waiting room.  She decided that although it was Luke and Noah’s business, Damian needed to know what Luke was dealing with in order to be there for him.  “I heard something out in the waiting room and I think I should tell you so we can be there for everything Luke is going to have to deal with.”  
  
    Damian turned a questioning look on Meg.  “What?”  
  
    Meg took a deep breath, “Noah wasn’t only beaten, Damian.  They raped him too.”  
  
    Damian looked down at the floor briefly and barely shook his head.  Deep down inside he had suspected that that had been a possibility but didn’t really want to think that it had happened to the boy.  He looked up at Noah and simply squeezed his hand harder trying to impart some measure of strength to the young man now fighting for his life and if he survived would be fighting another altogether different battle.  Inside Damian could feel a savage anger start to build.   
  
    “I need to get some air.”  Damian spoke quietly “Could you sit with him until Luke comes back?”  Damian didn’t wait for an answer as he quickly got up and left the room.  
  
  
       

* * *

  
  
    Holden was still trying to figure out how they were supposed to help their son deal with the fact that his lover had been raped when he saw Damian suddenly come out of the ICU and hurry down the hall toward the front entrance.  Meg hadn’t come out with him so obviously she was sitting with Noah.  
  
    “I’ll be right back” He said to Lily as she was still holding Luke as he cried.  Margo was leading them over to the coach in the waiting room.   
  
    Holden quickly walked toward the entrance that Damian had been heading for.  He stopped short when he got outside and realized it was pitch black outside.  What time was it?  He looked at his watch and discovered that it was nearly 11 p.m.  He saw that Damian was standing near the fountain that marked the front entrance of Memorial.  He casually walked over to Damian wondering what had made the man bolt from the ICU.  
  
    He was trying to figure out how to act like you cared how someone was feeling when you actually didn’t like the person when he saw the lights of the fountain reflect off of unshed tears in Damian’s eyes.  Holden was actually stopped cold by that.  They were all upset, heartbroken, terrified for what had happened to Noah and what the next few hours had in store for both him and Luke, but he honestly hadn’t expected this.   
  
    “Everyone’s feeling helpless, Damian” Holden said as he stood beside him and looked into the fountain.  He wondered where that had come from.  Compassion for this man but he went on.  “Luke and Noah need all of us right now.”  
  
    Holden continued watching the water flow over the sides of the sculpture in the middle of the fountain in front of them.  After a moment of silence between the two Holden was about to turn and go back inside when Damian finally looked up from the fountain and right into Holden’s eyes.     
  
    “Three years ago I was a bastard.”  Damian said simply.  
  
    Holden stood frozen, staring at Damian.  
  
    “I couldn’t accept my son.  I tried to change him because I was told my whole life what he is was wrong.”  Damian turned his gaze back to the fountain.  “I hated the situation and I hated you, Holden.”  
  
    Holden would have took issue except that he felt that Damian wasn’t finished and he was right as Damian continued staring into the waters in front of them.  
  
    “I hated you because you could accept Luke without question.”  Damian almost smiled.  “I was envious and jealous because you could do what I couldn’t and even before I left I hated myself more than I hated you.”   
  
    Holden was feeling something totally alien - compassion for a Grimaldi.  “Well” he began but was uncertain what to say, “you’ve come around and even though I don’t like it” Holden was shifting his feet nervously, “you seem to have accepted Luke and his lifestyle.”  
  
    Damian was silently nodding his head.  “I came back to prove that I had changed and that I meant to make amends.  I hope I’ve been able to demonstrate that to my son.”  He stopped and seemed to be struggling with something.  “I can honestly say that the man that did all those horrible things to his son is different from the man that came back and asked for another chance to be a father to his son.”  
  
    He looked up at Holden, “And part of that change is due to Noah.”  Damian suddenly felt exhausted and sat on the edge of the fountain.  “I came back here feeling guilt and shame for the things that I had done but I hadn’t expected Luke to be in a relationship.  I wasn’t prepared for that.  I wasn’t prepared to like Noah at all, but I did.”  
  
    Holden hadn’t realized that he had sat down until he had actually done so.  Against his better judgment he was wondering where this was coming from.   
  
    “And when Noah’s father came back and I helped Luke find Noah when the Colonel had taken him.”  Damian looked up again at Holden “I saw the Colonel and everything he had put Noah through his entire life - I was horrified because that could have easily been me.  But instead of totally hating his father, Noah still cared and that was just astounding to me.”  
  
    “Noah’s a very compassionate person.  That’s one of the things Luke loves so much about him.”  Holden said as he returned Damian’s gaze.  He was wondering where this was going and even before he could stop the words they popped out.  “What’s wrong, Damian?  Why are you out here?”  
  
    Damian continued to stare Holden in the eye.  Holden could almost see the internal struggle going on inside the man but what was the struggle about.  
  
    “Meg told me about Noah, what she heard in the waiting room.”  Damian was still staring at Holden almost like he was hoping he would say Meg had been mistaken.  “I’m afraid that the man that I was . . .” Damian suddenly looked away again into the fountain and whispered “I hope Margo doesn’t catch these animals right away.”  
  
    Holden just stared in shock.  “What?  Why would you say that?”  
  
    “Because Holden, if she caught them tomorrow I’m afraid the man that I was would return . . .  and I’d kill them.”  
  
    Holden could only look at him stunned.  “You couldn’t do that.”  
  
    “I could, Holden.”  Damian whispered “You go in there and look at that boy and tell me you don’t want to do the same thing!”  
  
    “I couldn’t tell you that because I would  feel that way, but I wouldn’t act on it.”  Holden said.  “That’s the difference between the man you are today and the man you were, the ability to say you’re not going to do that even though you could.”  
  
    “But I’m filled with such a rage right now.”  Damian looked up at Holden and for the first time that Holden had known this man he actually saw a pleading in the man’s eyes.  A pleading for someone to help him.  To pull him from the brink that he was approaching.  
  
    “But you won’t” Holden said and actually reached out and gripped Damian’s arm.  “Because Luke needs you.  He needs all of us and if you did that, no matter how deserving it might be for what they’ve done, Luke wouldn’t forgive you murdering somebody.”  
  
    “He wouldn’t be able to handle both what’s happened with Noah and you in jail for murder, because you know you’d be caught.  How would that help Luke?  You have to stay the man you say you are today, don’t revert back to that angry man that would do something like this.”  
  
    Damian sat there.  He and Holden gazes locked.  Finally Damian nodded his head and dropped his eyes to the ground.  Holden realized that he had been holding his breath and that he finally could breathe again.  “We need to get inside.  Okay?”  
  
    “Yes, we do.  Luke’s going to need us.”  Damian sadly smiled as he got up and he and Holden walked back into Memorial and their son.  
  


* * *


	4. Chapter 4

  
    Luke looked at himself in the bathroom mirror.  “God Snyder, you look like crap.”  He silently chuckled to himself.  That’s what Noah would say if he’d only open his eyes.  Luke was brushing his teeth in the hospital bathroom for the second morning, what did that make today?  He had to stop and actually think about that, he’d lost track.  It was Monday morning.  Was it only Saturday night that Noah was attacked, it seemed so much longer.   
  
    Luke finished his teeth and quickly changed into the clean clothes that his mom had brought to the hospital for him.  He hadn’t left the hospital since Noah arrived and his mom and dad, everyone really, was urging him to at least go home and get away for an hour.  But he just couldn’t imagine leaving Noah alone here.   
  
    His love.  Noah.  He couldn’t leave him alone, he knew that Noah’s truest fear was being alone.  He had felt adrift and lonely when his father had first went to prison for trying to kill Luke and he had been elated to move into the farm and be for all intent and purposes adopted by the Snyder’s.  Luke wouldn’t leave Noah to wake up alone and scared and he was going to wake up.  
  
    Luke pulled the old shirt off and stuffed it into the duffle bag and pulled out the new one.  “Mom, you had to grab the old stripped one.”  He smiled as he unfolded it and started putting it on.   
  
    Noah had had the shunt put in when?  Yesterday morning, it seemed a lifetime ago.  And the doctors seemed to be encouraged that the pressure on his brain seemed to be decreasing.   He just needed Noah to wake up.  Open up those deep blue eyes and recognize Luke standing there waiting for him.   
  
    Luke looked at himself in the mirror.  Well he was changed and cleaned up but it didn’t seem to make a difference he was still exhausted and looked it.  Maybe he would leave just for an hour to get some fresh air, to clear his head.  He’d ask Lily and Holden to stay with Noah.   They’d understand why he couldn’t leave him alone.  
  
    Luke grabbed up the duffle bag and walked out of the bathroom and down the hall to the ICU unit.  He was just about to turn the corner when he heard the voice over the intercom yelling, “Code Blue to ICU 4, Code Blue to ICU 4".  Luke didn’t even remember starting to run down the remainder of the hallway or dropping his bag.  He ran up to the ICU waiting room just as his mother was being literally pushed out of Noah’s room.  
  
    “Mom, what happened?”  Luke asked as he skidded to a stop beside her.  
  
    “I don’t know” Lily looked pale as a ghost and was shaking.  Luke put his arm around her and waited “I was sitting there and I  
was actually talking to him about the girls.  Telling him about Faith and Natalie saying hi and loving him and hoping he got better.”  
  
    “And?”  
  
    “All of the sudden the heart monitor went crazy, it was buzzing and the nurse was in there before I could even turn around and ordered me out of the room” Lily and Luke watched as Noah’s room became a beehive of activity.  They couldn’t see what was going on because so many people were in the room.   
  
    “Lily?”   
  
    They both turned as Emma walked down the hallway.  Lily reached out to her mother-in-law and embraced her.  Emma could see the chaos going on and just stood looking at the room.  
  
    “What’s happening?”  Luke wailed.  He was inching closer and closer to the door trying to just catch sight of Noah.  One of the nurses moved to her left and Luke saw that they were actually performing CPR.  “Oh my God!  Mom they’re doing CPR.”  
  
    Lily and Emma both grabbed Luke into a strong embrace.  And they all stood transfixed waiting for the doctors to tell them anything.  It seemed like hours before the activity started to lessen in Noah’s room.  Luke was like a child at a candy shop with his face pressed up against the glass of the ICU trying to see what was happening.  He was about to bust right through the door and demand some answers when he saw Bob Hughes heading towards the door.  
  
    Bob came through the door and Luke could see that the news wasn’t going to be good.  He reached out blindly and his hands were gripped by Lily’s.   
  
    “Is Noah . . . “ Luke couldn’t finish the thought.  It wasn’t possible.  
  
    “No, he’s alive.”  Bob looked solemnly at Luke.  “He’s barely made it.”  
  
     “What happened?”  Luke breathed.  
  
    “We think he had a blood clot in his arm and it broke loose and started to travel to his lungs or heart.  That’s what caused the cardiac arrest.”  Bob looked straight into Luke’s eyes.  “We almost lost him, Luke.”  
  
     If it hadn’t been for Lily and Emma’s physical support he would have collapsed right then.  “But he’s okay, now, right?”  
  
    “We had to intubate him.”  Seeing the looks of confusion “We had to put a breathing tube in to assist his breathing because of the blood clot and the collapsed lung.  He’s not on life support.”  Bob said quickly as he saw the horror spreading across Luke’s face.  “It’s just to help him breath.  That’s all.”  
  
    “Thank God.”  Luke whispered as Emma and Lily hugged him.  
  
    “We are happy with the reduction of the swelling on his brain so if he has a good night we’ll start reducing the medicine and see how he comes out of the coma.”  
  
    “I have one question.”  Luke looked at the Chief of Staff and hesitated.  He didn’t know if he wanted the answer.  “Will he know me?  Will we know if there’s been any brain damage?”  
  
    “Not until he wakes up, Luke.”  Bob tried to be positive.  “He’s responded better than expected in that respect.  We just have to hope that he doesn’t throw anymore blood clots.  We’ve started him on medicines to try and combat that, but if he has another one  
. . .”  
  
    “He’ll fight through it just like he did this one, Bob.”  Emma said with such determination that it even brought a smile to Luke’s face.   
  
    “I’m sure your right, Emma.”  Bob smiled.

 

 

* * *

    Margo was standing in the squad room reading the report that the lab had just sent up to her.  Tests revealed the presence of two DNA strings and markers.  Two.  She just stared in horror and disbelief.  
  
    “Margo, you okay?”  Jack asked as he walked through the doors.  He and Dallas had just gotten back from canvassing Old Town again trying to find anyone who might have seen or heard anything out of the ordinary on Saturday night.  “Margo?”  
  
    She jumped when she realized that she was being spoken to.  “What?  Oh, Jack.  I need to talk to you in the here.”  Margo said as she walked into the interrogation room.   
  
    Jack followed her in and closed the door behind them.  Margo obviously needed to tell her something and he hoped it had something to do with Noah’s attack.  As soon as Holden had called him about it on Saturday night Jack had been working around the clock to find the person or persons responsible.  He had stopped at the hospital yesterday morning shortly after they had inserted the shunt to relieve the pressure on his brain.  He had seen people beaten before but it was different when you knew the person.  When you remembered cutting a Hubbard squash with them at Thanksgiving and joking with them at your bachelor party at Yo’s.  This was personal and he and Margo were going to catch these people.   
  
    Jack saw that Margo was still staring at the paperwork in her hands.  “What’s that?  Something to do with Noah’s case?”  
  
    “Yeah.”  Margo looked at him “It’s his rape kit results from the lab.”  
  
    Jack froze.  He hadn’t really been surprised that Noah had been raped.  He’d seen many beatings that had culminated in raping of the victim, but honestly this had been the first male rape he’d handled.  “What’s it say?”  
  
    “There’s two sets of DNA.”  Margo looked him right in the eye.  “Noah was raped by at least two men.”  
  
    “God.”  Jack whispered.  “This just keeps getting worse and worse.”   
  
    “The worst thing is that neither match anyone in our database.  So we’re kind of at square one.”  Margo slapped the paperwork down on the table.  “DNA evidence, but nothing to compare it to.”  
  
    “At least we have that.  The branches Dallas recovered at the scene, we know they were used to beat Noah because it has his blood and tissue on it but branches aren’t the best surface for lifting fingerprints.”  Jack paced around the room.  “We talked to everyone at Old Town, no one remembers seeing anything out of the ordinary Saturday night.  They all know it was Noah that was attacked, that’s already spread all over campus.”  
  
    “Maybe we’ll get a tip from one of the students.  I hope so.”  Margo was rubbing her temples.  Her headache was returning.  She’d had it since Saturday night and she didn’t think it would be going away very soon.  
   

 

* * *

  
  
    Casey and Allison sat just staring at their coffee cups at Java.  They had thought it would make them feel closer to their friend but instead it just brought home the hurt of what had happened.  Casey had been surprised when he and Allison had been walking through Old Town that nearly everyone knew about the attack and at least ten people had stopped and asked after Noah’s condition.  
  
    Casey hadn’t been able to answer most of them.  Allison had stepped in and told nearly everyone that he was in critical condition with head trauma and that they should keep him in their prayers.   
  
    “We should tell Luke how many people are asking about Noah.”  Allison said quietly.  She was worried about Casey.  Since finding Noah he hadn’t really talked about it and that wasn’t good.  “It think we should go see Luke today at the hospital.”  
  
    “I know we should.”  Casey said as he played with the coffee cup.  “I just don’t know how much good we can do.”   
  
    “Luke will just be happy to see us.”  Allison reached across and gripped his hand.  “We have to go.”  
  
    “I know.”   
  
    “Hey Casey, Allison.”  They looked up as Kevin stopped at the table.   
  
    “Hey Kevin.”  Casey said looking across the table at Allison.  
  
    “I heard about Noah.”  Kevin said shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at the table top.  “How is he?”  
  
    “He’s barely alive, no thanks to people like you.”  Allison nearly yelled.  
  
    Both Casey and Kevin were stunned into silence.  
  
    “I’m sorry.”  Allison whispered.  “That wasn’t fair.”   
  
    “No.”  Kevin said.  “You’re partly right.  That’s all that’s been running through my mind ever since I heard about Noah.”  
  
    Casey started to say something but Kevin held up his hand and stopped him.  He pulled a chair over and sat down.  
  
    “When Mark made that video and was saying all that crap about Luke I should have been more . . . forceful in rejecting what he was saying.”  Kevin was shaking his head.  “I should have did more but I didn’t.  I just didn’t think we had this kind of problem here in Oakdale or at OU.”  
  
    “None of us did.”  Casey said.  
  
    “How’s Luke?”  Kevin asked.  
  
    “He’s hanging on.”  Casey said looking over at Kevin.  “I don’t know what he’s going to do if Noah doesn’t make it.”  
  
     They all sat silently for several moments  
  
    “Could you tell Luke that I’ve been approached by the OU LGBT Student Group, they want to hold a candlelight vigil for Noah tomorrow night.”  Kevin said.  
  
    “We can tell him, but I don’t think you’re going to see him there.  He’s not gonna leave Noah.”  Allison said sipping her coffee.  
  
    “I know.” Kevin sighed.  “I just want him to know that we all care.  It’s going to be here at the Old Town Amphitheater.”  
  
    “We’ll be there.”  Casey said holding Allison’s hand tightly.  
  
    Kevin got up and started to leave when he turned back.  “Tell Luke I’ll be praying for Noah and him.”

 

 

* * *

  
    It was Tuesday morning and Luke was back in the bathroom at the hospital changing into another new set of clothes that his mother had brought him.  Luke looked into the mirror and had to turn away.  Even he could see that he wasn’t holding it together very well.  He could see the concern in everybody’s eyes when they looked at him.   
  
    He hadn’t slept except little naps he was catching at Noah’s bedside since Saturday and he was only eating part of what people were bringing him.  And now on top of everything else, Luke thought he had a kidney infection.  He’d been experiencing pain for the last couple of hours.  Every time he wanted to take Bob aside and ask him for an antibiotic someone was around.  
  
    Lily had asked him again to just leave the hospital for a little while but after Noah’s cardiac arrest yesterday that wasn’t going to happen.  Now that Noah was being taken off of the drugs that kept him in a coma he wasn’t going to chance not being here for him when he woke up and he would wake up.  
  
    All three of his parents were hovering.  He was surprised he had been in here for almost ten minutes and neither Holden or Damian had come in to check on him.  They had been there when Casey and Allison had told him about the vigil at Old Town tonight and they had said maybe he should go and get out of the hospital just for an hour or so.   
  
    He had fought that and they had agreed that Lily, Holden and Damian would go and represent the family and Noah, but he was staying here.  He didn’t think he’d make it through a vigil anyway.  Casey had said that the OU LGBT Student Group was organizing it but that he’d heard that everyone in the Film Department and student government was helping.  Luke was sure Noah would be touched but he just couldn’t stomach going there and standing next to people and wondering - are you the one?  Are you the one that did this to  
him?  
  
    He heard the door squeak before he heard his dad’s voice.  “Luke?  You okay?”  Holden peeked his head through the crack of the door and immediately came in when he saw that Luke was leaning on the sink in front of the mirror.  Luke was wondering why Holden had such a concerned look on his face until he realized that the room was suddenly leaning at an odd angle.  
  
    “Come with me.”  Holden reached his arm around his son’s waist and put Luke’s arm around his shoulder as he helped Luke out of the bathroom and into the nearby waiting room.   
  
    “What’s wrong with him.”  Damian asked as he quickly crossed the space from the window where he was standing to the other side of Luke.   
  
    “Just help me get him to the couch.”  Holden said.  
  
    “I’m fine.  I’m just tired.”  Luke whined.  
  
    Luke tried hard not to wince as he sat down but the small gasp of pain that escaped his lips betrayed him.  He looked up guiltily at both his fathers.  “I think I have a kidney infection.”  
  
    Damian and Holden were both looking down at him.  Luke thought that he liked it a lot better when these two weren’t agreeing on anything.  Since this whole situation started Luke found that his father’s were agreeing with regards to him on an alarmingly regular basis.   
  
    “I’m going to find Bob so he can exam you.”  Holden said as he turned and went looking for Bob Hughes.  
  
    Luke looked everywhere but at Damian who was hovering.  He knew that Lily was in with Noah and there was no one else there to save him from a conversation with Damian.   
  
    “Luciano, you can’t let yourself get sick.”  Damian said calmly.  “You’ll be no good to Noah if your sick also.”  
  
    That hurt.  “When did you become the calm voice of reason?”  Luke shoot back.  
  
    Damian just looked down at his son and then sat down next to him.  He was about to say something when Lily came through the ICU doors.   
  
    “What’s wrong?”  Luke immediately asked.  
  
    “Nothing, they need to change Noah’s bandages and they asked me to leave.”  Lily said as she walked over her face reflecting concern.  “What’s wrong with you?  You look terrible.”  
  
    Luke sat just looking at the floor.  
  
    “Damian?”  
  
    “Luciano thinks he has a kidney infection and Holden went to find Bob.”  Damian said.  Luke looked at Damian with an accusatory look.  Traitor, he thought.  
  
    “It isn’t any wonder.”  Lily breathed.  “You’re not sleeping, not eating right.  You have to get out of here just for a little while,  
Luke.”  
  
    “Mom,” Luke began but realized that he didn’t know how to explain adequately why he couldn’t leave.  “I can’t leave.  I can’t leave him alone.”  
  
    Lily sat down on the other side of her son.  “I know you’re scared that you’ll lose him but Noah would be the first one to say that you need to take care of yourself too.”  
  
    “That’s not it.”  Luke whispered.  
  
    “Tell me than.”   
  
    “Noah’s worst fear, more than anything else, it being alone.”  Luke looked up at his mother.  “I can’t tell you how many times he’s said that’s he’s scared he’d lose me.  He loves me and being a part of this family so much, I don’t know where he’d be without  
it.”  
  
    “We love him too and he knows it.”  Lily smiled.     
  
    “I know he knows but I don’t want him to wake up and find that he’s alone in this hospital.  Scared out of his mind trying to figure out how he got here or god forbid remembering what happened to put him here.  If he woke up and no one was there, I wasn’t there, I’d never forgive myself.”  
  
    Lily looked over her son’s head at Damian.  She knew that Noah felt alone in the world but she hadn’t realized that it went so deep.  Hadn’t he realized that he was like another son to her.  “He won’t be alone, I promise.”  
  
    “Mom.”  Luke started.  
  
    “He won’t.  Don’t you know how many people love him?”  She smiled at her son realizing that the tears were there again.  “If you need to take a break he won’t be alone.  I’m there for him.”  
  
    “Me to.”  Damian smiled.  
  
    “Your father, Emma, Lucinda, Meg.”  Lily nearly laughed at the look on Luke’s face.  “Noah is far from alone.  He’s our family.”   
  
    Luke for the first time since this had began felt a weight lift off his shoulders.  He wasn’t alone with dealing with this and more importantly Noah wasn’t alone either.   


 

* * *

    Maybe they had been right.  It did feel a little better to get out into the fresh air, Luke thought as he walked toward Old Town.  Lucinda and Faith were with Noah.  Luke had been hesitant about letting Faith see Noah this way but Faith, ever the 15 year old, said she could handle it and that she loved Noah almost as much as Luke did and that’s just how it was going to be.   
  
    They both had nearly thrown him out the front entrance of Memorial and ordered him not to return for at least two hours.  He hadn’t really known what to do with himself.  He had thought about a walk around the lake until the shocking reality hit that that was where this all began.  He had wondered aimlessly for about a half hour until he realized that he was heading there whether he intended to or not.  
  
    His parents, Damian and Meg were already there and they were meeting Margo, Tom, Casey and Allison.  He knew the rest of his family were going to be there Emma, Aaron, Brad, Jack, Parker, everybody and he didn’t think he could handle it, but here he was heading there anyway.  
  
    He could see the glow and the noise before he even got close to it.  He turned the corner and walked right into a block of bodies.  
  
    “Would you like a candle?”  A solemn faced girl asked.  
  
    “Yes.”  He said quietly.   
  
    He took the offered candle and quickly walked to the side.  Trying not to be seen by anyone he knew.  He was amazed at the number of people.  It had to be over 300 people cramming the amphitheater.  He could see his mother and the rest of his family up near the podium on the stage and made his way in that direction.  
  
    “Hi everybody.”  The loudspeaker crackled.  “I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for coming out tonight.”  
  
    Luke stopped about 15 feet from the podium and stood in the shadow of a lamp post trying to be inconspicuous.  He didn’t recognize the man speaking, he thought it must be Anthony Davis the senior that had taken over the OU LGBT Student Alliance after Reg died.    
  
    “We’re here to pray for one of our own here at OU.”  He started.  “As you all know Noah Mayer was attacked Saturday night by the lake.  We wanted to come together in support of him and his partner, Luke Snyder and hope that our being together and prayers can lend them support and comfort.”  
  
    Luke shifted slightly wondering if he should really be here.  This was just beginning to seem to real for him to deal with.  
  
    “We’re grateful to have the mother of Noah’s partner here with us tonight along with her family and she has graciously agreed to say a few words.”  He motioned for Lily to step forward to the microphone.  
  
    Lily was shaken.  She had expected people but she hadn’t expected the out pouring of emotions and people that were here.  She was about to begin and as she looked out at the crowd she noticed the all to familiar slumped stance of her son right near the edge of the stage.  He had his knit hat pulled down almost over his eyes, but she could tell him from any distance.   
  
    “I wanted to thank all of you for coming tonight.”  She took a deep breath to continue.  “Noah is lying in the hospital, beaten nearly to death for one reason, because someone didn’t like the way and the person he loved most in this world.”   
  
    The crowd stood silent as Lily began to speak.  Luke looked out across the mass of people and was surprised to see the diversity of people in attendance.  He could see the students from the LGBT Alliance, but he also saw the film/theater people and the jocks.  His gaze almost slipped past them when he realized someone was looking right at him, Kevin.  Luke quickly pulled his eyes away from the pity he saw there.  
  
    “We must all strive to understand one another instead of hating.  We must change hate to compassion.  We mustn’t be afraid of the differences between us and revel in what makes us each unique and special.”  
  
    Lily nearly broke but she needed to go on, “Noah is special.  Any one who knows him and my son knows the love that they share.  Knows that they aren’t complete unless they’re together.  Noah is a part of our family and our hearts just as if he’d been born a Snyder.  We are crushed as a family but we will stand by him and help him as he fights to come back to us.”  
  
    She stepped away from the mic and grasped Holden’s hand.  Anthony stepped back up to the microphone and introduced the OU pastor who then lead those assembled in a prayer.  The pastor stepped away and Anthony took to the microphone again.  
  
    “As you all know, Noah is a film student.  He’s working on his senior project and as part of that he heard these two brothers, both music majors here, and asked them to record a song for his project.  We have the Laurence brothers and they’d like to perform that song.  He motioned the two young men up to the mic.  The shorter of the two carried the guitar and started to strum the first measures of the song. 

                                    [Their song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrmLMCVhO0g)

  
    Luke knew the song even before they started playing.  Noah had been humming it incessantly the last three weeks.  Luke’s tears started again as he remembered chastising him for driving him crazy with the tune.  
  
    As the music played Luke looked out over the sea of lite candles and hoped that the prayers being offered would be heard and that Noah would wake and be the Noah that he loved.  
  
     Luke listened to the song and remembered all of the times he looked into Noah’s endless blue eyes and fell in love with him all over again, every time.  Remembered the feel of Noah’s hands in his hair whenever they kissed.  Remembered his lopsided smile that he always directed at him when he knew he had won one of their arguments.  Remembered all of the loving embraces that he and Noah had shared.  He always teased that Noah hugged like he’d never see Luke again, but was that true this time?  
  
    Luke looked up at the stage and saw that his dad was holding Lily while they both stood tears running unnoticed down both their faces.  Damian was holding a silently weeping Meg.  Jack, Brad and Aaron stood with their arms encircling Emma and Natalie.  He stood amazed as he realized that Noah always had what he craved - a family that loved him and neither of them had ever fully realized it.  Luke smiled for Noah’s sake.   
  
    Luke let the tears fall.  It felt good this time, listening to the song that Noah had been singing for the last month.  He was remembering that Noah really couldn’t carry a tone but he loved seeing how excited he had been working with the brothers on stage now and telling Luke just where he was going to place it in his movie.  Luke wiped the tears from his face.   
  
    Lily watched, tears running unheeded down her face, as her son quietly made his way through the crowd and back to the hospital.  She added her prayers to the others being said this night that fate wouldn’t take Noah away and destroy her son.

 

* * *

 


	5. Chapter 5

   The sound was a distant noise, barely discernible as it came out of the blackness.  The sensation of trying to get through this nothingness was similar to trying to swim up to the surface from the bottom of Snyder Pond.  Except, what was Snyder Pond?    
  
    He could just now barely make out the voice.  A voice that made his heart ache.   
  
    “I’ll be back in an hour, baby.”  He could tell there was a sorrow in the voice.  “I love you so much.”   
  
    He felt his heart being pulled.  He didn’t want the voice to leave him.  Didn’t want it to leave him alone in this black, loneliness.  
  
  
     **“You know what I keep thinking about?**  
     What?   
     About five minutes before my dad did this to you was the happiest time of my life.  Me too.   
     I want that back.   
     Me too.”  
  
  
    His heart soared with the words and ached at the leaving of the voice again.  
  


  


* * *

  
  
    The voices were back again.  He was frustrated now, they were always just out of reach and his memory was playing tricks on him.  He didn’t know if they were really there or not.  
  
    “Grandmother, I hate them.  I hate them so much.”  The girls voice was shaking.  She was crying and he felt the need to reach out and embrace her but he couldn’t get anything to move.   
  
    “I know dear.”  The older voice said just as sadly.  “But you mustn’t forget that we’re here for him and that’s what’s important.  
  
  
  **“Noah, we have a new foal, do you want to see him?**  
     I get to help name it.   
     And he’s got a white blaze on his forehead which is good luck.  
     Hey, hey, hey, hey.  Noah just got here.  Hello.  
     Hi.  
     There’ll be time for everything.  
     Thanks for having me, and Merry Christmas.     
     Oh, why you know something, I think it will be a Merry Christmas.”  
  
  
    The warm feeling of love, warmth and belonging filled him with the memory.  Was it the young girls voice?  It somehow sounded different, older now.  He wished he could hear everything more clearly and make his way out of the darkness, but it seemed to close in on him again.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
    “You should have seen it, Noah.”  The voice was back.  It was lonely and almost hollow.   He longed to reach out and chase away the hurt and pain he heard in it.  “There were so many people.  They even sang that song you’ve pestered me with for the last month.”  
  
    He waited hoping for the voice to continue and guide him out of the loneliness and murk that surrounded him but the voice was fading again.  He fought a silent battle to get back to it, desperate, fearing that it would leave him forever.  
  
  
**“No.  No, no, no, no.  You wouldn’t have done that.**  
     Noah I...   
     You wouldn’t have done that to us.  Why Luke?   
     Because....  
     WHY?   
     Because I saw you leaving with Maddie.   
     I’ve got to get out of here!  
     Noah, Noah, I had a couple drinks.  I just, I, I ...  
     DO NOT TOUCH ME!”  
  
  
    His heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest.  The desperation was more than what he had been feeling in this black nothingness.  He had fought hard to get through it and get to the other side but now he welcomed the blackness as it enveloped him and took the pain away.   
  


* * *

  
  
    Luke sat just watching Noah.  Faith had been crying as she bent over Noah and kissed him gently on the forehead.  Luke knew that she really thought of him as another brother. One that always had time for her, always talked movies with her.  Lucinda had said that there hadn’t been any change while he had been gone.   
  
    He sat and just stared at his lover’s face.  Wishing for the hundredth time that Noah would just open his eyes.  Those crystal blue eyes that Luke adored so much.  He just needed to see them and see that Noah knew him and hoped that he’d see the love in them that he always saw when looking into Noah’s eyes.   
  
    “The brother’s did a good job with the song.  You would have been proud.”  He looked at the hand that he was clasping and rubbed the back of it with his thumb.  He had asked the nurses if Noah could hear him and they couldn’t tell him one way or another but he believed that he did.  He needed to believe that he did.   
  
    Luke looked up again at Noah’s face and froze.  A tear was running from the outside corner of Noah’s eye.  Luke couldn’t move he was so shocked.   
  
    “Nurse!”  He jumped up and put his face close to Noah’s “Baby, you’re okay.  You’re okay.  I’m here, don’t be afraid.”  
  
    “Yes, Mr. Snyder?”  Two nurses came rushing into the room.  
  
    “He’s crying.  Is he in pain?”  
  
    The nurses quickly came to Noah’s bedside and were checking all the monitors and conferring between themselves.  “We will call Dr. Borda, but no we don’t think he’s in pain.  It just might be a bodily reflex.”     
  
  


* * *

  
  
    Luke was pacing the waiting room where Dr. Borda had sent him when he arrived, saying he needed to evaluate Noah’s condition.  Luke prayed that Noah was coming out of his coma but he didn’t want to think that he was in pain of any sort.  
  
    “Luke?”  His mom asked as she and Holden came walking down the hallway.  
  
    “Is everything okay?” asked Holden as he came to stand next to his son.  
  
    “I don’t know Dad.”  He answered as he explained what had happened and how he had been ushered out of the room.  
  
    They all turned as the neurologist appeared at the ICU door.   
  
    “Is Noah okay?”  Luke begged.  
  
    Dr. Borda considered the young man in front of him before answering.  “Mr. Mayer seems to be coming out of the coma.”  
  
    Lilly and Holden let out a sigh of relief that neither had realized they were holding.  
  
    “The tears, I’m not sure about them to be honest.”  The doctor answered.  “We don’t know everything about the process of regaining consciousness.  There seems to be different levels.  We don’t believe he’s in any physical pain we have him pretty heavily medicated pain wise.  We think that during this resurfacing, as it were, it’s like a computer resetting itself.  I’m happy with his progress out of the coma thus far.”  
  
    “When will we know if there’s . . . “ Luke couldn’t finish.  
  
    “What my son wants to know is how and when will we know if there’s been any permanent brain damage.”  Lily asked as she took Luke’s hands in her own.   
  
    “When Mr. Mayer wakes up hopefully he’ll be able to talk.  I’m having the Attending remove his breathing tube, I think he can handle it on his own now.”  
  
    “When should he start actually waking up?”  Luke asked.  
  
    The doctor saw the pleading in the man’s eyes.  He hated this part of the job the most but he had to be honest and truthful.  
  
    “We hope that this starts happening in the next few days but . . .” he stopped.  
  
    “What?”  Luke breathed.  
  
    “If we don’t see any improvement in his consciousness level within the next day or so, he might not wake up.  We just don’t know.”  
  
    “So this is it?  He might not ever wake up?”  Luke just looked at the neurologist.  
  
    “Luke.”  Holden started.  
  
    “No, Dad.  I need to know.”  Luke’s eyes never leaving the doctor.  
  
    “As I said, I’m happy about the progress so far.  I’m encouraged and hopeful that he’ll come out of it soon.  You have to be strong Mr. Snyder, he’ll need that.”  Dr. Borda continued to look at the young man hoping that he could be strong enough for the patient inside.  
  
    “Thank you, Doctor.”  Lily said shaking his hand.  
  
    Dr. Borda excused himself and left to continue his neurological rounds.   
  
    Luke just stood staring at the door to Noah’s room.  He wanted to go in but something was holding him back.  “If this is it, I’m not sure I’m strong enough.”  He almost whispered.  
  
    Lily quickly caught her son up in a huge hug.  “You’re not alone honey.  We’re all here for you and Noah.  You’ll both get through this.”  
  
    “Really?”  Luke looked down into her eyes.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
    Kevin was sitting in the bleachers watching his soccer team’s practice.  He was sitting because Coach Littman had benched him for not being at the game last night.  Kevin would have been upset about it except that he knew that what he had chosen to do had been the right thing to do.  He hoped his father would feel the same way if his scholarship was dropped because of the benching.   
  
    “So, do you want to explain to me why you didn’t feel it that important to show up for our game last night, Mr. Davis?”  The Coach had asked him earlier in the locker room.  
  
    Kevin was caught off guard with the question.  Everyone on campus had known about the attack on Noah and the vigil.  “I had to go to the vigil Coach, I’m the class President.”  
  
    The coach just looked at him.  The other’s were looking everywhere but at the scene playing out in their presence.  They had all been talking about the attack even here.  It was the only topic really on campus since it happened and Kevin was at a loss really as to how to feel and deal with the situation at all.  
  
    He was the President of the student body at OU, wasn’t he supposed to denounce this act?  Lead the charge against the hate filled persons who had done this to someone he actually knew?  But wasn’t he also guilty?  He hadn’t done anything really during the election when Mark and the others had posted that video about Luke.  Had he contributed to what ultimately happened to Noah?  Allison’s accusations had hit way too close to home the other day.  
  
    “I feel sorry for the boy, Kevin.” the coached started “but what they pay me for is the soccer team and getting you all to the championship.  You’re benched for right now.  You miss another game or practice I’ll have to reconsider your position on the team.”   
  
    Kevin just watched as the coach turned and left the locker room.  “Are you seriously going to jeopardize being on the team for that fairy?”  Ellis the team’s backup goalie asked from across the aisle.  He was sitting in front of this locker putting on his cleats.   Kevin could see that Ellis wasn’t the only one that had been paying attention.  They were all looking at him.  
  
    “If I have to.”  He said.  “Noah’s one of us.”  He could see the shifting of feet and gazes being turned away.  “It doesn’t matter that he’s gay.  He’s a student here and he was almost beaten to death.  I think that’s a little more important than a game.”  
  
    Silence meet his statement as he too sat and began taking off his shoes and pads.  His parents had understood when he had told them about it and how he would be missing the game and going to the vigil.  He’d actually been really surprised at their support.  They knew the Snyder’s but they really didn’t know Noah at all but they had agreed and actually seemed proud that Kevin had chosen what was the right thing to do, maybe he was growing up.   
  
    After the student election last year his father, Kenneth Davis, who was an Assistant District Attorney, didn’t say that he had been disappointed in his son but the feeling was there.  Kevin knew that his father wanted him to finally grow up and start thinking about his future and stop the partying.  What had happened to Noah had come as a slap to his college, partying face.  They weren’t as insulated from the real world as they all tried to believe.  
  
    “You’re a fine one to talk, Kevin.”  another player said as he too laced up his shoes.  “After that video last year.  Wasn’t that the guys boyfriend you were bashing?”  
  
    Kevin looked at Russell the player that had spoken.  “Yeah, Luke is Noah’s boyfriend.  And I was stupid not to say it then, but it was wrong.  It was a stupid, juvenile prank.”  
  
    “You know what?”  Jackson the mid-fielder started.  He stopped and lowered his voice so everyone in the locker room was forced to lean slightly forward to hear what he was about to say.  “I hear that guy was more than beat up, if you know what I mean.”  
  
    That was met be silence as all the players looked at one another.  They knew exactly what he meant.  The whispers had started almost as soon as everyone heard about the attack.  That he had been raped along with being beaten up.  It was one thing to hear about a guy getting beaten up and feeling for him but being raped.  Most didn’t even want to go there even in their thoughts.  
  
    “The fairy probably had it coming.”  One of the players stood and slammed his locker door.  
  
    Kevin was standing before he even realized what he was doing.  “What did you say, Jeff?”  
  
    “You heard me.  You may be friends with his . . . him, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us are.  Hell, he probably enjoyed it.”  Jeff laughed.  
  
    “Shut up!”  Kevin would have rushed the other man except that the other players were now jumping up and holding the two guys apart.  “Just shut up, Jeff.”  
  
    Kevin turned and grabbed his bag and left the locker room.  The other players started to collect their gear for the practice.  Jeff stood there wishing that the little pansy lover would have punched him.  He needed someone to take out his frustrations on.  He picked up his shin guards, turned and walked out to the practice field trying not to notice the glances and looks that the other players were throwing at him and not all of them were nice.  
  
    “Kevin lost it.  What’s up with that?”  Jackson asked Allen who was one of Kevin’s friends on the team and who had jumped up immediately to hold Kevin back from Jeff.  
  
    Allen was silent for a moment as he stored his things in his locker and closed it.  He saw that Jackson was waiting for an answer.  “Last year Kevin’s cousin, Sophia, killed herself.  She OD’d.”   
  
    Jackson just continued to look at Allen waiting for him to continue.  
  
    “She was a freshman at Illinois U.  I meet her a few times, she was a cute girl and really sweet.  Anyway, one night she goes to this Frat Party and had one too many to drink and eventually somebody slipped something in her drink.”  
  
    Jackson sat down listening to Allen.  Everyone else had left the locker room so Allen sat down to continue.  
  
    “She woke up the next morning, not knowing how she got back to her dorm and she knew that something had happened, if you know what I mean?” Allen said.  Jackson shook his head for Allen to continue.  
  
    “Anyway, she went to the hospital and they did the tests that they do and she filed charges against the guys at the Frat house and then, nothing.”  
  
    “Nothing?”  
  
    “Nothing.  The guys at the Frat said that she was just a whore that wanted to do everyone that night and that she never said no.  Well, she couldn’t remember because of the drug they gave her but the District Attorney wouldn’t file charges.”  
  
    “That sucks” Jackson said.  
  
    “That’s not the worst part.  Eventually, everyone on the Illinois campus knew and the Frat boys were calling her a slut and everyone was believing it.  It was hell for her.  She dropped out and her life just went downhill from there.  Kevin told me she started using and even though they all tried to get her counseling and help, she just couldn’t take it anymore and she just OD’d one night.”  Allen got up from the bench.  
  
    “Kevin thought of Sophia as a sister and he took it really hard.  I guess hearing Jeff say that Noah probably liked it, being raped, probably sounded just like what the Frat boys were saying about his cousin.”  
  
    Jackson got up and stood silent for a moment.  “Well, it’s really not the same though, he was gay after all.  It was a guy that did it.  I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem the same.”  
  
    “Come on, Jackson.  You’ve heard the same things I’ve heard.  Whoever did this to Noah cracked his head like a walnut.  No way Noah wanted this or enjoyed it.  It’s rape pure and simple.”  
  
    “You’re right.”  He said feeling guilty for even thinking it.  Just trying to image what this Noah guy had gone through was enough to send chills down his spine.  “Well, we better try and keep Jeff and Kevin apart or coach will throw Kevin off the team for sure.”  
  
  
   

* * *

  
  
****_“Okay, now I know a watch isn’t the most inventive of gifts, but I just, just figured it’s something we’ve both needed a little of lately.  Time.  It’s engraved, turn it over.  
     ‘Worth the Wait’, how many times have we said that to each other?  
     I thought it fit.  I mean, maybe it’s a little cheesy?  
     No.  No, Noah.  This is perfect.  I love it.  Thank you.  Can I put it on now?  
     Sure.  
     Here, here.  Let me, let me help you.   
                   They both looked up from the watch and into each other’s eyes.  
     Hey, look._  
   _Mistletoe.  
     Remember last Christmas in Emma’s kitchen?  
     Yeah, we were standing underneath the mistletoe.  That was the first time that I told you that I was in love with you.  
     And I said, 'same here.'  
     Oh, and it was very, very romantic.  Now, here we are a year later and it’s still true, Noah.  I’m still so in love with you.  
     Same here.”_  
  
  
    His eyes snapped open.  The warm, loving, fulfilled feeling suddenly faded and the only thing he could feel was fear and confusion.  He felt so unusual, so disconnected.  Where was he?  Shouldn’t he know where he was?  It looked totally alien to his eyes.  He tried to move but the disconnection he was feeling to his body didn’t seem to want to let go.  He tried to move his arms by they just weren’t listening to him and they refused to obey his wishes.  Maybe if he called out, but his voice was betraying him too.  
  
    “Help” he thought he whispered.  
  
    “What?” A head popped into his sight.  He must have had his head down on the bed next to him.  His deep hazel eyes were blood-shot and tired.  Several emotions were at war on his face.  He saw fear, then wonder, then shock and finally an overwhelming joy flit across his face in an instance.  Even quicker he was yelling for someone and he was on his feet bending over and delivering soft, wet kisses all over his face.  
  
    “Luke, what’s wrong?” came a voice as a woman and man quickly ran into the room.  They stopped short when they saw that he was looking back at them.  “Oh, my god, Holden.”   
  
    The man next to her was holding her around the waist and squeezing her.  A huge smile lite his face as he looked at him and the man kissing him.  “Welcome back, Noah.”  
  
    Luke couldn’t stop touching Noah’s face.  “Baby, baby, baby.”  Was all he could get out at first.  He didn’t realize that he was crying until he saw his tears running onto Noah’s face after his kisses.  Noah looked at the man and woman as they ran into the room and then turned his azure blue eyes on him.  The eyes he had been longing to see again.  “I love you so much, Noah.  I love you, I love you.”  He whispered over and over again.   
  
    Noah tried to speak but the breathing tube had made his throat sore and dry.  He tried again and Luke leaned over placing his ear right next to Noah’s mouth as he spoke.  
  
    Lily and Holden almost crossed the room in concern when they saw their son drop to his knees on the floor next to the bed and bury his face into Noah’s neck crying.  “Luke, what’s wrong?” Lily asked fearing to hear the answer.  “What did he say?”  
  
    “Nothing’s wrong, mom.”  Luke looked up smiling with tears pouring down his face but this time they were pure tears of joy.  “He said,  _same here_ .”  
  
  


* * *

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

  
     Damian was thinking about a lot of things as he walked down the hallway of Memorial Hospital toward the ICU Department. The vigil last night, the stress that his son was under, the idea of dealing with this for weeks on end. Damian was convinced that the strain eventually would become too much for a lot of them let alone his son, Luke. But the one thing he wasn’t thinking of at that moment was seeing smiling faces greeting him as he rounded the corner and walked into the waiting area just outside the ICU.  
  
    “Lily, Holden what’s happened?” He said as he stopped short. Looking at their smiling faces and that of the nurse they were talking to.  
  
    “Damian”  Lily turned. “Noah woke up.”  
  
     “When?” Damian said as a huge smile broke out on his face also.  
  
     “Just about a half hour ago.” Lily couldn’t help but reach out and gave him a giant hug but for once Holden didn’t seem to mind.  
  
     “And does there seem to be any . . . damage?” He asked Holden as Lily stepped back next to her husband.  
  
     “No.” Holden smiled.  Damian could see the fatigue that they all were feeling written across the other man’s face. “He knew who Luke was and us. He didn’t know why he was here but he’s still on a lot of pain medication. So?”  
  
     “But at lease he knew Luciano. That’s great. I’m so relieved.” Damian smiled back at the other two. “Is Luke still in with him?”  
  
     “Yes, the doctors came in to examine Noah but Noah wanted Luke to stay with him.” Lily answered.  “Of course, he didn’t need to ask Luke twice. I don’t think we’ll be able to pry Luke out of there now that Noah’s awake.”  
  


 * * *

  
  
     Even though it was a hospital and a hospital he’d been in quite a few times, Noah was feeling nervous and anxious. He was glad that Luke had agreed to stay with him while the doctors came into examin him. He didn’t remember what had happened to him to put him here and that was upsetting. But what was upsetting him even more was the look that had been and still was on Luke’s face.  
  
     Luke looked happy and relieved but more than anything else he looked tired. Exhausted actually. He hovered near Noah whenever the doctors weren’t next to him during the exam and Luke was touching him whenever and wherever he could, as if he were afraid if he didn’t have physical contact with him, he’d disappear.  
  
     “Well, Mr. Mayer, for as sick as you’ve been you are doing remarkably well.” said the man Luke had identified as Dr. Borda, his neurologist. Noah could feel the bandages on his head and they basically had his head braced so he couldn’t move it too much, but a neurologist?  
  
     “Noah, do you mind if we ask you a few questions?” Dr. Hughs asked.  
  
     “Of course.” He whispered. The nurses had brought him some ice chips to relieve the dryness in his throat, which Luke had immediately insisted on giving to Noah himself. It was than that Noah had realized that he couldn’t move either of his arms. They were held down and in soft casts.  
  
     “Do we have to do this right now?” Luke asked in almost a pleading voice.     “It’s part of the evaluation, Luke.” Dr. Hughes said kindly to the young man. “Noah, do you remember what happened?”  
  
     “I remember walking around the lake.” Noah said thickly. Luke had said that he was on a lot of pain medicine and that that was why he felt so disconnected. “I was on my way to Metro for the fund raiser.”  
  
     He tried to remember what happened next but there seemed to be something blocking his memory. It just seemed to stop. He knew there was something more but he just couldn’t seem to get to it. He looked at Luke and could feel Luke gently squeezing his hand. It passed quickly but Noah was certain he had seen something in Luke’s beautiful hazel eyes. What was it? Fear? No,  it wasn’t that, it almost reminded him of . . . terror.  
  
     “What happened?” He whispered. “Why am I here?”  
  
     “Noah” Dr. Borda interrupted. “When you remember walking around the lake heading to Metro does your memory just end or is there a sense of something else?”  
  
     “Something else. Like the memory is just out of reach.” Noah looked back at the young doctor. “Was I in an accident? What happened to me?”  
  
     “We don’t need to get into that now, Mr. Mayer.” Dr. Borda quickly smiled at him. “You just need to rest and let your brain heal. It’s made a great start but it’s still working to heal.”  
  
     Noah wanted to ask more and find out what had happened but he had been fighting the drowsiness for the last half hour and it just seemed at that moment that he couldn’t fight it any longer and the fatigue took over.  
  
     Luke looked down quickly when he realized that Noah wasn’t awake. He looked up at the two doctors in fear that Noah had suddenly fallen back into a coma. He was relieved to see that both doctors were actually smiling.  
  
     “Don’t worry about his suddenly falling asleep, Luke” Dr. Hughes said as he saw the younger man’s concern. “He’s on a lot of pain meds and his body is fighting to heal itself. As long as he’s on the pain medicine he’ll probably be falling asleep in the middle of sentences quite often. It’s nothing to be alarmed about.”  
  
     Luke quickly kissed Noah on the forehead and then walked to the doorway of the room drawing the two doctors with him. “He doesn’t remember the attack, will he eventually remember it? Or is the memory gone for good?”  
  
     “There’s no way to know, Mr. Snyder.” Dr. Borda said as he scratched at the two-day growth of beard on his chin. “Like everything else with the brain, each case is unique. Some people wake up and remember everything. Some, like Mr. Mayer, wake up and remember nothing of the incident that caused the inquiry. Eventually, most regain some memories of the events. Some regain all memories of the events. Some never remember the event.  
  
     “So like everything, it’s wait and see?” Luke asked.  
  
     “Exactly.” The younger doctor said.  
  
     “He’s going to ask me what happened and I have to tell him.” Luke said looking past the doctors into the room and his lover. “I’m going to have to tell him about the beating, I just don’t think I can tell him about the . . . rape yet.”  
  
     They all looked back into the room at the sleeping patient. “You should tell him about the attack. He loves and trusts you and it would probably be easier hearing it from you than from Margo or Jack.” Dr. Hughes said. “The rape? I could tell him if you’re uncomfortable telling him, Luke, but he will have to be told soon.”  
  
     “I know, I know.” Luke looked down at the floor. “I’ll let you know.” He felt guilty that he didn’t feel he had the courage to tell Noah about the rape. Didn’t he say that he’d be there for him and support him through all of this. He’d find the strength to tell him when he needed to.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
     Jack and Dallas had just arrived at the waiting room and they were listening to Lily and Holden tell them and Damian about Noah coming out of the coma. Dr. Hughes came through the door from Noah’s ICU room and smiled broadly at all the people there.  
  
     “Noah’s made a remarkable recovery thus far.” He breathed.  
  
    “Thank you, Bob.” Lily immediately hugged him. “You’ve been there the whole time and I know Luke and Noah appreciate it.”  
  
    “Well, Noah’s really the one doing everything. It’s because he’s young, strong and healthy that his body is recovering so well. He’s got a long way to go but I’m very encouraged so far.”  
  
     “Bob?” Jack began. “When can we speak with him?”  
  
     “Jack!” Lily exclaimed. “He just woke up.”  
  
     “Lily, I know. I wouldn’t normally, but we need to get any information he has regarding the attack and the . . . “ he trailed off uncertain of how much they all actually knew about Noah’s attack. He knew that Lily and Holden knew, but he wasn't sure about Damian and he didn’t want to break the victims confidence.  
  
     “Damian knows about the rape.” Holden said quietly. “He can hear anything that you need to say.”  
  
     Lily wasn’t the only one that had a raised eyebrow at that statement.  
  
     “Thank you, Holden.” Damian said quietly while looking directly into Holden’s eyes.  
  
     “Well, since everyone knows. We have DNA but it doesn’t match anyone in our database. We’ve canvassed Old Town at least three times and no one remembers seeing anyone that night or anything unusual. There’s minimal evidence at the scene. We really are hoping Noah knew his attackers and can give us some information.”  
  
     “I don’t think he’s going to be able to help you in that area, Jack.” Bob said sadly. “Right now, Noah doesn’t even know or remember what put him in here. He doesn’t remember the attack at all.”  
  
     Jack and Dallas looked at each other and Dallas shook his head. “Do you know if his memory will come back, Dr. Hughes?” Dallas asked.  
  
     “I’ve consulted with the neurologist and we really can’t say. He may or may not. We’ll just have to wait.”  
  
     Jack swore softly under his breath. Lily, Holden and Damian all were concerned by the apparent frustration by the two detectives.  
  
     “Is it that desperate, Jack?” Damian asked.  
  
     “If Noah can’t remember anything, I’m afraid we may never find the animals that did this to him.” Jack said with real anxiety in his voice.  
  


* * *

  
  
**“But there’s something I need you to know.    Noah pulls a card out of his pocket and hands it to Luke to read.**  
     ‘Luke,  I wish I had your way with words but I don’t. Thank you for never giving up on me even when I pushed you away. Being with you has made me happier then I’ve ever been. Merry Christmas, Love, Noah.’ Do you mean that?  
     Every word.  
     So you can write it, but you can’t say it?  
     It’s not something we really grew up saying in my house. I never really felt comfortable . . . you have to know how I feel about you.”  
  
  
     “I know how you feel about me, baby.”  
  
     Noah’s eyes opened with that being whispered in his ear.  
  
     "You're talking in your sleep." Luke smiled.  
  
     Noah could see Luke’s tired hazel eyes looking down at him from a mere six inches away. Noah wished that his hands were free so he could reach up to touch the face of his lover. He looked so tired and so scared.  
  
     “You look terrible.” He whispered to Luke.  
  
     “You look worse.” Luke whispered back. He bent closer and kissed Noah gently on his lips. Noah hadn’t realized until that moment that his whole jaw actually hurt quite a bit. D’amn the pain medicine. It seemed to be fogging his whole mind up.  
  
     Luke sat back down on the chair that he had pulled next to the bed and took Noah’s hand in his again. He just seemed content to just sit and watch Noah. Luke suddenly had a silly grin on his face. “So, even doped up and in the hospital you’re still dreaming about me, huh bubby?”  
  
     “I guess it’s all the drugs.” Noah tried to laugh and that brought the discovery that maybe he shouldn’t laugh because he suddenly had sharp pains in his chest area.  
  
     Luke was quickly on his feet again and begging Noah to forgive him at Noah’s sudden sucking in of breath at the chest pain. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I forgot your ribs. D’amn, d’amn.”  
  
     “Luke” he whispered once he caught his breath. “It’s not your fault.” He could feel tears running down his forehead from where Luke was kissing him. “Luke, please.”  
  
     Luke slowly sat down again and Noah could see that indeed Luke was crying. “Luke, look at me” He said as Luke looked down at the floor. “Look at me.”  
  
     He looked up slowly, whipping the tears away with the back of his hand. “I’m doing a fine job being strong for you aren’t I?” He said smiling.  
  
     “Luke.” Noah began. “I love you and trust you more than anyone.”  
  
     Luke just looked at Noah and reached out and took Noah’s hand again in his own. “I know that.”  
  
     “Tell me.”  
  
     Luke just stared at Noah. He was captivated by the electric blue eyes gazing at him. Begging him for answers and Luke knew that he wouldn’t be able to deny him anything if he asked.  
  
     “Tell me, please” Noah whispered.  
  
     “Casey and Allison were walked around the lake . . .” Luke began in a quiet voice.  
  


* * *

  
  
     Jack and Dallas had left saying they would come back tomorrow to talk to Noah if the doctors permitted it. Lily wasn’t happy about it but they were the police and they knew what they needed to do to catch the men responsible. Jack had told her, Holden and Damian the news that they all had feared but none had voiced. Noah had been raped by more than one individual. Lily had wept silently while Dallas explained that the rape kit had come back positive for multiple DNA samples.  
  
     Holden had been silent and held on to her for her support as much as for his own. Damian just stared at the floor the whole time until Jack and Dallas left. “We’re going to have to tell Luciano.” He said in almost a deadly whisper.  
  
     “We will.” Holden said quietly. “All of us.”  
  
     Lily wiped her eyes and they all went through the door to the ICU. Damian had said that if Noah was up to it he wanted to see for himself that the young man was indeed back and knew them. They quietly walked up to the door and could hear Luke and Noah talking.  
  
     “They had a prayer vigil for you the other night. I think Dennis from your Film History class video taped it for you so you could watch it when you get stronger.” Luke said as he kissed the back of Noah’s hand that he had been holding the whole time he had been describing the events of the last five days.  
  
     “You’ve been here since Saturday night?” Noah asked looking deeply into Luke’s eyes. “You look exhausted. You have to get some rest.” Noah saw Lily, Holden and Damian standing at the door. “You all look exhausted, too.”  
  
     Luke turned to see his parents standing there and smiled.  
  
     “We’ll be fine, baby.” Lily said as she quickly crossed the room to the side of Noah’s bed opposite her son. “We were so worried about you. We thought we lost you.”  
  
     Noah was astonished yet again this day when he felt yet another set of tears running down his face as Lily Snyder leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. He astonishment grew as he looked at the foot of his bed to see Luke’s two fathers standing there and they two had tears in their eyes.  
  
     Over the last two years he had come to love Luke’s family like his own but he hadn’t really known that they seemed to feel the same for him. But the overwhelming sense of love he was feeling from these three was almost enough to make up for the horrible truths Luke had just told him. He actually had the family he always wanted, it just took something like this to have him realize it.  
  
     “I’m sorry you’ve all been so worried.” Noah began.  
  
     “I told Noah about the beating.” Luke cut in before any of his parents could say anything. Damian and Holden looked at him and he quickly shock his head, no, to the unspoken question in both their eyes while Lily kissed Noah again. Luke had decided that he would tell Noah about the rape but right now Noah had to process the horrors of the beating first before he could deal with the reality of anything else.  
  
     “Nonsense, Noah.” Damian picked up before Noah could notice the hesitation.  
  
     Holden moved over to replace Lily at the side of the bed as she walked over to stand beside Damian. “There’s nothing that could keep us, any of us, away from being here for you and Luke. I’m just happy that you’re here with us . . . son.”  
  
     Noah’s heart thudded in his chest and Luke’s face broke into a giant, silly grin.  
  
     “I’m afraid you’re stuck with us as a family.” Damian said smiling from the end of the bed. “As odd and dysfunctional as it is, it’s yours.”      Noah would have said thank you except that now he was the one that was crying and he had never quite mastered the skill of crying and talking at the same time, but he didn’t worry because he now knew his family knew how he felt about them.  
  


* * *


	7. Chapter 7

 

  
     Luke woke up and was disoriented.  Where was he?  He looked around and recognized his bedroom at his mom and dad’s home.  Noah had actually ordered him . . . ordered him out of the hospital and had asked his parents to make sure that he actually went home and rested.  Luke had hated leaving Noah, but Noah had been right in pointing out that most of the time he’d be falling asleep anyway because of the high doses of pain medication.   
       
     Luke slowly sat up and realized that he had been utterly exhausted after the last five days in the hospital.  He needed to recharge for what was still ahead for him and Noah.  He didn’t want to think about that yet.   
     
     He had decided to go home to his and Noah’s apartment even though his parents had asked him several times to come home with them.  But he wanted to be where he and Noah lived.  That was until he actually tried to sleep in their bed without him there.  He hadn’t realized how big and cold the bed was without Noah laying beside him.  He missed the soft snores that he had come to tolerate as he fell asleep and he really missed being able to spoon with his lover.  It seemed so empty.  
  
     He had lasted about an hour tossing and turning in the bed until he just couldn’t take it anymore and he got up in his pajamas, got in the car and drove to his parents house at about midnight.  It wasn’t until he got to their front door that he realized he’d left his keys to their house on the dresser at the apartment.  He was about to ring the doorbell and was ready with the apology when the door was suddenly opened and Holden was standing there with his lopsided grin.   
  
     “I was wondering how long it would take you to get your butt here.”  He reached out and put his arm around his son’s shoulder drawing him in and shutting the door behind them.  
  
     “How did you know I was out here?”  Luke asked.  
  
     “Your mom and I knew you’d probably be showing up here sooner or later.”  Holden turned and looked at him.  “We didn’t think you’d like it in the apartment without Noah.  I heard you pull up so I came down.”  
  
     “I couldn’t stand it, Dad.”  Luke whined.  “The place is so empty without him there.”   
  
     “I know, but he’ll be home with you soon.”  Holden squeezed his son around the shoulders.  “Your mom made sure your bed was all made up and waiting for you.”  
  
     “Thanks.”  Luke said in an utterly exhausted voice.   
  
     Holden turned out the light and they both walked toward the door that lead to the stairs.  Just as they reached it, it opened and Lily was standing there.  
  
     “I’m glad you came.”  She quickly hugged him and guided him the rest of the way upstairs to his waiting bed.

 

 

* * *

     Noah was actually sitting up today and the nurses were giving him breakfast.  Well they called it breakfast, he called it baby food and bad baby food at that.  With all the pain medication his internal clock was all messed up.  By the clock on the wall it was 7:30 a.m.  Usually, Luke would have to be pulling the blankets literally off the bed to get him up if he didn’t have to be.   He had told Luke that he better not see him back at the hospital before 10:00 a.m. so Noah guessed he was going to have to amuse himself for a while.  

  
     He was finding out it was really hard to feed yourself when both your arms were in soft casts.  He was about to ring for the nurses when a familiar face peeked through the door.  
  
     “Darling, you certainly look better than you did the other night.”  Lucinda said from behind her dark sunglasses.  “What, no Luke?”  
  
     Noah tried to return Lucinda’s smile.  He was only partly successful because of the swelling around his jaw area, but she didn’t seem to notice as she swept into the room.  “I sent him home with orders to get some rest.  He looked almost as bad as they tell me I look.”  
  
     “Oh, well yes.”  Lucinda stopped next to the bed looking down at the young man.  Noah saw that she wanted to say something but she seemed hesitant.  “You gave us a great scare dear.”  
  
     Noah was shocked as she leaned over and quickly kissed his forehead and gently patted his uninjured cheek.  She pulled the chair over to beside the bed and sat down.  He admired Lucinda.  Found her funny and tough as nails with foundation business.  He could even say that he was fond of her, but this Lucinda was a far cry from the one he had come to know.  
  
     “What?”  She laughed at the incredulous look on his battered face.  “Surprised that an old, b’itch like me would have a soft heart?”   
  
     “No, no.  I mean, I don’t know.”  Noah stammered.   
  
     “Darling, if you didn’t know before and it seems neither you nor Luke did, you’re loved my dear.”  She said with another big smile.  “Very much so.  I hope you understand that, we’re your family.”   
  
     “I’m beginning to understand that.”  Noah smiled back.  
  
     “Good, good.”  Lucinda said.  She suddenly seemed to notice the uneaten food in front of the young man.  “What, no appetite?”  
  
     “I was about to ring for the nurse.”  He said as he held up his arms showing her the casts.  “Kind of hard.”     
  
     “Well, my timing is perfect like usual.”  And Lucinda preceded to pick up the spoon in an attempt to feed him.  
  
     Noah was so shocked that he opened his mouth and had taken his first spoonful before he even realized it.  “I can’t, Ms. Walsh.  Stop.”  
  
     “Ms. Walsh, is it.”  She raised her eyebrow.   
  
     Noah considered her for a moment.  “Lucinda, I don’t feel comfortable with you doing this.”  
  
     “Oh, nonsense.  It’s not like I don’t have grandchildren that I haven’t done the same for.”  She chuckled at Noah’s obvious discomfort as she spooned another mouthful into his incredulous face.  “Now shut up and eat young man.”  
  
     The minutes passed slowly for Noah as he tried to eat as fast as he could to get this embarrassing situation over with but Lucinda was having none of it.  She was rather enjoying this particular moment after all of the stress of the last few days.   
  
     “There.”  She said finally.  “Done.  It didn’t kill you.”   
  
     “Thank you, I think.”  Noah said sheepishly.   
  
     “Well, I’m sure I’ll be the first of many visitors you’ll be getting soon.”  She leaned back in the chair.  “Many people have been just beside themselves with worry over you my boy.”   
  
     Noah was still unnerved by the fact that all of Luke’s family had been so devastated by what had happened to him.  He knew that they had cared about him because of his relationship with Luke but he hadn’t thought, even though he had wished, that they actually loved him that much.  If it didn’t bother him so that they were all so worried about him, he would have been utterly happy to realize that he had the kind of family he always wanted and dreamed of.  
  
     “I guess Margo or Jack want to talk to me, but I don’t think I’ll be very much help.”  Noah sighed.  “I only know what Luke’s told me about the attack.  I don’t remember anything about it.”  
  
     “Well, I guess that could be considered a blessing, dear.”  Lucinda looked into Noah’s eyes.  “Don’t you think?”  
  
     Noah thought about that for a moment before he answered.  “I want to help them catch whoever did this to me, but to be honest I’m glad I can’t remember anything.”   
  
     “What do the doctors say?”  She asked.  
  
     “They don’t know anything more.  They think once they start lowering the pain medication and the swelling continues to decrease in my brain the memories are likely to start returning.”  Noah said quietly.  “I’m not sure I’m looking forward to that.”  
  
     Noah was silent for a moment.  He had been thinking about something all morning and decided Lucinda would be as good as anyone to ask.  “Do you know anything more than what Luke’s told me about the attack?”  
  
     “Like what, dear?”  She sat forward.  “I know you were attacked at the lake and Casey and Allison found you and thank god they did.  If they hadn’t been walking around there at that time who knows if anyone would have found you in time.”   
  
     Noah was surprised again when Lucinda looked up and he saw tears threatening in her eyes.   
  
     Lucinda saw the concern on Noah’s face and waved her hand at him.  “Oh, don’t you mind this old bird.  I guess I’m just getting a little soft hearted in my old age.”  She wiped her eyes with a tissue and looked back up more composed at Noah.  “Why do you ask such a question?”  
  
     “I just . . .”  Noah stopped.  He didn’t know how exactly to answer Luke’s grandmother.  “Last night when Luke was describing everything that’s happened since Saturday night, it just seemed . . . it just seemed that he was holding back.  Not telling me something.”  
  
     Lucinda considered what Noah had asked.  “If he is dear, I’m certain I don’t know what it is.  Are you sure?”  
  
     “I don’t know.”  Noah sighed as he laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.  The head ache was still there.  The neurologist, Dr. Borda, had said they would be around for a while until the brain had a chance to heal completely.  “Maybe I’m just seeing things that aren’t there.”  But he wasn’t.  He hadn’t been so out of it last night that he hadn’t caught the looks exchanged between Luke and his fathers.  What was Luke not telling him?  
  
     “Well one thing that you don’t know, I’m sure, is that your lamentable father knows about your situation.”  Lucinda said quietly.  Looking at Noah for his response to that information to determine if she should tell him the rest.   
  
     Noah continued laying there. “I guess I should be glad that I don’t have to tell him what happened.”  He resisted the urge to laugh.  “I’m sure he blames the entire thing on Luke.”  
  
     “Well Conrad did say, in fact, that Luke’s name did come up quite a few times.”  Lucinda smiled at the scene Conrad had described to her.  The Colonel did more than just say Luke’s name several times.  He had said that the perversion that Luke and Noah shared was the reason that the beating had happened in the first place and if Luke hadn’t turned Noah none of this would have happened.  Lucinda just thanked God that they had been able to get the guardianship papers without having to fight it out with the lunatic that Noah was blessed with as a father.  
  
     “I’m sure it did come up.”  Noah smiled and raised his head.  “I’m sure it did.”

 

   
* * *

     Luke walked into Memorial at exactly 10:00 a.m. on the dot.  Noah couldn’t complain about Luke not listening to him.  He did feel much better after getting a full nights sleep and a decent breakfast, courtesy of his mom, in him.  He was headed for the ICU when he heard his name being called.  He turned around just as Jack walked up to him.

  
     “Luke, I called your parent’s home.  They said you were on your way here.”  Jack said as he fell in step beside Luke as he walked down the hallway.  “I know he just woke up but I need to talk to Noah today, Luke.”  
  
     Luke was silent as they continued down the hallway.  “I know, Jack.”  He began.  “Noah doesn’t remember anything yet.  I told him about the attack, most of it anyway.”   
     
     Jack looked at Luke out of the corner of his eye.  “You didn’t tell him about the rape yet, did you?”  
  
     Luke looked up.  “It was hard enough telling him about being beaten almost to death and left for dead.  I couldn’t tell him that on top of it.  Not yet.”  Luke stopped and faced Jack.  “I’m going to have to tell him today though.  He knows I’m not telling him everything.”  
  
     “I’m sure he doesn’t realize anything, what with all the meds and everything.”  Jack said.  “How would he know that?”   
  
     Luke looked Jack straight in the eyes for a few seconds.  “How do you know when Janet isn’t being completely honest with you, Jack?  You just know.  You’ve been with her for so long, you share a life, a bed with her.  You know her hopes, her dreams, her fears.  It’s not any different for me and Noah.”   
  
     Jack tried to stammer out an apology but Luke stopped him.  “I know I’ve got to tell him.  I’ve just been trying to figure out the words to use to tell someone that they’ve been violated in the most violent and personal way and oh, yeah, it wasn’t just one person but at least two or more.”  
  
     Jack saw the anguish in this cousin’s eyes.  He wished he knew what he could say to ease the difficulty of what he had to do.  But unfortunately, there was no easy way to deal with what he and Noah would have to go through.  “Do you want me to help you?  If not me, maybe Margo?  I’m sure she would.”  
  
     Luke thought about the offer for a moment but dismissed it almost immediately.  Sure it would help Luke deal with the pain of telling Noah, but Noah wouldn’t appreciate someone else being there to hear this.  Noah was a private person by nature.  Introverted, quiet.  This kind of personal violation would be horrific at best for him to deal with.  
  
     “No, I’ve got to do this.  Noah’s always been there for me.  Been a rock for me when I needed it.  Now it’s my turn, that’s what it means to be in love and sharing a life with someone.  Right? You’re there for the good and the bad.  I just didn’t ever think it would be this bad, Jack.”   


 

* * *

     Noah looked at the clock again.  10:05 a.m.  He looked up at the sound of footsteps and was disappointed as the sound came and went down the hallway and no Luke.  Lucinda had left about 8:45 and since then the only people that Noah had seen were Dr. Hughes and his nurses.  Dr. Hughes had said that they were backing down his pain medication today and that they wanted him to try and get up and at least walk to the door and back.  Noah needed Luke to be here with him.

  
     He suddenly realized that he heard Luke’s voice out in the hallway.  He could see Luke approach the nurses station and he waved at Noah through the glass walls of the ICU room.  Dr. Hughes and Dr. Borda had stopped Luke and they were talking quite urgently with him about something.  He could see that Luke kept shooting looks his way while the doctors were talking to him.  Maybe it was about what Luke was trying to keep from him.   
  
     Luke nodded his head at the doctors and headed into Noah’s room.  He smiled and dropped his jacket on the foot of Noah’s bed but before Noah could say anything Luke turned and closed the door.  
  
     “Oh, alone at last.”  Luke smiled as he quickly walked over to Noah and leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips.  “Good morning, bubby.”  
  
     “Good morning.  You look a lot better this morning.”  Noah said as he shifted over to make room for Luke as he sat down on the bed facing him.   
  
     Luke reached out and touched Noah’s battered face, just looking into the blue eyes he had wished to look into a hundred times over the last five agonizing days.  Now he could look into them and see the love that they shared reflected back at him.  He loved this man so much and he knew that Noah completely loved him.  He hoped that tbeir love for one another would be enough to help him do what he needed to do for Noah.  
  
     “So are you ready to tell me what you didn’t last night.”  Noah asked quietly.  
  
     Luke’s hand stilled on Noah’s cheek.  “Just no getting anything over on you, Mayer.”   
  
     “No, not really.”  He smiled back at the blonde sitting on his bed.  “So don’t even try again.”  
  
     “No, I have to tell you.”  Luke whispered as he looked down at his hands now laying in his lap.  “But I just don’t know how to start.”  
  
     Noah awkwardly shifted his arm to Luke’s lap and squeezed his hand.  “Just tell me.”  
  
     Luke took a deep breath and looked back up into the blue eyes staring at him.  He could see the question hanging there in his eyes along with the utter trust.  Trust in Luke to tell him what he needed to know.  
  
     “I told you last night about what we knew about the beating and everything that went on since then, but I didn’t tell you the full extent of the attack on you.”  He watched to see if any realization showed in the eyes he was gazing into, but nothing seemed to change.  “I didn’t tell you that the persons who did this to you didn’t stop at just trying to beat you to death they . . .”   
  
     Luke faltered.  How did you tell someone you loved that they’d been raped.  He looked down at the fingers interlaced with his own, just like the way that his and Noah’s lives and hearts were now intertwined.   
  
     “I love you so much, Noah.”  Luke said as he looked back up.  
  
     “I love you too, Luke.”  Noah answered.  
  
     “Noah . . . you were raped.”  He said quietly.  He watched the eyes.  Noah seemed to be frozen in place looking at Luke for so long.  He finally looked away from Luke for a moment and then looked back.  He seemed to be searching Luke’s eyes for something but he didn’t seem to find it there.  
  
     “That’s not all, is it?”  Noah asked in a barely audible whisper.  “You still haven’t told me everything.”   
  
     “No.”  Luke whispered just as quietly as he saw the tears suddenly appear for the first time in his lover’s eyes.  Blue swimming in a sea of tears.   
  
     “Tell me.”  Noah whispered again as he saw tears appearing in Luke’s eyes.   
  
     “I can’t.” The tears spilled down Luke’s face as he saw the realization dawning in Noah’s eyes.   
  
     “Say it.”  Noah pleaded.   
  
     “You were raped by . . .”  Luke inched closer to Noah and gently placed his forehead against Noah’s and whispered what neither wanted to hear.  “. . .more than one man.”  
  
     Luke felt Noah node his head and saw the tears finally overflow his bright blue eyes.  Being careful of all of Noah’s hurts, he gently drew Noah into his protective embrace and just held him as the love of his life for the first time he had known him completely collapsed and clung to him as if his very life depended on Luke’s loving presence.   


 

* * *

  
  
     Margo had just walked up to the ICU room that belonged to Noah. 

 

She had been brought up short by the fact that the door was closed, but as she looked through the glass wall into his room and saw Noah’s collapse she was all too aware of what Luke had finally told the young man.

  
     It was a second before she felt her own tears fall from her face landing on her folded arms.  It was just starting for Noah, she knew only too well.  The memories tried to push their way to the fore but as always she fought them and put them back in the compartment in the back of her mind that she kept them.   
  
     She turned and went in search of a coffee vendor.  Right now she was in desperate need of caffeine, maybe that would easy the headache that was now a constant companion.  


 

 

* * *

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

     It had been a long day so far for Noah.  After Luke had finally told him about the rape and the horrifying knowledge that more than one person had raped him, Noah had cried for a long time.  He clung to Luke for at least an hour and sobbed.  The entire time Luke whispering softly to him how much he loved him and how he’d always be there for him and how they’d both work through this and be stronger for it. 

  
     Noah had always felt the need to be the strong one in their relationship, but he was amazed and so very glad that he found that his boyfriend was just as strong for him when he needed it.  The tears had finally stopped and Noah was leaning his head on Luke’s shoulder after  Luke had gotten into the hospital bed next to him and they were both just laying there quietly.   
  
     “Who knows, Luke?” Noah asked in a small voice.  
  
     Luke did a quick count in his head and hoped that Noah wouldn’t be too unnerved by the figure.  His boyfriend had always been a private person.  “Well, of course the doctors and the nurses and the cops.”  He said quickly.  
  
     Noah was silent.  “Mom and dad know.”  He felt Noah stiffen slightly next to him.  “Damian and Meg.”  Still silence.  “And I’m not sure about Casey and Allison.”  Luke waited to gauge Noah’s reaction.  
  
     He sat silent for a few moments.  “But Lucinda, Emma and the girls don’t know, right?”  
  
     “No one else knows, Noah.”  Luke assured him.  “The only reason Margo told mom and dad is because she felt I needed their support when she told me.  Then Meg heard it and she told Damian for the same reason, so he could be there for me and eventually you when you woke up.”  Luke realized he was talking really fast trying to justify the reason for everyone knowing.  
  
     Noah still didn’t look at him.  He continued to stare at the end of the bed.  “I’m just embarrassed, I guess.”   
  
     “About what, baby?”  Luke said quickly.  
  
     “About everything.”  Noah was starting to get upset again, so Luke quickly placed his arm around him again.   
  
     “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.  You were the victim.”  Luke whispered urgently to him.  “I’m just so happy I didn’t lose you because I honestly don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t . . .”  Luke couldn’t continue because the lump was there again in his throat.  
  
     Noah looked up into the soft hazel eyes once again swimming in tears.  He gently touched Luke’s forehead with his own and whispered softly, “you’re never gonna lose me.”  
  
     They were interrupted by a soft tap on the door.  Luke called, “Come in.”  
  
     Lily quickly poked her head through the crack of the door.  She could see by the tear streaked faces and their eyes that they were in the middle of something and she was pretty sure what that something was.     
  
     Noah saw Lily’s smile slide and the knowing look appear on her face at the sight of them sitting, crying in his hospital bed.  The embarrassment that Luke had said he shouldn’t feel suddenly surged full-force back into his head.  She knew.  They all knew.  How could she even look at him knowing what had been done to him.  What he had let happen to himself.  
  
     “Mom” Luke said as he got up from the hospital bed to greet her.   
  
     Lily walked in and hugged her son and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then brushed pass him and bent and gave Noah a gentle kiss on his forehead.  “How are you today, dear?”  She asked when she drew back and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked into his sad eyes.  
  
     “I’ve been better, Mrs. Snyder.”  Noah barely chocked out.   
  
     “Sweety” Lily smiled sadly down at him “I think we can get rid of this Mrs. Snyder nonsense.”  
  
     “Well, I . . . “ Noah began as he looked at Luke and saw that he was grinning broadly over his mom’s shoulder.  
  
     “I’d prefer that you call me mom, but since I don’t think I’ll get that out of you how about Lily for right now?  Okay?”  She looked expectantly at the young man in the bed.  
  
     “Okay, Lily.”  He smiled slowly up at her.  
  
     “Good.”  
  
     “Mom, could you sit with Noah for a minute” Luke asked as he took his cell phone out.  “I’ve got to make a quick call to the Foundation.”  
  
     “Sure.”  Lily smiled as she sat in the chair next to the bed.  
  
     “I’ll be right back.”  Luke smiled at Noah before walking out of the room.  
  
     Lily turned her smiling face back to Noah and noticed that he wasn’t looking at her.  He was gazing off into space.  It nearly broke her heart again to see such sadness in his eyes.  Lily was positive that Luke must have finally told Noah about the extent of his attack and the rape. She wish she knew what to do to help the young man she considered almost like a son.  “Are you okay, Noah?”  She reached out and gently took his hand in her own.  
  
     Noah barely looked at her, only meeting her gaze out of the corner of his eye.  “I’m okay.”  He whispered as it looked like he had decided something.  “Luke told me about . . . the rape.”  The last said in a rush.    
  
     “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.”  She moved slightly forward and gently placed her hands on both sides of Noah’s face.  “This is something that never should have happened to you.  If you need anything, you just let me know.”   
  
     As Noah gazed into Lily Snyder’s eyes he realized that he was looking at Luke’s eyes.  He could see the same love and compassion pouring out of his mother’s eyes that he had seen in Luke’s eyes just this morning.  It really wouldn’t be all that hard to call this woman Mom, would it?   
  
     Noah could feel the tears starting again and quickly shook his head between Lily’s hands.  “No, I’m alright.  At least I can’t remember anything.  I guess that’s a blessing?”  
  
     “We’re all here for you, you know that, right?”  Lily whispered as she slowly let go of Noah’s face and gently whipped away a tear that had rolled down his face.  “We all love you very much.”   
  
     “I know.”  Noah whispered as he looked down at his hands.  Although, he was finding it hard to believe at the moment.  He’d been raped.  He’d let this happen and didn’t even remember it.  Weren’t they disgusted by what had been done to him?  He was.   
  
     Luke came through the door then but he wasn’t alone, Margo followed him into the room.  “Look who I found lurking in the hallways.”  Luke tried to smile but failed.  “Margo needs to talk to you, Noah.”  
  
     Noah looked at the police detective and nodded.  “I figured you’d be here sometime today, Mrs. Hughes.”   
  
     “I’m sorry, Noah” Margo began as she stood at the end of his bed.  “But I really need to get a statement and any information you can remember.”  
  
     “He doesn’t remember anything, Margo.”  Luke began.  
  
     “Luke.”  Noah interrupted his boyfriend before he could get totally worked up.  “I’m fine.  I want to talk to Margo.”  
  
     Luke had a slightly stunned look on his face as he turned to Noah and his mom.  “Oh, okay.  Well, I’ll just sit over here and . . .”  
  
     “I’m sorry, Luke” Margo said quietly.  “I really need to talk to Noah in private.”  
  
     “Oh, okay.”  Luke looked slightly confused.  “Well, I guess we’ll be out in the waiting room until you’re done.  Mom?”  
  
     Lily quickly got up and gently squeezed Noah’s shoulder before walking to the door.  Luke walked over and bent and gently kissed Noah and whispered “If you need me, I’m just outside.”   
  
     Noah could see the concern and love in Luke’s eyes and he squeezed Luke’s hand before he left. “I’ll be fine.”  
  
     Margo waited until the door had closed and then took the seat next to Noah’s bed.  “How are you Noah?”  
  
     “Well, I guess the doctor’s have told you all about my injuries.  The skull fractures, the broken ribs, the collapsed lung, the blood clot, almost dying.  The arms.”  He said as he held up his cast encased arms.  “Physically, I guess I’ll be okay.”  
  
     Margo quietly gazed at the young man.  “Luke said that he told you about . . . everything.”   
  
     “If you mean the rape, yeah.”  Noah mumbled as he dropped his gaze to his lap.  He started fingering a small tear in the bed sheet.  “He said that your lab said it was . . . it was more than one person.”   
  
     Margo’s heart was breaking at the sight of the man in the bed.  She knew the feelings that must be running through his mind at this moment.  Shame, hurt, powerlessness, and the worst of all guilt.  Guilt about how you could have let this happen to yourself.  She’d felt that way.  She understood it.  Should she say something?  Try to help him, like others had helped her?  
  
     “The DNA test did show two DNA strings present.”  Margo answered.   
  
     “But it could have been more, right?”  Noah continued.  “The other’s could have been wearing condoms, right?”  
  
     Margo and Jack had privately come to that conclusion that two rapist at least were wanted but that they couldn’t be sure how many had actually raped Noah.  She was slightly surprised that in Noah’s present state he had thought about that so quickly.   
  
     “It’s possible, Noah.”   
  
     “But the two that you know of, you don’t know who they are yet?”  Noah whispered.   
  
     “No, their DNA isn’t in our database.”  She said watching the young man.  She could see him struggling.  
  
     “I don’t remember anything, Margo.  Shouldn’t I remember something?  Shouldn’t I be able to remember something like this?”  Noah said in frustration.  “Shouldn’t I remember letting this happen.”  
  
     There it was, Margo thought.  The guilt and self-blame.  Margo sat for a moment looking at Noah as he continued to pick at the hole in the bed sheet.  “Noah, I do know how you feel.”  
  
     “I don’t think you do, Margo.”  Noah shook his head while continuing to look down at his hands.  
  
     “Yes, I do, Noah.”  Margo said firmly emphasizing the “do.”  
  
     Noah slowly raised his eyes to meet her’s.  As they sat looking at each other, the meaning of what she was saying finally hit home with Noah.  
  
     “I know you’re trying to help by telling me this, Margo” he began.  “But, it’s not . . . “ he hesitated.  
  
     “Not the same.”  Margo finished for him.  
  
     Noah nodded his head.  
  
     “I think it’s more similar than you know, Noah.”  
  
     “No, it’s different.”  Noah persisted.  
  
     “Why because you’re a man?”  She challenged.  
  
     “I should have been able to stop them!”  He nearly yelled.  Pent up frustrations coming out with each word.   
  
     Margo sat looking at him for a second.  “Ten years ago I was at a convenience store when two masked gunmen walked in and robbed the place.”  She started quietly.  “They didn’t know who I was.  To them I was just another customer to rob.”  
  
     She shifted in her seat.  Even ten years later and after much therapy it was still difficult to talk about that night.  “When they got all the cash from the register they left and I told the owner of the store to call the police while I ran outside to try and get their license plate.”  
  
     Despite himself, Noah sat riveted while Margo told her story.  He could see that she didn’t even realize that he was there any longer.  The scariest thing was the haunted look in her eyes.  Was that how he would look if his memories of that night returned?  
  
     “I was writing down the license plate number when they came out of the van and grabbed me.”  She swallowed nervously.  “They opened the back door to the van and throw me in and followed right behind.  There were two of them and they were so big.  I fought at first, but I just couldn’t get away.  They raped me right there in the van behind the convenience store.  They didn’t even care that they could have been caught.  When they were done they even talked about killing me, but they decided not to.  I wished for weeks after that they had.”  
  
     Margo turned her gaze on Noah.  “I shouldn’t have been raped, I’m a cop.  I should have known better and been able to stop them.”  
  
     “You know that’s not true, Ms. Hughes.”  Noah said urgently to her.  The haunted look still visible in the eyes now looking at him.  “You survived, that’s all that mattered.”   
  
     “So, it wasn’t my fault I got raped even though I’m a cop and should have known better?”  She asked in a hopeful voice.     
  
     “No, it wasn’t your fault.”  Noah stated firmly.  
  
     “Just like it wasn’t your fault that you got raped even though you’re a man, Noah.”  She said quietly.   
  
     Noah snapped his mouth shut with an audible snap.  It wasn’t the same, she just didn’t understand.  She was a woman against two men while he was a man up against . . . what?  He couldn’t even remember what or who he’d been up against.  
  
     “It wasn’t your fault, Noah.”  She said again.  “It’s never the victims fault because they are just that, the victims.”   
  
     Doubt still lingered in Noah’s eyes.  “I feel like I just let it happen.”  
  
     “We may not know everything that went on that night, Noah, but I’m a cop and I can read a crime scene.”  She said insistently “You didn’t just let this happen.  You were attacked by at least two men, possibly more swinging heavy branches at you.”   
  
     Noah was looking down at the hole in the sheet again, but he was listening to what Margo was saying.  
  
     “The crime scene tells me that you fought them with everything you had, there was no letting them do anything, Noah.  I know that because we have the branches with your blood and tissue on it from where they tried to beat you to death.  They cracked your skull several times before they raped you, Noah.  You didn’t just let anything happen.”  
  
     Noah realized he was crying again when the tears started to drop onto the sheet that he was playing with.  “How long . . .” he began.  “How long did it take you before you stopped feeling like it was your fault?”  
  
     Margo knew the question would come but she really didn’t know the right way to answer it.  “I still blame myself at times but I also know that’s not true.  It’s just my insecurities and doubts playing with me.  We’re called victims for a reason.  We had a crime committed against us.  Something we didn’t ask for and couldn’t prevent unfortunately.  We’re both victims we just have to get through it so the bas*tards don’t win by destroying us.”  
     


* * *

  


     “You got to cool it man.”  Jackson said to Kevin as he and Allen pulled him by each arm through Old Town.  “You’re going to get yourself kicked off the team for sure.”

  
     Kevin was still angry from the fight that Allen and Jackson had broken up.  It was Jeff again, making a stupid rape comment about Noah that had set him off.  This had been their second confrontation since the day in the locker room.  He’d already been warned by Coach Littman about the fighting, that if he caught him fighting again he was off the soccer team.  The thing is, Kevin didn’t care anymore.   
  
     Allen stopped them and turned to his quiet friend.  “Do you even care if you get thrown off, Kevin?”   
  
     Kevin looked at his two team mates and shook his head.  “I don’t know what I want anymore, guys.  I just know that I need to do something more . . . I don’t know, I can’t even explain it to myself let alone you.”  
  
     “Jackson, I’ll see you in History class later, okay?”  Allen said over his shoulder to the other man.  
  
     “Sure.  Whatever you say, Allen.”  Jackson said as he swung his gym bag over his shoulder.  “Kevin, you need to chill, man.”  
  
     Kevin and Allen were silent as they watched their team mate walk off.  
  
     “This isn’t Sophia, you know.”  Allen said as he looked down at the paved walkway of Old Town.   
  
     Kevin’s head snapped around at the comment from his friend.  “Sophia’s got nothing to do with this!”  
  
     Kevin started walking through the Old Town square and Allen speed up to catch up with him.  “Yes, it does, Kevin.  Ever since Jeff made that comment about Noah “wanting it” you’re comparing what Sophia went through with what happened to Noah.”  
  
     Kevin stopped and turned on Allen.  “Well, isn’t it?”  He snapped.  “You’ve heard everything I’ve been hearing.  Noah was raped just like Sophia and I’m sure Jeff isn’t the only idiot on campus making snide remarks about Noah “wanting it”.  Christ Allen, he was raped, nobody wants that.  It just pisses me off.”  
  
     “I know it does.  What happened to Sophia and to Noah for that matter, shouldn’t happen to anybody, but are you going to throw away your scholarship because of it?”  
  
     “If I do, I do.  Right now I just feel that soccer isn’t as important as it was last week.”  Kevin was looking up at the sky watching the one lone white cloud float by.  “Nothing seems the same for me since last week.  What have I been doing these past two years in college, Allen?”  
  
     Allen was at a lose to what to say to his friend.  Kevin could see the bewildered expression on his friends face and knew that his face probably held the same look of confusion.   
  
     “I’ve been partying and playing at being someone that was actually doing something with their life.”  He felt the confusion turning to something more but he couldn’t identify it.  “I’ve gone to class, sure.  But to what end?  I don’t even know what I want to do with my life.  Now, I know why my father’s been so ticked at me the last year.  I’ve done nothing but screw around.”  
  
     “Well, getting into a fight with Jeff isn’t going to change that, man.”  Allen said as he picked up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.  “I’ve got to get to History but you need to figure out what’s going on in your head.  I’ll see you later, Kevin.”  
  
     Kevin watched as Allen turned and walked passed Java on his way to the OU campus.  He hadn’t noticed the person sitting on the nearby bench until he spoke.  
  
     “So who’s this Jeff guy and why does it seem like you want to punch his lights out?”  Casey asked as he sipped his coffee.   
  
     Kevin stood for a moment looking at Casey before he came over and sat down on the bench along side of him.  “He’s just some guy on the soccer team that’s been talking sh*it about Noah’s attack and I don’t like it too much, that’s all.”   
  
     “There’s a lot of that going around campus.”  Casey sighed as he took another sip of coffee.  “I’ve felt like punching a couple of lights out myself.”  He chuckled.   
  
     Kevin barked a laugh at Casey’s remark.  “Yeah, but you’re not a student anymore all you have to worry about is being charged with assault, while I have to worry about losing my scholarship and getting kicked out of school.”  
  
     “Hey, assault’s a tough charge.”  Casey smiled.  
  
     “Yeah, but it helps that your mother’s the Police Captain.”  Kevin pointed out.  
  
     “True.”  Casey held his coffee up in a mock salute.   
  
     “Have you been to see Noah?”  Kevin asked as he glanced at Casey.  “My dad said the DA’s heard that he’s finally awake.”  
  
     “No, I haven’t yet.”  Casey said in a slightly guilty tone.  “I’m letting Luke and Luke’s family and the cops get to him first.”   
  
     “You found him?  You and Allison?”  Kevin looked down at his own hands playing with the straps to his backpack.   
  
     Casey nodded his head.  “Yup.”  
  
     Kevin was silent for a moment before he continued.  “Casey, you need to go see him.”  
  
     Casey sat quietly continuing to sip at his coffee.  “Allison says the same thing, I just . . .”  
  
     “Take it from someone who knows, Case, he needs to know his friends are there for him and support him no matter what.”  Kevin said as he got up from the bench and picked up his backpack.  “Tell Noah I’m thinking about him and Luke when you see him, okay?  I’ve got to get to class.”  
  
     “Sure, Kevin.”  Casey said thoughtfully.  “See you around.”  


* * *

  


     Luke was glad that when Margo left Noah didn’t seem any worse for the interview.  Dr. Hughes had stopped by and checked on Noah’s injuries and reiterated that they wanted Noah to try and walk a little today. 

  
     Luke had been the concerned boyfriend and would have argued with Dr. Hughes about it being too soon until Noah had quietly placed a hand on Luke’s arm and said it was okay.  Then had come the conversation that neither Luke or Noah had anticipated was coming.   
  
     “Noah, I need to tell you that because you were raped and especially since we don’t know the identity of your attackers yet, you’re going to unfortunately go through AIDS testing for the next few months..” He said the last in a hesitant manner.  He new it was a lot for both Noah and Luke to take in but he as a doctor had to be completely honest with his patients.  
  
     Noah and Luke sat stunned for a minute.  Luke had been so consumed with getting himself and Noah through the first stages of this whole terrible situation that he hadn’t even thought any further than that.   
  
     Noah, if he were truly honest would admit that the AID’s question had popped into his head when he had asked Margo about the condom issue.   
  
     “How often do I need to get tested and when will I know for sure whether I do or don’t . . .”  Noah leaned his head back and closed his eyes.  His headache was still there.  
  
     Dr. Hughes looked at his patient and felt the familiar paternal pull that he had since he starting practicing medicine all those years ago.  “Every month for the next four months after that if they are negeative we feel you’re safe.”  
  
     “Safe is such a relative term these days.”  Noah sighed.  
  
     Luke instinctively reached out his hand and rested it on Noah’s forehead.  Slowly stroking his brown locks back from his face.  Noah opened his eyes and gazed at the love of his life, his lover.  Lover?  How true was that going to be in the next few months?  He didn’t even want to think about that yet.  
     


* * *

     Noah was sitting with his legs hanging over the side of his bed as he and Luke were trying to figure out how to get him up and try and walk to the door and back like the doctors had ordered for the day. 

  
     “Why don’t you just put your arms on top of my shoulder and I’ll just help you stand first off.”  Luke suggested.  
  
     Noah placed his ungainly cast encased arms on top of Luke’s shoulder’s and Luke crouched down.  Luke was about to reach out and place his hands on Noah’s waist to give him support as he stood, but his hands froze just short of touching his waist.  Thoughts suddenly started racing through Luke’s mind.  Would Noah want someone to touch him in such a personal manner after everything?  Would he pull away?  Be upset?  Luke stood frozen in that position as his eyes meet Noah’s.  
  
     Noah could see all of these thoughts play across Luke’s face and he felt a soft pull at his heart.  Luke, who he loved more than his own life.  Always so sweet and loving, was scared for him.  Noah quickly leaned forward closing the distance between them and kissed Luke’s mouth.  As the kiss lasted Luke’s hands finally came to rest on Noah’s waist.   
  
     “See that wasn’t so hard, was it?”  Noah smiled after their lips parted.  
  
     “No.”  Luke smiled back at him.  “Let’s get you on your feet, Mayer.”   
  
     As Noah stood leaning heavily on Luke’s shoulders for assistance he, for the first time, realized just what the pain killers had been hiding.  His body hurt everywhere.  Just standing there with his arms on Luke’s shoulders he could feel every cut, bruise and break that his body had endured.  He had a slight pounding in his temples.  
  
     Dr. Borda had said that the exertion would make it seem that his head was going to blow off his head because of the increased blood flow to that area, but that it needed to be done.  He had already prescribed something for his discomfort that the nurses would give him after his first athletic accomplishment of the day.  
  
     Noah took a tentative few steps and then had to stop because he felt so exhausted.  He was standing there with his useless arms laying on Luke’s shoulders feeling like a newborn that wasn’t quite ready for their first steps when he felt Luke shake.  Noah looked up and realized that his boyfriend was smiling and was quietly laughing.   
  
     “I really don’t see the humor in this situation, Snyder.”  Noah said irritably.  
  
     Luke smiled even wider and his hazel eyes seemed to dance.  “You do realize that almost two years ago we were in almost the same position.”  He quickly squeezed Noah’s waist.  “You were telling me, ‘I don’t want a boyfriend who’s terminally depressed’.  I just find it a little funny how the situation has reversed, that’s all.”   
  
     Noah actually found himself smiling at his boyfriend’s memory.  “At this particular moment you have to remember something like that!”  
  
     “What’s wrong with it?”  Luke asked.  
  
     “Because if I start laughing I might just topple over and then I’d take you down with me.”  Noah laughed softly.   
  
     Luke slowly stepped closer to Noah and looked up into his crystal blue eyes.  “You wouldn’t let me give up then, I’m not going to let you give up until you’re out of here and back home with me where you belong.”  Luke slowly kissed his boyfriend.  Noah suddenly felt much more secure on his feet as he leaned into the kiss that seemed to do more for killing the pain than any of the drugs they had been giving him for the last several days.   
  


* * *

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

     Allison was sitting at the nurses station of the ICU of Memorial writing the latest medication dosage for the patient in ICU room number three.  She always found it depressing dealing with the end-of-life patients on any floor.  She was in her next teaching rotation and she had asked to be assigned to the ICU so she could actually be one of Noah’s nurses. 

  
     She had walked into Noah’s room yesterday to find Luke guiding a slow moving Noah around his room.  After helping get Noah back into his bed and settled she had sat with them both for a while and told Luke that he’d be able to rest easy at night away from Noah because she was on night shift at the ICU.   
  
     Even though they both tried to hid it she could tell that they both seemed relieved that she would be there and that made her feel that she had made the right choice in requesting this rotation and shift.  She had been so happy to see a smiling Noah compared to the last time she had seen him by the lake.   
  
     She was just replacing the chart for the patient in room three and trying to decide if she wanted to eat her dinner even though it was almost 12:30 at night when a scream erupted from room four.  Noah!  She was around the desk and racing down the hallway before she even realized she had gotten up from the chair.   
  
     As she reached the doorway another nurse, Tracy, was ahead of her and they both ran in to find Noah sitting up in his bed, screaming.  
  
      **“No.  NO.  NO!”**  He yelled.  His arms were held up in front of his face as if he was trying to ward off something or someone.  
  
     “Mr. Mayer, Mr. Mayer” Tracy yelled as she tried to restrain his arms.   
  
     Allison watched as Noah didn’t seem to sense the other nurse’s presence and pushed her aside, knocking her into the chair in the corner of the room.  Tracy quickly got up and looked at Allison.  
  
     “You know him, Allie, you try to call him.”  She said.  “I think it’s a night terror.  I don’t think he’s even awake.”  
  
     “Noah?”  Allison called as she came quickly up to his bed.  He was still thrashing around wildly trying to keep some unknown person away.   
  
    **“No, please stop.”** Noah almost whined.  
  
     Allison’s heart broke at the pleading in his voice.  “Noah, it’s okay.”  She reached out and took his one arm that he held in front of his head.  “Noah?”  
  
     Suddenly Noah seemed to realize who and where he was.  His wild eyes calmed and he slummed back against his pillows.  Allie was frightened by the way Noah was shaking all over. His face was drenched in sweat as she helped Tracy readjust his bedding.  She nodded to Tracy as she quickly left the room, closing the door behind her.   
  
     Noah hadn’t looked at her since he had come out of the terror.  She quietly drew up a chair to his bed and just stroked his hand for a few minutes.  After a few moments he finally looked at her and she could see terror trying to hid behind the blue eyes looking back at her.   
  
     “Do you want to talk about it?”   She asked.  
  
     “I can’t remember that much.”  Noah swallowed.  “It was so real.  I think I was laying on the ground and I could just feel this sharp pain in my head and I think I sensed someone over me and they were getting ready to hit me again.”  Noah’s eyes held an almost wild look in them.   
  
     “Dr. Borda and Dr. Hughes said that your memories might start returning now that the pain medication has been reduced.”  Allison said as she leaned closer.  “You’re okay, Noah.  No one’s going to hurt you here.  Do you want me to call Luke?”  
  
     “No.”  Noah said immediately.  “Don’t tell him anything, Allie.”  
  
     “Noah, I don’t know.”  Allison said in a confused voice.   “Luke needs to know what’s going on with you.  Margo needs to know you’re starting to remember things.”  
  
     “I don’t remember anything useful.  I didn’t see any faces and frankly I don’t want to see anything else.”  Noah nearly whimpered.   
  
     Allison watched her friend not knowing what the right course of action was.  “Do you want me to see if the doctor will prescribe you something to sleep?”  
  
     “No.  Would you just sit with me a while?”  Noah said as he laid his head back on the pillows.  “I know I’m not your only patient but just for a little while.”  
  
     “Of course.”  Allie smiled and reached out and took his hand with her own.  
  
     Noah gripped her hand and looked up at the ring that he felt there.  Noah’s eyes widened as he saw what type and what finger the ring rested on.  “So, Casey finally wised up and asked you to marry him?”  
  
     Allie’s only answer was an immediate blush.   
  
     “Good man.”  Noah smiled.  “About time.  At least we all have a wedding to look forward to.  I bet Margo was excited.”  
  
     “Yes.  Although, I think she actually thought I proposed to him.”  Allie said with a slightly quizzical expression.   
  
     “I guess I’m not the only one that thought Casey didn’t have the sense God gave him.”  Noah chuckled.  “I’ll have to get on his case when he stops by.”  
  
     Allie was silent for a moment wondering if she should try and explain why Casey hadn’t been to see Noah yet, but how could she when she didn’t quite understand it herself.  “Casey said he’d stop by soon.”  
  
     “Uh-huh.”  Noah sighed as he laid there with his eyes closed.  “Does he know, Allison?”  
  
     Allie knew exactly what Noah was asking.  She and Casey had talked about it and Casey had told her how the rumors were already spreading through the campus about Noah’s rape.  “Yes.”  She said simply.  
  
     Noah laid there quietly for a time.  Allison wished that she understood why Casey was having such a hard time with coming to see Noah.  They had practically argued about it the other day but she had finally decided that it was up to Casey to come when he wanted to.   
  
     “You know, Noah.” she began quietly.  “I haven’t told you how worried I was that night we found you.”   
  
     Noah slowly opened his eyes to look at Allison.  “It must have been terrifying for both of you to find me that way.”  
  
     “The worst part was . . . “ Allison faltered.  
  
     “What Allie?”  
  
     “The worst part was that I, we, didn’t even recognize you at first, Noah.”  Allie tried to hid the tears that suddenly sprang into her eyes.  “I kind of felt like I let you down as a friend.”  
  
     Noah smiled sadly.  “From what I hear, you’re not the only one that didn’t recognize me that night, so don’t worry about it.”   
  
     Allie shook her head.  “You know I don’t really have a lot of friends, especially girl friends, you know with my past and everything.”   
  
     Noah nodded his head and waited for his friend to continue.   
  
     “Besides Casey, you and Luke are really my best friends.  Although, Luke’s more Casey’s friends since they grow up together and all.”  
  
     Noah closed his eyes, “So you have what every woman needs.”  
  
     Allie looked quizzically at Noah, smiling.  “What?”  
  
     Noah opened his eyes and a huge grin broke out on his face.  “Yeah, you’re a woman with a gay male best friend.  Just don’t ask me for fashion advice because if it’s not a Java shirt I really can’t help you.”  
  
     Allie playfully slapped his hand.  “Silly.  But yes, you are one of my best friends, Noah.”  She quickly got up and leaned over and kissed his forehead.  “And don’t you ever forget it.”  
  
     “I won’t.”  Noah smiled up at her as she sat back down.  
  
     He was suddenly feeling very tired and was starting to drift off.  Allison sat silently still holding Noah’s hand until she was sure he was again asleep.  
   


* * *

  


     Kevin peeked through his father’s office door.  “Hey, dad.”

  
     Kenneth Davis glanced up at the sound of his son’s voice.  “Kevin, aren’t you supposed to be at practice or something?”  
  
     “I’m benched remember.”  Kevin said as he walked all the way into his father’s office.  He walked around looking at the memorabilia on the walls.  A quick history of his father’s life in black and white.  His law degree from Northwestern.  Pictures of his swearing in as an Assistant District Attorney two years ago.  News clippings framed about cases he had won along with pictures of Kevin and his mother, Dorothy.  
  
     For his part Mr. Davis watched curiously as his son wondered around his office, Kevin very rarely came to the office.  He knew that his son was uncomfortable here because it was a reminder that Kenneth wanted Kevin to start taking his life seriously and figure out his place in the world.  It had been an ongoing argument between the two, that is until last week and the incident with the Mayer boy.  
  
     Mr. Davis had noticed a drastic change in his son.  He knew that Kevin had known Noah Mayer.  He had explained during the election last year that his once friend Luke Snyder was running against him and that yes, he was gay and he and his boyfriend both went to OU.   
  
     He hadn’t told Kevin in so many words how disappointed he had been with his son’s behavior in the whole election fiasco but he knew that Kevin wasn’t stupid and could see the disapproval of his father.  Since the attack though, something had changed in Kevin and frankly Kenneth was starting to become concerned.  
  
     “Son.”  Mr. Davis said.  “What’s wrong?”  
  
     Kevin stopped and looked at his father sitting behind the cluttered desk.  He had decided earlier that it was time to have a serious talk with his father.  Now seemed as good a time as any he quickly decided and sat down in one of the chairs in front of his dad’s desk.  
  
     “Dad, can we talk?”  He asked nervously.  
  
     “Of course, Kevin.”  Mr. Davis felt maybe he should get a drink.   
  
     “Dad, if my scholarship got dropped would you be really, really mad?”  He asked quickly, looking to gauge his father’s reaction.  
  
     Mr. Davis leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms in front of him and looking his son squarely in the eyes.  He knew that this look was very imposing because he had been cultivating it since law school.  It was the look he used on the criminals he tried.  “Is this still about the vigil thing?”  
  
     Kevin fidgeted under his father’s intense scrutiny.  “No, not really.”  
  
     “Than what is it about, Kevin?”  
  
     Kevin couldn’t meet his father’s gaze any longer so he dropped his eyes to the paperwork on top of the desk.  “Would you pay for me to stay in college?”  
  
     Kenneth Davis let out a giant sigh.  “Well, to be honest Kevin, if you’re not playing soccer I’m rather reluctant to continue paying for your schooling.”  
  
     Kevin knew that that was probably going to be the answer before he even walked in here.  
  
     “Kevin, it’s not that I don’t think you can do well.  On the contrary, you’re extremely bright . . . just not very focused.”    Mr. Davis began but was cut off by his son.  
  
     “I know dad.”  Kevin said.  He looked back into his father’s eyes and decided it was either all or nothing in this conversation.  “Dad, I know you’ve been really disappointed with me about a lot of things.  Especially after the election last year.”  
  
     Mr. Davis just sat there silently waiting for his son to continue.  
  
     “I’m going to quit the soccer team.”  Kevin said in a rush.   
  
     Kenneth sat stunned by his son’s statement.  Soccer had been Kevin’s life for most of his life.  For him to just quit was out of character.  “Then what exactly are you going to be doing with your time?”  
  
     Kevin was really fidgeting now.  He hadn’t expected it to be so hard.  “I’m thinking about adding some classes to my schedule this year.”  
  
     “What type of classes?”  Kenneth’s interest was suddenly peaked.  Kevin had basically been coasting through his general credit courses for the two years he’d been at OU.  Getting good grades but just skating through and partying most of his semesters away.  
  
     Kevin swallowed nervously.  “Prelaw.”                  
  
     “Prelaw?”  Mr. Davis said in a shocked voice.  He sat contemplating the son that was sitting in front of him.  “Does this have anything to do with what happened to Noah Mayer?”  
  
     Kevin continued looking at his father.  He wasn’t sure how to answer his father because he didn’t really know how to explain to himself what had changed in him.  “Sort of.”  
  
     Kenneth got up from his chair and walked around his desk to sit in the chair next to his only son.  “Kevin . . . this is sudden.”  
  
     “I’ve been thinking about since last fall, after . . . “ he stopped.  
  
     “So this is about Sophia?”  Mr. Davis said quietly.  “I know that what happened to her and what has happened to Noah are similar, but they’re not really the same.”  
  
     “They might be.”  Kevin said defensively.  “You said that Mrs. Hughes told you that Noah couldn’t remember anything from the attack, right?”  
  
     Mr. Davis sat back, shaking his head.  “You’re not to repeat that.  That’s information to an ongoing investigation that I shouldn’t have let you hear.”  
  
     “I’m not going to turn you in, Dad.”  Kevin laughed.  “But if Noah can’t remember who attacked him, but you somehow get a DNA match and arrest the men who did it, is your boss really going to prosecute?”  
  
     “I can’t speak for the District Attorney.”  Mr. Davis said looking out his office window trying not to meet his son’s eyes.  
  
     “Dad, I’ve heard you call him an whimp a*ss bas*tard enough times.”  Kevin sat forward.  “If he doesn’t have the balls to prosecute Noah’s attackers then it’s exactly like Sophia, isn’t it?”  
  
     Mr. Davis sat thinking about the argument his son had just presented.  As he looked at his son he sat forward and reached out and grasp his son’s hands.  “It wasn’t your fault that Sophia killed herself.”  
  
     “No, it wasn’t.”  Kevin smiled sadly.  “It was the justice systems fault.  She was raped by those frat boys and then basically raped again when the District Attorney there failed to prosecute.  No matter how much I tried to comfort her, console her, help her, nobody would have been able to save her after having the District Attorney basically say you’re a whore.”  
  
     Kevin got up and walked around his father’s desk, looking at the piled up paperwork.  “You at least can have an effect, Dad.”  He stopped and looked up at his father.  “I want that.  I’ve felt totally useless since Sophia.  What happened to Noah, I just feel guilty.”  
  
     Mr. Davis started to object to that but Kevin held up his hand to silence his father’s protests.  “No Dad, I didn’t make this happen to Noah but during the election I didn’t do what I was supposed to.  I didn’t throw Mark off the campaign and totally denounce what he did.  So although I didn’t do this to Noah, I certainly didn’t do anything to prevent it, did I?”  
  
     His father sat looking at the son that stood on the other side of the desk.  “So you think you want to be a lawyer?  You think you’ll be able to change things?”  
  
     “You do.”  Kevin sat down in his father’s chair behind the desk.  “I want to try at least.  I don’t want to be some loser lawyer that defends the petty criminal or murderers.  I want to be like you.  I want to prosecute the bas*tards and get some justice for the victims, all the victims.  Yeah, I think I do want to do that.”  
  
     “Well” Mr. Davis stated as he got up from the chair and walked over to the bookshelf and started taking several books off.  “We’ll start you off with these.  You have to make up for the last two years you’ve been messing around.”  He handed the pile of books to his son.  
  


* * *

   
  
     

     It had been two days since the first interview with Margo and since then Noah had been having frightening visions almost every time he drifted off to sleep.  Sometimes they were only a feeling of dread and they would disappear as soon as he woke up but other were more disconcerting.  The night when Allie had wakened him from his night terror had been the first of a now fairly routine nights for him.

  
     He hadn’t been able to get a full night’s sleep without experiencing a nightmare since that night.  Dr. Borda had suggested a sleep aid but Noah had declined.  He didn’t want to get too dependent on drugs.  Noah still hadn’t told Luke or any of his family about the nightmares, they had enough to worry about.  It wasn’t like he actually saw anything of any use in this dreams anyway.  Everything was vague and disorienting, that is everything except the overwhelming fear that they caused him.   
  
     It was now becoming common for him to wake from one of them and be drenched in a cold sweat and feeling a sudden, inexplicable sense of anxiety.   
  
     Luke had been there this morning, like every morning Noah recalled with a smile.  Noah had sent him off to go to the Foundation’s quarterly Board of Trustees meeting just before lunch time.  Luke and he were both happy since Dr. Hughes had stopped by just before Luke was leaving to say that Noah was recovering, physically, so well that he might be able to be released by the end of the week.   
  
     Luke had immediately started making plans as to how he was going to nurse Noah back to complete health when Noah had pointed out that he still needed to head to the Trustee’s meeting.  Noah had just drifted off after the lunch tray had been taken away when he was jolted awake by another nightmare.  He was sitting there in a near state of panic, breathing like he’d just run a marathon when there was a quick knock on his door.  
  
     An unassuming female face peeked through the door.  She seemed about to introduce herself until she took a close look at the patient before her.  She quickly stepped into the room closing the door behind her.  “Obviously, Jonathan wasn’t kidding when he said you might need to talk to me, Mr. Mayer.”  
  
     Noah was still trying to steady his racing heart beat.  Who was Jonathan and who was this strange woman in his hospital room?  “I’m sorry?”  
  
     “Jonathan Borda, your neurologist.”  She stated.  “He contacted me and said that you might need my counseling.  I’m Debra Morris the hospital’s trauma counselor.”  
  
     Noah’s heart started to return to normal and he quickly whipped his hand off on the sheet before he offered to shake Ms. Morris’ hand.  “That’s really nice of you, but I’m fine.”  He swallowed.  
  
     He felt slightly uncomfortable as she simply stood staring at him for quite a few moments in silence.  She calmly walked over and took a seat next to his bed.  “Nightmares?  Frightening visions with no distinct images that you can remember?  When you wake you have a racing heart beat, sweating?  When you’re awake you seem to be more easily startled than before, on edge?”  
  
     Noah sat listening to everything that he’d been experiencing over the last few days being described to him by a total stranger.   
  
     His look of surprise was all the confirmation that the counselor needed to tell her that she was correct.  “Mr. Mayer, you were the victim of a violent personal assault.  The symptoms I’ve just described are the classic symptoms for PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”  
  
     Noah sat stunned.  PTSD.  Him?  That was what soldiers coming back from the Gulf had had.  He remembered his father talking about it.  How he’d had to discharge several soldiers because they couldn’t cope once they came back from the war.  “I know you’re trying to help, Ms. Morris?”   
  
     “You can call me Debra if that’s less formal, Noah.”  She smiled easily across the distance.   
  
     “Ms. Morris, I’m having some nightmares but I’m not traumatized.  I can’t even remember the attack so how can I be traumatized by it.”  Noah laughed out of nervousness.   
  
     “Noah, there are several categories of symptoms of PTSD.  One category is Avoidance Symptoms.  In this category it is not unusual to have trouble remembering the incident.  It’s your minds way of trying to protect you from the horror of the events.”  
  
     “I know you think you’re helping me, but I really don’t think I need counseling.  Thank you though.”  Noah said quietly.   
  
     “So when I came in here the absolute look of terror in your eyes was normal?”  She asked.  “And I’m sure that I would be wrong in assuming that your heart was probably racing a mile a minute and your bed sheets aren’t completely drenched from sweat?”  
  
     Noah just wanted this woman out of here.  He didn’t want to be rude but he really didn’t need her brand of help.  “Nope.”   
  
     Ms. Morris sat silently looking at him again with those penetrating eyes.  She sighed and slowly got up while reaching into her coat pocket.  She handed him a business card.  “Those three numbers are where I can be reached almost any time of the day or night, Mr. Mayer.”  
  
     Noah took the offered card and held it in his hand without looking at it.  “Thank you.”  
  
     She turned to walk to the door but stopped just short of opening it.  “The dreams and the feeling of edginess aren’t just going to simply go away unless you try and deal with it, Mr. Mayer.”   
  
     “Thank you again.”  Noah whispered as he placed the card she had given him in the drawer of the bedside table.  He watched as she briefly looked back and than left the room.   
  


* * *

  


     “So, bubby.”  Luke smiled from the chair next to his bed.  “You get to come home with me tomorrow.” 

  
     Noah smiled back at his boyfriend.  Finally, he would be getting out of the hospital.  It had been almost two weeks since the attack and he wanted nothing more than to go home and be with Luke.  Maybe he’d be able to get a decent nights sleep at home without the constant sounds of the hospital disturbing his sleep.   
  
     “I can’t wait.”  Noah said as he reached out and squeezed Luke’s hand.  “I hope you haven’t made a total mess of the apartment while I’ve been in here.”  He laughed.  
  
     “Not exactly.”  Luke said looking down at the floor.  “I haven’t been staying at the apartment while you’ve been in here.”  
  
     Noah was surprised.  He had just assumed Luke was there.  “Where have you been than?”  
  
     “At Mom and Dad’s house.  In my old room.”  Luke said sheepishly.  “I just couldn’t stay in our apartment without you there.”  
  
     Noah smiled even wider at hearing this from Luke.  He reached out and gently cupped Luke’s face in his hand.  “Who would have pegged you as a romantic, Luke Snyder?”  
  
     Luke tried to bat his hand away.  “Stop!  Don’t make fun of me.”  He smiled and grabbed Noah’s hand kissing his palm.  “You know mom and dad wants us to stay with them while you’re recovering.”  Luke looked for Noah’s reaction.  “I think it might be a good idea, what do you think?”  
  
     Noah looked into his boyfriend’s eyes and saw the unconcealed concern there.  Luke was so worried for Noah and he knew he wouldn’t be able to be with him 24/7 at the apartment and he had worried about that when Dr. Hughes had first said that Noah could be discharged.  Lily had suggested exactly what Luke had been thinking about.  That her home would be the best possible choice.  That way even when Luke had to go to the Foundation or Grimaldi Shipping there would always be someone there to help with Noah until he got back on his feet.  Now just to get Noah to agree to it.  
  
     For Noah’s part.  He had been happy to hear he could go home but deep down inside he had begun to admit to himself that there was a fear there.  A fear of being alone when Luke had to leave for work.  He hadn’t said anything because he didn’t want to admit this deep seated fear.   He had even thought about asking if they could go back to the farm.  He felt safe there and even though he didn’t want to admit it to anybody, he didn’t feel safe anymore.  
  
     “I think that’s a great idea, Luke.”  Noah said as he saw the apprehension slowly fade from Luke’s eyes.  “Then you don’t have to deal with me all by yourself.”  
  
     “Oh, dealing with you is never going to be a problem, Mayer.”  Luke smiled and got up and leaned over and kissed Noah deeply.   
  


* * *

     Casey stopped as he walked through the doors of the squad room at the Oakdale Police Department.  Even though his mother was the Chief, he still had an aversion to the place.  He had just finished up his shift at the hospital and he wanted to see if Margo wanted to catch up over lunch.   
  
     “Casey, what’s wrong?”  Margo Hughes asked as she walked through the back door and saw her son standing there.     
  
     “Mom, why does something always need to be wrong if I’m here?”  Casey laughed as he hugged his mom.  
  
     “Because there usually is something wrong if I see you here.”  Margo answered her son.   
  
     Casey had to laugh at that because unfortunately, she was correct.  “True, but today I just wanted to see if you want to grab lunch at Al’s with me?”  
  
     Margo looked at her son and decided that, yes indeed everything was okay and he was just here for a lunch date.  “That would be great.  Let me just grab my purse.”  
  
     They walked over to Al’s and soon found themselves sitting in front of two of the best hamburgers in Oakdale.  Margo was asking about any wedding plans that Casey and Allison might be making.  She had been really stunned when she and Tom had realized that Casey had finally asked Allison to marry him.  Tom was beside himself because he really like Allison and thought she was great for their son.   
  
     Margo although she had reservations when they first started dating had come to truly love Allie and thought that they made a perfect match.  She knew that whenever they did plan on getting married it would be a small affair.  She knew that Allison’s family, her sister Emily to be precise, was not going to be happy about the union since she had at one time been married to Casey herself.   
  
     “So Mom, any progress on Noah’s case?”  Casey casually asked around bits of his lunch.      Margo gazed at her son as she whipped off her hands.  “You know I can’t talk specifics about an ongoing investigation, Casey.”     
  
     Casey held up his hands as if he were fending off a blow.  “I know, I know.  I’m just asking in general terms?”  
  
     “Well I’m sure Noah and Luke have told you he doesn’t remember anything yet.”  Margo said.  She stopped as she saw the guilty look appear on Casey’s face that he tried to hid.  “Casey, you have been to see Noah, haven’t you?”  
  
     Casey dropped his eyes to the plate in front of him.  He hadn’t been to see Noah while he was in the hospital and he had just argued with Allison again last night about it when she told him that Noah was going home later today.   
  
     “Oh, Casey.”  Margo began.  “Why?”  
  
     Casey continued to pick at his french fries and try and figure out a good response to his mother’s question.  “I don’t . . . I’ll just wait until he gets settled at home and then I’ll see him.”  
  
     “Casey.”  She began with a sigh.  “You know him being a man and being raped that can be embarrassing for both of you to deal with.  If you’re embarrassed to deal with Noah because he’s been raped . . .”  
  
     “Mom, that’s not it!”  Casey started to protest.   
  
     “Well, what is it than?”  Margo stared at her son waiting for an answer why he hadn’t gone to see one of his best friends.  A best friend who had nearly died and that he had found.  
  
     “It’s just . . . “ Casey didn’t know how to continue.  “It’s just . . . I don’t know.  Seeing him that helpless and broken when he was laying there at the lake.  It kind of freaked me out that’s all.”  The excused sounded lame even to his own ears.   
  
     Margo sat looking at her son sitting across from her.  Maybe that was it.  Casey just being shocked by the violence done to his friend.  She had to remember not everyone dealt with the kind of violence she did day in and day out.  She hoped it was that and not what she really feared was the reason.  That Casey was embarrassed by the fact that Noah was raped and therefore didn’t want to broach the subject with Noah and therefore was avoiding him.   
  
     If that was the case, that knowledge certainly wouldn’t do Noah any good if he knew one of his best friends was avoiding him because he was raped.  “Casey, Noah needs all of his friends.  He looks a lot better than when you and Allison found him that night.  You need to see him and let him know that you’re his friend and support him.”  
  
     “I do support him, Mom.”  Casey said while still not looking up from his plate.  “Noah knows that.”  Except he didn’t know that.  Allison said that he and Luke had stopped asking her when Casey would stop by.  Noah was going home today.   He would go see him tomorrow.  “I’ll see him tomorrow, I promise.”  
  
     Margo was concerned by the image of her son.  He never seemed this reluctant to do anything.  “I think that would be a good thing for both of you.”  
  
     For his part, Casey wasn’t so sure of that.  
  


* * *

  


     The day had been filled with laughter and some tears.  As Luke and Holden helped Noah through the front door of their home he was greeted by an avalanche of love.  Inside was Lily, Damian, Meg, Emma, Lucinda, Faith, Natalie, Ethan, Aaron and Parker.  Noah at first was completely overwhelmed and overjoyed to see everyone there but Meg quickly pointed out to everyone there that Noah was still recovering from major injuries and needed his rest.

  
     Lily had been grateful to Meg since she had made the arrangements and discussed Noah’s care and medical needs with the home nurse that was going to be stopping by three times a week for the foreseeable future checking on Noah’s bandages and pain needs.   
  
     Luke and Noah sat on the sofa with Faith, Natalie and Ethan surrounding them on the floor.  Ethan hadn’t seen Noah since the attack and was at first a little frightened by the half-healed bruises and casts on Noah’s arms.  But young children adapted quickly and soon Ethan was joking with Noah as if everything was normal.   
  
     Once Lily noticed that Noah was drifting off to sleep while laying against Luke’s shoulder on the sofa about an hour later, she quickly ushered all the visitors out but not before they showered Noah with hugs and kisses.  The girls and Ethan were spending the next week or so at the farm so that Noah could truly recuperate.   
  
     After eating his first home cooked meal in almost two weeks Noah had to admit that the day had exhausted him.  He was pleasantly surprised when Lily and Luke helped him to Luke’s room and he discovered that he and Luke were going to share the room while they stayed there.  Noah’s face must have reflected the shock he felt since Lily started to laugh as she helped him with his shoes.   
  
     “You look like you’ve been hit in the face with a cold fish, Noah.”  Lily said with a beaming smile.  
  
     Luke chuckled quietly from the other side of the bed as he pulled the bedding down and adjusted the pillows so that Noah could lean comfortably against the headboard.  “I think he thought he was headed to the guestroom, Mom.”   
  
     Lily stood up and dropped Noah’s shoes by the closet door.  She turned and placed her hands on her hips and gazed down at the bleary eyed young man.  “Well, you two have been living together most of the summer.  Why shouldn’t you two be together here.”   
  
     Noah felt foolish as he didn’t know quite how to answer Luke’s mom.  He hadn’t really thought about it.  He was grateful for Lily and Holden’s easy acceptance of Luke and his relationship but he hadn’t expected this.  He had assumed he’d be in the guestroom.  And although he wanted Luke’s reassuring presence, he had to admit he was fearful in the same instance.  
  
     “He’s so shocked and tired he can’t even talk, mom.”  Luke laughed quickly.   
  
     “No, it’s just been a long day.”  Noah smiled at Luke’s mom.  “I didn’t realize how tired I’d get.  It’s kind of depressing actually.”  
  
     “Depressed?  Because you’ve survived a terrible incident and you’re naturally exhausted - don’t be silly.”  Lily smiled and leaned over and kissed Noah gently on the forehead.  “Luke will help you get ready for bed and you are to get as much rest as you need and that’s an order from me.”  
  
     “Yes, Mrs. Sny . . . “ Noah stopped short at the mock glare that Lily shot him. “Lily.”   
  


 * * *

     The clock in the living room was quietly ticking toward 11:45 p.m. when it happened. 

  
   **“STOP.  STOP.  PLEASE DON’T!”**   The terrified voice screamed.   **“NO.  NO.   NO!  PLEASE, STOP!”**  
  
     Holden and Lily as one sat bolt upright in their bed having been abruptly ripped from their sound sleep by the heart rending scream from the other room.  Holden had thrown open the door and started running down the hallway before Lily had even moved.   
  
      **“PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEESE!”**  Came the voice again.  Lily’s heart broke at the anguished tone she heard in the voice.   
  
     Lily had caught up to Holden just as he stopped in front of the door and seemed undecided whether to open it or not.  When they heard the loud sobbing the decision was made and Holden quickly opened the door and they both stopped as they took in the scene in front of them.   
  
     Noah was huddled up against the headboard with his head down on the knees he had drawn up in front of him.  His encased arms were held protectively over his head as if protecting them from something.  The only sound now was Noah’s loud sobbing and pleading over and over again of,  **“Please, no.  Please, please.”**  
  
     Luke was on his knees on his side of the bed reaching out to his lover but wasn’t touching him.  He looked over at his parents as they entered the room and they could see in his eyes that he was terrified for Noah.   
  
    **“Please, please, please, please . . .”**  Noah begged.  He continued to chant in almost an incomprehensible sob.  
  
     Luke quickly and silently got up from the bed.  “He started screaming and I went to touch him and he just started backing up against the headboard and shaking.  Mom, what do I do?”  He said as he stood shaking next to his parents.  
  
     Lily quickly walked over to Noah’s side and kneeled down.  “Noah.”  She whispered.  “Noah.  It’s alright baby.”   She tentatively reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder and felt him flinch.  “Noah, it’s okay.  You’re safe.  Open your eyes.”  
  
     Noah slowly raised his head.   The look of utter terror in his eyes almost brought Luke to his knees.  How could anyone live with the kind of fear he saw there.  He would have gone to Noah’s side immediately except that Holden’s hand on his arm stopped him.  They watched as Noah slowly started to loss the look in his eyes and seem to really see what was around him.  
  
     Lily saw the haunted look in Noah’s eyes and her heart broke.  “Noah.  Noah.”  She kept calling his name quietly with as much love as could impart into her voice.  She saw the terror slowly drain from his eyes as he came out of the dream he must have been in and saw the lost look that replaced it as he looked down at her.   
  
     “I’m . . . scared.”  Noah whispered as tears streamed down his cheeks.  “I’m so scared.”   
  
     “Oh, baby.”  Lily said as she got up and sat on the side of the bed.  She encircled the young man in a loving embrace and felt him collapse against her crying what seemed to be his heart out.  How could anybody live through what this boy had live through and not be terrified.  
  
     She whispered over and over again into his ears that he was safe and that nobody would ever harm him here and that they all loved him so much.  
  
     Luke and Holden watched as Lily rocked Noah back and forth like a child.  Luke’s heart was being ripped from his chest at the sound of Noah’s sobs.  Holden took Luke’s arm and turned and guided him out into the hallway.   
  
     “Noah needs to recover from more than just his physical hurts, Luke.”  Holden said sadly.  “I’ll make some calls tomorrow.  He needs help healing emotionally.”   
  
     “Yeah.”  Luke looked back at his mother and Noah.  “I just want to hold him, Dad.”  
  
     “I know you do, but . . .”  Holden began as he too turned to look at the scene.  “Sometimes you just need a . . . a Mom to hold you and let you cry.”   
  


* * *

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

     Noah sat in the family room of the Snyder’s home gazing into space.  It had been a long night before the nightmare.  It had been even longer after.  He would have been completely embarrassed about the way he had broken down on Lily except for the fact that no one in the house would hear of it. 

  
     Lily had sat up with him for what seemed like hours.  Letting him cry and rocking him like a mother had never done when he was little.  He wondered, was that what it was to be loved unconditionally?   
  
     Luke had silently returned to the room sometime during those hours and slipped into the bed next to him eventually replacing Lily’s arms around him.  He vaguely remembered Lily kissing him on the forehead, saying she loved him and leaving and he sighing and falling instantly asleep against Luke’s chest, listening to his boyfriend’s steady and reassuring heartbeat.   
  
     He had woken up later alone and could hear the sounds of soft conversation in the kitchen.  He had walked bleary eyed out to be greeted by a smiling Holden and Lily, and Luke quickly shoveling a stake of pancakes into his mouth before jumping up to help Noah sit down.   Lily and Luke had to go to the Foundation this morning but Holden said that he was working from the house today and would be glad to keep Noah company and help him.  
  
     Noah was feeling like quite a burden by the time Luke came out from getting showered and changed and came and sat down beside him on the sofa.  “You know I don’t want to go to the office, but I have to meet these people from the Sondheim Foundation.”  
  
    “I know.”  Noah said.  God, he even sounded pathetic to his own ears.  “I just don’t want to be a burden on everyone.  Having to rearrange their lives to babysit me.”   
  
    “Oh, don’t you worry about that.”  Luke smiled as he leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on Noah’s lips.  “Once you’re better you’re going to be returning the favor.  I’m going to sit around and you can wait on me hand and foot.”  
  
    “Oh, I will, will I?”  Noah laughed as he bumped his shoulder into Luke’s.  “Can’t wait.”  
  
    “Luke are you ready?”  Lily asked as she walked in while finishing putting on her earring.  
  
    “Yes.”  Luke sighed.  “I’ll be back in a few hours.  Love you.”  
  
    “Same here.”  Noah smiled up at Luke as he got up and followed his mother to the door.   
  
    “Noah.  You get some rest.”  Lily smiled from the front door.  “I don’t want to see you even move from that spot.”   
  
    “Yes, Lily.”  Noah smiled back at her remembering not to call her Mrs. Snyder anymore.   
  
  


* * *

  


    “Noah?”  Holden called as he came back into the family room.  “Can we talk for a moment?”

  
    Noah looked up from the textbook he was trying to read.  Luke had said he was going to stop by the campus on his way back from the meeting and pickup some of his course work that he had missed.  “Sure.”  
  
    Holden came and sat down on the chair next to the sofa Noah was stretched out on.  Noah watched as Holden sat quietly for a few moments seeming to struggle with what to say.  
  
    “Mr. Snyder” Noah began.  “About last night.”  
  
    “Noah, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”  Holden said.  
  
    “I’m sorry to disrupt everyone.”  Noah said quickly.  “I don’t know what happened last night but I’ll try and . . .”  
  
    “Noah.”  Holden stopped him.  “Last night wasn’t anything that we couldn’t handle but I think you need to think about seeing someone, professionally speaking, and talk about what you’ve been through.”  
  
    Noah sat silent for a few moments.  Mr. Snyder wanted him to see someone.  “You mean a shrink?  A therapist?”   
  
    Holden looked at the young man stretched out on the coach trying to recover from the worst beating he had ever seen.  “Yes, Noah.  I really think you need to talk to someone.  Noah, you’ve been through something I can’t even imagine going through and you and I and everyone can’t think that the only damage that’s been done to you was physical.”  
  
    Noah just looked down as he closed his textbook.  “A counselor actually stopped by to see me at the hospital a couple of days ago.”  Noah whispered.  “I sort of blow her off though.”   
  
    Holden saw that the subject was uncomfortable for Noah.  He could only image what The Colonel probably thought about therapist and counselors in the Army.  Probably not much, if he was any judge.  “Why don’t you think about it and maybe we’ll both give the counselor a call later on?”  
  
    “Okay, sir.  I’ll think about it.”  Noah said looking up at Luke’s father.  “I promise I’ll think about it.”  
  
    “Fair enough, son.”  Holden said and slapped Noah on the shoulder.  “We’re going to get you through this.”  
  
    Noah was touched once again by the fact that Holden would even consider calling him, son.  He was saved from the embarrassment of being so chocked up he couldn’t immediately speak, by the doorbell.   
  
    As Holden made his way to answer the door Noah struggled to compose himself.  He was totally surprised when Holden opened the door and Casey was standing there with a stupid grin on his face.  
  
    “Casey!”  Holden smiled and waved the young man in.  “Good to see you.  I guess you’re not here to see me though?”  
  
    “Not that you’re not a great man, Mr. Snyder, but yeah, I’m here to see Noah.”  Casey laughed.   
  
    “I’ll let you guys catch up.  I’ve got some calls to make to Kentucky.”  Holden started out of the room.  “Noah, give me a yell if you need anything.”  
  
    “I will, Mr. . . . Holden.”  Noah corrected himself before Mr. Snyder could do it for him.  
  
    “Good man.”  Holden smiled and turned and left the room.  


* * *

  


    Noah had decided after the first week passed without Casey visiting that obviously something was wrong.  Luke and he had stopped asking Allie when Casey would come to visit and Luke had said that it was up to Casey to decide when he was ready to see Noah.  Luke had said that obviously finding Noah in such bad shape had been traumatic for Casey and he would have to deal with that. 

  
    Noah had hoped that was the case, but down deep inside he thought he knew the real reason.  Allie had said that Casey knew he had been raped and Noah feared that his friend was just too uncomfortable and just too disgusted to be around him.  As he sat and watched how Casey was standing, shifting from foot to foot and unable to look him fully in the eyes, he felt that his assessment had been the correct one all along.  
  
    “Hey, Case.”  Noah smiled up at his friend.  “Glad you stopped by.”   
  
    Casey stopped his fidgeting and stood with his hands shoved into his pockets.  He had known it was going to be difficult but this was way harder than even he thought it would be.  He looked up and finally saw his friend for the first time since finding him by the lake two weeks earlier.  Noah certainly looked much better then that night, at least physically.  Casey knew that physically was the least of his problems though.   
  
    “Hey, Noah.”  Casey began and then stopped.  He didn’t know where to go from there.   
  
    Noah saw that he seemed to be stuck.  He was standing as far from his friend as the family room would allow.  “Sit down.”  
  
    Casey’s feet reluctantly seemed to come loose from the floor as he walked over and sat in the chair next to the sofa.  He seemed to want to look at any other point in the room then at Noah.  In spite of the fact that Noah missed his friend and it hurt that Casey seemed so uncomfortable around him, Noah wanted to let Casey off the hook if he could.  
  
    “You know, Casey.”  Noah began as he put the textbook on the coffee table and pulled his legs off the sofa and sat up.  “Allie told me that you knew about . . .”  Noah’s voice seemed to fail him.  “About the rape.  I understand if that makes you uncomfortable around me.”  
  
    Casey’s head snapped up and he looked directly at Noah.  Noah wasn’t sure but he could have sworn that he had seen something in Casey’s eyes.  Fear?  
  
    “Noah –  man, no.”  Casey stammered.  “It’s just been hard –  you know –  after seeing you so – you know – beaten at the lake.  It just freaked me that’s all.”  
  
    “Casey.”  Noah tried again.  “I said, I understand.  Being around a guy that’s been raped – it can be . . . “  
  
    ”Noah, stop!”  Casey said as he jumped up from the chair.  He seemed as if he was turning to head for the door but he turned back in what appeared to be utter indecision.  
  
    “I’m sure it’s probably repulsive, even, on some level.”  Noah wanted to let Casey know he understood if Casey just couldn’t stomach being around him right now.   
  
    “Noah, stop it!”  Casey nearly shouted.   
  
    Casey stood,  his gaze locked with Noah’s.  Noah could see something in Casey’s eyes and unidentifiable emotions played across his face.  Casey’s breathing was labored as he stood there staring at his friend.  His head was spinning and he felt trapped and unable to move.  
  
    “Casey, it’s okay.”  Noah said in a whisper.  “I know you’re my friend.”  
  
    “Noah.”  Casey almost seemed to beg.  His head had dropped and he was looking at the floor again.  “When Allie and I found you at the lake, you were so beaten and bloody . . . “ he seemed to falter and at a loss as to what to say.  
  
    “It must have been hard for you to see me like that.”  Noah said softly to his friend.  Casey seemed to be shaking like a leaf.  
  
    “It wasn’t the beating . . . “ Casey seemed to chock on his words as they came out.  “. . . it was the rape that . . . that made me . . . “   
  
    Noah realized suddenly that his friend was crying.   “Casey?”  
  
    “. . . that made me relive  _what happened to me_ .”  The last four words were said in a nearly inaudible whisper.   
  
    The words seemed to hang there in the air between them for hours.  Noah not quite believing what Casey, one of his best friends, just said and Casey not believing that he’d actually told somebody.   
  
    “What?”  Noah whispered..  
  
    Casey was still shaking and his eyes seemed to be glued to the floor.  “You heard me, Noah.”  
  
    Casey had been raped?  Noah’s mind didn’t seem to want to process that information as he simply stared at his friend.  
  
    “When?”  Noah whispered again.  
  
    “When I was at Statesville.”  Casey whispered even more quietly.  
  
    Casey slowly raised his eyes and Noah saw the same haunted look in his eyes that he had seen  in Margo’s the day she told him of her rape.   
  
    “I know you told Ameera that you’d been beaten up in there but I never . . . she never said anything about this.”  Noah said in a shocked voice.     
  
    “Well it’s not really something you want to tell a girl you’re trying to impress.”  Some of Casey’s humor returned as he actually laughed at his own remark.  
  
    “Does Margo know?” Noah just couldn’t believe all of this.  
  
    “No!”  Casey said quickly.  “She felt guilty enough when she thought I just got beat up because I was a cop’s kid.  This would kill her.  Nobody knows Noah, except you.  I’d like to keep it that way?”  
  
    Noah was still trying to process what Casey had just said.  “Of course, Case, but don’t you think you need to tell Allison?”  
  
    Casey shook his head, no and Noah knew it wasn’t his business to press the issue.  
  
    Casey sat down quickly in the chair he had been in.  “Noah, you know it’s not because  I’m uncomfortable around you that I haven’t been around?  Right?  It’s just that it’s too . . . too close for me?”  
  
    “I know.”  Noah said.  He paused wanting to ask something but not knowing how.  “Casey, how did you get through it?”  Noah decided Casey at least would understand what he was feeling.  “I’m scared . . . I’m scared all the time.”  Noah whispered so low that Casey almost missed what he said.  
  
    Casey was silent for a moment.  So long that Noah thought that maybe he shouldn’t of asked.  Maybe he had pushed Casey further than he was willing to go with his story.  
  
    “Remember when you were in Branson and I cut Maddie off.  I didn’t take her calls and I told the Warden that I didn’t want to talk to her anymore.”  
  
    “Yeah.”  
  
    “That’s when it happened.”  Casey said in a matter of fact manner.  “They had beat me up before and tried to rape me before but I had been lucky and gotten away.  That day I wasn’t so lucky.  The wrong guards were on duty.  They were those who didn’t like me very much and looked the other way and turned a deaf ear while I was attacked.”  
  
    Noah listened knowing that this was costing Casey a lot in terms of his peace of mind to relive what happened to him.  He doubted if Casey even realized how much he was shaking while he sat telling Noah the story of his attack and rape at Statesville.  
  
    “After the attack the Warden put me in segregation and I told him not to tell my mother.  I just told her I got beaten up and that the prison was finally putting me in segregation to protect me.  I knew if Maddie came up and saw me she’d tell my mom.”  
  
    Casey continued in a flat voice, reliving a story he hadn’t told anybody.  “I was scared all the time.  I was afraid to go to the cafeteria, I was afraid to go to the showers, I was afraid to sleep.  I probably wouldn’t have gotten through it if it hadn’t been for the psychiatrist, Dr. Bishop, at the prison.  He helped me deal with it.  Helped me to realize it wasn’t anything I did.  Helped me realize that even though I was a prisoner, I was still a victim. ”   
  
    Noah wondered at the fact that even though this horrible thing had been done to his friend, he seemed like he’d gotten through it and survived stronger.  Noah wished he could feel that way.  Instead of the fear that was starting to become his constant companion.  “I’m having nightmares almost every time I fall asleep.”  Noah said as he leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose while he closed his eyes.  “I’m exhausted.”  
  
    Casey leaned forward.  “Noah, you’re not going to be able to get through this without talking to somebody.”  
  
    “Holden wants me to talk to someone.”  Noah looked at Casey.  “I’m not sure how much it’s going to help when I don’t remember anything about the actual rape.  I can’t even remember if I fought.”   
  
    “Stop, Noah.”  Casey said fiercely.  “Of course you fought.  Nobody just wants this to happen.  You’re the victim.  We were both victims.”  
  
    Noah sat back up and looked at Casey.  “I’m sorry it happened to you, Case.”   
  
    “Me too.  Shit happens.”  Casey smiled.  “We just have to learn to get through it.  I’m sorry it took me so long to work up the courage to come see you.”  
  
    Noah waved his apology away.  “It’s fine.”  
  
    “No.”  Casey stopped him.  “It’s not.  I know better than anyone that you need all the friends and family you have to help you get through this.”  Casey looked straight into Noah’s eyes.  “I’m serious, Noah, you have to talk to someone.  If you don’t it’s only going to get worse.  Luke can’t loss you, man.  I don’t want to go through seeing him like that again.”  
  
    Noah nearly chocked up at hearing about how much Luke had suffered while he was in the hospital and unconscious.  He sat thinking about what Casey had said.  He knew that last night had been horrible but he had hoped deep down inside that he’d be able to get through this himself.  He feared what the therapy might make him remember.  He had hoped that none of his memories would come back but that didn’t seem to be the case for him.   
  
    Slowly each day, each time he slept a little bit became more clear and that knowledge that every time he fell asleep more horrors would be revealed was enough to keep him from wanting to go to sleep.  He hadn’t been lying when he told Casey he was exhausted.            
  
    “I swear I’ll think about it, Casey.”  Noah promised his friend who looked at him with doubt.  “I swear.”  
   

* * *

  


    Luke was furious as he pulled into the driveway of his parents house.  He grabbed the folders with Noah’s course work and got out and slammed the car door trying to release some of his anger before he went in.  He knew Noah would sense his anger as soon as he came through the door and he would have to tell him what had him in such a state.

  
    How do you tell you boyfriend that his attack and rape is the hottest topic of discussion on campus!  He’d seen the sidelong looks as he walked to the Admin. Building to pick up Noah’s work from the guidance office but he had chalked it up to some people recognizing him as the candidate that stuffed the ballot boxes.  
  
    That was until he’d come out of the Admin. Building and decided to stop at Java and pick up a Latte for Noah and had heard people whispering behind him.  All he could hear were the words, “Noah” and “rape”.  He’d turned and stared at them and was about to confront them when Jeff, Noah’s co-worker, had grabbed his arm to stop him.  
  
    “Don’t Luke.”  He said.  “It’s not worth it.”  
  
    “Is everyone talking about Noah and what . . .” Luke couldn’t finish.  “They all know?”  
  
    Jeff suddenly found it very important to clean the countertop off and not meet Luke’s searching eyes.  
  
    “Jeff?”  Luke asked again.  
  
    “Luke” Jeff began in a whisper.  “I don’t know if he was or wasn’t, but everyone on campus seems to think or think they know  
that Noah was raped during his attack.”  
  
    Luke could hear the thinly disguised question in Jeff’s statement.  “Forget the Latte’s, Jeff.”   
  
    Luke had bolted from Java and nearly ran over people trying to get to his car and back to Noah.  He thought he heard someone yell, “Luke” but hadn’t stopped.  He had raced home and had just pulled into the driveway when he saw a familiar car pull up behind him.   
  
    “Luke” Kevin said as he quickly got out of his car with a look of concern on his face.  “Man, you were driving like a maniac.”  
  
    “Kevin, what do you want?”  Luke asked in an irritated tone.  He needed to talk to Noah.  
  
    Kevin slowly walked over to stand in front of Luke.  “I called to you outside of Java’s but I guess you didn’t hear me.  Then you raced out of the parking lot, I thought something might be wrong.”  Kevin shrugged his shoulders.  “I don’t know, I guess I was just worried.”  
  
    Luke looked doubtfully at his former best friend wondering where this was coming from, but frankly Luke was too tired to wonder for very long.  “I just found something out and I’m not very happy about it, that’s all.”  
  
    Kevin suddenly was staring at his feet and nervously shifting from foot to foot.  “I wish you had returned one of my calls, I probably could have warned you about things on campus.”  
  
    “You’re calls?  When?”  
  
    “Maybe if you checked your voicemail once in a while, you’d know.”  Kevin smiled faintly.  
  
    Luke immediately took out his cell and hit the missed calls list and saw that indeed Kevin had called about five times in the last two days.  “Why were you calling, Kevin?”  
  
    Kevin suddenly stood still and his smiled faltered.  “My dad heard from Margo that Noah was coming home yesterday.”  
  
    Luke just stood watching Kevin not sure where this was coming from or where it was going.  
  
    “I hope you know that even though we’re not best friends anymore and I know I did some really stupid and insensitive things back then and recently that caused that . . .”  Kevin said.  
  
    “Well, you’re not the only one guilty of stupid things.”  Luke interrupted.  “Ballot box stuffing wasn’t my finest hour.”  
  
    “All right, because of stupid things we’ve both done, it doesn’t mean I’m not your friend, Luke.  And I hope you know that I would never, ever want anything like this to happen to anyone that you love.”  Kevin finished.  
  
    Luke considered Kevin for a moment.  “I know you wouldn’t, Kev.”   
  
    “I was calling you to find out how Noah was, but I was also going to warn you about the campus gossip.”  Kevin began and seemed to be considering something.  “You know about Sophia and what happened last fall?”  
  
    Luke suddenly realized that he had forgotten what his grandma Emma had told him.  She was still really close to Kevin’s grandmother, Karen, and Emma had told him about Sophia’s drug overdose brought on by the fact that she had been raped and the downward spiral her life had taken.   
  
    Luke remembered hanging out during that summer with Kevin and how Sophia had been a constant visitor to Kevin’s house.  She was a little sister Kevin never had and she had been a shy, sweet girl from what Luke remembered.  “I never told you, but I was sorry to hear about what happened to Sophia.”  
  
    “She didn’t deserve how she was treated.”  Kevin said quietly.  “I’m just saying that what happened to her and what’s happened to Noah, and I’m not saying I know anything’s happened to Noah.”  Kevin began to stammer.  
  
    “Kevin, it’s okay.”  Luke stopped him.  “I think it’s fair to assume that since I’m so upset and because your dad’s the Assistant District Attorney that you might have figured out that the gossip is correct.”   
  
    Kevin stood  looking at Luke.  “My dad would never betray a victim by telling me anything, Luke.  You know that, right?”  
  
    “I do.”  Luke nodded his head.  
  
    “Well, Sophia and Noah, they’re just – you know, similar and if you ever need someone to talk to about it or, I don’t know, anything.  I’m just saying I would understand what you’re going through trying to be there for someone you love, that’s all.”  
  
    “Thanks, Kevin.”  Luke was actually astonished by the offer.   
  
    “Luciano.” Luke heard his name called as he turned and saw Damian walking up the driveway.   
  
    “Hey, Damian.”  Luke forced a smile.  “Damian this is Kevin Davis.  Kevin this is my other dad, Damian Grimaldi.”  
  
    Kevin and Damian both reached out and shook hands.   
  
    “Nice to meet you Mr. Grimaldi.”  Kevin said with a faint smile.  “Luke, I got to get back to class but remember my offer.  It’s good anytime, okay?”  
  
    “Sure.”  Luke said as he watched Kevin hop back in his car and pull slowly down the driveway.  
  
    “What was that all about?”  Damian asked.  “Wasn’t that the boy you were in the election against?  I thought you two weren’t friends?”  
  
    “I guess everyone changes, Damian.”  Luke tried to smile but remembered why he had rushed home so fast in the first place.   
He still hadn’t the slightest idea how he was going to tell Noah.  “I think I might need that help you promised me, Damian.”  
  
    “Anything, Luciano.”  Damian smiled down at his son.  “You don’t even need to ask.”  
  
    “I was on campus today and I overheard people talk about Noah and they know, Damian.”  Luke nearly cried.  
  
    “They know what.”  Damian stopped.  “They know about the rape?  How?”  
  
    “I don’t know.  But apparently it’s all over the campus.  How am I supposed to tell Noah.”  Luke whispered.  “He’s embarrassed around us and we love him and we’re his family.  It’s going to kill him when he finds out that everyone on campus and at his job knows.”   
  
    Damian reached over and pulled his son into him for a giant hug.  How much more could Noah and his son take.  He wished he had some magical wisdom to share with his son but he was at a loss.  “Who’s in the house with Noah right now?”  
  
    “Dad stayed home with him while me and mom went to the Foundation this morning.”  Luke said as he tried to compose himself.  
  
    “Okay.”  Damian said as he guided his son towards the front door.  “I think between Holden and I we should be able to help you tell Noah and we’ll all be there and we’ll all help Noah get through this just like everything else we’re going to help him and you get through.  We’re family, right?”  
  
    “Right.”  Luke whipped tears that were starting.  “Thank you . . . father.”  
  
    Damian opened the door and he and Luke walked in and found that Casey was just getting up and saying his good-byes to Noah and Holden.  
  
    “Casey!”  Luke called when he saw his friend and Noah clasping hands.   
  
    “Hey, Luke.”  Casey said as he stood next to Noah who had gotten up from the sofa.   
  
    Luke hurried over and quickly gave his friend a hug.  “Glad you came by.”  
  
    “Me too.”  Casey smiled back.  “I got to go though, I’m late already for my shift.  We’re good?”  He said looking at Noah.  
  
    “We’re good.”  Noah smiled.  “I promise I’ll think about everything you said.”  
  
    “Please.”  Casey said in a sad tone that made Luke wonder what exactly they had been talking about while he was gone.  
  
    “Bye Mr. Snyder, Luke, Mr. Grimaldi.”  Casey said as he headed out the door.  
  
    Noah was smiling and that was a good thing Luke thought, too bad he had to ruin his good mood.  
  
    Noah as always could read Luke like a book.  “What’s wrong, Luke?”  
  
    At the question from Noah, Holden took a longer look at his son and saw that indeed something was wrong.  He quickly glanced at Damian standing just behind Luke and saw the barely discernible nod of Damian’s head.   
  
    “Noah, I need to tell you something.”  Luke said as he walked over to his boyfriend.  “We better all sit down.”  
   

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

    Noah sat down as Luke asked and he already had a bad feeling about this.  He watched as Luke slowly came to sit down next to him on the sofa and Damian and Holden both took seats on the chairs at either end of the sofa.  He sat silently as he waited for Luke to speak but he could see that his boyfriend was having trouble getting started.

  
    “Noah.”  Luke said.  “I told you I was going to campus to pick up your classwork that you’ve missed, right?”  
  
    So that was it?  What could be so upsetting about that.  He knew that he was really behind after two weeks and it looked like it would probably be at least another week but he’d catch up.  “Yeah.”  He smiled.  
  
    Luke saw Noah’s sweet smile and it broke his heart.  He reached up and gently touched Noah’s face, seeing the love that shone in Noah’s eyes for him even after everything he’d been through.  God, he loved his man.  “Noah, I heard some things when I was there.  Some things that’s going to upset you.”  
  
    Noah’s face suddenly froze under Luke’s hand.  Luke immediately dropped his hand from Noah’s face and quickly reached out and took both of his hands in his own.  “There’s talk all over the campus about your attack and they know, Noah.”  He just couldn’t say it.  The look in Noah’s eyes right now was ripping his heart out.  
  
    With each word that Luke said, Noah could feel the color draining from his face.  He’d known that his attack would be common knowledge at school but he guessed he’d naively thought that the rape wouldn’t have been known to anyone outside of his family and closest friends.  Embarrassment and shame erupted in him.   
  
    Family and your friends were one thing.  They knew the truth and they knew you, loved you.  But strangers at school and, oh god work, they didn’t know you at all.  They only knew what they heard and who knew what type of rumors were circulating around campus.  Noah felt a sudden panic start to rise inside.  He wanted desperately to run but he didn’t know where to.   
  
    He quickly stood and was headed toward the front door before he even realized that he had, but he stopped.  Where was he going to go?  Where didn’t they know about him and what had happened?  He really couldn’t go anywhere by himself anyway with his arms still in casts, he couldn’t even drive himself.  He stood in utter confusion.  
  
    Luke had also jumped up when Noah had started to bolt for the door and he stared at his boyfriends back as he saw him just standing there, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he seemed to be in a state of panic.  Luke slowly walked up behind his lover and quickly wrapped him in what was meant as a loving embrace.   
  
    But he felt Noah’s whole body tense as if he’d been shocked as soon as Luke touched him and Luke immediately let go and dropped his hands to his side.  He hadn’t even thought about how it might feel to Noah to have someone come up unexpectedly from behind and touch him.   
  
    Noah turned quickly and he could see the shame and embarrassment play across Noah’s face.  “It’s all right, baby.”  Luke tried to say but Noah cut him off.  
  
    “No, it’s not.”  Noah whispered to him.  “Nothings all right.  Everybody knows, Luke.”  
  
    “Yes . . . they do.”  Luke nodded his head.  “But you’re the victim, Noah.  You did nothing wrong.”  
  
    “That’s not what they’re thinking when they talk about it.”  Noah whispered fiercely.  “All they’re thinking about is, hey there goes the guy that was raped and . . .”  He just shook his head.  “I don’t even know what they think.”   
  
    Luke went to reach out and pull Noah into him but stopped just as his hands were about to touch him.  
  
    “And that.”  Noah said looking into Luke’s deep hazel eyes.  “You’re afraid to touch me and I’m half afraid to be touched.  Where’s that leave us?”   
  
    “It leaves us right here.”  Luke said as he stepped closer to Noah and pulled him gently into him and felt Noah bury his face in his neck and sigh.  “We’re right here where we’ve always been.  Right here for each other.  How many times have you held me when I needed it?”  
  
    He could felt Noah’s slight laugh with the memory of all the times he’d held Luke just like this.  “You have to be exhausted, Noah.  Let me take you upstairs so you can take a nap.  We don’t have to think about this now.  Please.”  
  
    Noah pulled away slightly and looked down into the eyes of his partner, the man he loved.  “I don’t know if I can.  Maybe I’ll take one of those pills that Dr. Borda suggested, just this once.  I’m so tired.”  
  
    “Okay, bubby.”  Luke smiled.  “Dad, Damian, I’m taking Noah upstairs to see if he can get some rest.”   
  
    “Noah, we’ll figure something out, I promise.”  Holden said.  
  
    “I don’t really know what can be done.”  Noah said sadly.  
  
    “There’s always something that can be done, Noah.”  Damian added his encouragement.  
  
    “Thank you . . . both.”  Luke said as he walked with Noah up the stairs to their room.  
  
    Both Holden and Damian stood in silence for a few moments, both in deep thought about the latest turn of events.   
  
    “Any ideas yet?”  Damian laughed shortly, running his fingers through his hair in an aggravated manner.  
  
    Holden barked a laugh.  “Not yet.  You?”  
  
    “No.”  Damian smiled. 

 

 

* * * 

    Luke brought a glass of water and the pill that Noah had pointed out as the “sleep aid” that Dr. Borda had prescribed.  Luke and Noah, both, had been opposed to him using them but Noah looked and felt exhausted and desperately needed some sleep.  Noah just took one hoping that it would take the edge off and he’d be able to sleep without any more images.

  
    “Can I lay down next to you?”  Luke asked shyly as he put the glass on the bedside table.   
  
    “Luke, you never have to ask.”  Noah said.  He quietly patted the bed next to him.  
  
    Luke smiled and crawled up and positioned himself next to Noah with his arms around him and Noah leaning against him.  They sat quietly just enjoying the closeness of each other for a few moments.  “Noah?”  
  
    “Uh-huh.”  Noah said.  He had known that this conversation would have to be had.  
  
    “I love you so much.”  Luke kissed the top of Noah’s head.   
  
    “I love you too.”  Noah closed his eyes and smiled.  
  
    “Downstairs . . . when I came up behind you and held you.”  Luke began.  
  
    “Luke.”  Noah quietly cut him off.  “It’s not you.  You know that, right?”  
  
    “Yeah.”  
  
    Noah laid there for a few moments.  “You know my casts are probably coming off tomorrow when the nurse stops by.”  
  
    “Uh-huh.”  Luke breathed.  He lifted his hands from where they were on Noah’s chest.  He slowly started to unbuckle the watch that Noah had given him the previous Christmas and turned it over so they could both see the inscription.  “You see that?”  
  
    “Yeah.”  Noah smiled.  
  
    “Worth the wait.”  Luke smiled.  “Noah, you’re worth the wait.  I know you’re not going to be ready for us to be . . . intimate.  What makes you think that that’s all our relationship is about.”  
  
    “It’s a big part of any relationship, Luke.”  Noah whispered.  
  
    “So all the time we were together before we had sex, did we love each other any less than we did after?”  Luke asked his lover quietly.   
  
    “Of course not.”  Noah turned his head to look into Luke’s endless hazel eyes.  “Luke, you’re all I‘ve ever wanted or needed..”  
  
    “So, bubby,” Luke smiled again this time looking into Noah’s deep blue eyes.  “Am I still your happy ending?”  
  
    “You’re my only ending.”  Noah smiled.   
  
    Luke reached over and put the watch on the bedside table and then turned back and cupped Noah’s face with his hand.  Noah could see that there were a threat of tears in Luke’s eyes.  
  
    “You’re my beginning and end, Noah Mayer.”  Luke whispered.  “And if we only ever have this, laying here with my arms wrapped around you, then I’ll consider our lives together well lived.”  
  
    Noah chuckled softly without taking his eyes off of Luke.  “You’re full of it, Snyder.”  
  
    “Yeah.”  Luke grinned broadly and then pulled Noah’s lips to his and he was thrilled not to feel any tension there.  “But I meant every word.”  
  
    Noah laid back and slowly closed his eyes realizing the effects of the pill was starting to take affect.  “Casey said, he never wanted to see you like the way you were in the hospital again.”       Luke sighed and leaned his head against the headboard.  “Noah, when you were lying there I was so lost.  I honestly don’t know what I would have done if you had . . .”  He couldn’t go on.  
  
    Noah picked up one of Luke’s hands and turned it over and kissed his palm.  “I’m here.  I’m here.”  
  
    “I know, but when you were just lying there and I didn’t know if you could hear me or whether you were even going to live, Noah, I felt so empty.”  Luke quickly wiped away a tear before Noah saw.  “I don’t know if I could live with out you, baby.”  
  
    Noah was feeling slightly drowsy but that statement snapped him right out of it.  “Luke . . . if I hadn’t made it, you’d have to go on.  Your parents, your sisters and brothers, they all need you.  Don’t say that, please.”  
  
    “I know.”  Luke said in a very small voice.  “I just never want to feel that way again.”  
  
    “Baby.”  Noah whispered as he pulled Luke’s arms closer.  “I love you so much.”  
  
    “Love you, bubby.”  Luke smiled as he pulled the blanket up around the both of them.

 

* * *

 

 

    “Hey Casey.”  Kevin stopped.  “What are you doing here?”

  
    “I’m coming to visit Luke and Noah.”  Casey smiled as he stood in front of Mr. and Mrs. Snyder’s front door.  “What are you doing here?  
  
    “I thought I’d bring the DVD of the vigil over so Luke and Noah could watch it if they wanted.”  He told Casey.  He was feeling a little awkward about the visit.  When he had gotten the DVD from Professor Jarvis he’d called Luke to see if he wanted to meet up at Java and pick it up but Luke had just said to bring it over.     Frankly, he was feeling really uncomfortable about being here.   
  
    “What’s wrong, Kevin?”  Casey asked noticing the other man’s nervousness.   
  
    Kevin was robbing non existent dirt off the DVD case and tried to avoid Casey’s eyes.  “I’m not real sure how welcomed I’m going to be.  Noah and I aren’t buddies you know.  Do you want to just give this to them?”  
  
    Casey’s only answer was to ring the doorbell and smile.  
  
    “You’re a butt head, Hughes.”  Kevin forced a smile on his face as Holden answered the door.  
  
    “Casey.”  Holden smiled as he saw his son’s friend and looked past to the other person standing on his doorstep.  “Kevin?”  
  
    “Hi, Mr. Snyder.”  Casey breezed into the house.  “Luke asked Kevin to drop off the DVD of the vigil.”   
  
    Holden opened the door wider to let in Kevin.   
  
    “Casey.”  Noah smiled as he and Luke got up from the sofa.   
  
    “Noah” Casey smiled back.  “Hey, your wings are free!”  
  
    Noah raised his arms and Kevin noticed that the cast that he’d heard Noah’s arms had been in were gone.   
  
    “Yeah, yesterday they came off.”  He answered.  “It’s sure a lot easier to eat.”  
  
    “Oh, you didn’t want my grandmother feeding you again.”  Luke teased.  
  
    “NO!”  Noah laughed.  He’d never heard the end of that since telling Luke the story.   
  
    “Well, if you guys are going to visit, I have some phone calls to make.”  Holden said as he left the family room.   
  
    “Kevin.” Luke said as he walked over to where he was standing by the front door.  “Thanks for bringing the DVD.”  
  
    “Sure.”  Kevin said as he handed the disk over to Luke.  “Not a problem.”  
  
    Kevin watched nervously as Noah walked over to stand beside Luke.  He actually looked a lot better than Kevin had expected only two and a half weeks after such a violent attack.  The only outward sign was that his left eye was still slightly black and blue and his cheek swelling still hadn’t totally gone down.   
  
    But although Kevin and Noah really hadn’t ever taken the time to get to know each other, Kevin did notice a slight change in Noah.  He had always been one to look you directly in the eye.  Now he seemed to be less sure of himself and more reserved.  He seemed to not want to look anyone in the eye, except for Luke.  Where Noah would always seem to have a smile hiding behind his eyes, now there seemed to be a shadow of wariness.   
  
    Kevin had seen this look before.  In his cousin Sophia’s eyes.  
  
    “I’m glad you’re recovering, Noah.”  Kevin said.  
  
    “Thanks, Kevin.”  Noah hesitated for a minute.  He seemed like he wasn’t sure about what to he was about to say as he looked at Luke standing next to him.  “Luke told me about you’re offer to listen if he needs someone to talk to.”  
  
    Kevin quickly glanced at Luke.  He was frankly surprised that he’d told Noah about their conversation, but as he looked at his former best friend and how he was looking at his boyfriend it was clear even to him that Luke and Noah didn’t keep anything from each other because it was all in their eyes.   
  
    Kevin was suddenly gripped by the desire to have a connection like that one day.  One where you didn’t have to say everything in words because the other knew what you were trying to say just with a glance or a touch.  
  
    “I hope you’re not upset, but he told me about your cousin, Sophia and what happened to her.”  Noah said in a low voice.  
  
    Kevin quickly cleared his throat of the sudden lump that seemed to appear.  “That’s fine.  It’s not like it’s a secret or anything.”  
  
    “Why don’t you come and watch the video with us.”  Luke smiled.  “You too, Case.”  
  
    “Yeah, the director in me wants to see how the film department shot it.”  Noah said as he turned and headed toward the sofa.   
  
    “I’m up for it if that includes popcorn or something.”  Casey smiled as he flopped down in the nearest armchair.   
  


 

* * *

 

 

    The vigil had lasted an hour and they had been watching the DVD for about 30 minutes.  Kevin was in one arm chair explaining to Luke how the OU LGBT and the student government of OU were planning a series of town hall meetings to start to bring together the two different communities in OU.  Casey in the meantime had gone through two cans of root beer and almost an entire bag of popcorn. 

  
    “Christ, Casey” Noah laughed.  “No wonder you’re still living with your parents.  When you and Allison get married her whole paycheck is going to have to go to feeding your fat gut.”  
  
    “That hurts.”  Casey mock frowned while stuffing another handful of popcorn in his mouth.   
  
    The OU Show Choir was now on the screen singing “Ava Maria” and Noah had been almost embarrassed by the outpouring of emotion that he had seen on the video so far.  He’d seen Luke’s family on the stage and how heartbroken they’d been at that time when he was in a coma and they didn’t know if he was going to survive.  He’d heard the speech that Lily had given and it had brought tears to both his and Luke’s eyes.   
  
    There had been a smile too when the Laurence brothers had started playing the song from his movie and he’d glanced over at Luke and seen him smiling at him remembering how Noah had been torturing him with it for the month leading up to the attack.  
  
    Noah, of course, hadn’t just been watching the video for the content.  His critical director’s eyes had also been watching the camera placement and staging.  Whoever had been the cameraman was now doing a slow pane of the crowd.  As he sat watching, a sudden wave a violent nausea suddenly hit him.  He sat back on the sofa and realized that his heart was racing and felt like it was going to pound right through his chest.  
  
    He sat there silently.  Was this what it felt like to have a heart attack?  He desperately tried to take some deep breaths trying to slow down his pulse and calm his stomach.  He heard Luke and Kevin’s conversation come to an abrupt end as Kevin saw Noah’s ashen face.  
  
    “Noah, are you okay?”  Kevin asked as Luke quickly spun around to look at this boyfriend.   
  
    “I think . . .  I’m going to be sick.”  Noah said as he struggled to get off the sofa and race into the hallway.  He was trying desperately to get to the bathroom before the contents of his stomach came up.  He wasn’t surprised to find Luke right behind him.  He was grateful for his presence as his lunch, breakfast and probably every meal for the last week came spewing forth.  Luke knelt down beside him rubbing his back and placing a cool wash cloth on his neck when he finally stopped.  
  
    Luke got Noah a cup of water to rinse his mouth out and sat on the floor next to where he was leaning up against the side of the tub.  He’d taken the washcloth and he was gently running it over Noah’s face.  Telling him to close his eyes and just take nice deep breaths.  “Babe, are you okay?  Are you feeling any better?”  
  
    “I don’t know what’s wrong, Luke.”  Noah whispered.  “All of the sudden I felt sick to my stomach, my heart is still racing and it felt like I could barely breath.”  
  
    Luke sat looking into Noah’s crystal blue eyes, listening to his description and it sounded familiar.  “I think you might have had a panic attack.”   
  
    Noah just looked at him, wariness written all over his face.  “I’ve never had them before.”  Noah sighed and closed his eyes, leaning into the cool cloth Luke held against his forehead.  “Great, another gift I have from this whole experience.   Am I ever going to be normal again?”   
  
    Luke pulled him into a giant embrace.  “Of course you are.”  
  
    “You promise?”  Came Noah’s whispered question.  
  
    “I promise.”  Was all Luke could say as he slowly rocked them both back and forth on the floor.

 

* * *

 

 

    “A panic attack.”  Casey said as he stood listening to Luke explain what had happened and that Noah had gone up to try and get some sleep.  “What brought it on?”

  
    “He was just sitting there watching the video.”  Kevin said.  He turned around and picked up the remote and rewound a minutes worth of video.  “I wonder if there was anything in it that could have triggered it?”  
  
    They all sat on the sofa.  All eagerly gazing at the screen in front of them looking for anything that might explain Noah’s sudden attack.  The choirs was signing.  Shots of various people in the crowd.  Kevin could see that the cameraman had caught the different groupings in the audience.  There was Luke’s family, school administration, student government with himself standing with the School Board committee members.   
  
    Several of the school’s academic departments; math, science, humanities, film, English literature . . . Kevin’s mind stopped.  He eyes drawn to one face in the crowd of people.  Had he imagined it.  No, he must have been mistaken.  He’d been at the game that night.  He picked up the remote and hit the rewind button.  
  
    “Hey” Both Casey and Luke yelled at the same time.   
  
    “What’s your problem, Kev?” Casey said.  
  
    “I’ve just got to see something for a second.”  Kevin said not looking at them but intently staring at the screen.  There the face was again.  He hit the pause button and just stared.  
  
    “What do you see, Kevin?”  Luke asked with concern.  All he saw on the screen that Kevin had paused at was a sea of faces in the crowd.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary or out of place.  
  
    “I’ve got to make a phone call.  Actually two.”  Kevin said as he got up and handed the remote to Casey.   
  
    Casey and Luke both looked at each other in confusion. 

 

* * *

 

 

    “He was sick?”  Kevin asked into his phone. 

  
    Casey silently closed the front door of the Snyder house behind him as he watched Kevin obviously listening to a response to his question.  
  
    “Thanks, Allen.”  Kevin snapped his cell phone shut, shoving it into his pocket with more force than was absolutely necessary.   
  
    “What was that all about, Kev?”  Casey asked.   
  
    Kevin slowly turned around and stared silently at Casey for a few seconds.  “I’m going to the Precinct, my dad’s there and I have to talk to him.  Do you want to come?”  
  
    “What did you see in the video?”  Casey demanded.   
  
    “I saw someone who shouldn’t have been there.”  Kevin said as he turned and started towards his car.  “Are you coming or not?”  
  
    “I guess, I am.”  Casey said as he fished his car keys out of his pocket.  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

    Assistant District Attorney Kenneth Davis was sitting around the table with what precious little evidence they had in the Mayer assault and he was frustrated.  His frustration was only matched by the two officers in front of him, Margo Huges and Jack Snyder.  After almost three weeks they weren’t any closer to finding the assailants as they were the night Noah had been beaten to the brink of death. 

  
    He looked up from the paperwork into the very tired eyes of the detectives and figured he might as well be honest with them.  They deserved that much.  He couldn’t stand what he was about to say any more than they were going to like hearing it, but it was coming from the limp dic*ked excuse of a District Attorney, Payton Emerson.   
  
    “Chief Hughes.  Detective Snyder.”  He began.  “If this is it for the Mayer investigation, I’m sorry to say that DA Emerson is not going to pursue this any further.”  
  
    “It’s still early in the investigation, sir.”  Margo began but was stopped by the Assistant DA’s upraised hand.  
  
    “It’s not my call, Chief.”  Kenneth shook his head.  “This comes from the top.”  
  
    “So what, the rape of a young gay man isn’t good press when he’s heading into a re-election year.”  Jake sneared.  
  
    Mr. Davis looked at the frustrated and mad detective.  “Jack, we’re on the same side.”  
  
    “It sure doesn’t seem like it to me, Ken.”  Jack shot up out of his seat and started pacing the room.  “It’s only been three weeks.  Hell, Noah hasn’t even recovered fully from everything that was done to him during the beating.”  
  
    Margo tried to put a restraining hand on Jack as he walked past but he simply threw it off.  “Ken?”  Margo tried again.  
  
    “Margo, I agree with you . . . and you Jake, but I’m only the Assistant DA.”  Kenneth snapped.  
  
    Jack stopped pacing and turned to face the frustrated lawyer.  “Then next year when Emerson is running for re-election, you better be in the race against him.”   
  
    “That’s not helping right now.”  Margo breathed and pressed her fingers against her temples.  The near constant headache that had started the night Noah was attacked was making a reappearance with a vengeance.   
  
    They were all startled by a sharp knock on the door.   
  
    “Come in.”  Margo called.  
  
    The door opened and both the Chief and the Assistant DA were surprised to see their respective sons standing on the threshold of the room.   
  
    “Casey, what’s wrong?”  Margo asked as she stood up.  
  
    “Mom!”  Casey rolled his eyes.  “Would you please stop saying that every time you see me in here.”  
  
    “Kevin are you looking for me?”  Mr. Davis asked his son.  He could tell that his son was very agitated by the way he was picking at his lower lip.  
  
    Kevin took a tentative step into the room.  “Dad, I need to talk to you.”   
  
    “This can’t wait, I’m kind of in the middle of something.” Kenneth said.  
  
    “No, it really can’t, Dad.”  Kevin seemed ready to snap.   
  
    “It’s got something to do with Noah’s case.”  Casey said looking from Kevin to his mother.  
  
    “What?”  Both Margo and Jack said together.  Jack immediately closed the door.  
  
    “Kevin?”  His father looked at him.  
  
    “Dad.”  He started.  He hadn’t wanted to discuss this with an audience but since it didn’t look like his father was going anywhere.  “If I thought I knew who might have had something to do with Noah’s attack, could you get his DNA to match it?”  
  
    “Who do you think is involved with Noah’s attack.”  Mr. Davis asked.  
  
    Kevin was unsure what to say.  He didn’t really have any evidence, just a vague hunch based on actions and comments.  Certainly, not enough for his father, the Assistant DA.   
  
    “We were just at Luke and Noah’s and we were watching the video of the vigil and all of a sudden Noah started having a panic attack.”  Casey answered.  
  
    “Is he alright.”  Jack asked with concern.  
  
    “Yeah.  Luke said he was going to try and get some sleep.”  Casey looked at Kevin waiting for him to continue the story since it was obviously his to tell.  “Kevin?”  
  
    Kevin looked up from the table top that he had been looking at.  No one had bothered to put Noah’s case file back together when they came in and crime scene photos and photos of Noah’s beaten body were laying all across the surface.   
  
    “I rewound the video to see if there was anything unusual that would have set off Noah’s panic attack since that’s what we were doing when it happened.”  Kevin said.  His eyes caught by the photographic image of Noah’s swollen eyes and fractured cheek.  
  
    “It was just a shot of the crowd.”  Pictures of the defensive fractures in both of Noah’s arms.  
  
    “Then I saw someone I knew should not have been there.  Should have been at a soccer game but wasn’t because he was at the vigil.”  Pictures of an actual shoe mark on Noah’s back where he’d been kicked.  
  
    Kevin’s eyes snapped up to his father’s.  “I think Jeff Emerson might have attacked and raped Noah.”  
  
    The silence that followed that statement was deafening.  Kevin had seen Jeff’s face in the video of the crowd but had thought that it was just a trick of the lighting.  Jeff surely had been at the soccer game, the same soccer game Kevin had missed and been benched for missing.  But a call to Allen had confirmed that Jeff had called and said he was too sick to play that night.   
  
    All the snide remarks and rude comments was certainly taking on a new light in Kevin’s mind.  Jeff had always impressed him as a good for absolutely nothing ass, riding on his father’s coattails.  That wasn’t completely true about him being good for nothing, he was always good for a kagger party on a moment’s notice.  He had a mean streak, too.   
  
    “Jeff Emerson.”  Jack breathed.  “Emerson as in Payton Emerson’s son?”  
  
    Kevin slowly nodded his head still looking at his father.   
  
    “Payton Emerson.”  Casey nearly laughed.  “As in the District Attorney?”  
  
    “Yes, Casey.”  Margo said.  Glaring at him to be quiet.   
  
    Kevin and his father stood with their eyes locked.  Kevin wondering if his father was the man that he wished he was.  “Dad?”  
  
    “Did Noah say that he recognized anybody in the video as the person who attacked him?”  Kenneth asked his son.   
  
    Kevin shook his head.  “No.”  
  
    “So we don’t have any witnesses to Jeff attacking Noah?”  He asked again.  
  
    “Not that I know of.”  Kevin said in a flat voice.  
  
    “Why do you think he did it, Kevin.”  His father asked.  
  
    “Just that he wouldn’t be caught dead at something to do with a gay man.”  Kevin said with a slight smile.  “And the crap that he’s been spewing since Noah’s attack.”  
  
    “That’s it?”  Margo asked.  Turning and looking at her son hoping that he’d be able to pull a magical clue out of his pocket.   
  
    “Don’t ask me.  I just followed him here.”  Casey shrugged his shoulders.  
  
    “Dad, I really think he did it.”  Kevin stepped up to his dad.  “Can’t you just get a warrant to get his DNA then you could just test it.”  
  
    “Kevin.”  Mr. Davis began.  “He’s the son of the District Attorney.  Even if I honestly and truly thought that he was the right suspect, there’s not enough evidence for a warrant.  No judge would issue one to gather his DNA.”  
  
    Kevin dropped his head.   
  
    “Why can’t you just yank a piece of hair off his head.”  Casey asked his mother.  “If Kevin think’s this guy had something to do with what happened to Noah, we got to test him and see if it’s him.”  
  
    “Casey, you can’t just take someone’s DNA without their permission or probable cause.  Neither of which we have.”  Margo said while rubbing her forehead.   
  
    “This is such bull.”  Casey whined.  
  
    “Unless Noah remembers Jeff attacking him or someone else comes forward saying they saw Jeff attacking Noah, we have nothing to go to a judge with.”  Mr. Davis said to the younger men.  “I’m sorry, Kevin.”  
  
    Kevin had been looking at the photos on the table top again.  He felt he was invading Noah’s privacy just by seeing these.  Kevin’s eyes suddenly light up.  “Whatever, Dad.  Come on, Casey let’s head back to Noah’s.”  
  


 

* * *

 

 

 

    “Luke.”  Lily whispered as she reached the top of the stairs and saw her son getting ready to reach for the door handle of his and Noah’s bedroom.

  
    “Mom.”  Luke whispered back as he tuned and walked toward her.  “When did you get back?”   
  
    “Just a minute ago.”  Lily hugged her exhausted looking son.  “Your dad told me about the panic attack.  Are you sure that’s what it was?”  
  
    Luke was shaking his head before she even finished the question.  “It was just like what I was having just before I came out.  I just wish I knew what caused it.”  
  
    “Baby, Noah’s been through so much.”  Lily said sadly.  
  
    “I know.”  Luke whispered.  “Noah call Dr. Morris the Trauma Counselor at Memorial.”  Luke said while looking at his hands.  “He’s got an appointment with her tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.”  
  
    “Well, that’s good.  Right?”  Lily asked.  Reaching out and tilting her son’s head up by his chin.  
  
    “I hope it is.”  Luke sighed.  “Noah’s so worried that going to therapy is going to make the images that he keeps seeing even more clear and he’s so afraid, mom.”  
  
    Lily stepped forward and pulled her son to her into a huge hug.  “It has to help, baby.”   
  
    “I’m going to go check on Noah.”  Luke said as he pulled away.  
  
    “Okay, baby.”  Lily said as she watched him go to the door, open it and go in.  
  
    Luke softly padded up to the side of the bed.  He stood there for a moment looking down at the sleeping form of his boyfriend.  Noah was laying curled on his side.  Luke smiled as he noticed that Noah’s beautiful curls were all messed up.  Noah always wanted his hair just so.  He hated when Luke would occasionally reach up and run his hand back and forth through his hair, mussing it up, but Luke loved having any reason to just touch his Noah, whatever reason it was.   
  
    “Luke.”  Noah breathed.   
  
    Luke realized that he was looking into Noah’s sleep filled blue eyes.  Why hadn’t he ever realized just who much bluer Noah’s eyes looked when he was just waking up?   
  
    “Hey.”  Luke said as he sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out and ran his fingers through Noah’s curls.  He was rewarded with a drowsy smile on Noah’s lips.   
  
    “Lay with me.”  Noah asked.  
  
    “You don’t have to ask me twice.  Move over.”  Luke chuckled.  
  
    Noah moved over to make room.  Luke was going to lean up against the headboard and put his arms around Noah but Noah had other plans.  He reached up and placed his hands on either side of Luke’s face and slowly pulled his face down to his own.  Luke had been thrilled with the idea of another kiss from his bruised and batter boyfriend but the kiss that he and Noah shared was a deeper, slightly more passionate one.  
  
    Luke was the one to stiffen for a moment.  He didn’t want Noah to think he was pushing, but Noah’s hands moved from his face to encircle his waist and pull him softly down next to him.  One kiss multiplied into several long, breathy, almost hungry ones.  As they pulled away Luke rested his forehead on Noah’s.   
  
    “That was nice.”  Luke said with a little smirk.   
  
    “Yeah.”  Noah said with a shy smile.  “A first step.  Are you okay with that?”  
  
    Luke quickly kissed the tip of Noah’s nose.  A nose he had never seen as too big as Faith and Natalie had pointed out once.  Luke quickly slipped under the blankets and got behind Noah, spooning with him.  He was always amazed at just how perfectly they fit together.  “More than okay, bubby.”  
  
    “I know this has been a lot on you and your family.”  Noah whispered after they got settled.  
  
    “Our family.”  Luke corrected him and kissed the back of his ear.  “Now let’s get some sleep.”

 

* * *

 

 

    Casey slammed his car door as he got out.  “You want to tell me why I followed you all the way here?”

  
    Here being the OU sports complex.  Casey was about to get really irritated in a minute.  He waited for his answer as Kevin got out and went to the trunk of his car.  Kevin reached in and pulled out his sports bag and started rummaging through it’s contents.  
  
    “You’re here to grab this.”  Kevin said.  
  
    Casey quickly reached up to grab something that Kevin threw at him.  He was totally confused when it was a towel.   
  
    “A towel?  What the h*ell, man.”  Casey said to Kevin’s back as he quickly walked away toward the soccer field.  “Wait up.”  
  
    Kevin hadn’t seemed to have heard him.  In fact, since leaving their parents at the police station Kevin hadn’t been very communicative at all.  He had simply asked Casey to follow him and Casey, for lack of anything else to do, had.  
  
    “When I look at you, give that to Jeff.  Okay?”  Kevin said as Casey caught up to him.  They had just reached the soccer field and Casey saw that the practice was in full swing.  He didn’t really know this Jeff Emerson guy, but watching where Kevin was looking at, he figured it was one of three guys standing near the coach on the opposite sideline.  
  
    Casey was about to ask him why he should be giving Jeff anything, let alone a towel when a whistle sounded and Kevin took off walking across the field directly toward Jeff.   
  
    “Hey Kevin.”  Casey heard someone call from their right.  Kevin didn’t even acknowledge the greeting.   
  
    “Davis, you now you’re not supposed to be on the field.”  Coach Littman barked.  “Davis?”  
  
    Casey noticed that the three guys had heard the Coach’s remark and turned to see Kevin.  
  
    “Well, look who it is.”  The tall one with the crewcut black hair said.  “Our illustrious Class President.”  
  
    Later Casey wouldn’t have believed and wouldn’t adequately be able to explain how the next few seconds occurred.   One second Kevin was smiling and walking casually up to the group the next Kevin closed the distance and cold cocked Jeff.  The sound of Kevin’s fist connecting with Jeff’s nose was load enough to be heard up in the media box.   
  
    “What the fu*ck!”  The one young man standing with Jeff yelled.  
  
    Casey realized he had stopped dead in his tracks when Kevin had launched himself at Jeff.  He saw who he thought had yelled a greeting to Kevin a few seconds ago racing towards where Kevin and Jeff were rolling around on the field.   
  
    “Kevin!  Kevin!  Stop.”  The player screamed as he ran up and tried to pull Kevin off of the other young man.  
  
    Two other players had quickly joined the fray and they were pulling Jeff away from Kevin.  The coach was now standing in between the two.  “What the h*ell is going on?”  
  
    Kevin simply stood there with a wicked little smile on his face as he watched blood stream out of Jeff’s broken nose.  He shifted slightly and caught Casey’s eye, looking at the towel in his hand and made a jerking motion in Jeff’s direction.  
  
    “Here man.”  Casey said as he tossed the towel to Jeff.   
  
    Jeff pressed the towel to his face trying to stop the bleeding.   
  
    “Are you going to answer me, Davis?”  The coach shouted again.   
  
    Kevin simply continued to smile and stare at Jeff.  “No.”  
  
    “That’s it.  You’re off the team.”  Coach Littman screamed.  “Emerson, you want to call the police - he just assaulted you?”  
  
    Jeff shook off the hand that one of the players had on his arm and took a step towards Kevin.  He pulled the towel away and was rather surprised at the amount of blood.  He realized one of his teeth were also loss and he could taste blood.  “No, Coach.”  He threw the towel on the ground and spit some blood next to it.  “It ain’t worth the trouble.”  
  
    Coach Littman looked at Kevin.  “Clear out your locker tomorrow.  I’ll let the head of the sports department know that you’re off the team.  Stupid move, Davis.”   
  
    Casey watched as the Coach told everyone to head for the showers because practice was over.  He recognized the player that had grabbed Kevin as the one he had seen Kevin talking to in Old Town.  He was simply looking at his friend, shacking his head before he too turned and headed up to the locker room.  
  
    “Well, that’s one way to get yourself arrested.”  Casey exhaled as he ran both his hands through his hair.  “Kev, did you even hear the Coach.  Man, you’ve been thrown off the team.  Your dad’s going to go batshi*t.”  
  
    He started to think maybe Kevin had already gone batshi*t himself because he was silently staring at the towel laying on the ground with a stupid grin on his face.   
  
    “Dude, did you hear me?  You got kicked off the team!”  Casey nearly yelled.  
  
    “Yeah Case, I heard you.”  Kevin said.  He looked up at the other man and his smile suddenly got even wider.  “It was worth it.”  
  
    “What?  Why?”  Casey practically laughed  hysterically.   
  
    “Because I got what I came for.”  He breathed as he finally looked over his shoulder as the last of the players filed into the gym building.  
  
    “And what was that?  You’re blood all over the front of you.”  Casey said as he pointed to the blood from Kevin’s lip running down the front of his shirt.  
  
    “No.”  Kevin looked back to Casey.  “His blood.  His DNA.”  
  
    Casey stood stuck in place.  His eyes had immediately snapped to the towel laying on the ground covered in blood.  Jeff Emerson’s blood.  “I was wrong.”  
  
    “About what?”  Kevin asked with a slightly confused look on his face.

    “You’re already batshi*t crazy, man.”  And Casey’s hysterical laughter could be heard all over the sports complex. 

 

 

* * *

 


	12. Chapter 12

    “What the hell were you thinking?”  Margo screamed at her son.  She had really tried when he walked back into the police station for the second time in one day to not ask “What’s wrong?”  But that had evaporated once she saw a bruised and bleeding Kevin Davis walking in behind him.

  
    “Mom, can you just listen?”  Casey practically begged his mother.  He knew even before they walked in that she’d flip out and having the Assistant District Attorney glaring at them both from right behind her shoulder didn’t make things any easier.   
  
    “No, Casey, I can’t.”  Margo said as she started rubbing her temples again.  “What did you two think you were doing?”   
  
    “Det. Hughes.”  Kevin said around the ice pack that someone had produced that he had against his swollen lip.  “It was all my idea.  Casey didn’t have any idea what I was going to do.”  
  
    “And you think that makes it better, Kevin?”  Assistant District Attorney Davis said to his son.  He hadn’t said much since the two had entered the squad room and proceed to hand them a bloody towel that they explained had Jeff Emerson’s blood on it.   
  
    Jack had quickly produced an evidence bag and the sealed bag was now sitting on the table top in the Interrogation Room.  They had been debating for the better part of 15 minutes whether to even send it to the lab for analysis.  Jack had volunteered to run it right down that minute but both Margo and Kenneth Davis had stopped him.  
  
    “Kevin, I explained that we didn’t have any evidence in order to get a warrant to ask him for a sample of his DNA.”  The Assistant DA said looking at his son.  He stood there waiting for a response from his son.  “Even if we test it and it’s a match for one of the DNA samples from Mr. Mayer, it may not even be admissible.”  
  
    Kevin looked down at the floor before he spoke.  “You know those books you gave me the other day, dad?”  Kevin looked up to see his father nod.  “Well, one of them had several chapters about evidence, California vs. Greenwood.”  
  
    His father suddenly stood quite still.  
  
    “Jeff didn’t have any expectation of privacy when he threw the towel on the ground.”  
  
    Kenneth Davis stood there slightly dumbfounded at his son’s audacity.  “You purposely punched Jeff Emerson in the face just to get him to bleed and then hoped that he’d throw a towel full of his DNA on the ground and walk away?”  
  
    “Pretty much.”  Kevin couldn’t help but smile even if it did hurt like h*ell.  “It’s a public area.  He can’t honestly say that he had any reasonable expectation of privacy, thus leaving the collection of his DNA from the towel admissible.  Right?”  
  
    Jack and Margo were staring at the Assistant DA waiting for his decision.  “Ken?”  Margo asked.   
  
    “He’s the son of the District Attorney, Kevin.  If it’s a match Payton’s going to find ten different ways to exclude it.”  Kenneth said as he rubbed the back of his neck.   
  
    “Come on, Ken.”  Jack whispered.  “What if he’s one of the guys.  Doesn’t Noah deserve some justice?  Take the chance.”    
  
    Kenneth stood there staring at his son.  His son who up until a month ago cared more about the next party than about justice for a person he didn’t even consider a close friend.  Ken knew that if he okayed this analysis he pretty much was guaranteeing the end of his career in the District Attorney’s Office.  He had come to hate Payton Emerson since almost the first day he’d started working for him at the DA’s office.   
  
    He stood looking at his son and then looked down at the sealed evidence bag.  He hoped his wife, Dorothy, didn’t mind being married to a former Assistant District Attorney.  “Send it to the lab.”  
  
    “Yeah!”  Casey yelled and slapped Kevin on the back.   
  
    Jack scooped up the evidence bag and almost ran out the door toward his car so he could drive it personally across town to the lab.   
  
  


* * *

 

    Luke was rather stunned when he left Noah sleeping up in their room and walked into the family room.  Damian, Holden and Lucinda sat around the dining room table in a quite animated discussion. 

  
    “Well, I’m on the Board and they d*am well better figure out how they’re going to fix this.”  Lucinda nearly growled.  “That poor boy has been through too much to be subjected to humiliating, not to mention highly personal gossip.”  
  
    “Lucinda.”  Damian began, actually seeming to try to sooth the woman that use to be his mother-in-law.  “Holden and I both agree with you, but even I don’t think throwing money at OU is going to solve this problem.”   
  
    “Grandmother?”  Luke asked as he entered the family room.  
  
    “Luke!”  Lucinda called as she rose from her seat and opened her arms for an embrace from her grandson.  “You look tired, my dear.”  
  
    “I am.”  Luke said not being diverted by his grandmothers inquiry.  “What are you three up to?”  
  
    Holden and Damian had also gotten up from the table.  Luke was slightly concerned how neither of them wanted to meet his eyes.  “Dad?” “Damian?”  
  
    “Luciano.”  Damian said as he looked up.  “We promised we’d find some way to help Noah with the rumors.  We thought since Lucinda’s on the Board of OU she’d have some ideas.”  
  
    Luke must have worn a shocked and frightened expression.  “Dad and Damian told you about the rumors?”   
  
    Lucinda was staring straight into her grandson’s eyes.  “Yes, they did.  I’m so sorry for Noah.  How is he?”  
  
    “He’s sleeping.  He’s had a rough day.”  Luke ran a nervous hand through his hair.  He knew Noah would be upset to find out that now Lucinda knew about the rape.  “He had a panic attack earlier.”  
  
    “Well, who wouldn’t after everything the poor man’s been through.”  Lucinda rubbed her grandson’s shoulder.  “He’s so very lucky to have you to love him and stand beside him through it all.”  
  
    Luke smiled at his grandmother’s attempts to console him.  “Thank you, grandmother.  Have you figured out anything?”  
  
    “Lucinda seems to think if she and Damian threaten to withhold funding and grant money that that might be a way to put pressure on OU to do something about the rumors.”  Holden said.  Luke could see that he looked doubtful about the success of this plan.   
  
    Luke looked from his dad to Damian and Lucinda.  “Do you think the Board or the Administration of OU can really do anything about people talking about Noah?”  Luke knew that his grandmother and both of his dads were willing to do just about anything to help Noah but he really didn’t see anyway to stop people from gossiping.   
  
    “Luciano.”  Damian started and then stopped as he saw Lucinda’s stiffening posture and belligerent stare.  “Although, I know that Lucinda and I could threaten OU, I’m not sure it’s going to do any good.  I’m sorry.”  
  
    Luke felt his heart break a little for his birth father.  Damian looked really, really upset about the fact that he, Holden and Lucinda couldn’t figure a way to help Noah.  “It’s okay, Damian.  I know you’re all trying.”  
  
    “Dear, don’t think I’m still not going to try and get the Board to do something.  I just don’t know what yet.”  Lucinda smiled sadly.  
  
    “Well, if there’s anyone who could bully them into something” Luke smiled at his grandmother “you’re the man for the job.”  


* * * 

    Pain. 

    Pain was foremost in his mind.  His head throbbed.  He could hardly take in a full breath.  He felt pain everywhere.  
    Fear.  
  
    Fear was also there.  Fear of what had already happened.  Fear of what was happening.  Fear of what might happen.   
  
    _“Rough?”_  
  
    His blinded eyes turned toward the sound of the voice right behind him.  What did he say?  Was it a he?  
  
   _“Rough?”_  
  
    There it was again.  It seemed so far away but with just that one syllable fear . . . no terror washed over him like a tidal wave.   
  
    He felt the weight of terror descending on him.  He wanted to cry but couldn’t find the will to bring tears to his eyes.  He wanted to scream the terror he felt for all to hear, but he couldn’t find the strength to shout.  
  
    It seemed that if he could just turn his head a little, he’d see the face that was tormenting him.  It was just there . . . behind him.  So close he could feel the hot breath on his neck.  
  
  
    _“Is this rough enough for you?”_  The whisper came again.  
  
  
    Noah sat bolt upright in the bed.  The whisper still sounding in his ears.  His eyes were open but he didn’t see the bedroom that he was in.  All around him all he saw was shadowy images of what . . . bushes?  A person, a man behind him.  Terrorizing him.   
  
    Terror is what he felt.  His heart was racing and he was drenched in sweat.  The hazy images slowly faded and he realized he was actually in his and Luke’s room.  It was another dream only this had been different.  He’d actually heard something and almost  
seen something.   
  
    Although terrified, he should be encouraged that he was starting to remember the people responsible for attacking and raping him, but all he wanted to do right now was forget.  
  
    Forget the feeling of terror.  Forget the feeling of helplessness.  Forget the feeling of power this person held over him.  
  
    Noah had dropped his face into his hands.  His eyes closed trying to block the lingering images and sounds of the dream.  He looked up and his tear filled eyes fell on the bottle on the dresser.   
  
    He hadn’t taken another sleeping pill since the day he heard about the rumors three days ago.  It had blocked the images that day when he slept.  He needed that now but Luke was really against him using them.  Luke didn’t like any pills since Lily’s dependency issues.  
  
    Noah was up off the bed and opening the bottle before he even realized he’d moved.  Just one pill wouldn’t hurt.  He needed to sleep, to just get away for a short time and be at peace.  He just wouldn’t tell Luke because he knew he’d be upset.  After all, he wasn’t going to use them every time he went to sleep.  He just needed to rest.  
  
  


* * *

 

    Luke waited outside the office at Memorial Hospital’s seventh floor.  Noah had been relieved when Luke had said he wanted to drive Noah to his first therapy session with Dr. Morris.  Luke could see that Noah was upset, not knowing what the therapy sessions would bring forth. 

  
    They had talked and Noah was torn.  He wanted to be able to remember the people who did this in order to catch them but he was almost more scared to remember anything of the attack.  To tell the truth, if it wasn’t for the fact that Luke wanted these bastards caught and punished Luke would be happy if Noah never remembered anything else of the attack.  
  
    Luke and Noah had arrived full of nervous energy and the secretary had quietly buzzed Dr. Morris and within a few minutes the strange, bird-like woman had appeared from her office.  Although, she had a unnerving habit of staring straight into your eyes and giving the impression that any secrets you had were obvious to her, she did exude an oddly calming vibe.   
  
    Noah had been in her office for about 45 minutes when Luke was jolted out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder.  
  
    “Noah’s seeing Dr. Morris?”  Allison smiled down at Luke.  
  
    “Allie.”  Luke breathed as he stood and gave her a quick hug.  “Yeah.  It’s his first session.  Is she any good?”  
  
    “Well, I know that Bob Hughes thinks the world of her.”  Allison said as they walked out of Dr. Morris’s waiting room and walked down the hall.  “It was rumored that Dr. Morris was asked to join the Department of Homeland Security to help develop their protocol for dealing with survivors of future terror events but Bob made her an offer she obviously couldn’t refuse.”   
  
    Luke nodded his head while Allison told him this.  He was glad that Noah was obviously in expert hands.  “I never did thank you for telling me about Noah’s nightmares before he came home from the hospital.”  
  
    Allison looked down and seemed to go pale.  “I felt bad telling you something he asked me not to.  I didn’t like breaking a promise I made to him.  He’s one of my best friends . . . he’s actually my only best friend, but as his friend I knew you needed to know what . . . “ Allison would have went on but she suddenly felt really light headed.  
  
    “Allie, are you okay.”  Luke reached out and grabbed his friends elbow.  Allie suddenly looked even paler and it looked like she was going to pass out.  “Here sit down.”  
  
    “No, I’m okay.”  Allie tried to push Luke’s fussing hands away when they were interrupted.   
  
    “Hey, Luke.”  Casey breezed up to them not seeming to notice his girlfriend’s pale face.  “What are you doing here?”  
  
    “Noah’s got a therapy session today.”  Luke said absentmindedly.  “Allie?”  
  
    “Hey baby.”  Casey said as he bent in and kissed Allie.  “Keeping Luke company?”  
  
    Allison stood taking a few steading breaths.  “Yes, I was.  Casey, I’ve got to get back to work.  I’ll see you for lunch?”  
  
    “Sure.”  Casey said oblivious to Allie’s pale face.  
  
    “Luke, tell Noah that Casey and I want to get together for dinner with you guys.”  Allison said as she turned and gave Luke a quick hug.  “Okay?”  
  
    It hadn’t gone unnoticed to Luke how Allison hadn’t answered him about being okay when he reached out to her and that she was trying to get away from either him, Casey or both as soon as she possibly could.  “Yeah.  Sure.  Maybe next week.  I’ll just call either you or Casey and set it up.”  
  
    “Okay, good.”  Allison smiled at Luke and then turned to her fiancé.  “I’ll see you around 12:30 in the cafeteria?”  
  
    “Yup.”  Casey said.  “Love you.”  
  
    Casey turned to Luke with an uncharacteristically serious look on his face after watching Allison walk away.  “I’m glad Noah’s getting therapy.  He needs to if he’s going to get through this.”  
  
    Luke was honestly taken aback by Casey’s comment and was about to ask him about it when the door to Dr. Morris’ office opened and the doctor and Noah walked out.  As soon as Luke saw Noah’s face he knew that the session had been rough on his boyfriend.  He was pale and his eyes seemed to be even more haunted.   
  
    “Thank you, Dr. Morris.”  Noah turned and shook her hand.  “I’ll see you Friday at 10:00 a.m.”  
  
    “Yes, you will.”  The doctor said with one of those penetrating stares.  
  
    Noah walked up to Luke and Casey with a forced smile. “Hey, Casey.  What are you doing here?”  
  
    “Oh, I just came to meet Allison for lunch and saw Luke.”  Casey smiled at his friend.  He remember his first session with Dr. Bishop at Statesville.  It had been almost as tough as the rape itself.  Casey would have liked to have talked to Noah about it.  To encourage him that it would indeed get better but not with Luke standing there.   
  
    Noah caught Casey’s eyes and he could see the look of encouragement Casey was trying to give him.  His understanding of how tough this really was.  Noah was once again touched by the fact that he actually had someone who would understand exactly what he was going through.   
  
    The look that passed between his boyfriend and best friend was not lost on Luke.  There was an uncomfortable silence between the three which Casey broke.  “I better go find Allison for lunch.  I’ll catch you guys later.”   
  
    “Right.  See ya Casey.”  Luke said absently as he watched his friend quickly turn away and walk down the hallway.  Luke silently turned back to his boyfriend who was now gazing down at the floor seemingly lost in thought.  “You ready to go home, bubby?”  
  
    Noah was startled out of his thoughts by Luke’s question.  “What?  Oh, sure.  Let’s go home.”  Noah suddenly smiled and looked at Luke with pure love in his brilliant blue eyes.  “Home.  I love saying that word.”  
  
    “And I love hearing you say it.”  Luke said as he stepped close to Noah and kissed him.  He was pleased to feel Noah instantly wrap his arms around his waist and draw him closer.   
  
    The kiss lengthened and when it finally ended Noah quickly kissed Luke’s forehead. “Have I told you today how much I love you?”  
  
    “Yes.”  Luke leaned his forehead against Noah’s shoulder.  “But I think you need to tell me again.”  


* * *

    Casey had walked into the cafeteria but couldn’t find Allison.  He then had gone to the nurse’s station in ICU to see if she was there but the other nurse said that she had already left for lunch. 

  
    Funny?  Casey thought, where was she?  
  
    He was about to turn and head back to the cafeteria thinking that somehow they had missed each other when he spotted Allison standing near one of the nursing terminals at the other end of the ICU corridor.  Well actually he saw her back as she bent over looking at something on the desk in front of her.  
  
    “Allie”   Casey called as he walked down the hall up to her.  “You ready for lunch, babe?”  
  
    “No.”  Allison said as she stood up.  She was holding something and looking at it intently.  
  
    “Well, if you need to finish something up, I’ll wait.”  Casey smiled and came up behind her wrapping his arms around her and giving her a squeeze.  He was about to kiss the back of her neck when he saw what she was holding.  
  
    “WHAT IS THAT?”  Casey whispered hoarsely and jumped back from her as if hit by a volt of electricity.  
  
    Allison slowly turned around.  Casey’s mind registered the tears coursing down her cheeks but honestly the only thing his eyes could focus on was the short, white plastic stick in Allie’s right hand.   
  
    Casey looked up and his and Allison’s eyes locked.  There was fear there in Allison’s eyes but a longing too.  Casey’s shock quickly disappeared as he saw that look in the woman that he loved eyes.  He took two strides and was in front of Allison.  He reached up and took her face in his hands and gently wiped the tears away with his thumbs.  He then reached down and silently  
took the plastic stick from her hands and laid it on the desk behind her.  
  
    Casey honestly couldn’t remember being this scared in his whole life.  “So when is our baby due?” He whispered.  
  
    Allison’s eyes still held the fear but as she realized what Casey had asked a dazzling smile enlivened her face.  “You’re not upset?”  
  
    “How can I be upset that we’re going to have something that comes from the both of us.”  Casey’s eyes suddenly held a quizzical look and a sharp chuckle escaped his smiling face.  
  
    “Is there really something that funny at a time like this?”  Allison asked.  
  
    “Well, yeah.  I get to walk into the Police Station for the third time this week and have my mom ask me ‘what’s wrong?’ and I get to knock her off her feet with this news.  It’s going to be classic.”  Casey leaned over and placed a tender kiss on Allison’s lips.   
  
  


* * *

 

    The happy news had been delivered to Margo Hughes the next day by her son, Casey who  walked in for the third time in a week and floored her with the news that she was to be a grandmother.  She had been alternately stunned and overjoyed by the prospect. 

  
    Jack had found it overwhelmingly funny to think that Casey who he’d know all his life and watched cause Margo and Tom no end of worry and sleepless nights, was now going to be getting it back in spades.  He had actually spent the rest of the shift chuckling about it.   
  
    When asked by Margo if that meant that Casey and Allison would be moving up their wedding plans, Casey had been decidedly noncommittal.  It’s not that she was old fashion but they were already engaged, why not move up the wedding before the baby was born?  But the concern over the impending wedding and birth of her future grandchild was put aside the next day when the result of Jeff Emerson’s DNA test came in.   
  
    That is what found Margo at the front door of the Snyder’s home trying to compose herself before she rang the doorbell.  She said to herself for what must have been the hundredth time in the last month that “she was getting too old for this job” and rang the doorbell.  
  
    “Margo” Lily said as she opened the door.  “Come in.”  
  
    Margo greeted the smiling Lily with her own smile and walked through the door.  “Holden, Luke, Noah.”  Margo said as she saw that they were obviously just finishing dinner.  “I’m sorry to show up unannounced, but I need to talk to Noah.”  
  
    “Me, why?” Noah said as he got up from the dining table with Luke quickly getting up and placing a comforting hand on his boyfriends forearm.   
  
    “What’s wrong, Margo?”  Holden said as he came around the table to stand next to his wife.   
  
    “I think I need to speak to Noah alone.”  She began.  
  
    “No, they’re my family.  They can hear whatever you have to say.”  Noah said as he leaned into Luke for support.  
  
    “All right.  I think we all should sit down then.  I have some news on your case.”  
  
    Noah and Luke took seats next to each other on the sofa as Lily sat in one of the side chairs with Holden standing next to it.  Margo took the other side chair.  A moment of silence hung heavy as they all waited for Margo to tell them the reason for her visit.  
  
    “Noah, we’ve had a break in your case.” She started.  Luke could feel Noah tense up next to him and he squeezed the hand that he was holding trying to give as much strength as he could to Noah.  
  
    “Through a DNA match we’ve identified one of the men who raped you.”  She was watching to gauge Noah’s reaction to the news.  She could remember the feeling she had when she found out that they had caught one of her rapist.  It hadn’t been as satisfying as she had hoped.  It had only brought on a whole new set of problems.   
  
    “Do I have to come down and identify him?”  Noah asked quietly.  “Like you see on TV, in a line up?  Because if I have to, I can’t.  I still don’t remember any faces.”  
  
    “No.”  Margo shook her head.  “We have the DNA match.  If you never remember their faces it really doesn’t matter as long as the DNA evidence can be admitted into evidence.”   
  
    “If it can be admitted into evidence.”  Holden said.  “What’s that mean?”  
  
    This is the part Margo didn’t want to tell them about but had to.  “There’s a problem.”  
  
    “What’s that?”  Luke nearly pounced on her statement.  
  
    Margo took a deep breath and looked directly at Noah.  “Well, the way that the DNA was collected is theoretically admissible but because of who the suspect is . . . we just don’t know if it will stay admissible.”  
  
    “Who’s the suspect?”  Lily asked.  
  
    “The man who’s DNA matched is Jeff Emerson.”  Margo said watching Noah.  “The District Attorney’s son.”  
  
    Silence greeted that announcement.  Holden and Lily stared at Margo not quite understanding the consequences of Jeff being the DA’s son.  
  
    “Jeff was in my Film History class last semester.”  Noah whispered as he stared at the coffee table in front of him.  Luke flinched at the flat, dead sound of his voice.  “Are you sure?”  
  
    “Yes.  We had them do the test twice.”  She confirmed.  “Jack’s gone to arrest him as we speak.”   
  
    Noah clutched at Luke’s hand.  Luke looked over and met Noah’s terror filled eyes.  “It’ll be okay.”  He whispered.   
  
    Noah closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  He was thinking of all the things he’d been talking to Dr. Morris about.  She had told him that if a suspect were to be arrested that he would have to come to terms with the fact that when the suspects were charged it would be a matter of public record that he had been raped.   
  
    They had talked about that and the gossip that was already going around OU and they were working on his acceptance of the fact that none of this was his fault and that he was the victim and therefore not to blame for any of this.  It was slow going and Noah was still having a hard time with the concept.   
  
    “Now, everyone’s going to know I was raped.”  Noah whispered and opened his eyes to look directly into Luke’s hazel eyes and what he was afraid he’d see there, pity wasn’t there.  The only thing he saw there was the utter love that Luke felt for him.  “I guess, we’ll just have to make sure that he’s put away for a long time, right?”  
  
    Holden and Lily smiled from their seat and Lily quickly got up and went over and sat on Noah’s other side and embraced him.  “We’ll all be right there with you the whole way, baby.”   
  
    Holden had walked behind Noah and laid his hand on Noah’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.  Noah was once again touched by Holden’s support.  He so wished his own father had been half the father Holden had been to him.  Noah actually felt then that maybe he would be able to get through this whole thing.  As long as he had his family’s support, he’d get through it all.  
  
  


* * *

 

    Jack and Dallas pulled up to the District Attorney’s building.  They had tried to locate Jeff at his dorm room at OU but his roommate had informed them that Jeff was meeting his father at his office to go out to dinner.  They had immediately called his office and confirmed that the DA was still there.

  
    “I guess I didn’t want to make Detective First Class anyway, Jack.”  Dallas smiled as they walked up to the elevator to take them to the 4th floor office of the District Attorney.  
  
    “Yeah.”  Jack smiled and looked at Dallas out of the corner of his eyes.  “The pay sucks anyway.”   
  
    They rode the elevator in silence and both took deep breathes as they got off and walked up to the DA’s secretary.  
  
    “Detective Jack Snyder to see the DA, please.”  Jack asked with a smile.  
  
    “Do you have an appointment, Detective?”  The secretary asked in a bland voice.  The detective’s smile totally lost on her.  
  
    “No.”  Jack said.  
  
    Just as the secretary was reaching to buzz the District Attorney his office door opened and out walked the DA and the man they were looking for.   
  
    “Detective, what bring you here today?” DA Emerson said as he noticed the men standing next to his secretary’s desk.   
  
    “District Attorney Emerson, we’re actually here for your son.”  Jack said as he and Dallas took a step toward the young man in question.  
  
    “Excuse me?”  The DA quickly said placing a hand on his son’s forearm.  
  
    “Jeff Emerson.”  Dallas said as he stepped forward and around to the back of Jeff.  He quickly grabbed his left wrist and placed a handcuff on while pulling his right hand back.  
  
    “You’re under arrest for the rape and attempted murder of Noah Mayer.”  Dallas continued.  
  
    “WHAT!”  The DA shouted as he watched the cuffing of his son.  “Are you two out of your minds?”  
  
    “No.”  Jack said as he reached out and took Jeff’s right arm while Dallas took his left and started to walk him to the elevator.   
  
    Jeff had been in a daze when Dallas had placed the cuffs on him but now he snapped out of that and started to struggle.  Yelling for his dad to do something.  
  
    Dallas continued.  “You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law.  You have the right to an attorney.  If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you.  Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”  
  
    “Fuck you!”  Jeff nearly spat at Dallas as they stopped at the elevator and waited for it to arrive.  
  
    “I guess, that’s a yes.”  Jack smiled.  He turned as the District Attorney came up behind them.  “Your son has been informed of his miranda right and indicated that he understands his rights.  I’m sure you’ll get him a good lawyer.”  
  
    “I’ll have your badge for this.”  Payton exclaimed.  “You and Margo Hughes.  You’re both finished.  Don’t say a dam*n word Jeff until John Larson gets down to the station.  Do you hear me?”  
  
    The doors to the elevator opened and Dallas and Jack pulled the young man into it and turned and pressed the button for the lobby.  Jack actually smiled at the DA as the door closed.  In for a penny, in for a pound Emma always said.  
  
    As the elevator was going down Jeff glared at both Jack and Dallas in the reflective surface of the brass elevator doors.  “Hope you liked your jobs because you’re not going to have them for long once my father gets me out of this.”  
  
    Jack immediately dropped his hand from where he was holding Jeff’s right arm.  Just standing next to the bast*ard who had beaten and raped Noah was enough to make him want to reach out and punch the “stop” button and beat his smiling little face in.  
  
    “I guess you don’t know my last name, do you?”  Jack smiled at the young snot.   
  
    “Detective Buttwipe?”  Jeff said with a smirk.  
  
    “Detective Buttwipe, that’s pretty good.”  Jack laughed, looking across to Dallas who was also smiling.  “No, actually Detective Snyder.  Don’t recognize it do you?  No.  Well, Noah’s the boyfriend of my cousin Luke.  So that’s right, brain surgeon, Noah’s my family.  What - not smiling so much now?  Not so brave when you don’t have a large branch and a couple of friends to help you?”   
  
    The doors opened and they stepped out with him into the lobby heading for the front doors of the building and their waiting car.  
  
    “Hey, you know what Jack?”  Dallas said as they walked out the doors.   
  
    “What Dallas.”  Jack asked.  
  
    “They aught to love his sweet, little ass in Statesville. after he’s convicted.”   
  
    Dallas and Jack shared an evil, little smirk between them over the look of realized horror on Jeff Emerson’s face.

 

* * *

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

    Jeff Emerson’s snide attitude returned in full force by the time Jack and Dallas got him to the police station to start the booking process.  He had already had his mugshot taken and was in the process of getting his figure prints taken when John Larson appeared and demanded to speak to his client. 

  


    They had been talking earnestly for almost an hour in the interrogation room when Noah and Luke accompanied by Holden and Lily walked through the doors to the squad room. 

    “Noah, Luke, what are you doing here?”  Margo asked when she saw them come in. 

    “I need to see him.”  Noah breathed.  He looked pale and he was sweating but he had told Luke right after Margo had left that he thought he needed to see Jeff and see if anything came back to him.  Luke and Lily had argued against it but in the end Holden had said that he agreed with Noah that he needed to do this. 

    “You can’t talk to him, Noah.”  Margo shook her head. 

    “I don’t really want to talk to him Margo, I just need to see him.”  Noah whispered.  “Just look him in the eyes, I guess.”

    Luke put his hand on his boyfriends back and rubbed.  Luke thought this was a really bad idea, but if Noah felt this was what he needed to do then he would support him.  For Luke himself, he wasn’t sure how he felt about seeing one of the men that had raped and beaten Noah. 

    Margo had walked over to Dallas and told him to get Emerson and move him to lock-up.  Noah and his family watched as Dallas opened the door to the interrogation room and lead Jeff Emerson out.  He was still in handcuffs and had his head turned still talking to his lawyer. 

    Noah froze when he saw the young man that he recognized from his Film History class from the semester before.  Luke could feel Noah go tense all over and moved closer to him and placed his other hand on Noah’s forearm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

    Jeff came to a sudden halt when he turned around and saw the group standing in front of him.  His cocky smile slide only slightly on his face.  His lawyer quickly stepped in front of him.

    “This is no place for an identification, Detective Hughes.”  He said in a condescending voice.  “If you wish to perform a lineup than set one up and I’ll consider it.”

    “Oh, we don’t need an identification, Mr. Larson.”  Jack smiled as he spoke from his vantage point slightly behind and on the other side of Noah where he stood with Holden and Lily.  “The DNA speaks for itself.”

    “Yes, well we’ll get to that in time.”  Mr. Larson said tersely. 

    Noah just stared at Jeff.  He was wondering why his face didn’t seem to stir anything in him.  Shouldn’t his face or his mere presence trigger something?  He had hoped and feared the whole way over that it would, now he didn’t know how to feel.

    “What are you looking at fairy boy?”  Jeff said with his ever present smirk.

    “Shut up!”  Luke snapped.

    “Luke, please.”  Margo said.

    “Jeff, keep your mouth shut.” His lawyer admonished him.

    Noah had frozen at the sound of Jeff’s voice.  Suddenly he wasn’t in the squad room.  He didn’t feel Luke’s hands on his back and forearm.  He didn’t hear Lily’s soft gasp at Jeff’s outburst.  Noah was suddenly deep in a place of fear and terror.  He was that blind eyed, seeking person of his dreams.  Knowing only the pain and fear that always greeted him in those dreams. 

    _“. . . rough. . .?”_

    The voice of his dreams was alive and in front of him.  The source of his sense of fear and panic, personified in the person of Jeff Emerson.

    _“. . .  rough enough . . . ?”_

    He could feel his heart racing.  If he thought he was sweating before, then he was swimming in his own perspiration now.  His throat was sealed shut with fear and he felt if he wanted to scream he couldn’t.

    _“Is this rough enough for you?”_

    The voice seemed to be getting louder and with it came the shaking.  He felt like he was shaking like a leaf.  The fear, the shame, the guilt, the pain.  All of it felt like it was going to explode out of him at any moment.

   _“I’ve always heard your type like it rough.  Is this rough enough for you?”_

    “What!?”  Luke whispered.  “What did you say, Noah?”

    Noah was suddenly back in the squad room.  He felt Luke’s arms around him.  Reassuring and loving.  He was staring at a now wide eyed Jeff. 

     ** _“I’ve always heard your type like it rough.  Is this rough enough for you?”_**  Noah whispered into the ear shattering silence  
of the squad room.  “That’s what you said to me right after you raped me.”

    Noah watched as the blood seemed to drain from Jeff’s face. 

    “My client won’t be making any statements at this time.”  John Larson said as he placed a hand on his clients shoulder to forestall him from saying anything further.

    Noah was suddenly very aware of Luke beside him.  He seemed to be almost vibrating.  He turned to look at his boyfriend and almost stepped back from him.  He had never seen such a hatred burn in Luke’s hazel eyes.  He wasn’t the only one that saw it.  Jack was suddenly on the other side of Luke taking his arm and pulling him away from Noah. 

    “Come on, Luke.”  Jack said into his ear.

    “NO!”  Luke shouted.  “Noah needs me.”

    Noah just watched as Jack physically pulled Luke through the squad room doors.  He was about to follow when he felt Lily quickly take his hand.  “Let Jack take care of it.”

    Noah looked over at Lily and felt Holden slide an arm across his shoulders as he took Luke’s place at his side. 

    “All of a sudden I just remembered what he said that night.”  Noah breathed.

    “You’ll be fine, Noah.”  Lily squeezed his hand.  “We’re here.”

 

* * *

  


    “Get off of me, Jack.”  Luke almost screamed as he pulled his arm out of his cousins’ grasp. 

  
    “Then you better get a hold of yourself.”  Jack pointed at him.  “Don’t think I didn’t see that look in your eyes.  Do you think it will do Noah any good if you’re in jail for assaulting Jeff?”

    “I wasn’t going to assault him.”  Luke could hear the lie in his voice just as easily as his cousin could.  Luke shoved his hands deep in his pockets.  “You heard what Noah said.  That’s what that animal said to him after he . . . he . . . brutalized him.”

    Jack walked over to his young cousin and reached up and squeezed his shoulder.  “Yeah, I heard and honestly if Dallas hadn’t been there when we arrested him I probably would have taken him somewhere and beat the shi*t out of him, but then I’d be just as bad as him and you know you and I are definitely better than that.”

    Luke looked down at his feet not wanting to meet Jack’s eyes.  He knew everything that he was saying was right but Luke had never hated someone as much as he hated Jeff Emerson at this moment.  Just the thought of half of the things he’d done to Noah was nearly driving him crazy with anger and hatred. 

    “Come on, Luke.”  Jack said.  “Noah needs you to keep it together.”

    “It’s just . . . “ Luke faltered. 

    “It’s just what?” Jack asked.

    “It’s just, I guess I never realized how much this whole thing has affected me, too.”  Luke said feeling guilty to even consider what he was feeling in the same category to what Noah was going through.

    “Crime just doesn’t effect the victim, it effects their families as well.  The attack, the rape, it’s going to have repercussions for you as well as for Noah.”

    “I just hate him so much.”  Luke whispered.

    “Luciano, what’s going on?”  Damian asked as he walked up the steps of the police building and came to a stop in front of his obviously enraged son.

 

  
* * *

 

    Noah was standing over by Dallas’ desk waiting for Luke to come back.  Dallas had lead Jeff off and Holden and Lily had gone over to speak with Margo about what to expect next.  Noah still couldn’t forget the fear that Jeff’s voice had stirred in him and how the memory of what he had said had finally became clear. 

  
    Margo seemed pleased by the fact that Noah remembered something from that night.  Noah wasn’t so sure.  He knew it probably helped the case but he desperately didn’t want to remember anything else from that night.  Each thing that became clear was more horrific than the last.  He wished he could just turn a switch and forget everything he’d remembered so far and stop anything else from becoming clear.

    The relative peace of the room was totally shattered when the District Attorney entered the room. 

    “Hughes!” DA Emerson shouted as soon as he came through the doors.  “What the he*ll do you think your doing arresting my son?”

    Margo had turned away from Holden and Lily and faced the District Attorney.  “He was arrested for attempted murder and rape based on the fact that his DNA matched DNA taken from the crime scene and the victim.”

    Whether she realized it or not when Margo had said “victim” she had glanced in Noah’s direction.  The District Attorney had followed her gaze and his attention was now square on a completely unprepared and speechless Noah. 

    “So you’re the . . . the . . . man that says my son raped him?”  Payton Emerson said with the same condescending sneer that his son had.  He took a threatening step in Noah’s direction.  “Well I don’t know who you think you are but you’re not going to get away with it and you better be sure that I’m coming after you for it!”

    “Get.  Away.  From.  Him.!”

    Noah flinched at the force of the statement and DA Emerson was sufficiently shocked at being so interrupted that his mouth snapped shut and he turned. 

    Lily had taken a few steps from Holden towards the DA and Noah and was standing ramrod straight.  Anger seemed to be rolling off of Lily in waves as she faced the District Attorney.

    “How dare you threaten him.”  She said in a surprisingly low but very clear voice.  Noah was shocked that he saw more than a trace of Lucinda in her face at that moment. 

    “Mrs. Snyder” DA Emerson said trying to regain his composure.  “I wasn’t aware that you or your mother were associated with this.”

    “Oh, we’re associated.”  Lily smiled in a decidedly wicked manner.  “Your psychopathic, bastard of a son tried and almost succeeded in killing Noah.”  She took a step closer so she was within a few feet of the DA.  “He’s my son’s boyfriend and hopefully one day - husband.  He’s like a son to me and I love him very much as does my mother.”

    Lily took another step closer.  “So you can threaten to get that degenerate of a son off all you want Payton, but DNA doesn’t lie.  And if you want to throw your weight and money around and somehow get him out of this . . . try.”  She whispered the last word. 

    Payton hesitated.

    “You don’t want Lucinda Walsh or ME as an enemy, Payton.  I promise you that.”  Lily walked past the DA and took Noah’s hand. 

    Holden walked past the stupefied DA with a slight smirk.  “I’ve been married to her for 20 years, you don’t want her as an enemy.  Believe me.” 

   

* * *

  


    The afternoon breeze was surprisingly warm for a September evening and the pond was the most peaceful place Noah could think of at the moment.  When they had left the police department and got in the car he had told Luke that he needed to go someplace other than home.  So even without knowing why, Luke had immediately started for the farm.  The Snyder Farm was their place.  Their getaway.  It was where they feel in love.  Everything that Noah loved could be wrapped into those few acres that Luke had grown up around. 

  
    Luke had parked the car and they had without a word to each other started walking hand-in-hand down to the pond.  It was close to sunset and the late afternoon sun was gleaming off of the water.  They stopped at the banks of the pond and slowly sank down to take seats in the grass just gazing out over the calm water. 

    Noah was lost in the pleasant silence.  All the thoughts that had been racing through his mind since leaving the police station were suddenly pushed away so he could simple enjoy being her with Luke in their special place.   He felt Luke put his arm around him and lean his head on Noah’s shoulder and it felt right and perfect. 

    “Better?”  Luke asked after about 15 minutes.

    “Yeah.”  Noah smiled.   “I always feel better when I’m here with you.”

    “Good.”  Luke whispered not wanting to break the magic that their place held for Noah. 

    They sat there watching the sun slowly head for the horizon and listened as the daytime noises slowly gave way to the noises of early evening.  Noah for the first time in a while felt at peace.

    “I didn’t remember what Jeff said that night until he spoke to me today.”  Noah said still looking out over the pond.

    “Uh-huh.”  Luke breathed.  He’d wanted to ask but didn’t want to push his boyfriend.

    “He opened his mouth and it was as if I wasn’t even there in the squad room anymore.  I was right back a month ago by the lake.  It was sort of like a dream but more real.”  Noah continued.  “I can’t remember anything in particular, just what he said at that moment.  Don’t you think that’s weird?”

    Luke thought for a long moment.  “I guess like Dr. Borda and Dr. Hugh’s and even Dr. Morris has said, different things will trigger your memories.  I guess just hearing the sound of his voice triggered remembering something he said that night.”  Luke stopped and swallowed.  “Noah . . .”

    Noah waited for Luke to continue.  When he didn’t he turned to look at his boyfriend in the last rays of sunlight.  The dying light of the evening sun illuminated Luke’s face.  “What?”

    “I’m afraid.” 

    Noah could see tears gathering in Luke’s eyes.  “Of what, Luke?” 

    Luke suddenly looked down and Noah could see the tears starting to roll down his cheeks.  “Luke, tell me.”

    “I’ve never hated anybody as much as I hated Jeff today.  I mean, I was pissed at Zack and Zoe but in the end I really only felt sorry for her, but Jeff . . .”  Luke whispered to the ground  “I could honestly see myself . . . “

    Noah turned slightly and reached out and took Luke’s face in his hands and turned his face up to him.  He was struck through the heart once again like every time by the love that came pouring out of Luke’s soft hazel eyes.  “Nothing you say can hurt us.  Tell me.”

    “Just for a second, just for a moment, I wanted him died.”  Luke tried to turn his head away but Noah’s hands wouldn’t allow it.  “What has he done to us, both of us.  I actually had Damian trying to talk me out of killing him.  Damian was worried I’d try.  Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black or whatever that saying is.  What kind of person am I turning in to?” 

    Before Luke knew what was happening Noah had pulled Luke so that he was sitting in Noah’s lap straddling his body.  Noah reached up and pulled Luke’s mouth to his and they shared a kiss that seemed to suck all the air out of each of their bodies. 

    Luke’s shock was gone in an instant as he snaked his arms around Noah’s neck.  Running his fingers up from the nape of Noah’s neck into his dark curls and taking hold of them and drawing Noah in even tighter and closer. 

    They’re kiss lasted longer than any since the attack and they both let out a breathless sigh when they finally parted, leaning their foreheads against each other.

    “This just didn’t happen to me, Luke.  It happened to you, too.  It didn’t just change me, it’s changed you, too.  I’m not the same trusting, naive, soul that I was and you’re not the same carefree, do whatever you want, Luke either.”  Noah said looking deeply into Luke’s eyes.

    “This . . . this whole thing has remade me.  It’s remade you.  He*ll, it’s remaking us right now and I just need to know that even though we’re not where we were before this, I want to know that in spite of it we’re still here, together?”

    Luke and Noah’s eyes were locked into the most intense gaze they had shared in a long time.  Luke leaned down and captured Noah’s lips in his own while still looking wide eyed into those deep blue pools of Noah’s.  He pulled away still gazing into Noah’s eyes.  “Nothing will ever . . . EVER . . . change how I feel about you.  I love you, I adore you, Noah.”

    The certainty in Luke’s voice was all Noah ever wanted or needed to hear.  “We’ll get through this.  You mean more to me than anything in this world, Luke.  You’re my home.”

 

  
* * *

 

    Assistant District Attorney Davis was sitting behind his desk this morning like every other morning for the past two years.  The only difference this morning is he didn’t know if he’d have the job at the end of the day. 

  
    Yesterday when Margo Hughes had called with the DNA results in the Mayer’s case he hadn’t really been surprised that they had matched Jeff Emerson.  It seemed to be preordained that this would happen.  He hadn’t gotten along with Payton Emerson the District Attorney since practically the first day he had been hired for the job.  They disagreed about virtually everything.  What cases to prosecute.  What cases not to prosecute, sentencing recommendations, press statements. 

    The biggest problem that Ken Davis had with Payton Emerson is that he just couldn’t bring himself to respect his boss.  Payton wasn’t in the job for the same reason that Ken was.  Ken wanted to be there for the victim.  To get the justice that they deserved and required.  Payton on the other hand was in this job for a totally different reason.  It’s upward mobility possibilities. 

    Payton’s aspiration for higher office was his driving force.  He had his eyes on higher places than the lowly DA’s office.  County Executive?  District Representative to the House?  Mayor?  It was all just a stepping stone for him.  If he happened to help a victim in the process that was just happenstance. 

    Margo had said that Jack and Dallas were on their way to arrest Jeff Emerson and when he came in this morning he’d heard the office gossip as soon as he hit the door.  The arrest had gone down right here in the building and the DA had gone completely apeshit.  Threatening the detectives that arrested Jeff, Detective Hughes, the whole Oakdale police department. 

    Ken was sure that by now Payton was well aware of who authorized the DNA test and who okay the arrest warrant.  It was only a matter of time before Payton arrived on his doorstep to meat out more of his Emerson justice. 

    Surprisingly when Ken had told all of this to his wife, Dorothy, she had been quite calm and even a little bit fierce about it.  Dorothy had never liked the present Mrs. Emerson.  Whenever they had been forced to mingle with them socially, Cathy Emerson had seemed more full of herself then was politically correct.  Dorothy had told Ken that whatever happened, happened but that Ken should always do what he thought was right and true to what his job should be.  

    Ken was jolted out of his thoughts by the slamming of his office door.  He turned in his chair and saw District Attorney Emerson standing with his back to the door.  If there was any doubt by anybody in the District Attorney’s office about how these two felt about each other it was only because they were literally blind. 

    Payton pushed himself away from the door he’d been leaning against and walked over to the window.  “Seems that you’re the one that authorized the testing of my son’s illegally obtained DNA.  Obtained, I might add, by your son.”

    “California vs. Greenwood . . . “ Ken began.

    “Fuck Greenwood.”  Payton nearly screamed.  “You know very well the Appellate Courts will throw this out.”

    “I’m willing to take my chances with the appeal.”  Ken smiled smugly as he stood up from his chair.

    The look shared between Payton and Ken were the farthest thing from friendly.  “Are you willing to take that chance with your job, Ken?” 

    “Is that a threat?”  Ken asked.

    “No.”  Payton said as he turned towards the door to leave.  “It’s a guarantee.  If my son goes down because of this, you’ll wish you never worked here.”

    “I’ll take the chance Payton.  In fact, I’ll go you one better.”  Ken folded his arms across his chest.  “I’ll take your job.  In a year when you run for re-election, I’m running against you.”

    Payton looked over his shoulder at his Assistant District Attorney.  “Is that what this is about?  You okayed all this in order to get the upper hand in an election over a year away.”

    “No, Payton.”  Ken shook his head.  “It’s about the fact that your son is a sadistic assho*le that needs to be put away and the fact that the first thing that comes to your mind is your career and not your son or the victim proves why you shouldn’t be District Attorney.”

    “My son will never go to trial.  I promise you that.”  Payton opened the door and walked out.  Ken stood wondering what Payton had up his sleeve for this case and in particular Noah Mayer.

 

 

* * *

 

    “I win!  I win!”  Ethan yelled as Noah and Luke tried to hide their smiles. 

  
    “Yeah, you did, Ethan.”  Luke said as he started to clean up the board game they’d been playing with his little brother. 

    “Noah, will you play me again?”  Ethan whined with a cute cherub smile. 

    “Sorry buddy, I’ve got to get to an appointment.”  Noah said rubbing the top of his head and mussing up Ethan’s hair.  “Besides aren’t you going to Tommy’s house in a minute?”

    “Yeah.”  Ethan’s smile disappearing.  Luke’s little brother always felt like a big boy when he got to hangout with his “big brothers” Luke and Noah. 

    “Maybe tomorrow, okay?”  Noah asked as he kneeled down in front of the little guy.   
    
    Ethan’s smile illuminated his face.  “Really, Noah?” 

    “Really buddy.”  He said as Ethan virtually throw himself at Noah for a huge hug. 

    “Come on, mutchkin.”  Luke smiled down at his little brother and boyfriend.  “Let’s get you over to Tommy’s house.  I’ll be right back.” 

    Noah squeezed the hand that Luke had placed on his forearm and waved to Ethan as he and Luke went out the front door.

    He turned and was putting away the board game as Holden walked in with an armload of wood for the fireplace.

    “Hey, Noah, where’s everyone?”  He said as he stood in front of the fireplace.

    “Oh, Luke just walked Ethan over for a playdate at Tommy Gardner’s house.  He’ll be back in a minute.”  Noah said briefly looking up from placing the board game in it’s box.  “Do you need any help, Holden?”

    “No.  No.”  Holden smiled.  “Just one more load should do it.”

    He quickly turned back to the firewood pile next to the fireplace and started placing his armload of firewood on the pile.  The room was filled with the load thumping of the wood.  It must have been that sound that triggered Noah’s memories.

    Holden didn’t notice Noah suddenly standing stock still near the table because he hadn’t turned around before heading out the back entrance of the family room to go get more wood.

    Noah’s face had gone completely pale and his brilliant blue eyes were now mostly black because it seemed as if his pupils were blown completely open.  He didn’t even remember walking toward the fireplace because to him he wasn’t in the Snyder’s family room any longer.

    All Noah could see, hear or feel was the fear that was suddenly all around him.  He was once again that blind-eyed victim of his dreams but this was much more real than any dream.  He could taste the blood in his mouth and feel the pain all over his body.  He could sense a presence of someone standing over him but he couldn’t see him.

    _“I guess fairy boys can take a pretty good beating, huh.”_  The voice said out of the haze that seemed to be surrounding him.  He sensed the presence loom closer, expected to feel the touch of its hand at any moment and that moment was what he feared the most.  He didn’t know how he knew to fear it, but he did. 

    Noah’s heart was pounding in his chest and he would have worried about that if it hadn’t been for the tremendous pain in his head.  When had that happened?  His fragmented memories were trying to coalesce into one and as he replayed the sound of the wood thumping, those memories became a sharp crack upon his head. 

    Without realizing it Noah’s hands flew up in front of his face as if he were trying to ward off a blow from some unseen attacker.  A slight whimper escaped his lips as he stared wide-eyed into the space in front of him.  That’s how Luke found him as he opened the front door and stepped inside.  “Noah?” 

    His name being called went unnoticed by Noah as he was trapped in his own personal he*ll.  His ears seemed to be ringing and all he could feel was that another blow was coming and the looming presence was getting closer and closer.  The fear, the terror, the pain, the shame, the guilt all getting closer.

    “Noah?”  Luke said a little louder.  He took a measured step toward his boyfriend, worry etched in his face. 

    Noah dropped his hands and tried to see the presence and suddenly the face was there in front of him.  Jeff looking down at him with an evil, sadistic grin playing across his face.   _“Now let’s see what else you can take.”_  His laughter turned his stomach.  His touch, oh God, his touch made him want to scream.

    Luke reached out and placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder.  “Noah?”

    Jeff’s hand on his shoulder.  No!  No!  Not again!  Noah whirled around and struck out blindly trying to keep Jeff away from him.  He felt his fist connect with Jeff’s face.

    “Augggh!  Noah!”  Luke screamed as he fell to the floor.

    Luke’s scream ripped through Noah’s consciousness.  It pulled him out of the waking flashback he was in the middle of.  He looked around dazed wondering where Jeff had gone and wondering if he’d be coming back.  He eyes finally came to rest on Luke laying on the floor.  He was supporting himself on one elbow and had his other hand to his mouth.  Noah could see blood leaking through his fingers and Luke’s eyes were wide with a look Noah had never thought he’d see in Luke’s eyes when looking at him.  Fear.

    Noah went to reach out to Luke and that’s when he saw the blood on his own right hand.  He stopped and didn’t take another step closer to his bleeding boyfriend.  He had struck Luke.  He’d attacked his boyfriend, the one person in the whole world he’d absolutely without question give his life for.  What was he doing?  What was he turning into?   He watched as the fear in Luke’s eyes turned almost immediately to realization of what had happened.

    Luke watched as Noah looked around the room with terror in his eyes before he saw Luke laying on the floor.  Luke had, for the first time ever, been afraid of Noah.  That had only lasted an instant.  He watched as Noah started towards him and then saw the blood on his own hands and the reality of what he’d done hit him.   

    “Noah.”  Luke began as he struggled to his feet.  “It was an accident.  I shouldn’t have came up behind you like that.  I’m sor . . . .”

    “Stop!”  Noah nearly screamed as he backed away from Luke’s outstretched hand.  His eyes locked on the blood covering it.  “Stay away from me.  I don’t want to hurt you again.”

    “Babe, babe.”  Luke tried to sooth him.  Luke was bleeding and his jaw hurt like the devil but the wild-eyed look in Noah’s eyes were quickly being replaced by recrimination.  “You didn’t mean it.”

    “Luke you’re home . . .”  Holden said as he walked into the family room and stopped dead trying to take in the scene in front of him.  “What’s going on?”  He whispered.

    Noah’s face crumbled when he saw the man he considered more of a father to him than his own look at the blood on his son’s face and then look at Noah with a look of . . . fear.  Noah bolted for the door.  He had to get out of there before he hurt the one man he loved most and disappointed the one man he admired the most.

    “Noah, don’t!”  Luke screamed as he tried to catch Noah before he got through the doorway and out of the house.

    “Luke, what the hell happened?”  Holden asked as he ran after Luke out the front door.

    “Dad, go stop him.  Please!”  Holden didn’t even hesitate as he ran past Luke and tried to stop Noah as he raced his truck down the driveway and disappeared down the street.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

    “Dad, I have to go find him.”  Luke nearly cried as Meg pressed the ice pack to his lip.  “He’s got to know I’m fine.”

  


    “I know, Luke.”  Holden said.  He had called Jack and he was on  his way over.  “Jack and I will go out and look for him.  You’re going to stay here in case he comes back.” 

    “No.”  Luke nearly hopped off the sofa.  “I’m going, too.”

    “Luciano, listen to Holden.”  Damian said from behind the sofa where he was pacing.  He and Meg had been headed out for dinner when Holden had called his sister to come over and take a look at Luke’s jaw. 

    “He didn’t mean it, Damian.”  Luke whispered.  He was sure that Damian was afraid for him.  “I knew something was wrong when I came through the door.  I shouldn’t have came up behind him and surprised him.”

    “I know, Luciano.”  Damian stopped pacing and placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.  “I’m not blaming Noah.”

    “Then why don’t you want me to go after him?”  Luke turned to look at Damian.

    Before Damian could answer there was a knock on the door and Jack opened the door and entered.  “Wow.  That looks like it hurts.”

    “Yeah, it does.”  Luke said looking down at the floor.

    “Holden told me what happened and how Noah acted.  I’d say he was probably in the middle of a flashback.  I see it in assault victims all the time.”  Jack said as he stood next to Holden looking down at his cousin.  “He didn’t even know you were here because he was probably reliving a part of what happened to him that night.”

    “Noah would never hurt me.”  Luke stated with all the conviction in his soul.  “I’m going after him whether you like it or not.”

    “Luciano, wait.”  Damian said as he came around the sofa to stand in front of his son.  “I’m not saying to not go after him because I’m afraid he’ll hurt you.”

    “Then what is it, Damian!”  Luke yelled at his father.

    Damian quickly bent over and emptied a small mirrored tray on the coffee table of its contents and handed it to his son.  “Do you think him seeing you looking like this is going to make him want to come home?”

    Luke raised the mirror that Damian had handed him and looked at his reflection.  He gasped when he saw the dried blood down the front of his shirt, the swollen lips and jaw and the bruising that was already starting on the side of his face.  He looked like he’d gone 10 rounds with Mohammad Ali.  “No.”  Luke whispered.

    “The look on his face when he ran out of here tells me that he’s terrified about what he did.  Damian’s right, if he sees you looking like this he’ll keep running, Luke.”  Holden said.

    Luke’s hand dropped to his side and he quietly sat back down on the sofa.  “Just find Noah, Dad.  Please.”

    “I will, Luke.  I promise.”  Holden said as he and Jack headed out the front door.

 

 

 * * *

 

    The music at Yo’s pounded into Noah’s brain as he sat at the bar and ordered his fifth beer.  He was a pretty accomplished drinker when he wanted to be but anyone who downed five beers and a couple of shots in under 90 minutes was going to feel it.  

     "Trying to forget a girl, man?”  The bartender, who Noah didn’t recognized, asked over the beat of the music.

 

   “Trying to forget, period.”  Noah said with a slight slur. 

 

    The bartender handed him the beer he’d ordered.  “This will do it.”

    He hoped so.  He’d seen Holden run after him and try and stop him from leaving.  As he drove away from the Snyder’s home all Noah kept seeing was a bleeding Luke laying on the floor looking up at him with fear in his eyes.  Every time he remembered that look it was like a knife in the heart. 

    How could he have done that to Luke?  What was he doing?  He needed to stay away from Luke before he really, really hurt him.  And that thought broke his heart completely.  Losing Luke was worse than anything . . . even the attack but he couldn’t risk hurting the man he loved again.  On top of that seeing the look in Holden’s eyes of shock, disappointment, confusion was enough to send Noah back to his truck and speeding out of Oakdale. 

    “I tell you, that’s him.” was whispered behind him.

    “What’s he doing in here getting drunk?  You’d think he’d know better after what happened to him.”  Another person whispered not so quietly in response.

    ‘Yeah, I’m such a slut to have let myself be raped by not one, but probably more guys.  I shouldn’t be here.’  Noah thought.  ‘Maybe I’m just what they think I am.  I should just hock-up with some random guy and just prove what everyone is think is right.  If I did that Luke would have a reason to leave me.  He wouldn’t be saddled with a guy with so much baggage.’

    Noah went to take a drink only to realize that his fifth beer was already empty.

    “Looks like you could use another one, Noah.”  A familiar male voice said from his left shoulder.  Noah turned slightly unfocused eyes and saw an attractive man with a broad smile standing there. 

    'Tony . . .'

    'Reg’s Tony . . .'

    'Tony who wanted to see him naked in a hot tub . . .'

    'Yeah . . . he’d do.'

 

* * *

  
    “Allie?”  “Allison?”  Casey stood calling outside the bathroom door in their apartment.  “Baby, are you okay?”

  
    The sound of violent retching was his only answer followed by the sound of the toilet flushing.  “Don’t say baby, Casey!”

    Casey flinched at the shout.  This had been going on for the last week.  Vomiting in the morning.  Vomiting in the afternoon.  Vomiting in the evening.  Allie’s morning sickness obviously couldn’t tell time. 

    Casey jumped as the bathroom door was thrown open.  His eyes falling on the pale, exhausted sight of his fiancé as she walked out of the room and headed for the sofa. 

    “I swear I’ve thrown up every meal I think I’ve ever eaten and it still keeps coming.”  Allie said as she sank down on the sofa.  “That’s just wrong.”

    Casey slowly sat down beside her and placed his arm around her drawing her against him.

    “It’ll be okay.  You know morning sickness is caused by the increased level of the pregnancy hormones hCG and estrogen circulating in your body, or the relaxation of the muscles of the digestive tract due to rising progesterone levels, or the rapid stretching of the uterine muscles.”

    Allison looked at Casey with a flat look in her eyes.  “You’ve been reading that ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ book again, haven’t you?”

    Casey’s flushed face betrayed his lame, “no.”  He looked at Allison’s stare.  “Well, maybe just a little.” 

    Allison’s response was cut short by the ringing of Casey’s cell phone.  He jumped off the sofa hurrying to grab it from his pants pocket. 

    “Hello.”

    “Casey, have you seen Noah?”  Luke asked by way of greeting.

    “Luke?”  Casey was concerned by the fear in his friend’s voice.”  “No, I’m home with Allison.  What’s wrong?  Why are you looking for Noah?”

    “Something . . . something happened tonight and he ran out of the house.”  Luke breathed.  “If you see him or he calls you, please call me, okay?” 

    “Sure.  Sure, Luke.”  Casey listened as Luke hung up the phone. 

    “What’s wrong with Luke and Noah?”  Allison asked.

    “I don’t know.  Luke said something happened tonight and Noah ran out of the house.  He’s looking for him.”  Casey said in a preoccupied manner.

    “Casey, what’s wrong?”  Allison said as she reached out and grabbed his hand.

    “I just hope Noah’s okay.  That’s all.”  Casey smiled down at his fiancé.   
   

 

* * *

    “Hey, Tony.”  Noah said leaning into the man beside him and hitting his shoulder with his own. 

  
    Tony looked at the man beside him.  He’d always admired Noah . . . and his body, for many reasons.  He, along with everyone else, had heard about the attack and rape he’d gone through.  That’s why it had surprised him when he walked in and saw Noah at the bar.  As Tony looked at him he saw that the man was obviously well on his way to being drunk.

    “Hey there, Noah.”  Tony smiled up at Noah.  “What are you doing here?”

    “Oh, just trying to forget . . . everything.”  Noah whispered as he went to take a drink out of the empty bottle.  “Another one and one for my friend here.”  Noah yelled at the bartender. 

    “Are we parting tonight?”  Tony said as he leaned in closer to Noah.  Ever since Reg had died Tony had been trying to forget, too.  Forget that Reg probably started doing the drugs that eventually killed him because of their breakup.  Forget that he might have had something with Reg but wasted it.  “Can I join you?”

    “Sure.”  Noah said as the bartender brought their drinks.  Noah decided that there was no time like the present.  “It’s just the start of the festivities tonight.  You want to join me?” 

    Tony was shocked that Noah was obviously flirting with him.  “What about Luke?”

    “Luke” Noah started and then looked away as he took a long pull on his beer.  “Luke’s better off without me.  But you . . . “ Noah pointed to Tony.  “I’m sure you’ve got just what I need right now.”

    A flush rushed up Tony’s face.  “I bet I do.”  He whispered as he leaned in and hesitated a second before kissing Noah’s lips.  It was strange for just a moment but then Noah started to respond and Tony forgot all about being in the middle of a bar.

    Noah stood there as Tony leaned in and started kissing him.  Panic was there at first but then he thought ‘this will set Luke free of me.  No more boyfriend with a ton of baggage.’  So he just thought about setting Luke free as he leaned into the kiss. 

     As Tony pulled away he smiled up at Noah.  “That was nice.  Just as good as I’ve always imagined it.” 

    “Well, that’s just the start of this party.”  Noah said as he finished off his sixth beer.  “Bartender, another one and a couple of shooters for us.”

    “Wow.  You really do want to party.”  Tony said with a chuckle and ran his hand up Noah’s back. 

    The bartender made another trip and delivered the ordered beers and shooters.  “I’m going to have to cut you off after this, man.”

    Noah looked at the bartender and then at Tony.  “That’s fine.  We’ll be leaving soon anyway.  Right?”

    “Definitely.  Definitely.”  Tony said as he gulped down the shooter and followed it with some of the beer. 

    “You want to dance?”  Noah asked in what he hoped was a seductive voice.  He’d never had to seduce anyone before.  Luke had been the only one for him and he didn’t have to resort to that with him.  ‘Stop thinking about Luke.  You’re doing this so Luke will leave you and your baggage behind.’  He was brought out of his thoughts as Tony took his hand and lead him onto the dance floor.

    Kevin rubbed at his jaw again as he walked into Yo’s.  It had been a few days and his jaw still hurt from where Jeff had punched him.  Well, it was worth it.  At least the bas*tard was charged and in jail now.  Kevin had gone to the dentist earlier just to make sure his jaw and teeth were fine.  They were.  He really just needed a beer though.

    He stopped dead in his tracks as his gaze fell upon the two men on the dance floor.  There was a small but “out” gay population in Oakdale and especially the University so seeing two guys dancing wasn’t that unusual but one half of the couple on the dance floor was unusual.  Noah.

    Kevin walked up to the bar and stood looking at Noah and . . . Tony dancing and this wasn’t two friends dancing, this was two guys on their way to hooking up dancing. 

    “He your boyfriend?”  The bartender asked Kevin.  “If so, he’s really drunk maybe you need to make up and take him home.”

    Kevin barely turned as he replied.  “No, man.  He and his boyfriend are my friends though.” 

    “Well, if you’re his friend you better get him out of here before he does something he’ll regret.”  The bartender said as he wiped the bar top in front of him.  “You want something to drink?”

    “Yeah, a beer.” Kevin said absently.

    The song ended and Noah and Tony started to leave the dance floor heading back to the bar when Noah caught sight of Kevin.  Instead of moving away from Tony’s touch he suddenly leaned into him even more. 

    “Kevin, what are you doing here?”  Noah said with a slight slur.  “Looking for another crime to solve.”

    Kevin smiled.  “No, just stopped in for a drink.  Where’s Luke?”

    The picture of Luke bleeding on the floor flashed again through Noah’s alcohol soaked brain.  “I don’t know, but he’s better off without me.”  Noah leaned down to whisper in Kevin’s ear.  “If you go over and just smile, Kev, he’ll be yours.”

    Noah pulled back and smiled down at him but Kevin wasn’t buying it.  “Not interested and you know that, Noah.  Why don’t I drive you home?”

    Noah smiled and threw his arm around Tony’s shoulder.  Tony for his part wrapped both his arms around Noah’s waist and leaned his head on his shoulder.  “No, me and Tony have some . . . business to attend to.  Right?”

    “Right.”  Tony smiled at Kevin. 

    “Noah, this isn’t going to make anything any easier.”  Kevin said as he took his own beer the bartender had delivered and took a quick pull on it.  “Please, let me just take you home to Luke.”

    “I told you Luke’s better off.”  Noah turned and kissed Tony on the forehead.  “You ready, baby?”

    “Sure, let me just finish my beer.”  Tony smiled up at Noah.

    “Noah?”  Kevin started.

    “I said, no!”  Noah said louder then he had intended.  “Beat it, Kevin.”

    Kevin backed off not wanting to start a fight with a drunken Noah in the middle of Yo’s.  He walked over toward the restrooms and took out his cell phone and dialed.

 

  
* * *

    The sound of vomiting was once again coming from the bathroom of Casey and Allison’s apartment and once again Casey was standing outside waiting for his sick fiancé to emerge. 

  
    “Do you need any help, Allie.”  Casey asked tentatively.

    He heard the flush and the running of water.  “I think I can manage to throw up without your help, Casey.”  Allie nearly growled.  She was exhausted from the constant morning sickness and although she loved Casey to death his constant hovering was starting to wear on her.

    Casey heard the agitation and irritation in Allie’s voice.  “You know, after you conceive a child, your body is flooded with pregnancy hormones, including estrogen and progesterone. Hormone shifts, which are most dramatic between the sixth and tenth week of pregnancy and in the final weeks before your baby is born, can significantly affect your brain chemistry -- and your moods.”

    Casey’s comment was met with a long silence.  “Allie?”  “Allie?”

    “Well . . . I guess I can tell the Judge that when they try me for murdering you after I beat you over the head with that d*amn book!”  Allie’s voice rose with each syllable. 

    Casey had backed up from the door with each word but was saved by the ringing of his cell phone that he left on the coffee table.  He scrambled across the room to answer it.

    “Hello?”  Casey said as he glanced sideways at the closed bathroom door.

    “Casey, it’s Kevin.”  Kevin said into the phone while still watching the couple at the bar.  “I need your help, man.”

    “I’m kind of busy right now, Kev.”  Casey said as he walked closer to the door still eyeing it warily.

    “It’s Noah . . .”  Kevin started.

    “Noah!”  Casey nearly yelled into the phone.  

    “Noah?”  Allie’s voice echoed from the other side of the door.  “Is Noah on the phone, Case?”

    “No, Allie.  It’s Kevin calling about him.”  Casey said into the crack of the door.  “Kevin, where’s Noah, Luke’s already called here looking for him.  He said something happened and Noah ran out of the house.”

    “Well, he ran straight to Yo’s and he’s totally crocked and about to do something he’s going to regret.  I need help.”  Kevin was on the verge of pleading.

    “Shit.”  Casey breathed.  He wanted to help Luke and Noah but he needed to be here for Allie, didn’t he?  “Allie, Kevin needs me to help with Noah.”

    “Go Casey.”  Allie yelled as she started kneeling over the toilet again.  She could feel the next wave of morning sickness take hold. 

    “Are you sure?”  Casey asked uncertainly.

    “Go Casey!”  Allie said before starting to vomit again.

 

* * *

    Kevin watched as Noah and Tony finished their beers and started for the back door of Yo’s that headed into the alley.  He wished Casey would get here maybe Noah would listen to him.  As they disappeared through the door, Kevin finished off his beer and headed after them.

  
    Noah was slightly wobbly on his feet as he walked hand-and-hand out the door with Tony.  “I’ll drive, lover.”  Tony whispered up at Noah.  “We’re going to my place, right?”

    Noah looked down into Tony’s eyes and saw the open desire there.  His stomach almost wanted to empty itself right there. 

    “Sure, your place.”  Noah said.  “Why wait though.”

    Noah backed Tony up against the brick wall of the alley and watched as Tony’s smile grew even wider. 

    “Why wait indeed.”  Tony breathed as he reached up and pulled Noah into a kiss.

    Noah really hadn’t known what to expect.  Tony’s kiss certainly wasn’t like Luke’s.  Luke and he just seemed to fit.  They knew instinctively the angels to use to have their mouth’s meet in always scorching and desired filled kisses.  The only other comparison was when Zach had quickly kissed him in Al’s and as with everything concerning the Z twins, he tried to forget it.

    The kiss with Tony wasn’t passion filled.  No desire resided there for him.  He closed his eyes and reached out to grip Tony’s waist but the only images that played over and over in his head was the blood running between Luke’s fingers as he lay on the floor.

    Unconsciously, Noah moaned at the memory.  Tony obviously thinking it a moan of desire pressed in even closer to Noah.  Burying his hands in Noah’s hair and pulling him down harder onto his mouth.

    That’s how Kevin found them when he came around the corner.  He would have been repulsed by the sight of two guys literally groping each other, if he didn’t know why Noah was doing it in the first place. 

    “What the hell, Noah?!”  A woman’s voice yelled.

    It was hard to say who’s head whipped around faster, Noah’s or Kevin’s at the almost screamed question.  But there standing in the low light of the alleyway was Luke’s cousin, Jade. 

    Noah involuntarily took a step back from Tony, who himself had been wiping his lips.  “Jade!  What . . . what are you doing here?”  Noah asked in a slurred voice.

    Jade simply glared at Noah and Tony.  She took a step closer and that’s when she suddenly became aware of Kevin also standing there in the alleyway. 

    “I came back from Chicago because Luke and you have been dealing with a lot and I thought my cousin needed some support.”  Jade nearly growled.  “I never thought I’d see this coming to Yo’s to grab a quick drink and catch up with some friends, that’s for sure.”

    “Jade . . .”  Kevin started. 

    “Kevin, what are you doing here?”  Jade asked hostilely.

    “Both you and Kevin can leave now.”  Noah said as he turned back to Tony.  “Are you ready to go, it’s getting a little crowded?”

    “Come on, Noah, you don’t want to do this.”  Kevin said in a disgusted manner.  Where was Casey?

    “Kevin”  Noah sighed.  “I’m grateful for what you did with Jeff and all but it’s really not your business now.”

    “But I think it is Luke’s.”  Casey said as he jogged up to the scene in front of him.  “Luke’s already called looking for you, man.”

    Noah seemed to shrink in front of them.  Tony seemed to want to be anywhere else but here with all of them.

    “Luke’s better off without me.”  Noah whispered.  “I’m sure after what I did tonight Holden and Lily certainly won’t want me around.”

    “What did you do?”  Jade asked with concern. 

     “He’s just better off without me.”  Noah said as he turned back to Tony.  “Are you ready to go?”

    Tony looked at the three friends standing in front of them.  “Noah, I like you a lot, always have but I think you need to find me when you’re not drunk and trying to forget Luke.”  He reached out and gave Noah’s arm a squeeze.  “Go home.”

    Tony quickly walked between Casey and Jade and out the alley. 

    Noah leaned back against the brick wall and suddenly seemed very drunk and sad.  Maybe he could just go back in Yo’s and find someone else?  He looked toward the door and took a step toward it but Kevin blocked his way.

    “Noah, it’s not going to help.”  Kevin shook his head.

    “What’s not going to help, Kevin.”  Noah snapped.  Shacking his head trying to clear it of the drinks he had already consumed.

    “You think if you hookup with enough guys it will somehow prove that you deserved what happened to you.”  Kevin nearly shouted at Noah.  “It doesn’t work that way.”

    “And how would you know anything, Kevin.”  Noah yelled back as he stood weaving back and forth in front of him.  “You ever been raped, Kevin?  No, I didn’t think so.”

    They all heard a gasp come from Jade’s direction.  Noah looked her way and saw her covering her mouth with her hand.  Obviously, Luke hadn’t shared everything that had happened to him with his cousin.  “Yeah, Jade, I was raped too.”

    “I’m so sorry, Noah.”  Jade whispered.

    “Man, let us take you home.”  Casey asked again.

    “I’m not going . . . to Luke’s.”  Noah tried to go around Kevin but both Kevin and Casey grabbed his arms preventing him from going back into Yo’s. 

    “Get off of me!”  Noah yelled as he tried to rip his arms out of their grasp.  The feeling of being attacked came flashing into his beer soaked brain.  The look of fear that suddenly appeared in his eyes was enough for Casey and Kevin to snatch their hands back as if they’d just grasped a hot iron.  “I can’t go back, don’t you understand.  I hit Luke.  I attacked him.  I didn’t mean too but it still happened.”

    Casey, Kevin and Jade all stood silent as they watched as Noah sagged back against the wall.  The fear that had been in Noah’s eyes had faded and now he was just tired. 

    “Luke’s obviously fine because when he called the only thing he wanted was to find you.”  Casey took a step closer to his drunk friend.  “Noah, I told you I never wanted to see Luke like he was in that hospital again.  Man, he sounded like he was right back in that place again.  Let us take you home.”

    “Come on, Noah.”  Jade said as she stepped up to Noah’s side and laid a calming hand on his cheek.  “Luke’s waiting.”

    Noah looked up into Jade’s eyes and he quietly nodded his head.  He tried to take a few steps but tripped a little.  The seven beers and multiple shooters were now catching up to him and he was having a good deal of trouble finding level footing.  By the time they reached Casey’s car they practically had to lift Noah’s into the back seat. 

    Jade crawled in first and helped guide him in as Casey and Kevin tried getting his long legs into the cramped back seat.  Kevin agreed to go with them because by the time they got to Luke’s he and Casey would probably have to carry him to the door. 

    “Kevin, can you call Luke and let him know we found Noah and we’re bringing him home.”  Casey asked as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed down Main Street.

    Kevin flipped his cell phone open and called Luke.  He assured Luke a few times that, yes, Noah was okay.  No, he didn’t have to come get him because they were bringing him home.  Yes, he was a drunk as a skunk.  Kevin was just snapping his phone closed when what inevitably happens when people have been drinking to excess happened.

    “I think I’m going to be sick.”  Noah said as he leaned against Casey’s back door.  He was trying in vain to figure out how to open the window. 

    “Open the window, man!”  Casey yelled as he looked over his shoulder.

    “Push the button, Noah.”  Jade screamed.  She really didn’t want to be covered in vomit her first night back in Oakdale.

    “I can’t get it open, Case.”  Noah whined as he clawed at the door with unfocused eyes.

    “Just stop the car, Case!”  Kevin yelled.  “Open the door, Noah.”

    All of them were flung forward as Casey slammed on the brakes.  To Jade’s horror instead of opening his own door, for some reason Noah leaned over and opened her’s just in time to vomit loudly all over the street.

    “Uhhhhh!”  Jade shrieked.  “Noah!” 

    Casey and Kevin were both laughing hysterically in the front seats as they watched Noah spread across Jade’s lap throwing up all over the street. 

    “Not funny.  So not funny.”  Jade glared. 

    “At least he got the door open.”  Kevin smirked.  “In fact, I think he’s made a nice little pile.  You might want to move up and let him start a new one.”

    “That’s a lot of puck, man.”  Casey said as he eased off the brake and moved the car a couple of feet forward while Noah continued to hang his head out the door spewing.  “God, I must be a vomit magnet or something tonight?  First Allie, now him.  Geez.”

    Kevin bent over the seat and placed a hand on Noah’s back.  “You done yet, dude?”

    “I feel like crap.”  Noah groaned still hanging out the door.  He slowly pulled himself back in the car and Kevin grabbed the handle of the door and closed it.  Noah couldn’t even sit up he just collapsed with his head in Jade’s lap.

    Casey and Kevin once again burst out laughing at the look of horror on Jade’s face at finding Noah’s face buried in her lap. 

    “Shut it, Kevin!”  Jade snapped as she tried to shift Noah’s head into a less embarrassing position. 

    “Certainly not the kind of guy you wanted with his face buried in your lap.”  Kevin chuckled.

    “Screw you, Kevin.” Jade snapped again.

    “You wish!”  Kevin shot back.  There had never been any love lost between the two.

    “In your dreams, Davis.”  Jade smirked.

    “Luke . . .”  Noah groaned and mumbled.  “Luke and I haven’t had sex since . . .”

    “Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude!”  Casey yelled.  “TMI, man, TMI!  That’s just going beyond the call of friendship there!”

    Kevin and Jade grinned broadly. 

    “Shhh.  Shhhh, Noah.”  Jade reached down and gently smoothed back Noah’s sweaty hair trying to quiet him back into a doze until they got to Lily’s house.

    “Kevin, you’d make Luke happy.  You don’t have the gaggage . . .”  Noah burped.  “Baggage I have.  You’d be great together.” 

    “Two problems with that, Noah.”  Kevin said as he looked over the back seat down at Noah who was staring blerry eyed up at him.  “I’m not gay and he loves you.”

    Noah closed his eyes and sighed.

    Several minutes passed in silence and they listened to Noah start to softly snore. 

    “Luke didn’t tell me he got raped.”  She whispered.  “God.”

    Kevin and Casey were silent as they continued to drive toward’s the Snyder home.

 

* * *

    Casey pulled into the Snyder’s driveway.  As he turned the corner his headlights illuminated Holden and Jack getting out of their car. 

  
    They walked forward as Casey and Kevin got out and proceeded to try and pull a virtually unconscious Noah from the back seat.  Jade crawled out the other side.

    “Jade?”  Holden said as he watched as Noah stood up and sagged back against the car.  “I didn’t know you were in town.”

    “Yeah, just got in tonight and then . . . this happened.”  Jade smiled sadly.  “We all found him at Yo’s.”

    “Here let us take him, guys.”  Jack said as he grabbed one of Noah’s arms and pulled it across his shoulders and Holden did the same on the other side.

    “Is Luke all right, Mr. Snyder?  Noah said something about attacking him?”  Kevin asked as he shut the back door of Casey’s car.

    “Yeah, Luke’s fine.”  Holden said looking over his shoulder at the younger men.  “He’ll be a lot better when he knows Noah’s safe and sound.  Thanks for finding him and bringing him home.”

    “You sure you don’t need our help getting him inside?” Casey said.

    “No.”  Jack smiled.  “This isn’t the first time a Snyder needed to be poured into bed.”

    The younger men said okay and got back in their car as Jack and Holden basically carried Noah to the front door. 

    “Jade, could you get the front door?”  Holden asked as he shifted Noah’s weight to get a better grip. 

    Jade opened the door and before she could take two steps into the house she was nearly run over by her cousin. 

    “Is he okay, dad?”  Luke asked as he tried to get to his boyfriend.

    “Luke, stay back.”  Holden said as he and Jack guided Noah through the front door.

    Jade shut the front door and her jaw dropped as she saw Luke’s face clearly.  His jaw was black and blue and swollen.  “Luke, are you okay?”

    “Yeah.”  He said absently. 

    “Me and Jack are going to take him upstairs.”  Holden said as they walked toward the back stairs.  “Luke, I think you should stay away, maybe sleep in the other room until tomorrow when he’s sober and can deal with what’s happened.”

    “Dad, you know he didn’t mean it.”  Luke said matter of factly.

    “I didn’t say he did, Luke.”  Holden sighed.  “I just don’t think emotionally he can handle this, especially drunk.  Wait until tomorrow morning and then we’ll all deal with it.”

    Luke nodded his head knowing that what his father said was correct.  It didn’t mean it felt any better.

 

* * *

    Jack and Holden finally made it up the stairs and into Luke and Noah’s bedroom and as gently as possible managed to get Noah on his bed.  He’d woken up slightly as they had been trying to maneuver the three of them up the staircase.

  
    They’d had a quick and unsuccessful struggle with the drunken young man when he had realized that he was back at the Snyder’s and that Holden was one of the people helping him up the stairs.  He was now sitting rather unsteadily on the bed as Jack and Holden attempted to get his shoes off and tried to pull his jean jacket off his twisting arms. 

    Noah was alternatively dozing while sitting there and coming around and staring in a forlorn manner at Holden.  

 

    ** _“Oh, so it’s all about her.  It has nothing to do with me.  Nothing to do with who I am and the things I’ve done?  
    Who you are is yet to be determined.  What you have done has not always been something to be proud of.”_**

 

    ‘The Colonel had been right about that hadn’t he.’  Noah thought as he sat and allowed Jack and Holden to pull off his jacket.  He’d been nothing but a burden to Luke and the Snyder’s since he’d came to Oakdale.  All the things the Snyder’s and Luke had done and he attacked him.  His Luke.  His beautiful Luke.  He couldn’t stand thinking about the hurt he’d done to him.  He gazed up into Holden’s eyes and saw the Colonel staring back at him.

 

    _“I’m more than disappointed, Noah._  
    You’re a coward!  You’re a liar.  You’re a . . . you’re not the boy I raised.  
    Yes, he is.  
    I told you to shut up!  I’m revolted by what you’ve become.   
    Dad, please don’t go.  
    You’re not my son.  No anymore.”

 

    Holden and Jack were tugging on Noah’s shirt trying to get the vomit splattered shirt over his head.  Jack and Holden were actually smiling while doing this remembering the many nights that one had done the same for the other while they were growing up.

    “I’m a coward.  I’m a liar.”  Noah whispered as he sat swaying on the bed in his undershirt.

    “What did you say, Noah?”  Jack smiled down at him as he place a steading hand on the young man’s shoulder.

    “That’s what my dad said when he caught me kissing Luke.  That I was a coward, a liar, that he was revolted by what I’d become.  He said that I wasn’t his son anymore.”  Noah said as tears leaked out of his eyes.

    Jack stood up as if slapped.  He and Holden stood silently as Noah looked up at Holden and continued.

    “I had just kissed Luke and he hated me and told me I wasn’t his son any longer.”  Noah tried to focus his eyes on Holden.  “I hit Luke, you must . . . ?”  Noah cried.  “I’m sorry, sir.  I’m so sorry.” 

    Holden quietly sat down on the bed next to the crying young man and placed his arm around his shoulders.  “Noah.  Noah.”

    He looked up and saw the one man in the whole world that he had ever admired looking at him. 

    “There is nothing . . . nothing Luke could ever do to make me stop wanting him as my son.”  Holden took a deep breath.  “And that goes for you as well.  There is nothing you could ever say or do that would make me stop thinking of you as another son.  Do you hear me, Noah?” 

    Noah stared at his boyfriend’s father.  How could such a father exist.  One that forgave anything and everything. 

    “Did you hear me, Noah?”  Holden tried again.

    “Yes, sir.”  Noah chocked out while shaking his head.

    “Good.”  Holden slapped him on the shoulder.  “Let’s get you into bed because you’re going to have a hellava hangover tomorrow if I’m any judge.”

    Jack stood with his hands in his pocket as he watched his cousin gently pull the blankets up over Noah and quicky turn out the lights.  They walked to the door and quietly pulled it shut behind them.  The hallway was silent as they stood each with their own thoughts.

    “I think I’m going to go home and tell Parker ‘I love you’ and give him the biggest hug he can stand.”  Jack said as he punched his cousin in the shoulder and walked down the hallway. 

 

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

   Noah was trying to hold his head on with both hands.  At least, that’s how it felt when he woke up the next morning.  He could hear someone down in the kitchen preparing breakfast and the sounds of the pans were like atomic bombs going off in his head.  He was thoroughly convinced that something had crawled in and died in his mouth. 

  
     He was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands when he heard the tiny squeak of the bedroom door opening.  He knew by the soft footsteps that it was Luke.  He just didn’t want to look up and see the damage he’d caused.  
  
    The mattress lowered as Luke sat down beside him and a warm hand ran back and forth across his shoulders.  Noah leaned into that warmth, relishing the feel.  When he finally had the courage to look up into the soft brown eyes of his lover he immediately wanted to drop his head back into his hands and never look up again.  
  
    “I should have kept on driving.”  Noah whispered as he gazed at the damage he had caused to Luke’s beautiful face.  
  
    The swelling in Luke’s jaw had gone down although it was still somewhat puffy but the whole left side of this face was now black and blue.  Luke’s bottom lip was swollen and he could see the cut that had caused all the blood the night before.  Noah reached a shacking hand out and gently caressed the right side of Luke’s face.   
  
    “I’m so sorry, Luke.”  Noah said in a chocked voice.  “How can you ever forgive me?”  
  
    Luke rested his hand on Noah’s and leaned his face into it.  “There’s nothing to forgive.  You didn’t do it on purpose.  I know you’d never hurt me.”  
  
    The image of him kissing Tony while pressed up against the wall in the alley behind Yo’s suddenly flashed through Noah’s mind.  The taste of Tony’s beer laced lips on his own and the way his body felt against his.  There was more than one way Noah had hurt Luke last night.  
  
    “You need to get ready.”  Luke breathed.  “I called Dr. Morris last night after you left.  She wants to see us both at 10:00 a.m.”  
  
    “You called Dr. Morris last night?”  Noah asked in shock.  
  
    “Noah, I was so worried about you.”  Luke said gripping the hand on the side of his face.  “I was scared when you ran out of here.  You looked so lost and terrified.  I’m just so glad Casey, Kevin and Jade found you and brought you home.”  
  
    Noah tensed up at the mention of their friends.  They had seen Noah’s behavior.  Kevin had seen him kissing Tony in the alley.  Noah had been right last night, he just needed to get away from Luke before he really hurt him.  
  
    “I wasn’t by myself when they found me, Luke.”  Noah whispered.  He looked away from those eyes so full of love.  He would have taken his hand from Luke’s face if Luke would have let go of it.  
  
    Confusion suddenly clouded Luke’s eyes.  ‘Wasn’t by myself?’  What did Noah mean by that?  “What do you mean?”   
  
    Noah gently pulled his hand away from Luke’s face, stood up and walked to the wall of the room.  He didn’t want to see Luke’s face.  “You know what I mean.”  
  
    Luke hadn’t even realized he was standing.  “You were with another guy?”  He whispered.  
  
    Noah could only move his head up and down.  He could hear the disbelief in his boyfriend’s voice.  The hurt.  Once again, Noah was hurting Luke but he needed to tell Luke the truth.  
  
    “Who . . .?”  Luke tried to ask but his voice suddenly failed him.  
  
    Noah took a deep breath and braced himself for what had to come next and turned to face Luke.  “Tony.”  
  
    It seemed like the air was suddenly sucked out of the room leaving Luke gasping for his next breath.  Tony!  Reg’s Tony!  Tony, who wanted to see Noah naked in the hot tub, Tony!  Noah was with Tony last night.  With?  With in what way?  
  
    “I don’t want to tell you, but I have to, Luke.”  Noah began.  
  
    Luke took an involuntary step back from Noah.  
  
  
    **_“All my life has been a lie, okay, every second of it.  And I do things and I don’t know why.  And I don’t want to tell you . . .  
    Okay, but you know I think you should.  Just, just spit it out.  
    After my father hurt you I was scared to see you and I went to see Maddie and I came on to her and I tried to get her to sleep with me.  
    Oh.  
    She wouldn’t, okay, but I would have.”  
  
    _ **  
    Luke stood shaking his head from side to side trying to get the image out of his head.  Noah and Tony?  Noah with . . . anybody but him?  “But you wouldn’t . . . you couldn’t because you don’t want anyone to touch you.  I mean we haven’t . . .”  
  
    “We were heading to his car and his apartment.”  Noah pressed forward.  The shock and pain in Luke’s eyes were almost too much to take but deep inside Noah knew this was probably for the best.  He’d brought nothing but pain and trouble to Luke and the Snyder’s lives ever since he’d come to Oakdale.  It was time Luke was set free and could find someone who wasn’t so screwed up and didn’t have so much baggage.  
  
    Luke stood just shaking his head, no.  Noah wouldn’t do this.  Not to them.  Not now.  But here Noah was saying just that.  The room suddenly seemed too small to hold the both of them.  The walls seemed to be closing in on top of him.  He needed to get out.  Get away.  Luke bolted for the door and yanked it open, running down the hallway toward the stairs.  
  
    It was done, Noah thought.  At least Luke was free from all of this drama and he’d be able to get back to his own life, find someone he deserved.  Noah leaned back against the wall, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees and silently cried.  
  
   

  


* * *

    Noah and Tony!  Noah going back to Tony’s apartment.  Noah kissing Tony.  Noah having sex with Tony.  Luke walked down the steps in a daze.  Images of Noah and Tony in a multitude of different scenarios played out in Luke’s mind. 

  
    How could Noah?!?  Luke had been there for him.  Been so patient.  Respected that after being raped he wouldn’t be able to stand to be touched in that way.  Why?  Why?   
  
    Luke finally reached the door at the bottom of the steps and walked through to the family room.  Lily and Holden looked up from the dining table and froze as they saw the totally blank look on their son’s face.  
  
    “Luke, what’s wrong?”  Holden asked as he put down the paper he’d been reading.  
  
    Luke didn’t hear the question.  All he could think about was all the times they had been broken up, Noah had never gone out with anyone.  Never kissed another guy.  Never touched another guy.  It wasn’t like him.  It wasn’t his Noah.  How could he do this  
. . . now?   
  
    “Luke?”  Lily called.   
  
    How could Noah do this . . . with Tony?  Noah wouldn’t, Luke’s mind screamed back.  Noah who had never cheated on their relationship.  Noah who had never been with any other man than Luke.  He wouldn’t have done this normally and that was the key.  The attack had changed a lot of things with both of them but Noah would never have changed in that way.  This was something  
else.   
  
  
  **_“And you know as well as I do, that I wanted to be with you but look at what I did to you.  Look at what I did to Maddie and, you know, some part of me thinks that on some level my dad’s right . . .  
    Okay.  No.  No.  Noah, please don’t.  Look, you may be messed up, and we may not have some nice, happy, fairy tale ending.  But don’t you for a second tell me that that man was right about anything.  Especially . . . you.”                _ **  
  
  
    Noah trying to sleep with Maddie to push Luke away because he thought that his father’s actions had caused Luke to hate him.  Noah trying to sleep with Tony.  Why?  Because Noah was afraid that him attacking Luke would cause Luke to hate him.  Noah.  Noah.  Noah.  This was like Noah after all.  
  
    Without even acknowledging that he’d even been aware that his parents were there or had spoken to him, Luke quickly turned around and went through the door and ran back up the stairs.  He walked down the hallway and reentered the room he had so recently ran from.  There was Noah, sitting on the floor.  Crying.  Luke quietly walked over to the bed and sat down.  
  
    He sat there quietly for a few seconds trying to compose himself.  “I guess we’ll have a lot more than we thought to talk to Dr. Morris about.”  Luke whispered.  “Get ready, Noah.”  
  
    Noah looked up and just stared.  Luke hadn’t left.  He was here sitting on the bed and saying they were still going to therapy.  Although, Noah could think of a hundred different reasons why he shouldn’t be happy that Luke hadn’t left him, he could only really think about the one reason he was glad he hadn’t.  Love.

* * *

    Jade breathed in the aroma of caffeine as she walked through the doors of Java.  God, she needed this.  Waking up early just wasn’t in her nature, but after last nights adventure and then sitting and talking with Luke, Jade just needed to be gone.  She didn’t want to be the one to have to tell Luke the truth about how they had actually found Noah. 

  
    Noah and Tony.  Jade involuntarily shuddered at the image.  She knew Noah had been through a tough time.  Granted, she hadn’t known about the rape.  Oh, God, poor Noah.  But for Noah to go out and try and hook up was just so . . . not Noah.   
  
    “Jade.”  Jeff smiled as he turned around.  “You’re back in town?”  
  
    “Sure am.  Seems like Oakdale just can’t run without me here to watch after it.”  Jade smiled at the man behind the counter.  “Can I get a Mocha Latte?”  
  
    “Sure thing.”  He smiled.  
  
    “Jade.”  A voice called from behind her.  
  
    Kevin was sitting at a table against the wall and was waving at her to come over.  She paid Jeff and grabbed her Latte and walked reluctantly over to his table.  
  
    “Kevin.” She said as she blow on her coffee to cool it.  
  
    “I’m surprised to see you up so early.”  Kevin smiled up at her.  “I don’t remember you being the early bird.”  
  
    Jade was kind of taken aback by Kevin’s friendliness.  They hadn’t been anywhere close to being friends, what with the whole coming out thing with Luke and all.  Then after the election last year, that pretty much cemented in her mind what an ass he was.  So when she’d been talking to Luke the last few weeks and he’d mentioned how supportive and actually helpful he’d been, she’d frankly been shocked.  When she had happened upon last nights scene and they’d poured Noah into the car and driven him home, she’d been surprised again at the difference in the man.  
  
    “Yeah, well I wanted to be out of the house before Luke could grill me any further about last night.”  Jade rolled her eyes.  “I just can’t believe Noah would do something like that.”  
  
    Kevin sighed and looked down at his own coffee cup.  “Well, don’t judge Noah too harshly.  You know, he’s going through a lot right now.”  
  
    Without being invited Jade suddenly took the seat across from Kevin.  “Why do you do that?”  
  
    Kevin looked up with a start.  “Do what?”  
  
    “You’re defending Noah.  You don’t even really know him.”  Jade said.  
  
    Kevin looked back down at his cup and swirled it around.  “My cousin was raped and I saw what that did to her head.  How it warped how she thought about herself.  What Noah was doing last night . . . I guess, it really wasn’t all that unexpected.”  
  
    Jade watched as Kevin looked back up and straight into her eyes.  The old Kevin would have never thought about anybody else’s pain or suffering.  Let’s face it, the old Jade probably wouldn’t have either.  ‘I guess we all grow up’ she thought.   
  
    “Luke told me about Sophia.  I only met her that one time at the lake but she seemed really nice.  Obviously, she must have gotten it from the other side of the family.”  Jade smiled to take the sting out of the remark.  
  
    “Bite me, Jade.”  Kevin laughed.  
  
    “In your dreams.”  Jade smiled back.  Their eyes locked.  She had never noticed before just how light his brown eyes were.  She felt a flush creeping up her neck and she dropped her eyes to the tabletop.  “Hey, what’s this?  Law books?”  
  
    “Yeah, yeah.”  Kevin cleared his throat.  “I’m taking some pre-law classes.”  
  
    “What, a lawyer?”  Jade asked in amazement.  “I can’t believe it.”  
  
    Kevin laughed at her dumbfounded expression.  “Yeah, I get that a lot.  How about you, what are you doing back here?”  Kevin asked.  
  
    “Well . . .”  Jade smiled “I guess you’re not the only one trying to grow up and figure out what to do with their lives.”   
  
    “Really?  So what are you going to be when you grow up, Jade?”  He asked teasingly.  
  
    “I think I’m going to become a counselor.  You know, for trouble kids.”  She continued to smile.  “Who else would know more about that then me.”  
  
    “That’s true.”  Kevin smiled back.  “You’re going to start at OU?”  
  
    “Yeah.  It seems Oakdale just keeps pulling me back and I think Luke could use another friend right now.”  
  
  
   

* * *

    Dr. Morris stared at the two men sitting in her office.  The strained silence would be awkward except that she was use to that in couple’s therapy.  When Luke had called her on her emergency contact number the night before and explained what had happened, she hadn’t really been surprised.  She’d only been surprised that it had taken this long for Noah to start having the flashbacks. 

  
    She had tried to calm Luke’s fears and had asked that they both come in for a session this morning.  Looking at the two in front of her, she was willing to bet her quite lucrative practice on the fact that something other than the violent flashback had occurred the previous night.  
  
    “Noah, why don’t you tell me what happened last night.”  Dr. Morris said as she sat comfortably in a wingback chair.  
  
    Noah’s head jerked up from where he’d been watching the floor in front of his feet.  “Well, I’m sure Luke told you what happened when he called you last night.  I . . . “ Noah swallowed “I hit him.”  
  
    “Yes, I can see that.”  She said looking again at the battered man to her right.  “As Luke told me last night, he felt he interrupted a flashback.  Is that correct?”  
  
    Noah was twisting his hands together and looking at his shoes again.  “Yeah, but that’s no excuse.”  
  
    “Luke, do you blame Noah for striking you last night?”  Dr. Morris asked looking again at Luke.  
  
    Luke for his part was looking at the wall behind Dr. Morris’ head.  “No.”  
  
    Dr. Morris made a quick note in Noah’s file.  ‘Emotionally hurt, not physically.’  
  
    Dr. Morris took a deep breath and looked between the two men.  Each examining their own points of the office.  “Noah, what else did you do to Luke last night?”  
  
    That brought both men’s heads snapping around to face the doctor.   
  
    “What?”  Noah said.  
  
    “What?”  Luke breathed.  
  
    “Obviously, something else happened.  After you left the house.”  Dr. Morris gazed at Noah.  It was one of those penetrating, bird-like looks that Noah had come to hate.  She seemed to see everything in his head no matter how hard he tried to hide it.   
  
    “Nothing.”  Noah mumbled.  
  
    Dr. Morris didn’t need to hear the snort that came from Luke’s direction to know that was a lie.  She had a very good idea of what probably happened.  
  
    “Noah” She began “We’ve talked about being open and honest in these sessions.  They only work if we both are completely truthful.”   
  
    Noah was trying to look anywhere but at her or Luke.  “I know.”  He whined.  
  
    “He went to a bar, got trashed, was macing on another guy and almost went home with him.”  Luke nearly spit the words out.  He was trying to be understanding but just the images of Noah and Tony was nearly driving him insane.  “That’s what happened.”  
  
    “And how do you feel about that, Luke?”  Dr. Morris jumped right in.  
  
    “I feel pissed, how do you think I feel.”  Luke snapped at the doctor.  
  
    “But you’re here.”  Dr. Morris stated.  “Why is that?  I mean, Noah was attempting to be unfaithful to you.”  
  
    “Because I . . . “ Luke took a deep breath.  “I love him and I know this is just what he does when he’s afraid he’s done something that’s going to make me hate him.  He’s done it before.”   
  
    Noah was looking at Luke but Luke wouldn’t meet his eyes.   
  
    “How has he done this before?”  The doctor persisted.  
  
    “When we were first together and after his father shot me and I was paralyzed, Noah felt that I would blame him, hate him, so he drank and tried to get his former girlfriend to sleep with him.”  
  
    Dr. Morris made another note in her book.  “How about other times that you’ve broken up, who was the instigator of the breakups?”  
  
    Luke looked pointedly at Noah.   “Well, after Ameera and his father’s presumed death, Noah wanted his ‘space’.”  Luke rolled his eyes.  “Than after the stupid stuff I did with the election, he wanted to stop seeing each other until I got myself figured out.”   
  
    “Uh-huh.”  Dr. Morris said, writing still more on her notepad.  “So why do you think Noah tried to ‘hook-up’ with this other man?’  
  
    Luke took another deep breath.  “I guess, in his mind, he might have thought that if he did something like sleeping with somebody else that I’d leave him and then I’d be better off.”  
  
    Dr. Morris noted that Noah’s head was almost imperceptively shaking up and down.  Dr. Morris made another notation.   
  
    “Noah.”  She began.  “Why don’t you tell Luke the real reason you tried to sleep with this other man and probably this ex-girlfriend of your’s.”  
  
    “I guess.”  Noah stammered “I guess, it’s what Luke said.”   
  
    “No, it’s not.”  Dr. Morris shook her head.   
  
    “I hit him, he shouldn’t have to put up with that.”  Noah whispered looking at the doctor.  
  
    “That might be what you want Luke to think, but that’s not why you got drunk and wanted to go home with that man last night.”  
  
    “Yes, it is.”  Noah protested.  
  
    “No, it’s not.”  Dr. Morris said.  “You did it to protect yourself.”  
  
    “Protect myself?”  Noah asked.  
  
    “Yes.”  She said.  
  
    “From who?”  Noah snapped.  
  
    “From Luke.”  Dr. Morris snapped right back.  
  
    “Luke would never, has never, hurt me.”  Noah shook his head looking down at this feet again.  “I’m the one that keeps hurting him.  Him and his family.”  
  
    “But you still want to protect yourself from Luke and his family.”  Dr. Morris continued.  She held up a finger to silence Luke when she heard him about to interrupt.  
  
    “The Snyder’s would never do anything to harm me.”  Noah nearly yelled.   
  
    “They wouldn’t harm anyone they loved?”  Dr. Morris asked.  
  
    “That’s right.”  Noah said looking back down at his shoes.  
  
    “They love you?”  Dr. Morris pressed.  
  
    “They do now.”  Noah said breathing heavily.  
  
    “But not always?”  
  
    “Anything could change.”  
  
    “Like if you beat their son, cheated on him?”  
  
    “Yeah.”  
  
    “You being not good enough for them?”  
  
    “They think I’m good enough.”  He whispered.  
  
    “Now?”  
  
    “Yeah, for now.”  
  
    “But how could they after you beat their son?”  
  
    “I don’t know.”  
  
    “How could anybody love someone after that?”  
  
    “They couldn’t”  
  
    “Could a mother?”  
  
    “I don’t know.”  
  
    “Could a father?”  
  
    “I don’t know.”  
  
    “Their love is supposed to be unconditional?”  
  
    “Not all the time!”  Noah breath was coming in near gasps.  
  
    “Why?  How can a mother not love their child unconditionally, Noah?”  
  
    “I don’t know!”  
  
    “Could you ever see Mrs. Snyder not loving Luke?”  
  
    “Of course not!”  
  
    “Did your mom love you unconditionally, Noah?”  
  
    “No.”  
  
    “Did your father love you unconditionally, Noah?:  
  
    “No!”  
  
    “Does Luke love you unconditionally, Noah?”  
  
    “He shouldn’t.”  
  
    “So you’re protecting yourself from Luke?”  
  
    “What?!?”  
  
    “You want to make him leave you before he decides to leave you and stop loving you unconditionally, right?”  
  
    “No.”  
  
    “Just like your mother left you, Noah, right?”  
  
    “Yes.”  
  
    “Just like your father doesn’t love you unconditionally, Noah, right?”  
  
    “Yeah.”  
  
    “Because eventually he’ll stop loving you, right?”  
  
    “Of course he will!”  
  
    “Why?”  
  
    “Because nobody loves unconditionally.  Nobody loves you through everything.”  
  
    “Your mom didn’t?”  
  
    “No!”  
  
    “She left you with your father?”  
  
    “Yes!”  
  
    “Just like Luke will leave you?   
  
    “Yeah.”  Noah whispered.  
  
    “Why, Noah, why will Luke leave you?!?”  Dr. Morris was nearly yelling at the young man in front of her.  
  
    “Because he’ll realize I’m worthless just like my mom did!”  
  
    Luke was sitting, staring at Noah who was gripping the arms of the chair he was sitting in like a vise.  Noah was sweating and had a look of complete anger on his face.  
  
    “You feel Luke will find you worthless just like your mother did.  Is that why she left you, Noah?”  
  
    “Why else.  What kind of mother would leave her child with someone like the Colonel?”  Noah whispered between clinched teeth.   
“I’ve seen Lily Snyder.  She’d die before she left any one of her children in the hell I was left in.”  
  
    “So you think that Luke and his family will stop loving you?”  
  
    “Of course they will.”  Noah sank back into the chair.  He had dropped his head into his hands and his fingers were gripping his hair.  “My own mother didn’t think I was worth the trouble to raise, why should the Snyder’s or Luke want to continue when all I’ve ever brought to Luke and them is pain and trouble.”  
  
    Noah started rocking back and forth in the chair.  “I fall in love with Luke and look what happens, the Colonel shots Luke and paralyzes him, tries to kill him again in the hospital.  I marry Ameer and cause nothing but pain to their son.  I deserted Luke when he needed me after the election and wasn’t there to keep him from drinking and to help him with Brian.  The kidnapping.  I’ve been nothing but trouble.”  Noah was crying now.  “Nobody loves anybody that unconditionally.”   
  
    “Especially someone like you, Noah?”  Dr. Morris said very quietly.  
  
    “Especially me.  My own mother and father don’t even love me.  How could they.  How could anyone.”   
  
    Luke was staring opened mouthed at his boyfriend.   How could anyone think so little of themselves?  Think themselves so worthless and unworthy of love.  
  
    Someone who’s mother had abandoned him to a monster.  Someone who’s father had continually told him that he wasn’t good enough.  Not what they wanted in a son.  Not an honorable and good man.   
  
    “Self preservation is one of the strongest instincts we have.”  Dr. Morris said calmly.  “Noah, your self preservation has been honed to a razor’s edge because of your childhood.  It served you well when you were attacked and raped, Noah, but it’s not doing you any good when it comes to the rest of your life.”   
  
    Noah raised his head and looked across the room at his doctor.  His eyes were pleading.  “Help me.”   
  
    “We’ll do just that, Noah.”  Dr. Morris finally looked at Luke and shook her head.  Luke was out of the chair and engulfing Noah in an embrace so fast that it nearly knocked them both to the floor. 

* * *

   

 

Luke was exhausted as he came back downstairs to the family room.  He had seen the questions in his mother and father’s eyes when he and Noah had gotten back from the session.  Noah had immediately ran upstairs and Luke had followed. 

    They had sat quietly on the bed for several minutes.  Noah hadn’t said anything after the session or the whole way home in the car.  Luke had whispered over and over into Noah’s ears in Dr. Morris’ office how much he loved him and would always love him, but Noah had been unusually non-responsive.  He had been concerned until Dr. Morris had drawn him aside as they were leaving and said that it would be a long road and that later in the day he could expect Noah to start opening up and talking.

    It was going to be a long road.  Dr. Morris wanted to see Noah every day for the next couple of weeks to work on the flashbacks and the issues with the attack and rape.  He wanted to see Luke and Noah, as a couple, every Wednesday. 

    Now that he looked back, Luke should have realized that Noah should probably have been in therapy right after everything went down with the Colonel shooting him.  But Noah had seemed to be dealing with it and frankly, Luke didn’t want to admit that his strong, silent boyfriend wasn’t dealing as well as he hoped with the Colonel and all the lies that came out. 

    Noah was asleep and Luke sat down on the sofa and prepared for the questions that he could see in his parent’s eyes.  “What?”  He asked as he dropped his head back and closed his eyes.

    “We’re just worried about you?”  Holden said quietly. 

    “When you and Noah walked out of here this morning,” Lily paused almost lost for words.  “It just seemed that something was off.  Something more than the flashbacks.” 

    “Did something else happen, Luke?”  Holden asked.  

    Luke kept his eyes closed and waited a few seconds before answering his parents.  He wasn’t use to keeping stuff from them but this was a personal matter.  It wasn’t just Luke anymore.  It was he and Noah and Noah deserved his privacy even from his parents. 

    “I know you love me, mom and dad.”  Luke said as he raised his head to look at them.  “And I know you love Noah.  But sometimes there’s things that a couple needs to work out on their own.”

    “We just worry about you both, Luke.”  Lily said reaching out and gripping his arm and squeezing it. 

    “I know.  There’s just a lot of things that Noah needs to work out.  Not just the attack but things that he should of . . . we should have been concerned about before the attack.  Dr. Morris is going to see Noah every day for the next couple of weeks.  She wants to see me and Noah together, as a couple, on Wednesdays.”  Luke patted his mother’s hand and looked over at his father’s concerned face.  “Noah and I love each other very much.  We’re going to get through this.  We’ll be okay.  Okay?”

    “Okay.”  Lily smiled.

    Holden smiled and got up and pulled Luke up into a giant bear hug.  “God, you’re growing up.”

* * *

     Kenneth Davis’ day had started off as usual.  Getting up early, running a few miles, kissing Dorothy good-bye and heading to the office to try and “fight the good fight” for victims of crime.  At least that’s how it had started. 

    The day and his outlook in general about his job took a drastic downward turn about 10:30 that morning when DA Emerson walked into his office with a sh*it eaten grin on his face.  As he thought about it later, he should have just gotten up and smashed the DA in the face just like his son, Kevin had done to the DA’s son, Jeffrey.  It would have made taking the bombshell he lobbed on his desk easier.

    “So the District Attorney’s Office is accepting a plea agreement.”  Payton said with a slight smirk.

    “What case would that be, Payton?”  Kenneth asked already feeling it in the pit of his stomach. 

    “The State of Illinois v. Jeffrey Emerson.”  Payton proudly announced.

    Kenneth just stood there.  He was sure that Payton and anybody else walking by would see the whiffs of smoke emanating from his ears, similar to a Bugs Bunny cartoon. 

    “Well, I don’t see how that’s possible since I haven’t seen a plea offer come across my desk.”  Kenneth whispered.

    “You’ve been recused from the case.”  Payton smiled.  “It helps that we have two other Assistant DA’s that could step in and take over the case.” 

    “Well, I know for a fact that Sally Benson wouldn’t have accepted a plea.”  Kenneth said.  “So I guess that leaves Jason Thompson.”

    “Jason saw the logic in cutting one defendant a break in return for the names of the other two co-defendants..”  Payton walked over to the wall where Kenneth’s photos were hanging.  “Then it was just a matter of having Judge Tydings sign off on the agreement.”

    Kenneth was having visions of walking over and literally throwing Payton out his fourth floor office window.  “And what stunning sentencing recommendation did Jason offer?”

    “Oh, since Jeff gave the names of the other two co-defendants he will get time served.”  Payton turned to look expectantly at Kenneth.

    “You have to be kidding me!” Kenneth exploded.  “He beats and rapes a man and you got him plead down to a third degree sexual offense!  You’re unbelievable!” 

    “You know.”  Payton took a step toward Kenneth “You really shouldn’t talk to your boss that way, Mr. Davis.” 

    “What are you going to do, Payton” Kenneth took a step to close the distance between the two “Fire me?”

    “Maybe.”  Payton smirked.

    “Try it.”  Kenneth whispered.                     

    “No, I’m going to enjoy making your next nine months here, h*ell.”  Payton said as he walked toward the office door.  “I’ll let you tell the Mayer kid about the plea.  I’m sure he’ll appreciate hearing it from ‘a friend’ like you.”

    Payton actually whistled as he walked from Kenneth’s office back to his own.

 

 

 

* * *

 

    “You got to be fucking kidding me!”  Jack exclaimed as he punched the top of the interrogation room table. 

  
    Margo, Dallas and Kenneth all jumped at the sound and knew that this was only going to be the beginning of Jack’s meltdown.. 

    “How the h*ell did something like this happen, Ken?”  Margo asked trying to derail Jack’s temper. 

    “You all heard Payton the other night.  He wasn’t going to let his precious Jeffrey go down for this.”  Kenneth rubbed at the back of his neck.  Truth be told, he felt exactly the same way as Jack did.  “Payton got Judge Tydings to recuse me as the Assistant DA of record because of Kevin and Jeffrey’s prior altercation.  Then he assigned it to Jason Thompson one of the other Assistant DA’s.  Jeff offered up the names of the other two attackers and his lawyer offered a plea agreement and Jason accepted it, I’m sure with Payton’s blessing, and then got Judge Tydings to sign off on it.”

    “So for attempted murder and rape he pleads down to a third degree sexual assault?”   Dallas asked.  “That’s bullsh*it.”

    “I know, I know.”  Ken shouted.  “Don’t you think I hate this just as much as you do.”

    “What am I supposed to tell Noah?”  Jack asked the room in general.  “Jeff’s not even going to serve any prison time, is he?  Noah’s going to have to go to work and school knowing that Jeff could show up at any time.”

    Ken throw two large packs of paper on the table.  “I know Noah’s at Java, I’m going to tell him right now.  Those are the arrest warrants for the other two attackers.”

    Kevin and Dallas both picked up a packet.  “This really sucks, Ken.”  Jack shook his head as he turned and left calling to some uniformed officers to come with him. 

    “Yeah, it does.”  Ken whispered.

 

 

 

* * *

 

    Luke sat next to Noah at the table inside Java.  He’d been proud and rather surprised that Noah had suggested meeting Kevin at Java for the discussion about the OU Town Hall Meetings.  He’d been even more astonished when Noah had been greeted with an outpouring of love and support by everybody they’d seen so far in Old Town and on campus. 

  
    Noah’s co-worker Jeff had turned when they entered and bonded around the counter to catch Noah into a great big bear hug.  “Noah, it’s great to see you.” 

    Noah had been embarrassed but that was nothing compared to when Audrey, Java’s manager, came out of the storeroom and saw Noah standing with Jeff.  She’d broken down into tears and had walked quietly up to Noah and kissed his cheek.  Noah had gone red in the face and had stammered his answers to her questions of how he was and how much he was missed. 

    The surprises just continued as Noah and Luke turned to find Kevin slapping Casey on the back and Jade hugging Allison. 

    “What’s with the PDA?”  Luke laughed as he and Noah walked up to the group.

    “Casey’s going to be a daddy!”  Jade was trying to scream and laugh at the same time.  “Can you believe that, honestly.” 

    Noah and Luke stood dumbstruck, both staring with WTF faces.  “Casey . . . a dad.”  Noah whispered.

    “Sure am.”  Casey beamed at the two new arrivals.

    “Incredible.”  Luke smiled.

    Noah immediately walked over and hugged both Casey and Allison.  “Congratulations you guys.  When is the baby due?

    “April.”  Allison beamed. 

    Noah was struck by the fact that it was true about expecting mothers.  They did glow.  Allison was simply radiant and Casey seemed to be about to burst.  It had been one of the first great things to happen in a long time and Noah was relieved to realize that he was actually feeling good about it. 

    Since the session with Dr. Morris the morning after ‘the incident’ as he called it, the last week and a half had been packed with him seeing Dr. Morris every morning and having a couples session along with Luke once a week.  He’d been fearful at first about the prospect of having to see the doctor every day.  Delving into all of the issues of the attack and rape but also all the baggage he obviously was carrying from his father, mother and his upbringing. 

    Noah now admitted that he had been taking any problem that happened in his and Luke’s relationship and feeding it into his insecurities about his worth.  Every time he had tried to distance himself from Luke was just an attempt by himself to minimize the pain he’d feel when Luke, he felt, would eventually tire of him and leave. 

    For Luke’s part, he’d discovered that the quiet, steady, solid image that his boyfriend presented to him and the world was just that, an image.  Luke discovered, to his sadness, just how insecure and hurt the little boy Noah had been, had transferred into the adult Noah he loved.  It had been a difficult nine days but Luke felt that Noah was finally working through issues he had tried to bury for most of his life and that he and Noah were finally finding the real and deep love that they could hold on to. 

    “So that’s what OU’s Student Government and the OUGLBT wants to do.”  Kevin finished explaining the Town Hall Meeting that had been proposed to bring together the many diverse groups of the University. 

    Noah sat thinking about what Kevin had just described.  Kevin had said that if Noah really wasn’t comfortable with any of the items on the agenda that he’d argue against including them.  The thing is Noah wasn’t comfortable with most of the items on the agenda but he knew that if he tried to censor what the student body was allowed to discuss and debate it really wouldn’t be of any value.     

    Luke turned to look at Noah trying to gauge his thoughts on all of the things Kevin said they wanted to touch upon during the meeting.  Casey, Allison and Jade had decided to stay and listen to the ideas since Jade was going to be returning to OU and Allison and Casey were just interested. 

    “What do you think?”  Luke asked.

    “I think it’s a great idea, Kevin.”  Noah said looking at the man across the table.  If someone had told him a year ago that he’d be friends with Kevin Davis he would have told them they were on crack.  “Don’t change a thing.” 

    Kevin’s face broke into a giant grin.  “Great.” 

    Luke smiled and rubbed Noah’s back.  “When are they going to hold the meeting, Kev?”

    Kevin was about to answer Luke when he saw his father and Margo Hughes walk through the door of Java.  He was about to raise his hand to wave when he saw the looks on their faces. 

    Seeing the odd look on Kevin’s face, Noah and Luke turned and saw the Assistant DA and Police Chief approaching them. 

    “Hi, dad.”  Kevin said as he got up from the table. 

    “Son.”  Kenneth said by way of greeting and then turned his attention to the young man that brought him here.  “Noah, can we speak to you for a moment?”

    “Sure.”  Noah said as he got up and pointed to a table on the other side of the room.  “Over there?”

    Noah and Luke slide into the bench seat facing Asst. DA Davis and Margo as they sat at the table.  Casey, Allison, Jade and Kevin all sitting at the other table watching their friends.   Noah was feeling dread creep up because of the looks on their faces.  There was an uncomfortable silence as the four sat looking at each other.

    “Noah, there’s no easy way to say this.”  Ken began. 

    “No.”  Luke hissed beside Noah.  He was already shacking his head from side to side. 

    “Luke, please.”  Margo said reaching across and trying to grab his hand.

    At Kenneth Davis’ comment Noah’s heart seemed to have stopped beating.  “What is it, sir?”

    Ken took a deep breath.  “Noah, Jeff’s lawyer has proposed a plea and the DA’s office and the Judge have signed off on it.” 

    Noah brow furrowed in confusion.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

    Luke was practically vibrating on the seat next to him.  Noah reached over under the table and took his boyfriend’s hand to quiet him and also to gain support for himself.

    “It means that he’s offered the names of your other two attackers in exchange for a reduction in his charges.”  Ken said looking straight into Noah’s eyes.

    “How much of a reduction?”  Noah asked really not wanting to hear the answer.

    “You have to understand, Noah, I didn’t sign off on this.  I was taken off of the case and it was assigned to another Assistant DA.”  Ken realized he was wasting time trying to justify the inadequacies of the American justice system to a victim that would now have to live with it.  “It means that instead of being charged with attempted murder, assault and rape, he’s plead down to a third degree sexual assault.”

    Luke and Noah both sat in silence not completely understanding the meaning of what the Assistant DA was trying to say. 

    “It means that he’s plead down to a Class A misdemeanor.”  Margo tried to explain further.  “He’s not going to serve any time.”

    “What!!”  Luke screamed as he shot up from his seat.

    All the blood seemed to drain at once from Noah’s face.  So fast and so dramatically that Allison raced across the room to get to him fearing that he might pass out. 

    “How can you fucking allow this!”  Luke continued to scream.  “I thought you were supposed to be protecting him!”

    To Noah everything seemed to have slowed down.  He felt Allison cradling him against her shoulder while trying to take his pulse.  He saw, but couldn’t seem to hear, Jade and Casey demanding to know what was going on.

    “Mom, what the hell is going on!”  Casey demanded.

    Noah could see Jeff and Audrey staring wide eyed from behind the counter.  The only person that didn’t seem to be losing it was Kevin.  Kevin was simply looking at his father.  Noah watched as their eyes locked and something pass between them that he couldn’t decipher. 

    “Casey, shut up!”  Margo yelled back at her son.  “Allison, is Noah okay?”

    Margo’s question brought Luke up short as he quickly turned back to Noah and dropped back down to the seat beside him.

    “It’ll be all right, Noah.”  Luke whispered.  “It’ll be all right.”

    Noah turned to his boyfriend’s voice and saw the fear and anger war with each other on his face.  “I just want to go home, Luke.   Can we just go home?” 

 

* * *

 

    The civics professor’s main joy in life must have been to bore his student’s into submission.  Well he’d succeeded because Eric was about to cry “Uncle” at any time now.  As he looked around the other student’s were contemplating surrender too. 

  
    The door to the lecture hall suddenly opened and in walked several uniformed police officers and one campus security officer.  The student’s watched as a middle-aged man from the group approached the professor and quietly asked him a question.  The professor shook his head absent-mindedly and watched as the man and two of the uniformed police officers approached the front row of the classroom.

    “Eric Wilkerson?”  Jack asked in a loud voice.

    He didn’t need the man to identify himself since every head in the classroom turned in his direction.  Jack walked up and smiled down at the young man.  “Stand up.” 

    Eric looked up at the detective and smiled.  “What if I resist?”

    Jack leaned down, placing his hands on the desk in front of the man.  The wide smile that Jack had slipped off of his face as he looked into Eric’s eyes.  “Please do.”  He whispered just loud enough for the young man’s ears alone.

    Eric quickly stood up and was yanked around and handcuffs were placed on his wrists. 

    “Eric Wilkerson, you’re under arrest for the attempted murder, assault and rape of Noah Mayer.”  Jack ignored the loud intakes of breath from the assembled student’s.  He lead the man over to the awaiting officer’s.

    As they walked out of the lecture hall doors and proceeded to the parking lot and their awaiting squad cars, Jake proceeded to read Eric his rights as students stopped and stared at the procession as it made it’s way down the hallway.

    Jack finished reciting the man his rights as they stopped at the curb waiting for the break in the traffic before crossing to the parking lot.  “You’ll be happy to know that your good friend, Jeff, gave up you and Brice.”

    “Whatever.”  Eric said nonchalantly.  “Class was boring anyway.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

    Luke entered his parent’s family room and walked right into Hurricane Snyder/Grimaldi bearing down on Ken Davis and Margo who had accompanied them home.  Luke had called his mother as soon as they had hit the car and by the time they got home Lily, Holden, and Damian’s tempers were at the boiling point.  It was the first time in his life that he’d almost been more scared of the look on Holden’s face then on Damian’s. 

  
    As soon as they’d come through the door Lily had taken charge of Noah, who hadn’t said a word since asking to be taken home.  Luke was so worried that he allowed Lily to take Noah upstairs while he pulled out his cell phone and walked into the kitchen to call Dr. Morris’s emergency number. 

    She had called back within two minutes of his hurried message and after hearing what had happened told him that she wanted Noah to try and rest and if necessary to make him take one of the sleeping pills if needed.  She also didn’t want Noah left alone until she could see him in the morning.  Luke had been really unnerved by this remark, but Dr. Morris said that although Noah didn’t seem the type to harm himself, it was better to be safe than sorry.

    Luke had returned to the family room and headed for the steps up to his and Noah’s bedroom.  He turned just once to witness both Holden and Damian screaming at a mortified Assistant District Attorney and a cringing Police Chief.  Luke couldn’t muster up any pity for either right now, all he cared about was getting to Noah. 

    He walked into the bedroom and found Lily tucking Noah in just like she had done to him when he was small.  Pulling the blanket up around his shoulders and smoothing the hair away from his forehead.  She bent and gently kissed the sleeping man on the forehead.  Luke came to stand next to her and gazed down at Noah. 

    “He’s asleep?”  He quietly asked.

    “Yes.”  Lily whispered.  “I made him take just one of the sleeping pills.”

    “Dr. Morris suggested that.”  Luke caught his mother’s eye and jerked his head in the direction of the hallway.  Lily pulled the door almost all the way shut and turned to her son.

    “She also said she didn’t want Noah to be left alone until she could see him tomorrow.”  Luke said.

    Lily simply stared wide eyed at her son’s statement.  “You don’t think Noah would hurt himself do you, Luke?”

    Luke just shook his head.  “Before all of this, I would say no, mom.”  Luke ran a tired hand through his hair.  “But now . . . how much is one person supposed to be able to take?”

    Lily reached out and pulled her son to her and gave him a huge hug.  “I know, baby.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

    Dallas was waiting for the house mother of the fraternity house where Brice Wilson was a member.  He and the two uniformed officers stood waiting under the watchful eyes of about ten fraternity members.  Phi Kappa’s President, Blake Richardson had approached Dallas and asked why he was there.  Dallas had enjoyed telling the “rich kid” that if he wasn’t Brice Wilson he should mind his own business. 

  
    Ms. Ellerby came hurrying down the stairs.   She’d gone upstairs in search of Brice and thought that he would be in his room.  “I can’t get his door open.  I tried the key but it seems to be blocked from the inside.”

    Dallas and the other two officers sprinted up the stairs passing the middle-aged woman.  The detective could hear several hurried footsteps on the steps behind them.   “Which door is his?”  He yelled over his shoulder.

    “Second on the right.”  A male voice called from behind him.

    Dallas came to a stop in front of the door.  He pounded on the door and shouted.  “Oakdale Police, open the door, Brice.”

    Everyone waited a second but heard no response.  Dallas turned as Ms. Ellerby came up beside him and handed him the key.   He inserted the key in the door but it didn’t even turn.  It seemed that somehow the lock had been jammed from the inside.

    “Do you give me permission to enter this student’s room?”  He asked the woman.

    Ms. Ellerby looked questioningly at Blake who seemed to be undecided.  “Yes.”

    Dallas gently pushed her away from the door and took several steps back.  He briefly thought ‘geez, I’m getting too old for this shit’ just before he kicked in the door. 

    “AAAAahhhhhhh!!!” Ms. Ellerby screamed from just behind Dallas’ shoulder.

    She would have fainted if it hadn’t been for the officer behind her that caught her body before it hit the floor.  The fraternity brothers that had followed the police up the steps crowded in around the officers but immediately stepped back in shock. 

    “O’Neal.”  Dallas said over his shoulder to the officer that wasn’t trying to find a place to lay the house mother down.  “Seal the room while I call the Medical Examiner.”

    O’Neal nodded his head as he ran down to his squad car to get the police tape that he’d need to seal the door to the room. 

    “You all need to go downstairs and stay there.  Nobody leave, I’m going to need to question everyone.”  Dallas warned them all in a firm voice before turning back to the scene in front of him.

    ‘Well, I guess only one person is going to get prosecuted in Noah’s case.’ he thought as he watched the body swing slightly while it hung from the exposed beam that ran the length of the ceiling.  Brice Wilson had obviously decided on his own form of punishment and decided that hanging was the easiest method.  ‘Damn’

 

* * *

 

    Ken and Margo had finally left the Snyder’s home but not before getting a full frontal assault from both Holden and Damian.  Although, both knew that the Assistant DA and the Police Chief never wanted this, there wasn’t anybody else to yell at.

  
    Holden and Damian were now standing in silence wondering what was next.  It was now Lily’s turn to storm around venting her frustration. 

    “How could this happen!”  Lily yelled. 

    Luke was sitting, exhausted on the sofa.  He’d sat with Noah for a time but decided that it wasn’t doing any good.  Noah was asleep.  He seemed quiet.  So Luke had ventured downstairs to see how everything was.

    “Is this common?”  Damian asked in confusion.  “Criminals get to admit that they did what they’re charged with but make deals?”

    “Welcome to the American Justice System.”  Luke nearly laughed.  He would have laughed if he wasn’t so near to crying.

    Holden just paced back and forth.  Luke was really concerned about his dad.  Holden hadn’t said a word since Ken and Margo had left.  Hadn’t said anything since Lily started yelling.  He just kept pacing and looking toward the door to the stairway.

    “So now what?”  Lily began, spinning around to face them.  “Noah tries to put his life back together and go back to work and go back to school only to take the chance of walking into his attacker?”

    Luke froze.  He hadn’t even gotten that far in his thought process.  They couldn’t let Jeff back on campus, could they?  He’s plead guilty to a crime, didn’t that mean he’d be kicked out?  He had to be kicked out.  But Jeff’s dad was the DA.  He got him out of a attempted murder charge, who says he couldn’t convince the OU administration that he should stay in school. 

    “That’s not going to happen.”  Damian nearly growled.  He immediately pulled his cell phone out of his suit pocket and started dialing. “If OU wants Grimaldi Industries to even consider funding the expansion of the new Humanities Building they’ll make d*amn sure Jeff Emerson never sets foot on campus again.” 

    Luke dropped his head in his hands.  What next?  He was so tired, he could only imagine how tired Noah must be. 

    “I’m calling mother.”  Lily said as she walked quickly over to the dining table and got her phone out of her purse.  “She hasn’t been on the Board of Directors of OU for all these years for nothing.  She’s going to be furious when she hears about this.” 

    Luke raised his eyes and watched as both his father and mother were on their respective phones across the room from each other, both trying everything in their power to protect Noah from the monster that would be set free at any time.  Holden still paced and continued to look at the door.

    “I’m going to go check on Noah.”  Holden suddenly said and started toward the door.

    “Dad.”  Luke began.  “He was asleep.”

    Holden turned with his hand on the doorknob.  “I know.  I’m just worried about what Dr. Morris said, that’s all.”

    “He’ll be all right, dad.”  Luke smiled sadly. 

    “Just let me be a dad.  Okay, buddy?”  Holden winked at his son before turning and going through the door.   

    Damian’s cell phone snapping shut drew Luke’s attention back as Damian sat down beside him on the sofa.  “I’m meeting with the President of OU tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.”

    “Do you think it will do any good?”  Luke asked looking at his father’s sad face.  Luke had been truly surprised and grateful through all of this at how much Damian seemed to care and want to support Noah.  “I’m sorry I haven’t told you before how grateful I am to have you with me during all this.”

    Damian reached over and rubbed his son across the shoulders.  “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, Luciano.  We’ll keep this animal away from Noah, even if I have to hire bodyguards for Noah.”

    “I don’t think he’d agree to that, Damian.”  Luke smirked.

    Lily snapped her phone shut with a satisfied smile on her face.  “I wouldn’t want to be anybody on the Board or in the Administration of OU right now.”

    “Lucinda can be a daunting force when she wants to be.”  Damian said with a knowing grin having been on the receiving end on several occasions. 

    Whatever Lily was going to say was cut short as they all quickly turned at the sound of pounding feet coming down the steps and Holden bursting through the door.

    “Noah’s gone!”

 

* * *

 


	16. Chapter 16

   _“I’ve always heard your type liked it rough.  Is this rough enough for you?”_ The voice whispered in his ear, making his hair stand on end. 

  
    Fear raced through his system and he felt the urge to run for his life but his limbs were not cooperating.  His legs weren’t listening to the signals his brain was sending.  The pain that was erupting from his skull was probably the reason behind his limbs treasonous behavior.  It felt as though an elephant’s foot was pressing down and that his brains were going to burst out of his ears at any moment.     
  
    He tried again to will himself to move.  To crawl, to do anything to get as far away from the voice as possible.  The terror that was creeping into his very bones had him on the verge of panic.  It wasn’t just the voice now, he could feel pain.  Pain all over his body.  A piercing pain in his head and pain wherever his body was pressed to the ground.  He couldn’t see out of one of his eyes and that blocked his field of vision.    
  
    He could sense the person behind and over him.  The knowledge that someone was there but unseen was worse then when just the voice came from out of the nothingness.    
  
_“Did you like that, baby?”_   The voice whispered.   _“Tell me you like it.”_   
  
    Noah froze with the words.  He could feel vomit trying to fight its way up his throat at just the thought of what he asked.  The blood rushing through his veins beat in time with the throbbing in his head.  He tried twisting away from the man.  He managed for the first time to move his head and bring the man into his field of vision.    
  
    He was zipping up his pants and laughing as he walked over to the other man standing off to the side.  He saw the one man that he hadn’t recognized before starting towards him.   
  
_“Save some of that for the rest of us, man.”_   
  
  
    Noah sat up sweating, clutching at the sheets on the bed.  Staring around at the room that he found himself in.  His and Luke’s bedroom at Luke’s parent’s house.  Noah pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and started rocking back and forth.   
  
    He couldn’t believe how much worse the flashbacks, dreams, memories whatever you wanted to call them were.  He couldn’t even get peace in his sleep.  He sat rocking and silently crying and heard voices coming from downstairs.    
  
    Noah couldn’t remember how he got back from Java or who was here in the house.  He was so tired he guessed from all the stress and he just wanted the peace of sleep to escape from all of this.  But Jeff was there in his sleep and soon he’d be everywhere.  Jeff was probably being released soon if he hadn’t been already.    
  
    Noah realized that he was shacking almost uncontrollably at the thought of Jeff being able to walk free.  That at any moment Noah could turn around when he went back to work at Java or back to school and he’d be there.  Noah hugged his knees even tighter to himself.  His eyes seemed to want to close on their own accord but he was to scared to go back to sleep, he knew that Jeff and whoever the other two were, were waiting for him there.   
  
    He turned his head and caught sight of the bottle on the night stand.  Had he left it out the other day?  He must have.  Before he knew it he was up and walking to the bathroom for a glass of water.  He attributed his stumbling steps to the fear and exhaustion he felt.   
  
    He grabbed the bottle, opened it, and spilled out two pills.  He usually only took one but he didn’t want a return of the memories when he went back to sleep.  He needed sleep, just a little peace away from everything.  Away from Jeff and the horror.  As he lay down and pulled the blanket up around his shoulders he slowly started drifting off.    
  
    He drowsily hoped that Luke wouldn’t be too long downstairs, he always slept better when Luke was holding him.   
  
  
  
_“Save some of that for the rest of us, man.”_ The man said as he approached Noah.  His pants were already hanging down around his knees and his thumbs were shoved behind the waist band of his briefs.     
  
    The fear and terror that the sight of that man approaching caused was enough to send Noah’s body into a frenzy.  Noah managed to thrash around and knock himself onto his side as he tried with all of this might to move away from his attacker.    
  
_“Oh, a fighter.  That’s hot.”_   
  
    A whimper was the first sound that Noah remembered making.  His voice was so low that he was sure that his ears were the only ones that heard it.  He could feel rough hands grabbing his hips and hoisting him back unto his knees forcing his head and face into the ground.  He could feel the presence of the man on top of him, his breath on his back.    
  
_“You’re going to like this so much.”_  He whispered into Noah’s ear.   _“You’re going to beg me for more.”_   
  
    “No, no, no, no.  Please don’t.  Stop, stop, stop.”  Noah pleaded in a hoarse whisper.    
  
_“What . . . . begging already.  Good boy.”_  The man laughed.   
  
    He could feel the man’s hands reaching down to touch his a*ss.  Noah wanted to scream but couldn’t get his throat to work properly.    
  
    “NO. NO. NO.”  Luke was the only one that Noah ever wanted to touch him in this way.  “Please stop, please stop, please stop . . .”  He continued to beg as the man drew closer.   
  
  
    Noah screamed.  He didn’t know whether it was in his dream or here, wherever here was.  He looked around and the only thing he could see where the bushes that surrounded him.  The men were gone for now, he had to get away.  Run.  Hide.  Run.  They were going to come back and the pain would be the least of his problems.    
  
    He scrambled out of the bed and raced for the door, yanking it open and without hesitation turned left to run down the back stairs and through the back door.  He stopped, looking around the driveway illuminated by the moonlight, but he didn’t see the Snyder’s driveway.  Noah was gripping his head in his hands.  The pain.  He wished the pain would just ease up.  It felt like a hundred little needles were being driven into his brain bringing tears to his eyes.   
  
    He thought he heard footsteps behind him.  He turned fearing that it was them, Jeff and the other two.  They figured out that he was gone and now they were going to find him and finish the job.  They didn’t want any witnesses.  He ran down the driveway and made another turn to his left heading down the darkened street.  If he just ran far enough and fast enough he could get away from them.   


 

* * *

 

    “Where could he have gone.”  Luke asked his mother as they stood in the middle of the family room.  Lily had her arms around her shaking son.

  
    As soon as Holden had come through the door and announced that Noah was missing he and Damian had immediately searched the entire house and the surrounding yard.  Lily and he had ran upstairs to the bedroom only to find that Noah had left, but discovered that he hadn’t even bothered to put his shoes or socks on.   
  
    Lily was the first to notice that the bottle of sleeping pills had been moved.  She had made a strangled sound when she opened the bottle to see that, although, there had been three left in the bottle when she’d given Noah one before putting him in bed, now there was only one remaining.   
  
    “He’s taken three.”  Luke whispered.  “Isn’t that a lot for someone who’s not use to taken them?  Don’t you think that’s a lot?”   
  
    Lily walked over and placed a comforting hand on her son’s shoulders.  “It’ll be okay, baby.  Your dad will find him.”   
  
    Luke just shook his head.  Not really knowing what to think.    
  
    Now, Luke stood shaking and wondering where Noah had gone and why?  He couldn’t have gotten too far.  He had to be out of it with three strong sleeping pills in him.  Should he call Dr. Morris?   
  
    Luke and Lily turned as they heard Damian come through the front door.  “I didn’t see Noah anywhere.”  He said as he ran a nervous hand through his hair.    
  
    They all turned as Holden came back through the door in the family room.  “The back door is open.”   
  
    “Noah?”  Luke asked nervously.   
  
    “It was locked before.”  Holden said looking from his son to Lily.  “He must have left through there.  Luke?”   
  
    “No, dad, he wouldn't hurt himself.”  Luke said holding up his hand to forestall Holden’s question.  “Noah’s not like that.”   
  
    “Not normally.”  Damian whispered.  He visibly flinched as both Lily and his son spun around and glared at him.  “Luke, I know you love him.  We all love him, but Noah’s been through a lot, more than anyone should have to go through.  I don’t think Holden’s wrong in asking.”   
  
    Once again Luke was struck by how much both of his dads seemed to be agreeing on things ever since this whole ordeal had begun over a month ago.  He wondered if they even realized it.  Luke moved to grab his jacket off of the chair and starting putting it on.   
  
    “Where are you going?”  Lily asked.   
  
    “I’m looking for Noah.”  Luke said heading for the front door.  “He can’t have gotten too far.”   
  
    “We’re all going with you.”  Lily said as she, Holden and Damian followed their son out the door.   


 

* * *

  
  
  


    He stumbled into the town square hoping that the sounds of footsteps would not be there when he stopped to listen.  His breath was coming in ragged gasps as he leaned up against the wall of the shop on the corner.  He strained his ears trying to make out any approaching footsteps.  He’d been running without stopping ever since he got away from them.

  
    There . . .!  Noah stood still trying to hear the sounds of shoes.  There it was again.  The faint sound of the scrapping of a shoe on pavement.  Noah turned without looking and started toward the tall building across the square.  Maybe he could find someplace to hide there.  Someplace where Jeff and the others wouldn’t find him.  Someplace where he could be safe.    


 

* * *

  


    Lucinda looked at her watch as she stepped out of the elevator and headed to the front doors of the World Wide building.  Seven o’clock again!  No wonder she wasn’t married currently, she didn’t have time for a husband. 

  
    She’d been on the phone for the last two hours ever since Lily had called and told her about that animal, Jeff’s, impending release.  Lucinda was of the firm belief that the Oakdale Police Department was only surpassed in their stupidity by the Oakdale District Attorney’s Office.  She’d been calling friends and making enemies for the last two hours and she relished ever minute of it.    
  
    She was brought to an amazed standstill when she walked through the doors into the square where she was greeted by the sight of Noah staggering through the middle of it in the near darkness.    
  
    “Noah?”  Lucinda called in disbelief.  “Noah, dear.”   
  
    He shuffle to a stop.  Turning his head in an odd slow motion, as if he was hearing something from far off.  Lucinda cautiously walked up to her grandson’s boyfriend.  She was surprised to see that the boy had no shoes on even though it was a rather brisk October evening.   
  
    “Noah, dear, what are you doing here?”  She asked quietly as she placed a hand on his arm.  She nearly jumped out of her own skin when he jerked away from her touch.        
  
    Noah turned unfocused eyes on the woman in front of him.  She seemed familiar but his mind was just not functioning.  He reached up and grabbed his head.  God, when would the pain stop.  He couldn’t even think straight with the pain shooting through his head in waves.  He couldn’t stand here too long, Jeff was out there.  Searching.  Trying to find him.   
  
    “Help me.”  Noah whispered as he clutched at his head.   
  
    Lucinda’s heart melted at the pleading tone of the young man.  “Of course, dear.”  Lucinda reached around and placed her arm along his shoulder and started to guide him toward the entrance of the building.  She’d take him up to the offices and call Luke from there.  “Come with me, Noah.  You’ll be safe with me.”   
  
    Noah looked at the woman next to him and allowed her to guide him toward the doors.  She seemed like a nice person, a grand motherly type, maybe she could help him.  He staggered along beside her into the building and allowed her to take him into the elevator and up to an office.    
  
    Lucinda hadn’t said a word the whole time she’d held Noah and made their way back up to her offices.  She was very concerned to say the least.  If she didn’t know better, she would swear that Noah didn’t even know who she was.    
  
    “Dear, just sit down and I’ll call Luke.”  She said as she helped him to sit down on the sofa in the large waiting area right in front of the elevators.  She leaned down and gently placed her hand on Noah’s cheek.  “You’ll be safe her my dear boy.”     
  
    “Thank you.”  Noah whispered to the older woman.  He almost felt safe looking into her eyes.    
  
    Lucinda rubbed his cheek softly before turning and walking over to the reception desk and pulled out her cell.  She dialed Luke’s number and waited.    
  
    “Hello.”  Luke answered as he walked down the darkened street.  He and his parents had decided to split up and go in separate directions.  Noah was on foot and drugged up and since they had no idea where he went they thought that maybe one of them might have a chance of running across him.  “Grandmother, I’m kind of busy right now.”   
  
    “Dear, do you happen to be looking for Noah right now?”  She asked with a knowing smile.   
  
    Luke stopped dead in his tracks.  “Yes.”    
  
    “Well, I’ve got him here at World Wide.”  Lucinda said as she turned and looked at the young man sitting on the sofa.  His head gripped in his hands.  “Darling, he doesn’t look good.”   
  
    “What do you mean?” Luke nearly yelled.   
  
    “I mean, he’s clutching his head and he seems really disoriented.”  Lucinda whispered as she turned away from Noah.  “Should I call an ambulance?”   
  
    “No.”  Luke said as he turned back toward his parents house and began running.  “I’m on my way right now grandmother.  Just stay with him, please.”   
  
    “Of course, dear.”  Lucinda said soothingly to her grandson.  “Just hurry.”   
  
    Lucinda hung up and took a deep breath before turning around.  Her heart froze when she did and found the sofa empty.   


 

* * *

    Noah quietly crept up the stairs.  There was little light in the stairwell but he had to get away.   As the woman was talking on the phone, Noah had heard his voice again. 

  
_“Save some of that for the rest of us, man.”_   
  
    The fear had gripped him anew and he knew he needed to move.  Anywhere but just sitting here waiting for them to find him.  So he’d quickly gotten up and walked over to the stairway next to the elevators and started up.  He didn’t know where he was going just as long as it was away from the voices.  Noah stopped to catch his breath and he once again clutched at his head.  The head that seemed to be pounding in time with his heart beat.    
  
    He heard the distant call of his name, “Noah?”  They had found him!  Move.  Move.  Move, were the only thoughts he had as he started running up the stairs.   


 

* * *

 

    “Noah.”  Luke yelled. 

  
    “Where did he go!”  Luke screamed at his grandmother.  He immediately regretted it when he saw the stricken look on Lucinda’s face.    
  
    “Luke.”  Damian said reaching out and gripping his son’s shoulders.  “He slipped past us, it’s not surprising that he slipped away from Lucinda.”   
  
    “I know, I’m sorry grandmother.”  Luke sighed, looking down.  “I’m just really scared.  Where could he have gone?”   
  
    “Luciano, he’s somewhere in the building.”  Damian tried to assure his son.   
  
    “How do you know that?”  Luke snapped.   
  
    Lily reached out and laid a hand on Luke’s forearm.  “Luke, please.”   
  
    “Luciano.”  Damian began.  “I asked the guard at the desk in the lobby if anyone had left and he said, no.  He’ll watch for Noah.  So, he’s somewhere in the building.”   
  
    “But where?”  Luke asked the room.   
  
    Holden was walking back from the other side of the floor.  “He’s not on this floor.  And he didn’t take the elevator or Lucinda would have heard it.  So he must have used the stairs.”   
  
    They all turned toward the stairwell door.    
  
    “Up or down?”  Luke asked as he opened the door and looked in.    
  
    Damian looked past his son into the darkened space.  “I think we should check the roof first.”   
  
    Luke, Lily, Holden, Damian with Lucinda bringing up the rear headed up the dark staircase.  They were two flights from the roof when they heard a deafening scream.    
  
    “NOOOOOO!”  A voice rang out.   
  
    “Noah!”  Luke yelled as he raced up the stairs, Holden and Damian right on his heels.    


 

* * *

    Noah spun around at the sound of pounding footsteps behind him and the crashing of bodies through the door he had just come through.  He was gripping his head and backing away. 

  
    Luke was the first through and immediately saw a terrified Noah standing not 10 feet away.  He was clutching his head in both hands and slowly edging away and toward the edge of the roof.    
  
    “Noah stop!”  Luke yelled as he started toward his boyfriend.  He immediately stopped as Noah looked up at him with the most horrified look in his eyes that Luke had ever seen.    
  
    Luke could feel his mother right up against his back looking at Noah.  He could also see out of the corner of his eyes that Damian and Holden had gone to either side of him.    
  
    “Stay away from me!”  Noah breathed.  His right hand pointing at them while his left hand still clutched his head.    
  
    “Noah.”  Luke whispered.  “Noah, please give me your hand.”   
  
    Noah was looking for any way out.  Any way to get away from Jeff and the others.  They’d found him and he was terrified that they were going to kill him this time.  His eyes were shifting first one way and then the other looking for an escape but there didn’t seem to be any.    
  
    Luke was terrified.  “Noah?”  He called again to his boyfriend but again got no response.  The look that he saw in Noah’s eyes scared him more than anything.  It was as if Noah didn’t even see him, didn’t even know he was there . . . then Luke realized.  Noah didn’t see him.   
  
    “Noah, baby.”  Luke called softly to his boyfriend.  He tried to keep his voice as calm and as reassuring as he could.  Putting all the love he could into his voice.  “Noah, it’s me.  Luke.”   
  
    Noah still wasn’t hearing him.  He had to get away.  Run.  Run.  Run.   
  
    “Noah.”  Luke tried again.  “Noah, just listen to my voice, bubby.  Nothing else is real but my voice.”   
  
    Luke could see that Noah had stilled.  He seemed to be listening, even though there was still a wild look in his eyes.  He seemed to be listening.   
  
    “Noah, my voice is the only real thing.  Everything else is just a dream.  It’s just a dream, Noah.”  Luke whispered and took a slow step forward. “Noah, it’s Luke.  Listen to my voice, bubby.  I’m the only reality you need.  Listen to my voice, Noah.  I love you, listen to my voice.”   
  
    “Luke??”  Lily whispered as Luke stepped toward Noah.  But Luke held up a slow hand to his mother to silence her.   
  
    Noah could hear a voice.  A voice calling his name.  A voice that sounded familiar.  A voice that sounded like . . . love.  Luke.  Luke.  Slowly the vision of Jeff and the other men seemed to fade right before his eyes and all that was left was Luke and Lily and . . . where was he?   
  
    Luke could see the look of recognition return to Noah’s beautiful blue eyes.  For the first time since they had come through the door Noah was actually seeing them.    
  
    When the visions of the flashback faded so did Noah’s energy.  The adrenaline that was fueling his “fight or flight” instinct was now gone and the effects of the sleeping pills seemed to come crashing down on him.  Noah was having trouble focusing as Luke continued to talk to him.    
  
    “Noah?”  Luke called again.  He was terrified by the fact that Noah was so close to the edge of the roof and his footing seemed so unsteady.  If he’d just take a step closer he’d be able to grab his hand and pull him towards him.  “Noah . . . bubby?”   
  
    “Luke?”  Noah whispered as he tried to focus his eyes on his boyfriend.  “Where . . . where am I?  Why aren’t we home?  Where’s Jeff, he was just following me.”   
  
    “No, Noah, he wasn’t.”  Luke said as he tried to will Noah away from the edge of the roof.  Luke saw movement out of the corner of his eye on the left but couldn’t take his eyes away from Noah to see what it was.   
  
    “Noah, it was just a dream.  You’re fine, just come to me, baby.”  Luke nearly whined.  He wanted to move toward him but was afraid that it would frighten Noah even further.   
  
    “A dream?  I can’t even escape him in my sleep, can I?”  Noah nearly cried.  He was now physically swaying on his feet and he involuntarily took a step back to steady himself.   
  
    “No!”  Luke yelled and clapped his hand over his mouth.    
  
    “Noah.”  Lily called and reached out to the young man.  “Baby, come take my hand.”   
  
    Noah seemed to be having a hard time raising his head to look at the two people in front of him.  “Lily?  What are you doing . . . “   
  
    ”Noah, we just want to take you home, honey.”  Lily said as she also took a step closer to Noah.  “Please, just come here.”   
  
    Noah just shook his head.  “I just keep causing problems, don’t I?  Why do you keep putting up with me Mrs. Snyder.  I’m not worth it.”   
  
    Luke was starting to panic.  Noah was so close to the edge both physically and emotionally.  “Noah, you’re not a problem.  We all love you.  I love you.  Just come here, bubby.”   
  
    Noah was now looking at Luke with wide eyes that was overflowing with tears.  “Why do you love me, Luke?  Why?  When all I do is cause you hurt and pain.”  Tears were streaming down Noah’s face.  “I’m so tired, Luke.  So tired.”    
  
    The exhaustion Luke could hear in Noah’s voice broke his heart.  “Noah, I’ll love you forever.”   
  
    Noah just looked at . . . his Luke.   
  
  
_**“Who am I to you, Noah?  
    What?  
    I mean, am I just some guy or am I, It.  Am I, am I the love of your life?  
    How am I supposed to know that?  
    I do because that’s what you are to me.”** _   
  
  
    “You’re the love of my life.”  Noah mumbled through his tears and exhaustion.  He was really wobbly now and was trying to keep his footing.   
  
    “What?”  Luke asked.   
  
    Noah was feeling like all of his bones were just leaving his body and that he was starting to float.   
  
    “NOAH!!”  Luke and Lily screamed at once as they watched Noah start to fall backwards.   
  
    Like twin flashes, two bodies shot toward Noah from out of the darkness from both sides.  Holden missed grabbing Noah’s left arm by inches and instead got a hold of the side of this sweater and started pulling.  At the same time Damian had managed to get a hold of Noah’s right arm and pulled.    
  
    It resulted in a tumble of bodies on the roof of the World Wide building with Noah at the bottom of the pile.    
  
    “Oh my God.”  Lily was crying with Lucinda holding on to her from behind.   
  
    Luke was kneeling down in front of the mound that was his two fathers and boyfriend.  He was helping Damian and Holden untangle themselves and uncover Noah laying breathless on the ground.    
  
    Luke scooped Noah into an embrace that almost crushed him against his chest.    
  
    Damian and Holden were both sitting back and smiling.  Damian was actually laughing from sheer nerves.    
  
    “Luke.”  Holden began.  “He can’t breath with his faced buried in your shirt.”    
  
    Luke pulled back and placed his hands on either side of Noah’s face as he looked into his boyfriends exhausted, pill hazed, blue eyes.     
  
    “Did you hear what I said, Luke?”  Noah slurred.   
  
    “What?”  Luke asked as he whipped tears from his own cheek with his shoulder so he didn’t have to let go of Noah’s face.   
  
    “You’re the love of my life, Luke.”  Noah said as he closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep and mumbled.  “You always have been.”    


* * *

  
  
  



	17. Chapter 17

  Luke sat on the porch of his mom’s house, face turned up to the sun.  It was nice to simply sit and enjoy a quiet moment.  They had been few and far between of late.  He could hear the birds in the trees calling and the late October day was still slightly warm. 

    It had been a very busy two weeks since that night on top of the World Wide building.  That night had been both horrifying and liberating for he and Noah.  Horrifying in the fact that they could have lost Noah so easily if it hadn’t been for both of his dad’s.  Liberating because now Noah, he, and his family were all on the same page in Noah’s care. 

    They’d called Dr. Morris and she had met them at the front door as they brought a exhausted, pill fogged Noah home.  Damian and Holden had virtually carried Noah up to their room and Lily and he had gotten him changed and into bed.  They had all gone downstairs and had talked long into the night about Noah and what had happened. 

    Dr. Morris had said that she didn’t feel that it had been a suicide attempt as much as Noah probably just forgetting about the pill Lily had given him and then taking another dose.  Then he had obviously had a night terror which combined with the high dosage of sleeping pills just contributed to “the perfect storm” of a waking flashback.

    Lily had taken the opportunity to question Dr. Morris about Noah’s fear of being a burden to Luke and his family.  Luke was sure that Dr. Morris would have said that it was a confidential matter between Noah and her but was surprised that Dr. Morris freely started explaining Noah fears of abandonment and worthlessness.

     She had said that Noah’s recovery depended on his ability to learn to accept the love that was being given to him by Luke and his family.  Luke could see in Lily and Holden’s eyes that they just couldn’t understand how Noah didn’t feel worthy of love because they had never lived the childhood that Noah had.  They just didn’t know all that the Colonel had put Noah through and how little self-worth his big teddy bear of a boyfriend actually had. 

    It had been a long two-weeks with Noah going every day to see Dr. Morris.  Having marathon therapy sessions and coming home exhausted and moody.  Luke had had his doubts after a week as nothing seemed to be getting better but in the last few days Luke thought he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. 

    They had been laying in bed after an exhausting day for both he and Noah.  Luke with trying to catch up with all he was responsible for at the foundation and Noah had been through two extremely long sessions with Dr. Morris.  He had tackled some particularly sensitive subjects with both the attack and his relationship with the Colonel. 

    They had laid in bed that night, both tired but almost too tired to sleep.  Luke was spooning with Noah, laying behind him and holding him like he had done ever since the attack.  He actually thought that Noah had finally drifted off to sleep and was surprised when Noah suddenly turned over in his arms to face him.  Luke could see his blue eyes in the light coming in through the window.

    “What?”  Luke whispered.

    “I had a hard session with Dr. Morris today.”  Noah said. 

    Luke could tell he wanted to say more and decided to wait and let Noah continue when he was ready. 

    “I asked her when I would feel comfortable being . . . having . . . you know.”  Noah whispered shyly.

    “Being together?  I told you, Noah, we’re worth the wait.”  Luke said placing a kiss on Noah’s forehead.

    “I know.”  Noah said not looking Luke in the eyes.  “But I want us to be close like we were before.” 

    “We will when it’s right and you’re ready.”  Luke said honestly.  “You’ll know when it’s right.”

    Noah slowly rolled them over until he was laying on top of Luke.  Luke breath caught in his throat as he looked up into the face of the man he loved above him.  The dim light playing across his face and reflecting in his eyes. 

    “I’m not ready yet to . . . you know.”  Noah stopped.  He looked deep into Luke’s eyes.  “But I want to be with you, Luke.  I need to be close to you.”

    Luke waited expectantly as Noah leaned down and slowly pressed his lips to his.  They started out kissing teasingly, exploring each others mouths like when they had first started dating.  Luke’s breath suddenly hitched as Noah’s hands started running slowly down the length of this body.  To feel Noah’s hands, the hands of the man that he loved, the hands of his lover, hot and needy, felt like coming home. 

    Luke didn’t want to rush Noah but his own hands seemed to have a mind of their own.  He found them reaching under the hem of Noah’s tee-shirt and sliding up his lover’s back.  Feeling the strong, hard muscles of his back under his fingers had only been one of the things that he’d missed and longed to have back. 

    Noah started to trail moist kisses along his jaw and down the side of his neck.  “I need you to be mine, Luke.” 

    Luke arched his back as Noah’s kisses started down his chest.  He grabbed Noah’s face between his hands and forced him to look up at him.  “I’m always yours.  No one else, ever.  Just yours.”

    Noah crushed Luke back against the mattress as he launched himself back up to Luke’s mouth.  Luke’s breath was taken by the force and passion of the kiss that Noah and he were sharing.  It seemed all of the love, all of the emotion, all of the feeling of being together was in that one kiss.  A kiss that said, you’ll always be mine, never any others. 

    That had been the first night on the road back to being together.  They hadn’t finish the night the way they had before the attack but they had both fell asleep in each others arms satisfied and happy.   

    The next day had brought another change when Noah came home and actually sat down with Lily and Holden and talked to them about how he grew up and why it was hard for him to believe, even though he knew it was true, that they loved him unconditionally. 

    Lily had sat with tears running down her face as Noah told them about all the Colonel had done during his youth.  Constantly tormenting him about not being the son that he wanted, not man enough, not good and clean enough, not enough of anything to suit the Colonel.

    Holden had just sat listening and occasionally reaching out and rubbing Noah’s knee when he saw that Noah was becoming choked up.  Later after Noah and Lily had decided to go for a walk, Holden had sat looking at Luke with a haunted look in his eyes.

    “Did I ever make you feel like that?”  Holden whispered.

    “What?”  Luke nearly choked.  “No, Dad, never.”

    Holden continued looking at his son.  “Even when you came out, I never . . .”

    “Dad, you have always been there for me.  You’ve always made me feel like I was more than . . .”  Luke leaned forward grabbing his father’s hands to get his attention.  “If I’m strong, if I’m loving, if I’m caring it’s totally because of you and mom.  You made me that.  You made me the man I am today because you loved me unconditionally and fully.  Thank you.” 

    “It’s just everything that Noah’s father said and did to him . . .”  Holden just shook his head.  “I just can’t believe a father would do that to a son.  Even Damian when he wanted to send you to that doctor, I hated him but . . . he loves you, Luke.  And you know, I’m fine with that.”

    “I know, dad.”  Luke said looking into his father’s eyes.  “I know he does and I know he’s my father, but you are always going to be my dad.” 

 

 

* * *

    “Hey, Luke.” A voice called breaking Luke out of his thoughts of the last few weeks.  He looked up to see Casey stepping up onto the patio. 

  
    “Casey.”  Luke smiled at his friend.  “What’s up?”

    “Oh, just stopping by to see how everything’s going.”  Casey said taking a seat across from Luke.  “You know, since they let Jeff go.”

    Luke could see how nervous Casey seemed.

    “Case, it wasn’t Margo’s fault.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault, that’s just how our justice system in this country works and it sucks.”  Luke smiled sadly.

    “Yeah.”  Casey said looking at the ground.  “How’s Noah?”

    Casey didn’t know about what happened on top of the World Wide building.  Actually, after discussing it with Dr. Morris it had been agreed that only the people that had been there, Noah, Luke, Lily, Lucinda, Holden, Damian and Dr. Morris would know about it.  Noah deserved at least that much privacy.  He didn’t need the whole town knowing just how close he had came to breaking down completely.

    “He’s doing good.”  Luke looked at his watch “He’s probably getting out of Dr. Morris’ just about now and he’ll be home after that.”

    “Good, good.”  Casey said. 

    Luke noticed that Casey seemed to be on the fidgety side this morning.  “What’s up, Casey?”

    Casey shot a quick look at Luke and rubbed his hands together.  “I wanted to ask you guys something, you specifically, Luke.”

    “Shot.”  Luke smiled.

    “Um . . .”  Casey got up and started walking around the patio.

    “Case, whatever it is, just ask.”  Luke said watching him pacing back and forth.

    “Ally and I are getting married.”  Casey blurted out.

    “Yeah.”  Luke said.  “You proposed, like, almost two months ago.”

    “No, I mean we’re getting married.  Like, tomorrow.”  Casey said staring right at Luke. 

    Luke tried to keep the laugh in but he couldn’t help it.  Casey looked like he was about to pass out.  “Tomorrow?”

    “Yeah, that is if you say yes.”  Casey finally breathed.

    “If I say, yes?”  Luke was confused.  “Casey, we’re not getting married.  Shouldn’t this be ‘yes, if Ally says, yes?’”

    Casey got flustered.  “This is coming out all wrong.  What I meant to say is, yes we are getting married tomorrow, if you say you’ll be my best man.”

    Luke sat stunned.  “Best man?”

    “And if we can borrow Lucinda’s jet?”  Casey smiled.  


 

* * *

    Noah stepped out of his session with Dr. Morris just as drained as if it had been the first one.  He thought this was supposed to be getting easier?  If he was honest with himself, it was, but he knew that they still had so much further to go.  He was feeling better about a lot of things.  He had been meeting almost two times a day with the doctor for the last two weeks.  Ever since World Wide.

  
    Just the thought of that night sent chills up his back.  He’d almost died that night.  Would have if it hadn’t been for Luke and his family.  No, Luke and their family.  Noah smiled to himself.  Lily had basically forbidden him from ever referring to them as just Luke’s family ever again. 

    They had taken a walk after he had decided he needed to let the Snyder’s know what he had dealt with growing up with the Colonel so they would understand just how much he appreciated and treasured what they offered him as a family.  After that discussion Lily and he had walked and talked and he had come to see that Lily was more than just ‘Luke’s mom’ any longer.  She actually felt like his own mom.  He still couldn’t call her mom, which Lily said she’d be working on, but she felt more of a mother to him then he had ever known.

    “Hey, Noah.”  A voice called from behind him.

    Noah turned to see a ‘glowing’ Ally walking down the hallway towards him.

    “Ally.”  Noah smiled.

    “Just finishing up with Dr. Morris?”  She asked as she looped her arm through Noah’s as they continued walking down the hallway.

    “Yes.”  Noah shook his head.     

    “Is it getting better?”  Ally asked with concern in her eyes.

    “Yeah, it is.  Slowly.”  Noah reached over and squeezed her arm.  “How’s everything with you, momma?”

    Ally’s smile light up her face as she reached up and placed a hand on her still flat stomach.  “It’s great.  Actually . . .”  She hesitated, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

    “What?”  Noah stopped and turned to her.  “Ally, come on.”

    “Actually, me and Casey are getting married.  Tomorrow.”  Ally beamed.

    Noah stood stunned.  “Tomorrow?  I bet Margo’s thrilled about that.”

    “Actually.” Ally began “Margo doesn’t know.”

    Noah just stood there confused.  “Wow.”  He breathed. 

    “Yeah, wow.”  Ally said.  “I needed to ask you a question, Noah.”

    “Sure anything, Ally.”  Noah smiled.

    “Do you think you could get out of your therapy with Dr. Morris for the next few days?”  She smiled shyly.

    “Yeah, I guess.  Why?”  Noah asked with some hesitation.

    “Well, I need a Maid of Honor and I was hoping you’d kind of fill that position for me.”  Ally grinned at him.

    “Maid of Honor?”  Noah chuckled.

    “Well, maybe more like Friend of Honor.”  Ally leaned in and kissed him on his cheek. 

 

* * *

    The next few hours were a whirlwind of activity.  After Luke had nearly knocked Casey over when he grabbed Casey in a huge bear hug and declared, “H*ell yeah, I’ll be your best man” everything seemed to go a bit crazy. 

  
    First, Casey said that the fact that they were going off to get married was a secret.  He and Ally had planned on a big, family wedding months from now but since discovering that they were expecting Margo had been all over them about getting married sooner.

    Ally just wasn’t up to the stress of a full out family wedding, so they had decided that they’d run off to Vegas, thus the need to hijack one of Lucinda’s personal jets, and get married on the sly.  They’d have another, larger, family wedding after the little Hughes had arrived and Casey wouldn’t risk being murdered in his sleep by Bridezilla Ally.

    Luke had said that he’d get right on asking Lucinda about the jet.  Just as Casey had been getting ready to leave Noah had arrived and added his news that he’d agreed to be Ally’s Friend of Honor and that he was thrilled with the prospect of a secret Vegas wedding.  Casey had said that he’d already made the wedding arrangements in Vegas to which both Luke and Noah were skeptical but since Ally knew the plans and she seemed onboard with it, who were they to judge.

    It was decided that they’d meet the next morning at the airport at 9:00 a.m. and head out and with luck Casey and Allison would be Mr. and Mrs. Casey Hughes by dinner time. 

    “Are you sure that Dr. Morris doesn’t have a problem with this?”  Luke asked Noah as they watched Casey leave.

    “No, actually she was glad that I was doing something so spontaneous and that had nothing whatsoever to do with the attack.  I’m really looking forward to doing something happy for a change.  Especially, with you.”  He gripped Luke’s waist and pulled him towards him.  “I know we’re not all the way back yet, but we’re getting there, right?”

    “Right.”  Luke smiled up at Noah.  He couldn’t resist the urge to reach up and place a kiss on Noah’s smiling lips. 

    Noah’s hand left Luke’s waist and slowly glided up the back of Luke’s neck and into his blond hair.  Noah loved the feel of it between his fingers and he pressed Luke into the kiss more.  Their lips parted and they stood with their foreheads together and their eyes closed, just relishing the closeness. 

    “Love you.”  Noah whispered.   

    “Forever.”  Luke whispered right back.

* * *

    Noah had waited until Luke had left for the late afternoon meeting at the foundation.  He was going to ask Lucinda then about the use of the plane for the next morning.  They didn’t anticipate her saying no, so everything was proceeding as planned.  Noah although, had a plan of his own and he needed help. 

  
    Help that he wouldn’t have been able to ask for just two months ago.  Now, though, after all the sessions with Dr. Morris he had discovered that it was part of being a family to know when it was fine to accept help when offered with love and when to ask for help when given with love.

    Noah walked into Grimaldi Shipping’s offices and asked the secretary if he could see Damian.  No, he answered the secretary’s question, he didn’t have an appointment but Mr. Grimaldi knew him.

    Damian had been out the door with his hand reaching out for Noah’s shoulder within a minute.  “Noah, it’s great to see you.”  He smiled.

    “Hi.”  Noah said nervously.

    Damian sensing Noah’s nervousness suddenly stopped and looked at the young man.  “Is everything all right?”

    “Yes, sir.  Everything’s fine.”  Noah said. 

    “Noah, you call me Damian.”  He smiled.

    “Damian.”  Noah smiled.  “I need to ask you for some help.  I’d ask Lily or Holden but they’re too . . .”  Noah stumbled.  “But you’re Luke’s father too but . . .”  Noah studdered to a stop.

    “Noah.  Noah.”  Damian held up his hands.  “Their too close and I’m just close enough?”

    “Yeah, something like that.”  Noah breathed out with a smile.

    “What can I do for you.”  Damian relaxed and leaned against his desk.  “Anything.”

    “Do you have a couple of hours to give me and some advice?”  Noah cracked a lopsided smile.

 

 

* * *

    The flight to Vegas had been uneventful, that is except for the fact that Ally was racing to the ladies room almost every half-hour.

  
    “I thought morning sickness was in the morning?”  Luke asked Casey from where he and Noah sat across the small aisle from Casey.

    Casey got a frozen look of fear on his face and quickly brought his finger up to his lips in a shushing motion.  “Shh, shhhh.  Don’t say that too loud.”  His eyes fearfully shifted to the bathroom door.  “Don’t even bring it up.  Just pretend nothing is happening.”

    Luke was looking at Casey like he was a mad man and Noah had an utterly confused look on his face as Ally emerged from her latest visit to the bathroom.  She stopped and looked at Casey’s face.  He looked as if he’d been caught with his pants down and Luke and Noah had looks of total confusion on their faces.  “What are you guys talking about?”

    “Nothing.”  Luke said immediately.

    “Nothing.”  Noah echoed quickly.

    “Nothing, baby.”  Casey stammered out on top of their replies.

    “Uh-huh.”  Ally looked skeptical as she sat down on the sofa next to Casey.  “Were you telling them about the surprise at the wedding?  You were weren’t you?”

    “No.  Honest.”  Casey said as Ally poked him in his side making him squirm. 

    “Well, go ahead.  It’s your idea anyway.  Totally wacked, but hey it’s Vegas.”  Ally smiled, rolling her eyes.  “A totally Casey wedding.”

    “I’m afraid to ask.”  Noah said slowly.

    “What’s up with the wedding, Case?”  Luke asked leaning back and folding his arms over his chest.

    “It’s just that me and Ally are getting married by someone famous, that’s all.”  Casey smirked at them with a twinkle in his eye.

    “Uh-huh and who would that be.”  Luke said.

    “Let’s just say, Elvis is in the building, dude.”  Casey laughed.

 

 

* * *

    “You weren’t sh*itting me!  Elvis?  You’re serious?”  Luke asked in disbelief as they stood in front of ‘The Elvis Wedding Chapel’ and saw “Congratulations Casey and Allison on becoming Mr. and Mrs. Casey Hughes” on the flashing Vegas style marquee in front of the place.      Noah burst out laughing as Luke glanced between his boyfriend and the two getting married.

  
    “And you’re okay with this, Ally?”  Luke asked.

    “Sure.”  Allison laughed.  “This isn’t the ceremony I’ve been dreaming of.”  She said with a laugh.  “But it gets us married and gets Margo off my back until after this little one is born.”

    Luke just shook his head.  Leave it to Casey Hughes to come up with the most bizarre, cheesy, idiotic way to get married.  Yet the breathtaking smile that Ally was turning on Casey stopped Luke’s thoughts in their tracks. 

    Ally was happy.  Happier then he’d seen her in an awfully long time and she was fine with doing this Casey’s way. 

    “Let’s get you two married then.”  Luke laughed as he grabbed Noah’s hand and lead them all into the chapel. 

    Casey and Allison were the first through the doors and they were greeted by a woman who introduced herself as Trudy the Wedding Coordinator for The Elvis Wedding Chapel.  She immediately whisked Allison off to the Bride’s changing room and told Casey that The King would be out in a moment to get the information for the wedding ceremony itself. 

    “The King.”  Noah laughed softly into Luke’s ear. 

    “Shhh, you.”  Luke whispered back.

    Luke and Noah watched as Casey paced back and forth from one side of the room to the other.

     “Little nervous, Case?”  Luke smirked. 

    “Wouldn’t you.”  Casey shot back while looking through the doorway waiting for The King to make his appearance.

    “Well it’s not like you haven’t been married before.”  Luke said.

    “Heck, it’s not even the first time you’ve married a Stewart.”  Noah said right after.

    Casey stopped and looked at both his friends.  “Maybe we should have Trudy and The King as our witnesses, with friends like you.”

    Luke and Noah both chuckled. 

    “But you so love us anyway.”  Luke smiled.

    “Bite me.”  Casey smiled back.

    The King walked in a few minutes later complete in a white jumpsuit and dark aviator glasses.  “Mr. Hughes?”

    “Yeah, that’s me.”  Casey nearly jumped out of his skin. 

    “Let’s just go in here and get you all placed for the ceremony and I’ll go over a few things to personalize your service.”  The King said in slow southern drawl.

    Noah and Luke followed a wobbly-legged Casey into the pink chapel.  Pink!  It was actually pink with a leopard spotted runner leading down the center of the room to the alter. 

    “Is this legal?”  Luke asked skeptically.

    The King looked over at Luke and smiled.  “I’m an ordained minister in the State of Nevada, son.  Couldn’t be more legal.”

    Trudy came rushing into the chapel.  “Excuse me, but I think we have a problem the bride’s . . . well she’s . . . she’s getting sick.  Should we delay the wedding?”

    “NO!”  Casey, Luke and Noah yelled at the same time.

    “Excuse me.”   Casey said as he headed toward Trudy and quickly guided her out of the room. 

    The King and Luke and Noah stood in an uncomfortable silence.  Luke was pretending to admire the pink heart wallpaper as Noah was busy straightening his tie for the fifth or sixth time.

    Without even thinking Luke reached over.  “Let me do that, babe.” 

    Luke and Noah’s eyes meet as smiles slowly reached their lips.  Both seeing in the other’s eyes the shared memory of that fateful day almost three years earlier.  Luke adjusted Noah’s tie and softly patted his chest.  “Bubby.”

    The King stood watching the two young men.  “You know, we have a two-for-one special?  Your friends have the ‘Viva Las Vegas Wedding Package’ we can easily add a ‘Love Me Tender Commitment Ceremony.”  The King said looking at them over the top rim of his aviator glasses. 

    Luke and Noah stood frozen in place for what seemed a century, both looking at the same time frightened and expectant.  Noah slowly reached up and took the hands that had stilled on his chest and brought them down.  He was still looking into Luke’s eyes as he quietly said.  “Thanks, sir, but no.” 

    Luke dropped his eyes to the ground.  He hadn’t really ever entertained the thought of marrying Noah anytime soon.  For one, it still wasn’t legal in Illinois.  Second, with everything that had been going on over the last two months it wasn’t a thought that had even been subconsciously in his mind, but when The King had mentioned Commitment Ceremony, something very faint and secret had stirred inside for just a moment. 

    Something that said, ‘yes, I do want to be with this man.’ ‘Yes, I do want the world to know that I’m committed to him.’  ‘Yes, I want him to know I’m committed to  _us_.’

    Noah saw the quick flash of disappointment and . . . pain that leaked into Luke’s eyes before he’d dropped his gaze to the floor.  He hadn’t wanted this.  He could feel Luke trying to disengage his hands from Noah’s but Noah wasn’t letting go. 

    “Excuse us.  We’ll be right back.”  Noah said to The King who was silently going over his notes for the ceremony. 

    Noah moved toward a door that was behind the alter.  Not knowing where it lead to but needing to get Luke alone.  He pushed the door open and drew a reluctant and resisting Luke behind him into what appeared to be a banquet room.  He felt along the nearest wall trying to find a light switch.  He felt one and switched it on and a light beam hit a diso mirror ball hanging from the middle of the ceiling and the room was covered in sparkling mirrored patterns.

    “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  Noah laughed at the atmosphere in the room.

    Luke stood silently just behind Noah.  Any other time he would have found this funny and would be pulling Noah out onto the dance floor trying to get him to do some of his lame dance moves, but right now he just wanted to go back in the chapel and get this over with. 

    He watched as Noah turned and looked at him.  He didn’t want to admit that he was mad.  Mad that Noah had so easily said no to the Commitment Ceremony.  So easily said no to a commitment to him.  He was trying to understand that it was just too soon and too much after everything Noah . . . they had been through recently, but he was hurt and mad.

    “Luke, look at me.”  Noah said trying to catch Luke’s eyes. 

    “We need to get back in there for Casey and Ally.”  Luke said looking past Noah to the dance floor beyond.

    Noah took Luke’s face in his hands forcing Luke to look at him.  “You wanted the Ceremony?”

    Luke looked into the blue eyes that were gazing at him.  The eyes that he had loved since the very first time he’d gotten lost in them.  The eyes he’d waited to see for five days in the hospital.  The eyes that held love for him every time they looked his way, even now.

    “Maybe . . . a little.”  Luke said reluctantly.  “Don’t you?” 

    “No.”  Noah answered immediately.

    Luke tried to pull away but Noah held him firmly in place.   He tried to struggle as his eyes suddenly filled with tears.  Noah wasn’t letting him go so he just stopped struggling and let the tears roll down his cheeks. 

    “Why not?”  Luke finally whispered.  Not really wanting to know the answer but needing to know anyway.

    Noah took a deep breath but still didn’t let go of Luke’s face.  He slowly brought his thumbs over and silently wiped the tears away. 

    “I don’t want a Commitment Ceremony with you.”  He stated. 

    Luke tried to move his head again but Noah’s hold was firm.

    “I want a Wedding Ceremony with you, Luke Snyder.”  Noah breathed. 

    Luke’s eyes snapped up locking instantly with Noah’s.  “What?”

    “I didn’t want to do this in The Elvis Wedding Chapel but I guess The King had other ideas.”  Noah said as he reached down into his pant pocket and brought out a black box.

    “What are you doing, NOAH!”  Luke asked not taking his eyes off of the box in Noah’s hand.

    “I know we aren’t back to where we were before the . . . attack.”  Noah swallowed his nervousness.  “I know we’re still young.  I know it’s not going to, the wedding, happen any time soon but I love you so much, Luke.”  Noah took a shuddering breath in to steady himself.  “When I told you that you were the love of my life, I completely meant it.  You are now and always will be, my happy ending.”

    Luke couldn’t think.  His mind had seized up on him.  Noah could have moved the box backwards, forwards, up, down and sideways and Luke’s eyes would have followed it.  He was listening to every word that Noah was saying but it seemed far away and happening to someone else.

    “Luke.”  Noah said.  “Luke, look at me, please.”

    Luke slowly raised his eyes to meet Noah’s.  Noah’s eyes that he realized now held tears in them.     

    “Luke?”  Noah leaned forward and rested his forehead against Luke’s as he opened the box in his hand.  “Will you marry me?”

    Luke noticed that the box in Noah’s hand was shacking violently.  He smirked thinking how nervous his poor Noah must be.  The rings were sitting right there staring at him and they were beautiful.  There were two sets.  Each set consisting of a platinum band and a black titanum band. 

    “Luke?”  Noah’s voice was shaking as violently as his hands.  “Did you hear me?”

    “Yes.”  Luke whispered.

    They stood there.  Foreheads touching.  Waiting.

    “Yes . . . what?!?”  Noah asked again with confusion in his voice.  “Yes, you heard me or yes . . .  _Yes_?

    Luke pulled his head back from Noah’s so he could see his face and whispered.  “Yes, I’ll marry you, Noah.”

    Noah’s legs almost gave out and he nearly dropped the box.  Luke had other plans because his hand reached out and practically snatched the box out of his boyfriend . . . now fiancé’s hand.  

    “They’re beautiful, Noah.”  Luke started but then got a slightly confused look on his face.  “But, babe, how did you afford them?  You haven’t been working.”   

    Noah had a slight flush rush up his face.  “I listened to Dr. Morris and asked for help.”  Noah said looking at Luke.

    “Who?”  He asked again.

    “Damian.”  Noah smiled.  “I told him I needed a favor and some advice and I told him I wanted to ask you to marry me but I didn’t have the money for the rings and he understood.  I told him I’d pay him back and he immediately said it was only a loan and he was actually happy I asked him for the help.”

    Luke’s forehead was creased as he looked up at Noah.  He seemed worried.

    “You’re wondering why I didn’t go to Holden, aren’t you?”  Noah sighed.

    “Well . . . yeah.”  Luke said.

    “Your mom and dad would have did it without any hesitation but they’re . . . they’re too close to everything, while Damian is your father but he’s not as close to the situation.  It would have been too weird asking them for a loan to buy their son an engagement ring.  Does that make any sense?”  Noah asked.

    “Yeah, it actually does.”  Luke smiled.  “Plus my mom wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret anyway.  How was Damian when you told him the loan was for engagement rings and wedding bands?”

    Noah looked down with a quiet smile on his face.

    “What?”  Luke asked.

    “Damian actually went with me and helped me pick them out.”  Noah said.  “I was so nervous and he . . . it just helped having someone with me.”

    Luke could only stand there in shock.  He was right, everything and everybody had changed as a result of Noah’s attack. 

    “Well, are you just going to hold the box or are you going to let me put your ring on your finger?”  Noah teased.

    “Oh, you better, Mr. Mayer.”  Luke teased.

    Noah took the box back from Luke and reached in and pulled out one set of rings.  “I got both bands engraved.”

    Noah turned them toward Luke so he could see the engraving on the inside of the bands.  On the platinum band it read,  _“Being My Love”_ and the black titanium band read, “ _Being My Future”._

    Luke closed his eyes with the memory.  “New Year’s?”

    “Yeah.”  Noah nodded.  “I know it didn’t work out the way we wanted then but what I wrote was how I’ve always felt.”  Noah put the titanium band back in the box and took the platinum band and placed it on Luke’s left hand on the ring finger.  He held up the box with the black band in it.  “This one is for our wedding day.” 

    Luke held his hand up and admired the new addition to his hand.  He’d never been one for jewelry . . . but he had to admit that it looked and felt wonderful on his hand.  He reached over and took Noah’s platinum band out of the box and realized he was shacking too as he reached out and took Noah’s hand, sliding it onto his left ring finger. 

    They both just stood looking down at the bands that now rested on their fingers. Noah held up the box and snapped the lip shut.  “I think these will be lonely until they get their mates back.” 

    Luke smiled.  He couldn’t believe it.  He was actually engaged.  Engaged to Noah. 

    Noah suddenly reached out and pulled Luke to him.  His hand reaching up and he gently ran a finger down the side of Luke’s face stopping at his chin.  “I love you so much.”

    Luke closed the distance and let Noah know just how much he loved him by the force of his lips alone.  As they kissed, each breath in seemed to bring them closer and closer to each other.  Luke threw his arms around Noah’s neck and crushed himself against his fiancé staggering him back a step.  Noah quickly wrapped Luke in a fierce embrace.  His arms feeling like twin vices around his sides and up his back.  Luke had never felt so safe, protected and loved in his whole life.

    “Excuse me?”  A voice called from the doorway behind them.

    Noah and Luke slowly untangled their arms from each other.  Their lips were the last to part and they both felt the sudden loss of the other.  Luke turned around and glared at Casey as he stood in the doorway.  “Yes?”

    “There’s a wedding about to happen in here and we kind of need the Best Man and Friend of Honor to witness it.”  Casey smiled at them.

    Luke mock pouted as he walked past Casey back into the chapel followed by a slightly blushing Noah. 

    “Geez, can’t you guys go anywhere without making out.  Get a room.”  Casey snickered.

    “Jealous much?”  Luke whispered as Casey came to stand at the alter next to his Best Man and Noah took his place on the bride’s side of the alter.

    “In your dreams.”  Casey smiled.

  ** _“Love me tender, love me true, all my dreams fulfilled.  For my darling I love you and I always will.”_**   The King started singing as he stood in front of the alter holding a bible. 

    They all turned to see a radiant Allison start to walk down the aisle in a beautiful white, lace dress.  Casey beamed at his soon to be wife and mother of his child.  Luke swallowed the lump that suddenly sprang to his throat and looked across the aisle at his fiancé. 

    As his and Noah’s eyes met, Luke knew that as corny and cheesy as this place and this wedding was, it had been the perfect place and perfect time for he and Noah. 

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

    The reactions to Casey and Ally’s marriage and Luke and Noah’s engagement was distinctly different.  Luke and Noah had agreed to wait and see how long it took for Lily to notice the rings.  It had taken a grand total of five minutes from the time they walked into the front door of Lily’s house. 

  
    They had come in bearing their bags and proceeded to tell Lily and Holden about the Vegas wedding of Casey and Ally complete with wedding pictures of the wedding party with The King.  While Holden laughed at the images, Lily had seen the ring on Luke’s finger and started screaming.    
  
    “Did you two get married?”  Lily screamed in excitement.    
  
    Holden simply looked down at the boys’ hands.    
  
    “Mom.”  Luke smiled.  “No.”   
  
    Lily immediately deflated.  “No?”   
  
    “It’s not legal in Nevada, Mom.”  Luke answered.  “But . . . we are engaged.”  He smiled.   
  
    Lily screamed again as she jumped up and hugged both of ‘her’ boys.    
  
    Holden stood and was smiling as he shook Noah’s hand and then pulled him into a bear hug.  “Good for you, Noah.”    
  
    Noah pulled back and drew Holden aside.  “I think I need to tell you something.  Something about the rings.”   
  
    Holden slapped Noah on the shoulders.  “Damian helped you pick them out and lent you the money.”   
  
    Noah stared open-mouthed at Luke’s father.  “What?  How?”   
  
    “Damian told me right after you guys left.”  Holden said.  “He didn’t want any hurt feelings.”   
  
    “I hope you know if it was anything else other than Luke’s engagement rings, I would have . . .”  Noah started.  “I would have come right to you.”   
  
    “Noah.  Noah.”  Holden stopped the obviously nervous young man.  “It’s okay.”   
  
    “I just couldn’t ask you or Lily to borrow money to buy them.  You’re his parents.”  Noah shrugged his shoulders.  “I hope you understand.”   
  
    Holden smiled up at his future son-in-law.  “You know, I don’t think I would have been able to ask Lucinda for the money to buy Lily’s engagement ring so I shouldn’t expect you to.”   
  
    Lily and Luke walked over and Lily grabbed Noah into another huge hug while Holden looked at the ring that Luke was waving around in front of everyone.    


 

* * * 

  
  


    Casey and Ally’s greeting was far different.  Margo was storming around the house as Casey, Ally and Tom sat in the Hughes’ living room. 

  
    “How could you, Casey.”  Margo asked as she paced back and forth.   
  
    Casey started to answer but was cut off by his mother.   
  
    “I mean, I know you don’t give a crap about a lot of things but I thought you would at least let me and your father be at your wedding.”  Margo said again.  “And Vegas!  Married by Elvis!”   
  
    Margo spun around as she heard both Tom and Allison chuckle.  “What do you two think is so funny?”   
  
    “Margo.”  Allison began.  “I know it’s sudden, I know it’s not what you wanted but we’re married.”    
  
    “Is that what you call it?”  Margo shook her head.  “You were married by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas for gods sakes.”    
  
    “Dear.”  Tom started as he got up from the sofa.  He walked over and took his wife’s hands in his own.  “They’re married, they’re going to be giving us a grand baby, what more could we really ask for?”   
  
    Margo stood still, listening to her husband.  Tom had always been her rock.  Always the one to calm her and steady her.  “Your right.”   
  
    Allison got up from the sofa and walked over to her new mother-in-law.  “Margo, I know you wanted us to get married before the baby got her but it was really my idea to get married right away with as little hassle as possible.”   
  
    Margo looked up into her daughter-in-law’s eyes.  “It just hurts that I wasn’t there, that’s all.”    
  
    “I know.”  Allison breathed.  “But we’ll have that huge, family style wedding after the baby is here, okay?”   
  
    “Okay.”  Margo smiled.  “But you’ll let me choose where and it’s not going to be Vegas.”   
  
    “No, Vegas, mom.”   Casey smiled as he came to stand beside his wife and mother.  “Absolutely no Vegas, but maybe The King could come?”    
  
    Casey took a quick step back to avoid both his mother and wife as they tried to punch him.  “Okay, no King.”   


 

* * *

    Kevin was sitting at a table in the Student Union cafeteria, but he wasn’t eating.  The table in front of him was covered with at least a half a dozen open books and he was making notes and highlighting various sections in most of them. 

  
    Jade hesitated in going over to him because of the frustrated look on his face.  Although, she had never let that stop her in the past, Jade was trying to improve and be more considerate.  Her Psychology class had just let out and she had come here to grab a cup of coffee.  It wasn’t Java but it was something, and it was close since she had another class starting in less than a half hour.    
  
    Kevin suddenly threw the highlighter down and dropped his head into his hands.  Jade had to admit that this new Kevin was growing on her.    
  
    “Frustrated, Kevin?”  She said as she walked up to the table.    
  
    Kevin lifted his head from his hands to look at the woman standing there.  Kevin saw that Jade was standing there, blowing on her coffee with a playful gleam in her eyes.  He had to admit that since Jade’s return to Oakdale he found her more and more interesting.    
  
    “Just a little.”  Kevin smiled weakly.  “Between classes?”   
  
    “Yeah.”  Jade smiled.   
  
    “Have a seat.”  He invited as he closed a few of his books and stacked them next to him.  “Did you hear about Casey and Allison?”   
  
    “Of course.”  Jade said while sitting down.  “Only Casey would think getting married by Elvis was funny, I just can’t believe Ally went along with it.  Did you hear about Luke and Noah?”   
  
    “No.  Are they okay?”  Kevin asked with concern.   
  
    Jade was once again surprised by the rush of warmth she felt for Kevin.  He had never been so concerned about others before.  He’d been the party boy, the frat boy, now he was . . . different.    
  
    “No, nothings wrong.  They got engaged in Vegas.”  Jade said watching Kevin for his reaction.  Jade remembered Kevin’s attitude a few short summers ago when Luke had come out to him.  She watched him and was curious as to what he was thinking.   
  
    “I’m happy for them.”  Kevin finally said.   
  
    “Really?”  Jade asked.   
  
    “Of course, why wouldn’t I?”  Kevin looked at the woman sitting across from him.   
  
    “Oh, I don’t know, because they’re both . . . guys.”  Jade smirked.   
  
    Kevin rolled his eyes.  “Jade, that might have been what the old Kevin would have thought but I was a kid then.”   
  
    Jade looked at him doubtfully.    
  
    “I’m happy for them, it’s just . . .”  Kevin was almost embarrassed to verbalize what he was thinking.   
  
    “What?”  Jade prompted him, sitting forward in her chair.   
  
    “It’s just with Casey and Allison getting married and having a baby and now Luke and Noah being engaged.”  Kevin stopped.   
  
    “Yes.”  Jade prompted again.   
  
    “It’s just . . . I wish I could find someone and something like what they have.”  Kevin finally got it out.  Finally said what he’d been wishing since he’d first seen the looks that Luke and Noah shared that day in the Snyder’s family room.   
  
    It didn’t matter that they were gay.  They were in love, deep love, and Kevin was envious.  He wanted a connection like that.  To be able to feel someone’s love for you just from a glance.  Know that you were protected and loved no matter what you did or said.  Someone who was always there for you.   
  
    Jade just looked at Kevin.  Just looked because she realized that she felt the same way.  She loved her cousin.  Loved him dearly and loved Noah as well, but she had never known a love like what they had.  Will certainly wasn’t like that and neither was what her and Casey had.  It would be great to have someone like that in your life.   
  
    Jade realized that Kevin was staring right back at her and she dropped her eyes to her coffee that was in her hands.  “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone someday.  Everyone does eventually.”   
  
    “Yeah, but will I recognize her when she comes into my life?”  Kevin chuckled as he started packing up his books and paperwork.    
  
    Jade wondered the same about someone coming into her life.  She decided to change the subject before they both became really, really depressed.    
  
    “So is pre-law getting the best of you.”  She said pointing to the books and paperwork he was putting away.   
  
    Kevin smiled.  “Yeah.  It’s a lot to take in.  I have no idea how I’m going to get through law school.”   
  
    “You actually want to be a lawyer?”  Jade asked doubtfully.  “I mean, you’re not just saying that to impress your father.”   
  
    “No.  I want to help people.”  Kevin said zipping up his book bag.  “I want to help the victims like my father does.  I just doesn’t seem to work out that way though.”    
  
    “You mean, like Noah’s case?”  Jade stood as he did.   
  
    “Yeah, that sucked.  Jeff getting off and Noah having to deal with him being free.”  Kevin said looking at her.  “Dad really had a hard time with that.  He hates District Attorney Emerson but he wants to stay for the other victims he can help.”    
  
    “It wasn’t his fault that Emerson pulled in some favors from a judge.”  Jade said.  “Noah and Luke understand that.”   
  
    Kevin shook his head.  “I know . . .”  His eyes suddenly got wide as he stared past Jade to a window that looked out on the Quad.  “Son of a bitch!”   
  
    “What?”  Jade asked as Kevin brushed past her and ran toward the door of the cafeteria that lead out to the Quad.  Jade followed wanting to see what had upset him so much.   
  
    Kevin burst through the doors to the outside and immediately turned to the right looking through the crowd of students.  Jade ran up beside him trying to catch her breath.  She was about to ask him what the heck was going on when her own eyes landed on a lanky man walking through the crowd.    
  
    She probably wouldn’t have even noticed him except for the fact that there seemed to be a bubble around him.  As he walked through the crowd all the other students seemed to want to stay at least 10 feet from him.  Jeff Emerson.   
  
    As he looked in their direction his eyes landed on Kevin and Jade.  A smile spread across his face as he came to a stop right in front of Kevin.   
  
    “What the hell are you doing on campus!?”  Kevin nearly spit out at the other man.   
  
    “What language, Davis.”  Jeff smiled down at the other man.  “Especially in front of such a lovely lady.”   
  
    “Save it loser.”  Jade snapped at the man.  “I’m related to the person you beat and raped.”   
  
    The irritating smile didn’t even slip on Jeff’s face as he turned from Jade back to Kevin.  “Is she yours?”   
  
    “Is she yours!”  Jade shrieked.   
  
    Kevin reached out and put a hand on Jade’s arm to try and silence the now infuriated woman  “You were kicked out of OU, what are you even doing on campus?”    
  
    Kevin tried to ask in a level voice.  It was difficult because with every passing second he just wanted to punch Emerson’s smug face in.    
  
    “Just picking up some things before I leave this pathetic little place behind.”  Jeff smiled.  He took a step closer to his one time soccer team mate.  “You want to hit me don’t you?  Why don’t you, chicken shit.”      
  
    It was now Jade’s turn to grip Kevin’s arm to try and restrain him.  She could tell just by Kevin’s posture that he wanted nothing more than to leap on Jeff and beat the crap out of him.  Heck, she’d join him.  She could see the crowd of students surrounding them.  It was only a matter of time before campus security arrived and she was sure Jeff was just trying to encourage Kevin to punch him, then he’d press charges and Kevin would be the one explaining to the faculty and the Dean what had happened.   
  
    “What?  Can’t fight me unless you can cold cock me on a soccer field when I’m not looking?”  Jeff tried to antagonize Kevin again.   
  
    Kevin laughed out loud.  “What?  Can’t you fight one person unless you have two of your buddies with you to beat the shit out of him with clubs and then rape him while he’s dying on the ground.”    
  
    With that statement the crowd of nearly 100 people was silent.  They all knew who Jeff was and many were staring at him in open hostility.  For the first time since the whole incident had started Jeff seemed to finally become aware of the other students around them.   
  
    “What’s going on here?”  Someone yelled as they pushed through the crowd.    
  
    Two campus security officers finally made their way through the crowd and came to a stop in front of the three of them.  Obviously, Jeff Emerson’s fame must have proceeded him since the shorter of the officers whispered into his co-workers ear and the other shook his head.   
  
    “Mr. Emerson, you’ve been expelled from this school and been asked formally to stay off of this campus.  We’ll escort you off now.”   
  
    Jeff looked around at the surrounding students, at the campus police officers and then back to Kevin and Jade.  “Whatever.”  Then he took a step closer to Jade.  “Tell Mayer I won’t forget and maybe he should remember everything I said that night and take it to heart.”   
  
    The campus police officers quickly stepped in between Jeff and the advancing Kevin.  “Shut up!  Stay away from her!”    
  
    Jade was for the first time shaken.  That bastard had just threatened Noah.  Right here in front of everyone.  Kevin turned as the security guards each took one of Jeff’s arms and physically started leading him to the student parking lot.    
  
    “Are you okay?”  He quietly asked Jade who was shaking her head.    
  
    “What did he mean by that?”  Jade asked in a whisper.  “He threatened Noah, right here.  What is Noah supposed to remember him saying?”    
  
    Kevin stepped over and hesitated, but then put his arm around Jade’s shaking shoulders.  “I don’t know.  It’ll be all right, Jade.”   
  
    “It’s not over, Kevin.”  Jade looked up into his worried eyes.  “He’s not done with Noah.”    


 

* * *

    The smell of coffee.  The feel of wiping the counter off.  The greeting of customers.  Everything about Java made Noah feel almost normal again.  He’d decided after talking to both Luke and Dr. Morris that it was time for him to get back to normal.  He had decided that it was too far into the semester to try and make it up.  So he’d just wait until the next semester to go back to OU. 

  
    He had been back at Java for almost a week now and it had helped him a great deal to be able to say that he was working and that that was just as he remembered it.  Audrey, the manager, like most woman had noticed the additional jewelry that Noah was sporting within minutes of arriving for his first shift.    
  
    Audrey had screamed with glee, similar to Lily, Jade, Faith, Natalie, Emma and even to his ever lasting amazement, Lucinda.  Lucinda Walsh had actually shrieked with delight when she had seen the rings.  Noah still shook his head about that one.    
  
    He was almost done his latest shift.  He had called Luke and he was going to meet him here and they were going to go over to Casey and Ally’s to have a baby crib assembly party.  Casey had practically begged and even resorted to bribery to get them to come over.  “How can Godfathers not want to help with their Godchild’s bed?”   
  
    Noah had been shocked into silence with that statement but had realized that Casey knew exactly what he was doing.  How could Luke and Noah not come over and help him out now.  He’d called Luke and told him that Casey and Ally needed their child’s Godfathers to come over.  Luke had been even more speechless as Noah and had simply grunted in the affirmative that he’d be there at 6:00 to go with him over to Casey’s.    
  
    The bell on Java’s door rang and Noah turned to ask the customer his order when the words died in his throat.    
  
    Jeff Emerson stood looking at Noah behind the counter with a little smirk on his face.  “Hello Mayer.”   
  
    Noah stood staring.  He wanted to move, wanted to go over and beat the sh*it out of Emerson but his limbs were betraying him and wouldn’t listen to the actions his brain was screaming at them to perform.  He watched as Jeff took two steps and leaned on the counter.    
  
    “So back to work are we?”  Jeff asked.  “Good for you.  I, unfortunately, got thrown out of school thanks to you.”   
  
    Noah tried to work some moisture into his mouth but it wasn’t happening.    
  
    “Don’t think I won’t remember that you and your family are responsible for that.  I heard the father and grandmother of your little girlfriend were behind getting me kicked out of OU.”   
  
    ‘Damian and Lucinda.’  Noah thought.  They had both told him and Luke about the meeting they’d had with the OU administration.  They had both threatened to take back at least 10 million dollars in endowments and grants if Jeff hadn’t been summarily expelled.   
  
    Jeff leaned in and lowered his voice.  “I know you don’t remember everything from that night but I thought you’d remember my little message to you about your ‘girlfriend’ and what I’d do to him.”   
  
    Noah’s mind snapped.  He launched himself at Jeff, grabbing the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall next to the front door.   
  
_“YOU WILL STAY AWAY FROM LUKE!”_   Noah said punctuating each word with another shove into the wall.    
  
    Jeff managed a weak laugh.  “Or what, fairyboy?”   
  
    “Or I’ll kill you.”  Noah said in a cold, flat voice.   
  
    “Is that a threat?”  Jeff asked in an equally cold voice.   
  
    “No.”  Noah said.  “It’s a guarantee and you know what, I’ll get away with it too.”   
  
    “Oh, really?”  Jeff smirked.   
  
    “You’re not the only one with an influential family.”  Noah breathed.  “My family, as you’ve seen, has a little bit more pull than yours and I’m sure if I kill you they’ll get me off.”   
  
    Noah was rewarded when a look of fear finally appeared in Jeff’s eyes.    


 

* * *

  


    “Luke.”  Luke heard called from behind him. 

  
    “Damian.”  Luke turned and greeted his father.    
  
    “You’re in a hurry, son?”  Damian asked as he fell into step beside his son as they walked through Old Town.   
  
    “Yeah.  I’m supposed to meet Noah when his shift is over at Java’s and then head over to Casey and Ally’s.”   
  
    “How is Noah’s return to work going?”  Damian asked with a smile.    
  
    “Great.  He finally feels like his life is returning to normal, at least a little bit.”  Luke smiled back at his father.    
  
    “Good.”  Damian was glad to hear that Noah was moving ahead with his life.    
  
    Luke and his father walked in silence for a few steps.  “I wanted to thank you for helping Noah with these.”  He said holding up his hand and wiggled the ring that rested on his finger in front of his father’s face.   
  
    Damian smiled at his son’s beaming face.  “Not a problem.  I was glad he asked and I was more than glad to help.”   
  
    “Not a problem?”  Luke stopped and turned to his father.  “It would have been a problem a few years ago . . . father.”   
  
    “Luke . . .”  Damian began.   
  
    “No.”  Luke stopped him.  “It would have but . . . you really do accept my lifestyle and Noah and that makes me so, so happy.”   
  
    Damian reached out and gripped his son’s neck.  “I’m just happy that you’re so happy, Luciano.  You and Noah are very lucky to have found each other.”   
  
    Luke smiled at his father.  He was starting to realize just how fortunate he was to have two great dads.   
  
    “We better get going, I’m already late meeting Noah as it is.”  Luke said as they both turned toward Java.    
  
    Luke and Damian came around the corner and were headed to the front door when Luke saw Noah standing, holding someone up against the wall inside of Java’s.  He started running before he even realized it because the look on Noah’s face was so shocking.  Noah didn’t have a look of fear but a look of hatred on his face and that look frightened Luke.   


 

* * *

    Luke pushed the door open and was immediately trying to pull Noah away from the unknown person he had up against the wall.  It took a second before Luke realized that the person was Jeff Emerson. 

  
    Noah released the front of Jeff’s shirt and stepped back, pulling Luke behind him.  “Get out of here right now.”  He said in a calm voice.   
  
    Damian had just come through the door and immediately stepped in between his son and Noah and Emerson.  “You heard Noah.  LEAVE!”  Damian suited actions to words and grabbed Jeff’s arm and pushed him out the door of Java.    
  
    “Baby, baby, baby.”  Luke started as he turned Noah around to face him.  He placed his hands on the sides of Noah’s face making him look him in the eyes.  “What were you doing?  Why did you have him up against the wall?  Did he do something to you?”   
  
    Noah simply looked into Luke’s eyes.  Those beautiful chocolate eyes that belonged to the one person who meant more to him than any other person in this world.  He reached up and took Luke’s hands from the side of his face and brought them to his lips and kissed them.    
  
    “Baby, talk to me.”  Luke said as he looked into Noah’s face.   
  
    “Luke.”  Noah started.  “We’re late.  We need to get to Casey’s before he totally fu*cks up that crib.”   
  
    “Noah.”  Luke began.   
  
    “Luke.”  Noah interrupted.  “He’s gone.  It’s over.  I’m going to get my coat and we’re leaving and going to Casey and Allison’s.  He’s not going to run my life any more.”  Noah leaned in and kissed a stunned and silent Luke.    
  
    As he walked behind the counter to get his coat Luke could only follow his silent fiancé with his eyes and wonder what exactly had happened between him and Jeff.  Luke turned to look out the door in the direction that Jeff had left.  Luke swore to himself if Jeff ever came near Noah again, he’d kill him.    


 

* * *

    “Get off of me!”  Jeff snarled as he ripped his arm away from Damian as the older man lead him out of Java and down the street.

  
    Damian stopped and looked at the man who had gotten off after beating and raping the man that was in love with and made his son so happy.  The rage that he felt that night in the hospital bubbled up deep down inside.   
  
    “I’m going to give you a piece of advice, Mr. Emerson.”  Damian said smoothly as he adjusted his suit jacket.   
  
    “Really?  Advice from you.”  Jeff smirked.   
  
    “I advise you to never come near Noah or my son, Luke again.”  Damian began in a low voice.  “If you don’t, if you come near either one again, you will disappear.  You will disappear and you will never be seen again.”   
  
    Jeff stood silently looking at the older man in front of him.  Disappear.  Never be seen again.  Was this guy for real?   
  
    “Ohhh, scary, old man.”  Jeff laughed.  “What do you think this is a movie or something?”    
  
    “No, what I think is you have absolutely no idea who I am or what I’m capable of, Mr. Emerson.”  Damian smiled in a deceptively sweet way.  “Because if you had any idea who I was, if you had any idea of the things your father has probably tried to charge me with but failed, you’d be as far away from me and my family as humanly possible.  Ask your father if you should be on Damian Grimaldi’s bad side.”   
  
    Jeff started to wonder if he’d finally gone a little too far with his mouth this time.  “So you’re threatening me?”   
  
    “Yes.”  Was Damian’s simple reply.  “Now leave.”   
  
    Jeff thought that for once he should listen as he turned and quickly walked and than started running away from the ‘old man’ that stood watching him leave.   


 

* * *

  



	19. Chapter 19

    “Hey cousin, what’s up?”  Jade asked as she came through the front door of Lily’s house. 

  
    “Hi Jade.  Just getting the last of mine and Noah’s stuff.”  Luke said as he placed an overflowing box on the sofa.  “What are you doing here?”   
  
    “Lily wanted me to stop by.  Why are you packing up Noah and your stuff?”  Jade asked as she grabbed a sweatshirt from the top of the pile in the box.  “Going somewhere?”   
  
    “Yes.”  Luke smiled.  “Noah and I are moving back to our apartment.”        
  
    “Really?”  Jade smiled.    
  
    Luke blushed at the way Jade had said that.  “Yes, Jade.”   
  
    “Well, you are two young men and living here must cramp your . . . style?”  Jade asked.   
  
    “Well, not really.”  Luke said looking down at the sweatshirt that he had taken back from Jade and was trying to refold.        
  
    Jade’s smile slid slowly off her face.  She had figured that after almost two months Luke and Noah might have gotten back to a ‘normal’ sex life but after her Psychology class had examined the effects of rape three weeks ago, she now wasn’t surprised that they hadn’t.     
  
    “You know that it’s not unusual.”  Jade began.           
  
    “Oh, I know.”  Luke smiled.  “Noah’s worth the wait.”    
  
    Jade watched as a stunning smiled spread across her cousin’s face.  Again, she was struck by a feeling of longing.  Longing for someone to cause her to smile like that.  Longing to have someone want to make her smile that way.  She realized she was mirroring exactly what Kevin had said just the other day.  That thought brought back the other thoughts that she hadn’t wanted to remember.   
  
    “Luke.”  Jade began with a worried look.  “Do you think right now is really the time for you two to move out?”    
  
    Luke quickly looked up at his cousin.  “Why?”   
  
    “Well . . .”  Jade didn’t know how to begin.  She really wasn’t sure just how serious Jeff had been with his threat.   
  
    “Jade?”  Luke said again as he turned toward her.  “What’s wrong?”   
  
    “It’s probably nothing.”  Jade said shaking her head.   
  
    “Just tell me.”  Luke persisted.   
  
    “Well, the other day Kevin and I were in the cafeteria at OU.”   
  
    “Oh, really?”  Luke said with a slight smile.   
  
    Jade looked at her cousin in confusion.  “What?”   
  
    “Oh, I don’t know.  It just seems that I’ve been seeing you and Kevin hanging out quite a bit since you got back.”  Luke said looking at a quickly flustered Jade.   
  
    “What!  You’ve got to be kidding.”  Jade sputtered.  “Me and Kevin?  Please.”   
  
    “What, it’s not out of the realm of possibility.”  Luke crossed his arms across his chest and smiled wider.  “He’s available.  He’s cute.  He’s . . .”   
  
    “Kevin Davis.”  Jade interrupted.  “You know the Kevin Davis that flipped out when you came out and called you all kinds of disgusting things.  The same Kevin Davis that made that ridiculous video during the election.  You remember him, right?”   
  
    Luke stood silently for a few seconds.  “Yes, that Kevin Davis, Jade.  The same Kevin that went out and got Jeff’s DNA when we needed it.  The same Kevin that helped you and Casey bring a very drunk Noah home to me.  Kevin’s not the same Kevin that he was.  He’s growing up, sort of like somebody else I know.”   
  
    Jade was getting more and more frustrated by the moment.  “Yeah, well it’s not going to happen, so can we get back to what I was saying?”   
  
    “Sure.”  Luke smirked.   
  
    Jade glared at her grinning cousin.  “Anyway, Kevin and I saw Jeff on campus and Kevin ran out to confront him and find out why he was even at OU any way.”   
  
    Luke’s smile had quickly been replaced by a look of fear.   “What did he say?”   
  
    “Well, after trying to bait Kevin into getting into a fight with him he told me . . .”  Jade hesitated, not knowing whether she should tell her cousin what Jeff had said.   
  
    “Jade . . . what?”  Luke asked.   
  
    “He told me that I should tell Noah that he should remember everything Jeff said that night and take it to heart.”  Jade whispered the last few words.   
  
    Luke’s face had visibly paled and he quickly sat down.  Jade sat down next to him on the sofa worrying if she had done the right thing.  “I’m sure he’s just blowing smoke and trying to mess with Noah’s head.”      
  
    Luke sat without speaking for almost a minute.  “He showed up at Java the other night.”   
  
    “Oh my God.”  Jade breathed.  “What happened?”   
  
    “I don’t know.”  Luke looked at Jade.  “When I came around the corner in Old Town I saw Noah with someone pushed up against the wall inside Java.  I didn’t even know who it was.  When I saw who it was and Damian forced Jeff out I asked Noah what he had said to him but he wouldn’t tell me.”      
  
    Jade was sitting, listening to her cousin and could see the fear in his eyes.  “I’m sure Jeff’s not stupid enough to do anything.”   
  
    Luke just gazed off with a worried look on his face.  “When I saw Noah through the glass pushing Jeff up against the wall . . . “   
  
    ”Luke?”  Jade asked.   
  
    “The look of hate on Noah’s face scared me more than anything.  More than Jeff being there, more than anything he might have said to Noah.  The look on Noah’s face . . . I’ve seen that look before.”   
  
    “Oh.”  Jade said thinking that she knew what Luke was referring to.  “When Noah was mad at you about Brian, on New Year’s, he looked like that.”   
  
    Luke looked at Jade with terror in his eyes.  “No, I haven’t seen that look on Noah’s face before, but I have seen that look before.”   
  
    Luke could see the look of confusion on Jade’s face.  “I saw that same look on the Colonel’s face . . . just before he shoot me.”   
  


* * *

    Lily sat at the dining room table with a frown on her face as she picked at the meal on the plate in front of her.

  
    “Penny for your thought.”  Holden asked from across the table.   
  
    “What?”  Lily asked.   
  
    “You look like you just lost your best friend.  What’s wrong?”  Holden said as he reached across and placed his hand on top of hers.   
  
    “It’s nothing.”  Lily tried to laugh it off.    
  
    Holden arched his eyebrow in question.  “Really?  Lily, come on.”   
  
    Lily just waved her hand at him.  “It’s just so quiet here.”  She looked up at Holden through her eyelashes.  “I miss the boys.”   
  
    Holden quietly chuckled having already guessed that was the problem.   
  
    “Oh, you!”  Lily said throwing her napkin at her husband.   
  
    Knock, knock, knock.   
  
    “I wonder who that is?”  Lily said as she got up from the table and headed to the front door.   
  
    “Meg.”  She said when she opened the door to see her sister-in-law standing there.  “Come in.”   
  
    Meg and she hugged as she entered.    
  
    “Hey Meg.”  Holden said from the table where he was starting to clear the dishes.  “What are you doing here?”   
  
    “Mama wanted me to let you know that she’s planning an engagement party for Luke and Noah.”  Meg said as she and Lily came to stand at the table.   
  
    “Never let it be said that Emma would ever let an opportunity for a Snyder Party go by.”  Lily smiled.    
  
    “No, not Mama.”  Holden smiled.   
  
    “Well, I know she wants to make sure that Luke feels like every other engaged Snyder, plus it is a reason to have a party.”  Meg laughed.    
  
    They all chuckled as they moved toward the sofa.    
  
    “I also wanted to let you two know some news that I have before you hear it from someone else.”  Meg said as she sat in the chair next to where Lily and Holden sat on the sofa.   
  
    “Is anything wrong, Meg?”  Lily asked with concern as Holden sat forward.   
  
    “No . . . no, not really.”  Meg said looking at both of them, measuring them.  “It’s just . . . well, Damian and I have decided to stop seeing each other.”   
  
    There was a heavy silence in the family room as all three sat looking at each other.    
  
    “What did he do?”  Holden asked looking down at the floor.   
  
    Meg and Lily both turned and looked at him.   
  
    “He didn’t do anything, Holden.”  Meg said with a slight smile on her face.  “We just decided it wasn’t working.  That’s all.”   
  
    Lily was still looking at Holden’s down turned eyes.  She finally turned back to Meg.  “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Meg.  I was hoping that you and Damian could find some happiness, especially with each other.”   
  
    “I know, Lily.”  Meg smiled back at her.  She was trying to ignore her suspiciously silent brother.  “We tried but I think we’re just better as friends.  I think this is the first time I’m acting like an adult and calling it quits before it all blows up in my face.”   
  
    “So you’re the one that broke it off?”  Holden asked looking at his sister.   
  
    “Yes, Holden.”  Meg said feeling a bit frustrated with Holden’s continued silence.  “I’m the one that ended it and we ended it as friends.  No hard feelings, no drama.”    
  
    “Okay.”  Holden said as he looked at his little sister.  “Just wanted to make sure you were okay with it, that’s all.”    
  


* * *

    It had been a busy few days.  Moving back into the apartment, catching some extra shifts at Java, therapy sessions with Dr. Morris.  Noah had been so busy he had almost forgot what Jeff had said in Java only last week.  Almost. 

  
    He and Luke lay in their bed.  Their bed.  He smiled to himself every time he thought or said that.  He loved Lily and Holden but it felt good to be back on their own again.  He turned his head and his gaze fell on the love of his life sleeping beside him.    
  
    They had both gotten up before six this morning.  He had the 7am shift at Java and a 2pm marathon therapy session with Dr. Morris.  Luke had been up early because he had to go with Lily and Lucinda to Chicago to meet with the head of the Brighton Alliance.  They’d met and discussed various joint projects, one being the “Save One Life, Save The World” project that he and Noah had started after the kidnapping.    
  
    They’d both been exhausted and practically fell into bed after a quick dinner of Chinese take-out. Noah had been exhausted but now listening to Luke’s calm breathing next to him and watching the soft smile on his face he couldn’t get to sleep.  His thoughts kept going back to Jeff’s appearance at Java.   
  
    Luke had asked him repeatedly what Jeff had said and Noah had stubbornly refused to tell him.  He’d told Dr. Morris and she had tried to calm his fears about Jeff’s implied threat.  They both agreed that this was Jeff’s attempt to try and control the whole situation.  Dr. Morris had suggested that Noah inform Jack but Noah had refused knowing that even if Jack tried, Holden and Luke would eventually find out what Jeff had said about Luke.   
  
    Noah was now in a quandary.  He desperately wanted to remember what Jeff had meant by ‘his message’ about Luke, but on the other hand he didn’t want to remember anything else from that night.  His heart raced with just the thought of remembering anything else, but his heart ached with the knowledge that Jeff had even mentioned Luke’s name during that terrible night.  What had he said?  Had he threatened Luke’s safety in some way?  Jeff seemed to imply that the other night.   
  
    He lay there for another half hour with all these thoughts racing around and around in his head.  He didn’t even realize that he’d finally fallen asleep.    
  
  
    The terror was back but he seemed to be able to feel it from a distance.  Was this what Dr. Morris meant by being able to remember but with detachment?  He could feel the presence of someone behind him.  He could hear the heavy breathing and even though he tried to feel and experience the whole scene with detachment he could still feel the building terror inside, ready to break free at any moment.    
  
_“I’ve always heard your type liked it rough.  Is this rough enough for you?”_ The voice whispered in his ear.  Noah could feel the heat of his breath on the back of his ear.    
  
    The episode seemed to play out in his head as he heard the rest of what Jeff had said to him and then witnessed Eric Wilkerson come over and prepare to rape him.  He tried to deal with it in a detached way but it was still hard.  Harder than anything he’d ever tried to do in his life.   
  
  
    Noah’s eyes shot open.  ‘Oh, God’ he thought as he raised his arms and rested them on his head.  Again?  He hadn’t really had any nightmares in the last two weeks.  He’d thought he might be passed them even though Dr. Morris had said not to get his hopes up.    
  
    He could feel his heart racing and the sweat trickling down his sides onto the bed sheets.  He even had a slight headache starting behind his left eye.  ‘Damn you, Emerson’.    
  
    Noah sat up as quietly as he could so as not to wake Luke.  He looked over his shoulder at his sleeping fiancé and was glad to see that he hadn’t budged.  Noah turned and sat staring off into space.  Wondering why he couldn’t seem to get passed this part of his healing.  He didn’t need the memories.  They weren’t helping.  Jeff had already gotten off and Eric had plead guilt and was spending the next 25 to life in Statesville.   
  
    Noah knew that he’d be laying in bed for a while now but he needed to get his rest, he had the early shift again tomorrow and after that he and Luke were supposed to go over to Emma’s to talk about their Engagement Party.   Noah laid back on the bed trying to will himself calmer and tried to quiet his breathing.  He turned and gazed at the clock, only 8:23 p.m.  He closed his eyes thinking about all of the funny and insane things that the Snyder’s probably had in mind for his and Luke’s engagement party.  He fell asleep with a smile on his face.   
  
  
  
    He could hear him behind him again.  Damn!  He was right back in the memory and he just wanted to get some sleep.    
  
    It seemed different though?  His perspective seemed to be from a slightly different angle.  He was still on his knees on the ground with his face pressed into the surface, but he could see Eric and Brice standing off to the side both looking through the bushes as if they were afraid someone was coming.    
  
_“Come on Jeff.”_  Brice whined.   _“You’ve already been at him once, why go back for more.  Someone’s going to come and we’ll get caught.”_   
  
    Noah would have actually shuddered if he’d been physically in this memory but he could only try and fight back the urge to vomit at the thought that Jeff was not only guilty of raping him but that he’d done it more than once that night.  God, why did he have to really remember any more.    
  
    He could feel Jeff preparing to get up.  The shifting of weight and the sound of pants being pulled up and his belt being buckled.    
  
_“That was good, Mayer.”_ Jeff breathed into his ear. _“Never knew just how good that girlfriend of yours had it with you as his bed buddy.  Luke isn’t it?  Maybe I’ll stop by and make sure he gets a little action while you’re out of commission.  I bet he likes it really rough.  Doesn’t he?”_   
  
_“Come on, Jeff.”_  Brice whispered urgently.    
  
_“Listen to me, Mayer.  I’ll see you later but remember if you say anything to anyone I’ll make sure Luke begs me to stop or maybe he’ll be begging me to go harder, harder, harder.  Maybe I’ll go find him right now.”_  Jeff laughed as he got up and Noah watched all three turn and disappear through the bushes.    
  
    Jeff said he might go find Luke.  Luke!  He couldn’t let Jeff and the others do this to Luke.  He had to protect him, warn him.  Noah could feel his hands almost as if they were someone else’s reaching forward and try to pull himself along the ground.  The effort was making his head throb.  He couldn’t see through his left eye and his right wasn’t much better.    
  
    His fogged mind somehow ordered his other arm to reach forward and drag himself forward another half foot.  He seemed to loss time and before he realized it his hand hit something cold.  His fingers instinctively curled around it.  It seemed as if his head weighed a ton as he tried to turn it so he could see what was in his hand.  When he got his head turned and he slowly brought the object into his field of view he saw that it was his cell phone.   
  
    He noticed that the sun was almost down and that it was getting colder.  Wait!  He hadn’t been able to see the sun when he was in the bushes.  Noah realized that he’d managed, somehow, too pull himself through the bushes and he was laying in the grass next to the walkway by the lake.  He just needed to call Luke and warn him.  Tell him to come find him and that they’d be safe from Jeff.   
  
  
  
    Noah sat up with a jerk and clutched at his head with both hands.  ‘God.’  I can’t believe that he went right back to the memory.  Jeff had threatened to rape Luke.  Make him beg even worse then Noah had.  Noah quickly looked over at Luke.  Sleeping without any knowledge of the horror that Noah was reliving.  Luke, with his beautiful eyes that were hidden behind his lids, hopefully, dreaming of their life together.    
  
    Noah quickly got up and silently grabbed his clothes and shoes from off the floor.  He turned and noticed the clock said 8:50 p.m. and quickly left the room.   
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


    Knock, knock, knock. 

  
    Damian looked up from his desk and glanced at his wrist watch, 9:00 p.m.  He’d been working late at the office trying to catch up with some work that he’d let go by the wayside in the last few weeks.    
  
    “Come in.”  He called as he stood.   
  
    The door opened a crack to reveal probably one of the last faces he ever expected to see unannounced in his office.  Holden.   
  
    “Holden?”  Damian said as he walked around his desk toward the door.  “Come in.  Is something wrong with Luke or Noah?”   
  
    “No.  No.”  Holden said as he came into the office and closed the door behind him.  “Nothing like that.”   
  
    Damian and he stood facing each other.  It had been odd how their relationship with one another had progressed over the last few months due mainly to the fact that they all needed to be there for both Luke and especially, Noah.  They’d both been surprised to find themselves on the same side during a lot of arguments and when decisions had to be made in regards to Noah’s attack and the aftermath.    
  
    “Can I get you something to drink?”  Damian asked as he crossed to the wet bar.    
  
    “No.”  Holden said as he watched Damian.  “I need to ask you something and I’d really like an honest answer.”   
  
    Damian turned and regarded Holden in silence for a few seconds.  “If I know the answer, of course.”   
  
    Holden turned and walked over to the window and looked out on the dark town below.  He really hadn’t wanted to come and ask what he needed to, but ever since Meg’s news about the break up, the questions had been repeating over and over in his head.  He turned to look at the man across the room from him.   
  
    “Meg told me you two broke up.”  Holden said simply.   
  
    “Yes.”  Damian answered.  He was a little confused as to where this was heading but he had agreed to answer Holden truthfully.   
  
    “She said it had been amicable and that you hadn’t done anything.”  Holden continued.   
  
    “Again, yes.”  Damian smiled in reply.   
  
    Holden took a deep breath before continuing.  “Since you and Meg aren’t together any longer, should I expect that you’ll be . . .”  He faltered not knowing how exactly to continue.   
  
    Damian stood still, puzzled at Holden’s inability to ask him what had obviously been bothersome enough to bring him to Damian’s office at 9:00 p.m. on a Saturday night.  He waited another few seconds hoping that Holden would continue.  “Holden, I’m not sure I know what you’re asking?”   
  
    Holden blow out a deep breath.  “Now that you’re finished with Meg are you going to pursue Lily?”   
  
    The statement hung in the air between them.  Each of them staring at the other.  They both knew that the tenuous peace between them was a fragile thing.  Their mutual love for Luke being the binding element.  Damian decided that, ‘yes, he would be totally honest with Holden.’   
  
    “I’ve never lied about the fact that I love Lily.  Still love Lily.”  Damian stopped as he saw Holden immediately tense up but didn’t speak.   
  
    “Meg and I tried, but to be honest she’s still not totally over Paul.  I don’t know if she’ll ever be over him and I’m still not over Lily.”  Damian continued.   
  
    Holden thought that maybe the request for Damian to be totally honest had been a bad idea.  He had actually thought that Damian would deny his feelings and intension.  His attention was drawn back as Damian continued.   
  
    “Do I wish that Lily and I could be together, yes.”  Damian said looking Holden straight in the eye.   
  
    “Well, that’s not going to happen.”  Holden whispered as he gazed at Damian.   
  
    “No it won’t, for two very good reasons.”  Damian said.  “One, you and Lily are married and in love, correct?”   
  
    “Yes.”  Holden answered.   
  
    “And two, Luke.”  Damian said.  “I love Lily, but I love my son,  more.”   
  
    Holden stood staring at Damian waiting for him to continue.   
  
    “I came back to be a part of my son’s life again.  To make amends and show him that I’ve changed.  I think I’ve done that?”  Damian asked.   
  
    Holden reluctantly nodded his head.   
  
    “But I know that as close as I’ve come to Luke that would disappear in an instant if I were the cause of you and Lily’s breaking up.  It’s important that Lily is in my life but it’s more important for me to be in my son’s life.”  Damian seemed to finish.  “I’m sure you can understand that, you’re his father also.”   
  
    “Yes.”  Holden said in barely a whisper.  “He’d never forgive you.”   
  
    “I know.”  Damian said shaking his head.  “I will never pursue Lily as long as you two are together, but . . . “ Damian said and held up a hand.  “You and Lily have, how shall we say, a checkered past.  You’ve broken up countless times.”   
  
    “True.”  Holden smiled.   
  
    “If you’re stupid enough to loss her again, Holden, to turn away from her and leave her, well than, . . .”  Damian smiled.   
  
    Holden stood looking at the man across the room from him.  He’d asked for an honest answer and he had certainly gotten one.  He looked at Damian and realized that, no they’d never be friends but he thought that for the first time they finally understood each other.   
  
    “Agreed, but you won’t get that chance, Damian.”  Holden said as he crossed the room and held out his hand.   
  
    Damian looked at the hand that was extended toward him.  Yes, maybe Holden was judgmental but he felt that they had finally reached an understanding.   
  
    “Agreed.”  He said as he clasped Holden’s hand and shook it.   
  
    Holden looked at his watch, 9:19 p.m. “Well, I better go I have to meet Lily at the Lakeview for a late dinner.”   
  
    He turned to go and then stopped and turned back to Damian.  “I’m glad we had this talk.”    
  
    “Me too.”  Damian said as he watched Holden leave and the door shut behind him.   
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


    Luke smiled in his sleep, he’d just had the best dream.  Noah and he were on their honeymoon on a beach in the moonlight.  He could see the reflection of the moonlight in Noah’s blue eyes and his heart was pounding from the love that he felt.  He reached out to find the other side of the bed empty.

  
    Luke’s eyes snapped open.  Noah?  He turned his head and looked.  No Noah.  He got up and looked around and noticed immediately that his clothes and shoes were gone.  “Noah?”  He called as he got out of the bed and walked out the door into the living room of their apartment.  He knew that Noah hadn’t been sleeping that well the last few nights even though he wouldn’t admit it to Luke.    
  
    “Noah?”  He called again as he walked into the kitchen.  He was about to turn and leave when he noticed the bottle on the counter.  Noah’s sleeping pills?  Dr. Morris had prescribed a very mild sleep aid, just five pills and told Noah to only use them if he was having night mares and then only if he told Luke and only took one.    
  
    Luke nearly ran across the room to the bottle and popped off the cap.  He released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when he counted out the five pills that was the original prescription.  Noah hadn’t taken one, but he’d obviously thought about it.  What had happened?    
  
    Luke raced back into the bedroom, shedding his pajamas as he went and quickly pulling on his pants, sweatshirt and his tennis shoes.  He ran back out to the kitchen and grabbed his cell phone from the counter and was heading out the door when he turned and realized that Noah’s phone was still sitting on the counter.  ‘Shit, Noah.  Why didn’t you take your phone?’    
  
    Luke, fear making his heart race, turned and reached for the doorknob.  He noticed as he put his cellphone in his pocket that it was 9:03 p.m.   
  


* * *

  
  


    Kevin walked into Java, bumping into someone as he came through the doorway.  Audrey noticed him but was distracted by the late night customers.  She looked up at the clock.  She’d thought that a Saturday night open mic night would be fun until she actually had to work one. 

  
        The girl on the guitar was singing a Daughtry song and the crowd seemed into it, but 8:35 p.m. was a long way from midnight and she was already tired.   
  
    Kevin pushed his way into the men’s room and walked over to the sink.  Turning on the hot water he noticed that his hands were shaking as he stuck them under the water flow and watched as the water turned pink as it washed the blood off of his right hand.  He didn’t turn as he heard the door softly open and click shut behind him.  He heard paper towels being pulled from the dispenser and saw them being handed into his view.    
  
    Kevin looked up and in the mirror saw Jade standing just behind his right shoulder looking into his eyes.  He quietly turned the water off and took the offered paper towels not looking up as he turned to face her.    
  
    Her hands slowly came up to hold his face.  He could feel her gently lifting his chin trying to force him to look at her.  He finally relented and lifted his eyes until they were locked with hers.  He looked into Jade’s eyes and saw something there that he wasn’t expecting, longing?    
  
    It was there, naked to be seen by anyone willing to look.  Slowly they both moved toward each other and their lips met in a slow, tentative kiss.  The shock that they both felt as their lips met was a surprise that neither expected.  Jade’s hands tightened on his face and Kevin ignored the pain in his right hand as he reached out and drew Jade against him.  Holding her as tight as he could, wanting to feel something, someone who wanted and needed him.   
  
    As quick as it had happened, it ended as Jade pulled back.  The longing replaced with confusion.  Kevin didn’t try to stop her when she pulled away and took a step back and placed her hand on the door.   
  
    “He wasn’t right.”  Jade whispered as she reached a shaking hand out and caressed his face.  “You’re nothing like him.”   
  
    Kevin stood still, watching her as she left and the door swung shut.   
  


* * *

  
  
  


    Damian watched as the door swung shut behind Holden and shook his head.  He grabbed his suit jacket off the back of his chair and decided it was time to call it a night.  As he shut the office door behind him he noted that it was 9:22 p.m., another long night at the office.  No wonder Meg hadn’t found what she needed in a relationship with him.

  
    He was walking toward his new condo he had purchased a few weeks earlier in a building just down the street from the World Wide building.  He decided since things were going so well with his relationship with Luke that it was time to move out of the Lakeview and find a permanent home here in Oakdale.  He was walking quickly as the breeze had picked up and it felt like November was finally going to turn colder.    
  
    Damian rounded a corner and stopped.  He watched the two figures in front of him and was about to take a step forward when he stopped himself.  Luke was leaning down trying to help Noah up off of the ground.  Luke reached down and was pulling Noah up by his shirt and held his left hand up to the side of Noah’s face, shaking it as if to try and get Noah to focus.    
  
    Damian watched in confusion as Noah, who seemed disoriented, suddenly became aware of where he was and reached out and embraced Luke.  Luke pulled back and said something so low Damian couldn’t hear it and then they both turned and headed in the direction of their apartment.    
  
    Damian watched as they walked down the street and turned the corner.  He hoped that he hadn’t just witnessed yet another night terror being lived out again by Noah.  Damian started toward his own home.  He had thought that Noah had finally turned a corner with his sessions with Dr. Morris, although she had told them all, the night that they had saved Noah on top of the World Wide building that this was going to be a long journey.   
  
    He sent a silent prayer up to god, time or fate to give Noah and Luke some peace.   
  


* * *

  
  
  
    Beth, Kerrie and Susan had decided that Yo’s hadn’t been the best idea and that maybe they should just head back to the dorm.  They all had mid-terms coming up soon and they should probably be studying instead of drinking and trying to hook-up with random guys.   
  
    “You know that guy was totally checking me out.”  Beth laughed as she walked backwards talking to her girlfriends.    
  
    “He was checking the bartender out, maybe.”  Susan said as she looked at Kerrie laughing next to her.    
  
    “He was checking out Allen?”  Beth asked in shock.   
  
    “Yeah.” both Susan and Kerrie said at the same time.   
  
    “Well, damn!”  Beth said with a frown.  “It’s bad enough when I have to compete with you two, but now I got to worry about competing against Allen the Bartender?”   
  
    “Welcome to the 21st century.”  Kerrie giggled.   
  
    They walked in silence for a few seconds.    
  
    “Well, I have a better ass than Allen.”  Beth smiled.   
  
    Kerrie and Susan both dropped back and took a look.    
  
    “Okay . . . we’ll give you that.”  Susan smiled.   
  
    “Oh, MY GOD!!!”  Kerrie screamed.    
  
    “What?” Susan asked before coming to a halt right behind her.  Her hands flew to her mouth and she tried to stifle a scream from escaping her lips.   
  
    All three stood frozen gazing down at the image in front of them on the sidewalk.  The broken body of a man.  There was blood leaking from almost every opening, his mouth, nose, eyes, which were open, and ears.  Kerrie tried to dial her cell phone with shaking hands but was failing miserably.    
  
    “9-1-1?  Yeah, there’s a man laying on the sidewalk in front of the World Wide building.”  Beth’s shaken voice could be heard from behind Kerrie.   
  
    “What?”  Beth whispered.  “No, I’m pretty sure he’s dead.  Could you just get here quick, please.”  She pleaded as she finally broke down and started crying hysterically.            
  


* * *

  
  



	20. Chapter 20

   Lucinda’s phone rang.  She looked up from her paperwork on her desk, surprised since when she looked at the wall clock it was 9:30 p.m. on a Saturday night.  Yes, here she was again working late. 

  
    “Hello?”  She asked as she picked up the phone.   
  
    “Ms. Walsh, this is Garry down at the security desk in the lobby.”  The nervous man said.   
  
    “Yes, Gary?”  She said as she leaned back and closed her tired eyes.   
  
    “You might want to come down to the lobby Ms. Walsh, there is something bad going on down here and the police are arriving.”  Garry mumbled out.   
  
    “What!”  Lucinda sat up in her chair.  “I’ll be right there.”   
  
    She hurried out of her office and made her way down to the lobby on the elevator.  When she emerged from the elevator Garry was waiting practically wringing his hands in distress.    
  
    “Ms. Walsh, the police were just in here and they said they need to seal off the front of the building.”  He breathed in a low tone.   
  
    “Why?”  She asked as she walked over to the front door.   
  
    “They said there’s a dead body on the sidewalk.”  He said quietly from behind her shoulder.   
  
    “It’s alright Gary.  Go back to your desk.  I’ll take care of this.”  Lucinda assured the nervous man before she walked through the front door into the mayhem that was a police crime scene.  She could see Dallas was already there as he seemed to be trying to calm some frantic looking young women as uniformed police officers started blocking off the scene with crime tape.    
  
    She turned slightly and saw a familiar face in the quickly gathering crowd milling around the now sheet covered body.  Lucinda made her way in that direction as she watched as Jack and Margo arrived getting out of their respective cars and walking over to Dallas.   
  
    “Funny how you always gravitate to crime scenes.”  She smiled.   
  
    Dusty Donovan turned and returned the smile as she came to a stop next to him.  “It seems that way doesn’t it.  Sad about this, he seemed so young.”   
  
    “Who?”  She asked confused.   
  
    “The young guy under the sheet.  I came over just before Dallas and one of the officers put the sheet on him.  Dallas seemed to know who he was and . . . “ Dusty stopped, considering what he was about to say.   
  
    “What?  What did Dallas say?”  Lucinda was intrigued.  Although, Dusty had caused no end of trouble for her daughter and Holden, Lucinda had a soft spot for him.  He’d been out of town for the last few months and had just gotten back last week and she was glad.  He always made her smile.    
  
    “Dallas didn’t seem to be all that upset that the guy was dead.”  Dusty said with a slight frown on his face.   
  
    “That’s unusual.”  Lucinda agreed.  “He knew right away who it was?”   
  
    “Yeah, even said the name.”  Dusty said as he gazed over at Dallas as he spoke to Jack and Margo and pointed to the three young women he had been talking to.  “Jeff something.”   
  
    Lucinda froze.  Jeff?  What were the chances that Jeff Emerson would decide to die outside of her building.  “Jeff Emerson?”   
  
    Dusty slowly turned his head just enough to catch a glimpse of Lucinda out of the corner of his eye.  “Yeah, I think that was it.”   
  
    “Are you sure, Dusty?”  Lucinda persisted as her eyes seemed glued to the sheet covered body.  “I really need to know if it’s correct.”   
  
    Dusty thought for a second.  “I’m positive that’s the name.  I remembered I thought it was unusual that he had the same name as the DA’s.”   
  
    “No, no, no.  Not unusual at all.”  Lucinda briefly glanced over toward the huddled police officers.    
  
    What were the odds that Jeff Emerson would just suddenly decide to drop dead for no reason in front of World Wide?  None at all.  She was sure that someone like Jeff Emerson up and got himself killed in front of World Wild and if he was killed then they would need suspects.  Suspects would be people who were enemies of the deceased and that added up to just about everyone she loved.    
  
    All this raced through Lucinda’s mind in about two seconds.  They didn’t call her the ‘Dragonlady of Business’ for nothing.  “Dusty, I need you to do something and do it fast.”   
  
    Dusty had been watching Lucinda.  Her thoughtful look at the shrouded body, her eyes flashing toward Jack and Margo and back again.     
  
    “What?”  He asked quietly as the uniformed police officer passed by.   
  
    “You need to go into the building’s security office on the third floor and find the video surveillance tapes.”  Lucinda spoke as clearly and quietly as she could while still looking at Jack and Margo.   
  
    “And then what?”  Dusty asked.   
  
    “Take all of them and take them somewhere safe.  Somewhere where the police won’t find them until I can have a look at them.”  Lucinda finished with a glance in his direction.    
  
    Dusty looked at Lucinda.  Hide the surveillance tapes from the cops?  “Lucinda, I love you in an odd, adversarial kind of way but you’re asking me to commit a crime.  Not that that bothers me much, but why?”   
  
    Lucinda saw that Jack had turned around and noticed her and Dusty standing there.  Lucinda had to get Dusty moving and now.  “Because if that’s who I think it is under that sheet Luke or Noah or both might be in real trouble.”   
  
    She and Dusty locked eyes for a long moment before Dusty gave the briefest of nods.   She turned and saw Jack start toward her and when she turned back Dusty was already gone.  She hoped she was acting out of an abundance of caution but she knew the path the Oakdale Police Department’s minds usually ran.  Luke and Noah would be the first on their list of suspects if Jeff Emerson had gotten himself murdered and Lucinda would be damned if she’d let her grandson and Noah, who might as well be her grandson, be pulled down for this.   
  
  
  
    Jack and Margo were listening as Dallas explained how the three Oakdale University junior’s had happened upon the body of Jeff Emerson.  Jack almost cheered when Dallas had said who the victim had turned out to be but decorum kept him from celebrating in public.  Yeah, he knew he shouldn’t, but d*amn rapists and attempted murderers shouldn’t be getting off with a slap on the wrist either.  Sometimes what comes around, goes around.  Ain’t fate a bit*ch.   
  
    He had been looking over at the body, listening as Margo tried to pry some answers out of the three girls who were most likely in shock when he noticed two familiar faces in the crowd.  Lucinda and Dusty.    
  
    Jack turned around and rolled his eyes as he reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose.  It had to be those two hanging around the crime scene, didn’t it.  If those two were together, they were certainly up to no good.  As he turned around and started to head in their direction he saw Dusty fade off into the crowd behind Lucinda.  Sh*it.    
  
    “Lucinda.”  Jack called as he approached her.    
  
    “Jack.”  Lucinda smiled up at him.   
  
    “Why doesn’t it surprise me to see you here.”  Jack smiled back.   
  
    “Well, dear I do work all hours and it is in front of my building.  Garry, my security man, called and said that there was some trouble so I came down.  I never dreamed that it would be a body.”  She shook her head sadly.   
  
    “And somehow I don’t think I need to tell you who it is, do I?”  Jack asked with a cock of his eyebrow.   
  
    “Well, I did hear Dallas mention that it was that Jeff Emerson.  Is that true?”  Lucinda asked with thinly disguised innocence.    
  
    “Yes, it’s him.”  Jack said looking over at the covered body.  “Can’t say I’m sorry to see him under the sheet.  Son of a bit*ch deserved it.”    
  
    Lucinda stood slightly shocked at the admission from the detective.  “I’d keep that to yourself, Detective.”    
  
    Jack looked up, surprised that he’d actually said out loud what he’d been thinking.  “Yeah, well where did Dusty go?  I saw you two over here conspiring together.  Up to no good I’m sure.”  Jack winked at the older woman.   
  
    This time Lucinda smiled up at the man.  “You should be ashamed of yourself Jack Snyder, thinking such a thing about an old woman.  I simply saw Dusty and said hi.  Is there a crime against that?”   
  
    “Well, maybe between you two it should be.”  Jack said looking at her.    


 

* * *

    Lucinda stood watching as the medical examiner’s personnellifted the sheet covered body onto the gurney and placed it in the back of the truck to take to the Medical Examiner’s office.  She’d watched as the three college girls had been loaded into a police car and presumably taken to the Oakdale Police Station. 

  
    Dallas, Jack and Margo all stood in a loose group discussing the death of Jeff Emerson.  She hadn’t been surprised that Jack wasn’t that upset about Jeff’s death, she had just been surprised that he had admitted it out loud.  She meant it when she had advised him to keep it to himself.    
  
    He was a Snyder and the Oakdale District Attorney was going to be looking for anyone connected with Noah to tie to the death of his son.  She was sure the piece of trash hadn’t actually committed suicide by jumping from the World Wide building, she was willing to bet that he’d been helped off the roof.    
  
    Lucinda jumped when a hand briefly touched her lower back and Dusty slid into view next to her.  She turned slightly and was about to ask about the success of his task when the words died in her throat.    
  
    Dusty’s eyes told her immediately something was desperately wrong.  His eyes quickly shifted to the grouped detectives and he barely nodded his head toward the building’s entrance.    
  
    Lucinda and he turned.  “Did you get the tapes?”   
  
    Dusty tried to move her toward the building but she wasn’t budging.  He quickly looked over at Margo again.   
  
    “They were already gone.”  Dusty said as he shot her a nervous look.   
  
    “What!?”  Lucinda asked.  “What do you mean?”   
  
    “They’re gone.”  Dusty whispered.  “All the tapes are gone, somebody’s already been there.”    
  
    Lucinda didn’t shock easily any more, but this had done it.  The tapes to the building were missing.  The tapes of all the cameras that could have shown her what had happened on the roof and who had entered and exited the building.  Someone who knew where the security room was and that the security tapes where there.  D*amn.   
  
    “Lucinda?”  Dusty began.   
  
    “Dusty, can I count on you to help Luke and Noah?”  Lucinda asked.   
  
    Dusty gazed at the woman.  The woman who had helped him when he wanted to fake his death to find his son even at the expense of her relationship with her daughter and son-in-law.  “Of course.”  He smiled.  “You don’t even have to ask.”   
  
    “Good, because we need to find those tapes and find out who took them.”  Lucinda said as she turned and watched as the police detectives continued talking.  “Before the Oakdale PD does.”   


 

* * *

    They had both literally stumbled back to the apartment the night before, neither speaking, just wanting to get back into the safety and security of their bed and each other’s arms.  Luke had been at first relieved when he’d found Noah wondering through Old Town, then he’d been terrified when he realized that Noah was disoriented and unfocused. 

  
    Noah had come around and seemed himself, mumbling as they headed home that he’d had a night terror and just needed to get out of the apartment for a while.  Luke hadn’t totally understood his reasoning but last night wasn’t the time to talk about it.  All he wanted to do was get Noah home.   
  
    When he woke early the next morning Noah was exhausted.  It was 5:00 a.m. and he had to be at Java at 6:00 and then meet Luke at the farm so they could talk to Emma about their engagement party.  He wasn’t looking forward to the long day ahead especially after the night before.  He gazed over at his sleeping fiancé and hoped that he’d be safe.  He hoped that what he’d done the night before would ensure that.  God he hoped.    
  
    He quickly got up and showered trying to be as silent as possible so as to not wake Luke.  He’d been as exhausted as he was when they finally got back to the apartment the night before.  He came out of the bathroom and quietly walked over to the tangle of shoes in the corner.  He reached for one of his shoes and was sorting through the other three when he noticed something on one of Luke’s.    
  
    He picked up the white tennis shoe and held it up to the early morning sunshine leaking in through the blinds.  There was something smeared all over Luke’s right shoe.  It was a dark rust color and was all over the front part of the shoe.  He wondered what Luke had stepped in.  Shrugging his shoulders he quickly picked up Luke’s other shoe and placed them next to the bureau, he’d try and get the stain off for him later.  Luke wouldn’t miss them, he had a dozen pairs of shoes.   
  
    He walked over and stood staring down at the sleeping man, noticing how the blond bangs were hanging down over his closed eyes.  He gently reached down and carefully brushed the hair aside and placed a warm kiss on Luke’s forehead.  Luke stirred and a small smile bloomed across his lips but he didn’t wake.  Noah smiled down at the biggest and best part of his life and silently turned and headed out the front door for Java.   


 

* * *

    Luke turned over and reached next to him to find the bed empty.  He opened his eyes slowly to look at the bedside clock to see that it said 6:55 a.m.  He squeezed his eyes shut and remembered that Noah was working the 6:00 a.m. shift at Java today.  He stretched his hands over his head and sat up.

  
    Last night had been exhausting.  The day had been long and waking up to find Noah gone and running out searching for him had only added to his exhausting.  Running into Jeff hadn’t been on the agenda but he done what he had too.  If he was any judge, Noah shouldn’t have to worry about Jeff Emerson bothering him any time soon.   
  
    Luke quickly got up and showered.  He had yet another Foundation meeting with Lily and then he had promised to meet Noah at the farm to talk to grandma Emma about their engagement party.  Luke smiled to himself in the shower just at the thought of he and Noah being engaged.  It had never occurred to him three years ago when he’d come out to everyone that he’d ever be engaged.  Luke’s gaze was once again draw to the band on his hand.  Every time he looked at it his heart seemed to skip a beat.    
  
    As he came out of the bathroom he noted that yet again he was running late and the fact that he couldn’t find his favorite white tennis shoes wasn’t helping.  He opened the closet and walked in and grabbed his black ones and sat down on the floor of the closet to put them on.  He was about to get up when he saw Noah’s shirt laying on the floor next to the hamper.   
  
    Geez, Noah must have been in a real hurry this morning if he hadn’t put his shirt in the hamper.  He smiled as he leaned down and grabbed it and was about to throw it in the hamper when something caught his eye.  Luke unfolded the shirt and held it up in front of him and saw a large brown stain on the left side of the shirt.   
  
    Luke looked at the stain with a frown.  What had Noah gotten all over his shirt?  He looked closer.  If he didn’t know better he’d swear it looked like . . . blood.  No, it couldn’t be.  Luke looked closer and tried to identify the stain.  Maybe Noah had gotten some syrup or coffee mix on it at work.  Yeah, that must be it.  He’d just put it in the wash and remind Noah about the stain.   
  
    He looked at his watch and realized that he was now really late for the Foundation meeting and hoped up and ran toward the front door.   


 

* * *

    “A medium coffee to go, please.”  Ken ordered as he stood at the counter at Java.  He was running late to his first day back to work after his week’s vacation and he didn’t really care.  Returning and having to face Payton Emerson was bad, but to do it without coffee should be against the law. 

  
    “Hey, Ken.”  A voice said from behind his shoulder.    
  
    He  turned to see Jack Snyder stepping through the door of the coffee shop.  “Jack, need a little caffeine boost before you head into work?”  Ken smiled as he turned back and paid the young guy behind the counter for his coffee.   
  
    “No, I was actually looking for Noah.”  Jack said with a forced smile.    
  
    Ken could sense the tension in the police detective.  “Is something wrong?”  He asked with concern.    
  
    Jack seemed puzzled at Ken’s question.  “You don’t know do you?”   
  
    “Know what?”   
  
    “We found Jeff Emerson dead in front of the World Wide building last night.”  Jack said as he looked at Ken.   
  
    Ken stood stunned at what Jack had just said.  Emerson, dead?  And Jack was looking for Noah?    
  
    “What happened?” Ken asked in a quiet voice.   
  
    “He could have fallen or jumped but the Medical Examiner says there’s evidence that he’d been beaten before he fell from the roof.”  Jack said as he rubbed the side of his unshaven face.    
  
    Ken thought for a moment as he blow on his coffee.  “Why are you looking for Noah?”   
  
    “I just need to let him know what’s happened.”  Jack looked at the Assistant District Attorney and tried to decide if he could be honest with this man.  He decided.  “I think you know that if it’s determined that Jeff was murdered who his father’s going to go after.”    
  
    Ken shook his head but didn’t say anything.    
  
    “Audrey.”  Jack called to the Java manager behind the counter.  “Is Noah on today?”   
  
    “No, he left about a half hour ago.  I think he said he had to meet Luke at the farm.”  Audrey smiled back at the detective.   
  
    “I guess, I’ll run out there and tell him and Luke both than.”  Jack said as he turned to leave.    
  
    “You mind if I tag along, Jack?”  Ken asked quickly.   
  
    Jack was surprised at the question and gazed at the man wondering, why?  “Sure.”   


 

* * *

    Luke and Noah sat in the kitchen and they were wondering, ‘do they even remember we’re sitting here?’

  
    Emma, Lily and Meg were in deep and serious discussions on what exactly an engagement party for Luke and Noah should include.  Luke was impressed with his fiancé, he was holding up pretty well considering he’d never had to deal with this growing up.  He had been absorbed into this wild and wacky family and seemed to be dealing with it better than Luke.    
  
    Noah sat shaking his head every time Lily, Emma or Meg threw a suggestion their way.  Luke for his part was slowly getting tired.  He really hadn’t even wanted an engagement party but he knew that his grandma Emma really wanted to make sure that he felt that he got one just like every other Snyder had.    
  
    “Emma” Lily interrupted her mother-in-law.  “They’re not like every other Snyder.  They’re . . . well, they’re both guys.”  Lily laughed.   
  
    Holden who had been in the parlor setting up a DVD of Joey the Jellyfish for Ethan to watch, walked in and stopped.  A chuckle escaped as he stood watching the scene in front of him.   
  
    Emma stopped and stared.  “I know that, dear.”   
  
    “Mama, you want to do all these sweet, girlie things at the engagement party and neither of them are really very girlie.”  Meg giggled looking over her mother’s shoulder toward her cousin who rolled his eyes at her.   
  
    Emma sat quietly for a few moments.  She seemed to be contemplating something and finally came to a decision as she turned to them.  “My dear boys, what would you like to do for your engagement party?”    
  
    “Grandma, you really don’t even have to do this.”  Luke began.   
  
    “Nonsense.”  Emma said waving her hand at her grandson.  “Noah, what would you like?”   
  
    Noah looked at Emma.  He was certain as he gazed into her smiling eyes that she was probably the one woman in the world that he could deny nothing too.  “Anything you want, ma’am.”   
  
    “Dear.”  Emma said in mock exasperation.  “What would you like?”   
  
    “Well,” Noah started as he looked at Luke who sat by his side.  He wasn’t any help as he shrugged his shoulders.  “A bonfire and barbeque would be fine with me.”   
  
    Emma gazed at his blue eyes and the slow, lopsided smile on his face and knew she couldn’t say no to this young man.  He was a perfect match for that grandson of hers.  “A Snyder bonfire and barbeque it is than for your engagement party.”   
  
    Noah’s face broke into a wide grin as he looked at Luke to see if he was okay with the choice.  Luke leaned in and kissed Noah on the lips and whispered “the perfect choice”.   
  
    Knock, Knock, Knock.   
  
    Everyone turned to see Damian standing at the screen door.  Emma walked over and waived him in.  “Damian, come in.”  She quickly turned to Meg to see if she was okay with Damian’s presence.    
  
    “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”  Damian began.  “I was just dropping off some things to Meg.”    
  
    “No, no, no.”  Meg said as she walked toward him.  “Come in.”   
  
    Damian came further into the kitchen handing Meg a box.  She placed it in the pantry out of the way.  “We’re just making plans for Luke and Noah’s engagement party.”        
  
    Damian smiled at the young men.  “I bet that’s been interesting.”   
  
    “You’ve no idea.”  Luke said as he rolled his eyes.    
  
    “It’s next Saturday.”  Emma said smiling at Damian.  “You’ll be here, won’t you?”   
  
    Damian hesitated looking from Emma’s smiling face to Luke and Noah and beyond to Lily and Holden.  “I’m not sure that would be . . . comfortable for everyone.”   
  
    Luke looked over at Holden and a brief smile and nod was exchanged.  “I would really like you to come, Damian.”  Luke said as he reached for and held Noah’s hand.  “We’d both really like you to come.”   
  
    Damian looked at his son’s face and then looked back to Emma.  “Of course, I wouldn’t miss it.”    
  
    For the next few moments chaos erupted as plans were finalized and tasks divided up.  Noah wanted to volunteer to do something but Emma immediately informed him that ‘that wasn’t how it was done, dear’ and patted his cheek.    
  
    Luke was seriously considering grabbing Noah and sneaking out, especially after hearing Damian offer to have a Maltese cook flown in to prepare a traditional Maltese stew and pastry for the barbeque and Emma agreed.  What was Oakdale coming to, this was seriously getting out of hand.   
  
    Knock, Knock, Knock.   
  
    Holden was the closest to the door and had turned to answer it but stopped short when he saw who was standing on the porch, Margo and Payton Emerson.    
  
    Luke and Noah slowly rose from their seats at the table as Holden opened the door and the two entered.    
  
    “Margo, Mr. Emerson.”  Holden began as he came to stand next to Lily.  “What can we do for you?”   
  
    Margo seemed to want to look anywhere but at the faces of the people in the kitchen.  “Holden, Lily . . . Luke, Noah.”  She looked at everyone else.  “Maybe we should talk alone?”   
  
    Everyone was silent for a moment.    
  
    “No, we’re all family.  I think we can all hear whatever you have to say to us.”  Luke answered.   
  
    Margo cleared her throat as she looked at the man standing beside her.  Payton was standing there and she could tell that he was on the verge of losing control.  “Last night Jeff Emerson was found dead.“   
  
    There were gasps all around the silent kitchen.    
  
    Luke immediately reached out for Noah’s hand at the mention of Emerson’s name.  He could feel a slight tremor in Noah’s hand and he tightened his grip.  He looked over at Margo waiting for her to continue and saw the tension in her face and how pale she seemed.  She seemed to be having difficulty deciding how to continue.   
  
    “Get on with it.”  Peyton snapped.   
  
    Margo’s slight jump at his comment was an indicator of just how tense this whole situation was.  “It looks like there was most likely foul play involved with his death.”   
  
    That was meet by another long silence.    
  
    “Are you saying that he was murdered?”  Holden asked into that silence.   
  
    “There is that possibility.”  Margo shook her head.   
  
    “Of course he was murdered!”  Peyton snapped again.  His face contoured with a thinly veiled rage.  “And you know d*amn well who’s responsible!”   
  
    If anyone in the kitchen had any doubt as to who he was referring to, the look he directed toward Noah would have been enough for a blind man to see.  Pure hate poured from his eyes as he stared at Noah.  Luke was surprised that with that look Noah’s hand actually steadied in his own.    
  
    “Margo?”  Lily began.    
  
    “We don’t have any proof one way or the other, yet.”  Margo said looking at the DA.   
  
    “The medical examiner said that it was obvious that my son had been beaten severely!”  Peyton said through clinched teeth, taking a step in Noah’s direction.  “You beat him, didn’t you?”   
  
    Holden and Damian both took a step forward, stepping in between the enraged DA and their son and soon to be son-in-law.  “I hope you have some evidence to back up that statement, Mr. Emerson.”  Holden said.   
  
    Luke and Noah had both frozen at the mention of Jeff being beaten.  Luke’s mind instantly flashed to the image of a shirt held in front of his face and a large ‘blood’ stain on the front.  Noah?   
  
    Noah’s mind instantly flashed to the image of a rust colored substance smeared all over the front of Luke’s tennis shoe.  Luke?   
  
    Peyton took a step back to stand beside Margo.  “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure we find the evidence.”   
  
    “Luke, Noah.”  Margo began.  “Would you be able to account for your whereabouts last night?”   
  
    “They don’t have to account for anything.”  Damian nearly shouted.   
  
    “Jeff’s body was found at around 9:30, if Luke and Noah can just give us a verifiable alibi than this is all a mot point and we can move on.  Luke, Noah?”  Margo said turning back to the silent young men.   
  
    Luke’s mind was racing a mile a minute.  Noah disappearing the night before, that was a little after 9:00.   “We were home all night.”   
  
    Damian’s face froze as he stood there.  He didn’t dare turn toward the son that he knew for a fact had just lied to the police.  Fear was gripping his heart as he remembered the night before when he had happened upon both Luke and Noah in Old Town.  What time had that been?  It had been after 9:30.     
  
    At Luke’s statement Noah had frozen in place also.  His memories were consumed with the image of Luke running up to him in Old Town.  Luke looking not calm but frenzied and coming not from the direction of the apartment but from the direction of . . . the World Wide building.  Where had he been before he found him?  They hadn’t been home all night, why was Luke saying that they had been.  Oh, God, no!   
  
    “Well, isn’t that convenient.”  Peyton sneered.  “They’re each other’s alibi.”   
  
    “Peyton, please.”  Margo snapped.  “Luke, did you talk to anyone else.  Did anyone see you at the apartment together?”   
  
    Luke hesitated not knowing how to proceed.  He couldn’t involve anyone else.  What was the simplest lie to keep?  The one that was closest to the truth and the most probable.    
  
    “No, no one saw us and we didn’t talk to anyone.”  Luke said seeing Margo’s frustration.  “Well, I’m sorry, Margo, I don’t make it a point to make sure I have an alibi when I’m spending the evening at home with my fiancé.”   
  
    “I know, I know.”  Margo said.  “But I’m sure Peyton or someone will ask, could Noah have left while you were asleep or vise versa?”   
  
    “No!”  Luke answered immediately.    
  
    “Luke, you can’t be sure really.”  Margo began.   
  
    “Yes, I can.  I know for a fact we were together all night.”  Luke made sure he emphasized the word all.   
  
    “How, Luke.”  Margo asked.  “How can you be sure.”   
  
    Luke could feel Noah tensing beside him and he wanted to say something before Noah broke in trying to save the situation.  Luke immediately tried to look as embarrassed as possible as he glanced around at everyone in the kitchen.    
  
    “What, Luke?”  Margo asked seeing his embarrassment.   
  
    “Margo, I can’t explain.”  Luke said with his eyes on the floor.  “Not in front of my family.”   
  
    “Luke.”  Margo snapped.   
  
    “Are you really going to make me humiliate myself like this?”  Luke looked up having worked up some tears of frustration.  “Please, Margo.”   
  
    Noah was confused at Luke’s behavior but he was keeping his eyes nailed to the floor, waiting to see where Luke was going with this.    
  
    “Luke, I have to know.”  Margo said again.   
  
    Luke squeezed Noah’s hand and hoped he’d forgiven him the major embarrassment he was about to subject both of them too.   Luke dropped his gaze to the floor once again and took a deep breath.   
  
    “We were together all night, Margo.”  Luke said in a barely heard whisper.  “We in fact were awake most of the night.”    
  
    Margo waited for him to continue.  When he didn’t she asked again.  “You both were awake all night?  Why was that?”   
  
    Luke’s eyes snapped up and he tried to look at her with a look of astonishment on his face.  As if she should be getting his meaning.  “We were together, together.”   
  
    The silence that filled the kitchen was even more oppressive as before.  The nervous  shuffling of feet were the only sounds.    
  
    “Together?”  Margo asked with some confusion.   
  
    “Oh, for God sakes, Margo.”  Luke seethed.  “We were making love!  Okay.  Good enough for you.  We were making love for the first time since that ba*stard fu*cking raped Noah.  Okay.”   
  
    Noah’s breathing had stopped at Luke’s outburst.  His heart nearly stopped as he listened to Luke’s explanation of where they were the night before.  Luke, why the lie?  His heart was breaking at the thoughts that were racing through his mind.  Luke.    
  
    “Is that true, Noah?”  Margo quietly asked.   
  
    “Yes.”  Noah immediately answered as he glared at Peyton Emerson.   
  
    “What the h*ell?!”  A voice yelled from the door.   
  
    Everyone turned to see Jack and Ken standing just inside the door, witnessing the entire scene.    
  
    “Stay out of his, Snyder.”  Peyton demanded of the detective.  “Captain Hughes and I are handling this.”    
  
    “Like hell you are.”  Jack said as he walked over toward Holden and his family with Ken close behind.  “Margo, you’ve got a lot of nerve.”   
  
    “Jack, we’re just trying to get their alibis.”  Margo began.   
  
    “I advise Luke and Noah and everyone here not to say another word.”  Ken spoke for the first time glaring at Peyton from across the kitchen.  “Until you obtain counsel.”   
  
    “You need to stay out of this Ken or else.”  Peyton growled.    
  
    Ken just glared right back at his boss.    
  
    “Margo, I love you.”  Emma spoke for the first time.  “And you are welcomed here as family whenever you like, but as a police officer you better leave and not come back onto my properties unless you have a . . . what do they call that on Law and Order, Jack?”   
  
    “A warrant, Emma.”  Jack smiled.   
  
    “A warrant.  Unless you have a warrant for someone, stay off my property.  Now leave.”  Emma finished and pointedly stared at Peyton.    
  
    “Of course, Emma.”  Margo said.  “We’re leaving Mr. Emerson.”   
  
    Peyton actually looked like he was on the verge of murdering someone right there and now.  He seemed about to scream at someone again but was halted by Margo’s hand on his sleeve urging him out the door.   
  
    As the screen door slammed everyone breathed a sigh of relief.  Babbling broke out among the women and Holden was arguing with Jack.  In the middle of all the bedlam Luke and Noah stood silently holding hands and Damian stared knowing that they had both lied and terrified at the prospect of why.    
  
    Ken was getting ready to leave when he stopped as he passed Luke and Noah.  “I’m going to give you two some advice.”   
  
    Both Luke and Noah’s eyes snapped up from the floor, looking at the Assistant District Attorney standing in front of them.    
  
    “Illinois doesn’t give spousal privileges to gay couples.”  Ken stated.  Seeing the confused looks he continued.  “If you two haven’t talked about where you were last night, don’t.”   
  
    Luke and Noah both froze.    
  
    “If for some reason one of you are tried for the murder of Jeff, the Court can and will force the other to testify against the other.  You’re not married under Illinois law and they can force the you to testify against the other.  So don’t talk to each other about anything you think might be used against the other.”   
  
    He turned and started for the door and turned back again.  “Get yourselves a good lawyer, Peyton’s not going to let this go.”   


 

* * *

  
  
  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

    They had driven home from the farm in separate cars, since Noah had come from Java and Luke from the Foundation.  Each had spent the short ride home consumed with wondering and worrying about what had happened to Jeff the night before and what that meant to them. 

  


    After parking, they walked up to their apartment in silence.  Neither wanting to ask the all consuming question, ‘did you do it?’  ‘Did you kill Jeff?’  The door opened quietly as Noah slipped the key into the lock and turned and they entered what until that morning had been their sanctuary, their home.  Now is just seemed like the walls were already closing in on them. 

    Noah stood at the kitchen counter staring down at nothing really.  Reliving the faces of Margo and Peyton Emerson as they asked Luke for an alibi and Luke lying.  The relief when they’d finally left and the looks on Luke’s family faces, they had been relieved when they’d heard that they had an alibi, a collective breath released. 

    Luke was standing by the sofa.  His eyes everywhere but on Noah.  He had known that he wouldn’t have a problem lying to the police, even if it was Margo, but Noah’s immediate confirmation of the lie had left him feeling alternatively grateful that Noah had backed him up without question and sick to his stomach that he knew why he had done so. 

    “I need to go to the bathroom.”  Luke whispered as he quickly walked in and shut the door.  Noah only hesitated for a moment before he was across the apartment and into their bedroom.  He raced to the bureau and picked up the white tennis shoes laying right where he’d placed them this morning.  He looked again at the dark red stain all across the toe of the right shoe.  Noah was sure without knowing how, that it was dried blood.  Jeff Emerson’s blood.  “Luke”  he breathed. 

    He could hear the toilet flushing out in the other room.  Noah’s mind suddenly went quiet as he grabbed his nearby backpack and stuffed the shoes inside, zipping it up and slinging it over his shoulders.  He had to get these out of the apartment. 

    Ken had said that Peyton wouldn’t let go of this and that meant that at any time the cops could show up with a search warrant and find these.  Find Luke’s shoes with Jeff’s blood on them.  That was not going to happen!  He turned and walked out to the living room as Luke was coming out of the bathroom.

    “I forgot to pick up my check at Java.  I’m going to go and get it.”  Noah said as he stopped in front of Luke and leaned in and gently placed a kiss on his lips.  “I love you so much.”

    “I love you, too.”  Luke said distractedly.  “I think I need to go back to the Foundation myself, I left a proposal there that I need to look over.” 

    “Meet you back here and we’ll decide on dinner, okay?”  Noah said reaching out and placing his hand around Luke’s waist and drawing him closer.  “Okay?”

    “Yeah.”  Luke smiled.  He hesitated for a moment.  “Noah, about last night . . .”

    “No!”  Noah said more sharply then he’d intended.  He steadied himself with a deep breath.  “Just no.  We don’t need to talk about last night.  We’re here, we’re together.  That’s all that matters.”

    Luke leaned in and touched Noah’s forehead with his own.  Slowly shacking it.  “You’re right.  Mr. Davis said not to talk about it and so we won’t.” 

    Noah took a step back, still holding Luke’s waist.  “I’ll be back in an hour.  Love you.”

    “Love you, too.”

    Luke watched as Noah quickly went to the door and watched as it shut behind him.  He stood only a second before he turned and bolted for the closet in his and Noah’s room.  He tore at the doorknob trying to get into the closet.  Only realizing once he was kneeling on the floor searching frantically through the overturned contents of the hamper that he was crying, very near hysterical. 

    There it was.  Noah’s dark blue shirt that he’d been wearing last night when Luke had found him unfocused and disoriented in Old Town.  It wasn’t a wonder that Luke hadn’t  noticed the stain last night, he could only see it now because of the glare of the overhead light but it was there.  A spot almost as large as his entire hand if he placed it, fingers spread, on top of it.  His tears were coming faster now.  “Noah.”  He cried.  He shook his head.  He needed to get a hold of himself. 

    He leaned forward with his hands on the floor, holding the shirt, gasping for breath to steady his racing heart.  He had to get rid of this shirt before the police found it.  But where?  If he threw it anywhere, in any garbage can, they might find it.  He’d worry about it later, he just needed it out of here. 

    Luke got up holding the shirt away from him like it was a poisonous snake and headed for the kitchen.  He reached under the sink where they kept the plastic store bags and shoved the shirt in one and tied it closed.  He stood looking at the wrapped up shirt as it sit on the counter.  Seeming to mock him as it sat there and he wondered where the heck to get rid of it. 

    He grabbed his keys and the shirt and darted for the door.  Anywhere was better than here until he could figure out how to permanently get rid of it.

  


 

* * *

 

    Noah was having the same thoughts racing around and around in his head.  How do you get rid of rubber tennis shoes where no one, specifically the cops, could ever find them?  He had an idea, but he wasn’t going to be anywhere near there and didn’t have a reason to be there until Saturday, three days from now.  So he needed to hide them until them.  Where?  Where? 

  


    He walked into Java in a daze wondering how he’d even gotten there.

    “Hey, Noah.”  Paul, the new guy, called as he came through the door.  “Didn’t expect you back today.”

    “Yeah, just forgot my paycheck.  Is Audrey in the back?”  Noah mumbled as he stepped behind the counter and headed for the office.

    “No, man.  She left but she said that your check was on her desk if you wanted it.”  Paul smiled as he turned and asked the next costumer for their order.

    Noah walked into the office and shut the door behind him, leaning up against it to catch his breath.  He was standing there with his eyes closed, breathing in and out, in and out when a sudden memory struck. 

    Unloading and stocking coffee and supplies with Audrey one day, she’d mentioned that they needed to get the drywall fixed in the back stock room because someone had pushed one of the bigger boxes into the wall and punched a hole in it.  Had she gotten it fixed or forgotten it? 

    Noah raced through the office heading for the stock room door.  He turned the handle and flipped on the light.  He moved to the back of the room, shifting the larger boxes of imported coffee and saw it out of the corner of his eye, almost hidden under the shelving, the busted drywall.  He quickly got down and crawled to the hole and unzipped his backpack.

    He took out the shoes and without a second thought immediately crammed them into the open drywall.  He pulled the broken pieces back into place and pushed the coffee boxes in front of them.  There, that would have to do until Saturday when he’d get rid of them permanently.

 

  


* * *

    Luke didn’t remembering driving to the Foundation, or parking his car, or taking the elevator up to the 12th floor where the Foundation offices were.  The only thing he remembered now was standing in his office and wondering where in the world was he going to hid the shirt.

  


    He’d realized in the ride over how he was going to get rid of the shirt, get rid of it so it would never be found, but he couldn’t do it until Saturday.  So he needed to hid it until then.  He looked around, pacing back and forth wondering for the hundredth time, where, where, where? 

    His eyes fell on the wall of filing cabinets and decided that that was as good as any place.  No one bothered with them but him, so it shouldn’t be found, but which drawer?  Noah’s face appeared in front of his eyes as he stood in front of him at the apartment, not more than an hour ago.  ‘I love you so much.’ he’d said.

    Luke walked over and pulled the drawer open.  Lifting the files up and sliding the shirt under them all.  Flattening it out as thin as possible so it couldn’t be seen unless you emptied the entire contents of the drawer out. 

    “Same here.” Luke whispered as he closed the drawer, looking at the label that read “S”.

  


 

* * * 

    KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

  


    Jade stood in front of Kevin’s dorm room door waiting from him to answer.  When there wasn’t one she knocked again.  KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

    “Yeah, keep your pants on.”  Jade heard Kevin yell from inside. 

    The door was thrown open to reveal a slightly disheveled Kevin who was rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he glared at Jade.

    “Jade.”  Kevin said as he raised his wrist to look at his watch.  “It’s 7:00 a.m., has h*ell frozen over?”

    “Funny.”  Jade said as she pushed her way past him to walk into his dorm room.  She noticed the stacks and stacks of law books sitting on and around his desk and the unmade bed that he so recently hopped out of.  “We need to talk.”

    Kevin just stared at the woman who had just woken him at an ungodly hour on his one late day during the week and just strolled in like she owned the place.  He swiftly closed the door.

    “Okay.  What about?”  He said as he moved some books from the chair at his desk and motioned for her to have a seat.

    Jade took the seat and watched as Kevin went over to his mini fridge and took out a bottle of water and offered her one.  She shook her head, no and continued to stare at him.

    “What?”  Kevin asked.  Jade’s stare was beginning to unnerve him.

    “Did you hear about Jeff?”  She asked in a quiet voice.

    “Jeff?  No.”  Kevin said as he walked over to the window and gazed out into the slowly brightening morning.  “What did he do now?”

    He was surprised when he turned around and Jade was standing right behind him.  He caught his breath as he saw a look of fear and concern in her golden brown eyes.  “He didn’t . . . he didn’t come after you again, did he?”  Kevin asked quickly.

    Jade’s eyes had held concerning in them but at the question another look flashed in them, one that he couldn’t identify. 

    “No.”  She whispered.  “He’s dead.”

    Kevin stood shocked for a moment.  “How?”

    Jade continued to stare at Kevin.  Wanting to ask the question that had driven her over here soon after hearing from Lily this morning that Jeff had most probably been murdered.  “The police think he was murdered.  Thrown off the top of the World Wide building.”

    Kevin shook his head.  Did it really surprise him that Jeff had been murdered?  No, was the answer that echoed in his head.  He looked at Jade and saw the question in her eyes.  He simply cocked his head as if asking, ‘and?’

    Jade wanted to ask, but did she really want to know the answer?  “It happened the same night as . . . the night in the alley.” 

    Kevin continued to look at Jade waiting for her to ask the question that had obviously brought her here so early.

    Jade’s eyes softened as she looked at Kevin.  “Tell me you didn’t go back after Jeff?”  She breathed looking down at her hands and continued in a shaky voice.  “Tell me you didn’t go back and . . . “

    Kevin reached out and placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face until her eyes, tears threatening to overflow, met his.  “Are you asking me if I killed him?” He whispered.

    “I don’t want to . . . but I think I need to.”  Jade whispered back.

    “I think I need to know the answer to that question myself.”  A voice said causing them to jump apart as they turned to find Kevin’s father, Ken, standing in the doorway of his dorm room. 

    “Dad.”  Kevin said as he quickly looked at a shocked Jade.  “What . . . what are you doing here?”

    Ken Davis quietly closed the door behind him and walked a few steps to stand in front of his son.  “I think this young woman asked you a question.  A question I really need to know the answer to, Kevin.”

    “Jade” Kevin began as he turned his head.  “Maybe I should talk to you later?”

    “No.”  Jade said as she shook her head. 

    “Kevin.”  Ken said looking directly at his son.  “Did you see Jeff the night he died?”

    Kevin stood looking at his father.  He could feel Jade’s stare on the back of his head.  “Yeah.  He breathed.  “Yeah, Dad, I did.”

    “Please tell me you didn’t have a fight with him.”  Ken said as he rubbed a hand up and down the side of his face.

    Kevin was looking at his feet now and Jade’s face was the picture of fear.  He had gotten into a fight with the ass*hole and if he’d had the chance he might of beaten him even more but Jade had stopped him.  “I did hit him that night, Dad.”

    Ken just stood looking at his son, wondering if he should even ask the question again.  If he was to go by the look on the face of the young woman standing behind Kevin, he’d bet that she wasn’t sure of the answer herself.  “How bad did you hit him, Kevin?”

    Kevin gazed at his father.  “I didn’t kill him, Dad.” 

    Ken released the breath that he’d been holding and he wasn’t alone as he watched Jade almost collapse into the chair next to the desk.  “What happened?  Why did you even go near him?”

    Kevin suddenly became interested in the floor again, not looking at his father. 

    “Kevin.”  Ken began.  “If you don’t tell me, you’re going to have to tell the police eventually.  They are going to want to know who beat him up before he was killed.”

    “It’s not like he didn’t deserve it.”  Kevin answered defensively. 

    “That’s not an answer.”  Ken said in frustration.  “Now answer me.”

    “It was because of me, Mr. Davis.”  Jade spoke up in a small voice.

    “Don’t, Jade.”  Kevin interrupted. 

    “I’m not going to let your dad think you just beat him up for the heck of it.”  Jade shot back at him. 

    “Jade, is it?”  Ken asked as he came to stand next to her. 

    “Dad, leave her alone.”  Kevin whispered as he turned and looked at Jade. 

    Ken turned to his son.  “Then you tell me.”

    Kevin and Jade’s eyes locked.  Kevin arched his eyebrow as if asking a question and Jade faintly nodded her head.

    “I was going to Yo’s the other night and I was cutting throw the alley when I turned the corner and saw Jeff.  He had Jade up against the wall and I . . . I lost it.”  Kevin said as he continued looking at Jade.

    Ken looked at his son and saw the look in his eyes as he gazed at the young woman next to him.  He saw something in his son’s eyes that he’d never seen before . . . desire.  Raw, naked and unrestrained.  Ken wondered if his son even knew what he was feeling and if the young woman recognized that she was the focus of that desire. 

    “Did Jeff attack you, Jade?”  Ken asked.

    Jade jerked her eyes away from Kevin and looked up at Ken.  “I was in Yo’s with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while.  I didn’t even know Jeff was there.  When I left he came up behind me so fast I didn’t realize he was there until he was shoving me up against the wall.” 

    Ken could see his son tensing up.  “Then what?”

    “I could tell he’d been drinking, I could smell it on him.”  Jade said swallowing nervously.  “I tried to get away from him.  Tried to push past him, but he was too strong.  He just kept pushing me against the wall.”

    “Did he say anything?”  Ken continued quietly.

    “He knew I was Luke’s cousin.  He said that he’d already had Noah and that maybe he should just work his way through my family, starting with me and then he’d go for Luke.”  Jade was physically shaking as she sat remembering the sight of a drunken Jeff staring at her.

 

  

_“I’ll scream.”  Jade said staring defiantly into his slightly glazed eyes.  “They’ll come out and find you attacking me.”  
    “I’m not attacking anyone, Jade.”  Jeff smirked. “I’m simply talking to you.”  
    “I don’t want to talk to you.  Let me pass.”  Jade tried to move pass again but Jeff shoved her back against the wall.  His hands stayed on her arms and rubbed up and down.   
    “Nice.”  Jeff smiled as he gazed down at her body.  “We could have a really good time.”  
    “Get off of me.”  Jade jerked her arms away from him trying to disengage his hands.  “You’ll have to rape me too, just like you did to Noah.”  
    “Your call.”  He laughed quietly.  “You don’t have to be so resistant, I promise I’ll be better than your little boyfriend.”  
    Jade stared in confusion.  “What boyfriend?”  
    “Come on.”  Jeff smiled again.  “I’m a better man, a better anything than Davis.”  
    Jade stood still, realizing that he meant Kevin.  “You’re not a better anything, Jeff.  Only a better pervert.”   
    “I could show you just how perverted I can get.”  Jeff said as he moved toward her, pressing her into the wall.  
    “Get off of me!”  Jade yelled.  
    Jeff was suddenly gone.  Jade was shocked for half a second as she tried to comprehend what had happened.  Her eyes immediately fell upon the tangled mess that was Jeff and Kevin on the ground.   
    “Get the f*uck off of her!”  Kevin screamed as he rolled around trying to get a hold of Jeff.  He finally found himself straddling him and started to punch him over and over again.  
    The only thing that Kevin could see was the image of Jade’s terrified face as he came around the corner and found Jeff pressed up against her.  The hate that he’d been feeling toward him ever since he’d gotten off for beating and raping Noah solidified in that one second.  _  
   _For his part Jeff wasn’t even fighting back.  He just lay there and took punch after punch.  
    “Kevin!”  Jade yelled as she tried to grab onto his right arm each time he reached back to punch Jeff again.  “Stop!  Stop, you’re going to kill him!  Stop, please.”  The sound of Jade’s sobbing was what finally broke Kevin out of his rage and he turned to see her tear streaked face and her pleading eyes.  
    She helped him as he got up and off of Jeff.   
    “Are you okay?”  Kevin asked as he grabbed a hold of her shoulders.  She wasn’t looking at him now.  “Jade?”  
    “I’m fine.”  She whispered.  “I just want to get out of here.”  
    They were both shocked as the sounds of laughter could be heard coming from Jeff as he lay on the ground, bleeding from his obviously broken nose and split lip.  He slowly pulled himself up from the ground to lean, heavily, against the wall that he’d just so recently had Jade pinned to.   
    “Did that make it _all better, Kevin?”  Jeff laughed again.  Seeing the confused look on Davis’ face was almost worth the pain he was  _experiencing.  He reached up and wiped the blood from his nose.  “Take a good look, Davis.  I’m what you would have been if you’d taken a left in your life instead of a right.”  
    “Let’s just go, Kevin.  Please.”  Jade said as she tried to pull Kevin down the alley.  
    “I’m nothing like you.”  Kevin wouldn’t be moved as he took a step nearer Jeff.  “You’re a psychopathic ass*hole, who beats and rapes people.”  
    Jeff continued his almost insane laughter as he smiled around the split in his lip.  “Oh, really.  You’re so different?”  He snorted.  “You ‘say’ I beat Noah almost to death.  What do you think would have happened here if ‘she’ hadn’t stopped you?  Huh?”  
    Kevin froze.   
    “I’m a rapist?  We’ve been to enough of the same campus parties, Kev.  How many times have you taken a girl home when you knew she was too drunk or high to say, ‘no’.”  
    Kevin could feel Jade’s hand on his forearm, her fingers curling around his bicep and squeezing.  Kevin didn’t want to hear what Jeff was saying but wasn’t he . . . wasn’t it true to a certain extent?  He looked closely at Jeff and the phrase, ‘there but for the grace of God, go I’ never seemed to ring more true.  
    “Please, Kevin.”  Jade pleaded in his ear.  
    “You could have been me.”  Jeff continued.  “Easily.”  
    “Shut up!”  Jade shrieked.  “He’ll never be like you.”  
    Jeff chuckled again.  “Look at his eyes.  He knows I’m right, don’t you Kev?”  
    Kevin stood silently looking at the animal in front of him and he still wondered if it was a version of himself he was actually looking at.  He took a step nearer.  “Stay. Away. From. Her.”  He said in a slow whisper.  “Stay away from Luke and Noah or you’ll find out just how close to the truth about me you actually are.”  
    Kevin stared into Jeff’s still amused eyes.  He turned and gently pushed Jade in front of him down the alley.  As they turned the corner and entered the main street of Old Town Kevin’s pace picked up as he headed away from Yo’s.   
    “Kevin.”  Jade called in a low voice.     
    He kept walking, not able to meet her eyes.  _

 

 

    “Then what happened?”  Ken asked both of the suddenly silent young people. 

    Jade glanced up at Kevin with wide eyes.

    “Nothing happened, Dad.”  Kevin said as he looked up at this father.  “We stopped in Java and I washed his blood of my hand and . . . “ Kevin’s eyes darted toward Jade’s.  “I came back to the dorm and that was it.”

    Ken had seen the way his son’s eyes had gone to Jade’s.  What was his son hiding from him?  Was it about Jeff or . . .  Ken glanced at the slightly blushing Jade.  Maybe it was actually something else.  “Jade, could you excuse us.  I need to speak to my son alone.”

    Jade jumped at suddenly being addressed by Kevin’s father.  “Sure.”  She got up and headed for the door but turned back before she reached it.  “Kevin . . .”  She began as Kevin turned to her “Luke and Noah’s engagement party is Saturday at the farm.  You’re going.  With me.  No arguments.”

    Kevin couldn’t help but smile at the look on Jade’s face that indicated that there wasn’t any possible way she was going to take ‘no’ for an answer.  “I’ll see you there.”

    “Good.”  Jade smirked.  She turned and left, leaving Kevin to face his father alone.

    Ken stood looking at his slightly flustered son.  “So, I’m going to assume and hope that what you’re not telling me about that night has to do with that young woman and not Jeff.”

    “Yeah, Dad.”  Kevin smiled as he shoved his hands deep into his jean pockets.  “Yeah, it’s about her not Jeff.  I didn’t go back.  The last time I saw Jeff he was unfortunately very alive.”

    Ken shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck.  “Son, if you’re questioned by the police, please keep that last sentiment to yourself.”  


 

* * *

 

    It was finally Saturday and Noah hadn’t ever been so happy for a Saturday to arrive in his life.  The idea of the bloody shoes in Java had him jumping every time the bell rang on the door.  His shift had ended and Noah had quickly gotten the shoes, put them into his backpack and left.  He was now pulling up to the farm and hoping that he’d be able to quickly dispose of them the way he had planned. 

  
    He could see that the Snyder’s had lived up to every expectation that Luke had been telling him about the last few days.  They had both dutifully avoided the topic of Jeff’s death.  It had helped that the last few days had been filled with long shifts at Java and even longer sessions with Dr. Morris, who had noticed that something was wrong but had not pushed when her initial inquiry had been met by a stoney silence. 

    Noah could see that most of the Snyder clan had already arrived.  He didn’t see Luke’s car and didn’t really expect to see him for another half hour when he left his meeting at the foundation.  He could see that Emma, Janet and Holden were supervising the BBQ, while Jack, Parker and Brad were busy getting the bonfire started.  Lily, Katie, Carly, Meg and Liberty were all busily running in and out of the house and setting up the tables while the gang that was the Snyder younger generation, Faith, Natalie and Sage watched over a constantly in motion Ethan.

    Noah grabbed his bag and jumped out of his car and quickly started walked behind the barn trying to reach his destination without being seen.  His paced quickened as he reached the nearest edge of the pond.  He immediately turned left and walked to what he knew from the many days spent in the summer swimming was the deepest spot. 

    He nervously glanced up at the squealing voices of Natalie and Sage as they raced around behind the house, just out of sight, as they played tag with Ethan.  His hands fumbled as he kneeled down and unzipped the bag and pulled out the shoes and laid them on the ground at the edge of the pond.  He picked up one of the numerous rocks that lay along the edge of the water.

 

 

    “Would somebody please get this man a glass of ice tea.”  Emma asked with a giant smile.  She had been watching the older gentleman, Matteo, that Damian had flown in from Malta for the last two hours.  He had been lovingly tending the giant pot of Aljotta, fish stew he had told her with a big grin, and making Pastizzi pastries without a break. 

    “I’ll get it, mama.”  Holden said as he smiled at the sight of his mother’s and Matteo’s heads stuck together.  No doubt exchanging cooking suggestions and the secrets of life, if he was any judge. 

    Holden came into the farm’s kitchen and stopped taking a deep breath and relishing the momentary calm of the currently empty kitchen.  He quickly walked across into the pantry and grabbed another sleeve of plastic cups and was walked back to the kitchen island and the waiting pitcher of ice tea when he glanced out the window that faced the pond. 

    He hadn’t even realized he’d stopped in mid-step and turned until his face was pressed up against the small window.  When had Noah gotten there?  He wondered as he watched Noah quickly walk around to the far side of the pond. 

    Holden noted the nervous glances of Noah as he knelt down by the edge of the pond and sat something in front of him on the ground.  Holden pressed even closer to the windowpane as he tried to see what Noah had placed on the ground.  He watched as Noah seemed to tie something together and then for reasons he couldn’t figure out started picking up rocks and pressing them into the item on the ground.

    With a shake of his head, indicating to himself that he was obviously satisfied, Noah stood and picked up the item bringing it into view.  Holden watched as Noah inched down closer to the water’s edge and proceeded to drop the now rock loaded . . . shoes into the water.  Why was Noah throwing white shoes into the pond?  And why did he seem so nervous about it?

    Holden leaned back from the window and watched as Noah waited until the shoes sank below the surface of the water and slowly backed up and started around the pond coming toward the farm. 

    Holden wasn’t a overly suspicious man by nature, but he knew as he watched the quiet young man that had become like a son to him, walking with his hands shoved into his pockets, that he had just witnessed the disposal of evidence.  ‘Noah . . . no’ Holden whispered as he silently shook his head and sighed. 

    He realized that his hands were shaking as he walked over to the counter and attempted to fill the plastic cup with ice tea.  As it sloshed over the edge and onto the kitchen surface, Holden’s mind raced trying to figure out how he was going to keep Noah from going to jail.  


 

* * *

    For his part, Luke had kept his attention occupied by the 12 hour days he was pulling at the foundation.  He nervously spent every day in the office doing paperwork all the while staring at the wall of file cabinets praying that he’d get to Saturday without the police bursting into the office with a search warrant.

  
    Now he’d left the office with a nondescript bag that contained the blood stained shirt.  Luke realized he wasn’t cut out for this cloak and dagger stuff when he noticed that he was shaking with the thought that every car that pulled up behind him was Peyton Emerson’s. 

    As his car came to a stop far down the farm’s driveway, Luke was glad that he was late.  He could see Casey and Alison walking up with Casey’s father, Tom, in tow and noticed that Kevin’s car was also there.  He took a steading breath as he turned his car off and grabbed the bag and took the shirt out and stuffed it underneath his coat as he got out of the driver’s seat. 

    As he walked up the driveway he could smell the wood of the bonfire, his intended destination.  The sun was low on the horizon and Luke could see that the bonfire was crackling and aglow.  Since it was in the open field between the side of the house and the pond, far enough away from either to pose a hazard, it was currently unattended.

    Luke thanking his good fortune and quickly walked up, pulling the shirt out and stood on the far side of the bonfire.  He looked around and noticed that most of his family were gathered near the front of the house obviously getting ready for the traditional Snyder feast that any Snyder gathering required. 

    His hand was shaking as he grabbed a stick from a pile that was meant to be used later for marshmallows and reached in with it to lift up a burning portion of branches and threw the bunched up shirt into the flames.  He dropped the section he’d lifted and breathed a sigh of relief as the section sank onto the shirt and quickly consumed it. 

 

     
    “Did your father believe you?”  Jade asked as she and Kevin quietly walked toward the pond.  Jade had practically pounced on Kevin when he had arrived a few minutes earlier and she had quickly drawn him away from the crowd of Snyder’s in order to interrogate him about the remainder of he and his father’s conversation. 

    “Yeah, why shouldn’t he?”  Kevin said with a small smile as he tried to avoid Jade’s eyes.  “He knew I was hiding something from him though.”

    Jade stopped by the side of the barn that they had just reached and turned toward him.  “What do you mean, ‘hiding something’?”

    Kevin had stopped when Jade had but he was looking everywhere but at her.  He was uncharacteristically nervous and was picking at a small hole in his jeans. 

    “Kevin?”  Jade asked again putting her hand on his hand to still it.

    Kevin’s hand shook involuntarily as Jade’s stayed put.  His eyes slowly raised up to lock with Jade’s.  “He knows that something else happened at Java even though I didn’t mention it.  He can tell I left something out.”

    “Oh.”  Was all Jade could say as she stood looking at Kevin and remembered the unexpected kiss they had shared that night in Java.  “Well . . . is there some reason why you wouldn’t tell him about it“ 

    Kevin’s eyes registered confusion as he heard the question Jade had asked.  He saw hurt and humiliation suddenly appear in her eyes.  He had never wanted anything as much as he wanted to make those emotions disappear from her eyes.  Her eyes had captured his and he couldn’t look away.  He slowly slipped his hands into hers and gently tugged her toward him. 

    Jade took a step closer and she found herself nose-to-nose with Kevin.  Every breath that she took was mingled with his and it felt electric. 

    “I wouldn’t have any problem telling my father about  _it_.”  Kevin whispered as he got even closer, if that was possible, and seemed to feel a sudden heat between them.  “If I knew what  _it_  was.”

    “ _It_?”  Jade whispered back.

    “This . . . actually.”  Kevin said as he leaned forward the last inch and captured her lips in his own.  The surprise of it not quite being a surprise for either of them lasted but a minute before Jade’s hands were around Kevin and sliding up the back of his neck and fisting into his hair.  Jade moaned as she felt Kevin’s strong arms wind around her and pull her into him, his hands clutching at her blouse as if holding onto her for dear life. 

    They broke apart and they found that they were both gasping for breath as Jade closed her eyes.  If there was disappointment or a pending rejection in Kevin’s eyes she didn’t want to see it. 

    “So . . . “ Kevin began after he regained his breath.  “ _it’s_  something.  I still don’t know what, but  _it’s_  something.  We’re going to have to figure  _it_  out so I can tell my father.”

    Jade opened her eyes and didn’t see the rejection or regret that had been there when she and Casey had happened, instead she saw something she had never seen directed at her . . . desire, want, need. 

    “I guess we’ll have to figure it out.”  Jade smiled up at Kevin.  She was about to say more but was distracted by someone rushing by. 

    Kevin followed her confused gaze and turned to see someone heading toward the bonfire.  Kevin started off toward the person and gripped Jade’s hand as he felt her slide it into his.  They walked quietly up to the surrounding trees and stopped as they watched who they now saw was Luke approach the bonfire.

    Kevin turned a questioning look at Jade, who shrugged and watched as Luke picked up a stick and started poking the fire.  Jade squeezed Kevin’s hand as Luke pulled out something from under his jacket and tossed it into the flames. 

    ‘Luke, what the h*ell are you doing?’ Jade thought as she watched her cousin stand and watch as whatever he put into the fire burned. 

    Jade’s confused stare met Kevin’s glance.  As one they both pulled back into the shadows as Luke turned and headed to the front of the farm and the waiting Snyder clan.  


 

* * *

 

    “Just because their fingerprints were found on the roof, doesn’t mean either killed your son.”  Margo tried to remain calm in the face of a furious District Attorney. 

  
    “It you don’t go and bring them both in for questioning, I’ll find someone here who will.”  Peyton shot back at the Police Chief.  “Do your job.”

    “I know perfectly well what my job is, Mr. Emerson.”  Margo snapped.  “I also know that we don’t have enough for an arrest warrant for either one.  They have an alibi for the night.”

    “They’re each other’s alibi, how convenient.”  Peyton smirked.  “You have evidence.  You have motive and if you work hard enough, I’m sure you’ll find opportunity.”

    Margo just stood staring at the enraged DA, knowing that if she didn’t go and bring Luke and Noah in for questioning that the DA would make good on his threat and find someone else to do it.  ‘God, I hate my job sometimes’ Margo thought as she walked into her office to get her keys, gun, and phone.  


 

* * *

 

    Noah was standing talking to Parker, Jack and Meg when he felt strong, warm, loving arms encircle him from behind.  Warm lips pressed to the back of his ear, “Hello, Noah.”

  
    Noah turned his head enough to bring his lips close to his fiancés.  “Hello, Luke.”  He said in the slightly deeper voice that he knew sent a warm rush through Luke all the way down to his toes and then greeted his fiancé with a brief kiss. 

    Luke moved forward with his arms wrapped around Noah’s waist and leaned into his side as he turned his attention to his smiling cousins and aunt.   


 

* * *

 

    Ken was about to sit down with a beer and some chips and watch some college basketball when his cell phone rang.

  
    “Hello?”  Ken answered warily recognizing the phone number that appeared.

    “You need to get out to the Snyder farm now.”  The familiar voice said on the other end.

    “What?  Why?”  Ken said as he turned already looking for his car keys.

    “Just get there.”  The line went dead but Ken didn’t hear it as he was already running out the door to his car.

 

* * *

  



	22. Chapter 22

   Holden watched from where he stood beside the BBQ as he finished serving up the last of the hamburgers, hot dogs and ribs to the assembled Snyder’s and friends.  He tried to concentrate on smiling and laughing with his family but his attention and his eyes were constantly drawn to Noah as he sat at the table with Luke, Jack, Janet, Brad and Katie.

  
    Noah and Luke were both happy, healthy and together and Holden should be ecstatic, but for how long.  Noah was purposely trying to hid those shoes and Holden could only think of one reason to do that.  The thought that quiet, sweet, reserved, honest Noah having killed Jeff was just inconceivable to him.  Yet, hadn’t it been unthinkable less than three months ago that Noah would have gone through the h*ell that he had, all courtesy of Jeff Emerson.   
  
    He watched as Noah gently brought his hand up from where it lay across Luke’s shoulders and softly stroked his thumb up and down Luke’s cheek.  The gaze that Noah directed at his son should have been a thing of embarrassment considering how intimate it seemed between them but to everyone in the family watching it simply warmed their hearts to see such love and devotion between the two young men.   
  
    “Penny for your thoughts.” Lily whispered just behind Holden’s ear.  He was so startled that he nearly dropped the last hamburger into the grill’s flames.    
  
    Lily giggled at the reaction of her husband until she saw the haunted look in his eyes.  “Holden, what’s wrong?”   
  
    Holden quickly looked down and tried to rescue the hamburger.  “Oh, nothing.”  He said.   
  
    Lily stood watching as her husband fussed with the clean up of the grill.  Something was definitely bugging the man, but what?  He’d been unusually quiet for the last hour and she was beginning to worry.  In fact, now that she thought of it she turned to find Damian’s silhouette at the table where he sat with Meg, Eliza, Casey, Allison and Tom.  She had noticed that the normally smiling man, especially when included in his son’s life, had been distracted as well.    
  
    Even now when he was helping Meg by holding Eliza in his lap so she could wipe food off of the squirming child’s face, she could see that his face held a faraway, preoccupied look.  Something was definitely wrong and Lily had the distinct feeling she was on the outside whereas her husband and former husband weren’t.     
  
  
  
    “Really?”  Brad nearly shrieked as Katie covered her mouth trying to fight back the giggle at her husband’s expense.   
  
    “Really.”  Luke said with a smile creeping onto his face as he watched his cousin’s reaction to what he’d just told him.   
  
    “Did you know that?”  Brad asked turning to his older brother.   
  
    “Sure didn’t little brother.”  Jack said turning so only Janet could see how hard he was trying to cover his smile.   
  
    Noah picked that particular moment to return to the table with his plate of ribs.  His eyebrows raised in suspicion when he noticed that both Katie and Jack were trying their hardest not to laugh and Brad was sitting with a look of wonder on his face.   
  
    As he sat down he turned to Luke and whispered,  “What did you tell him this time?”   
  
    To his credit, Luke tried to keep a straight face as he turned to his fiancé.  “Oh, Brad asked a question about our wedding night and I just answered it for him.”   
  
    Noah’s fork full of cole slaw hung suspended in mid-air halfway to his mouth as his eyes widened.  “Excuse me.”   
  
    “I didn’t know it was some kind of gay man thing or anything.”  Brad said.   
  
    “That, what . . . was some kind of gay man thing?”  Noah asked with hesitation.  Dealing with Brad was a challenge even on a good day.  Throw in the fact that he loved to ask the dumbest questions particularly in regards to his assumption that gays had some kind of hidden rule book that straights just weren’t allowed to see.   
  
    “Oh, he asked how we decide who carries who over the threshold when we arrive at our room after the wedding.”  Luke said trying to hide his smile and failing miserably.        
  
    Noah just sat staring at Luke.  He really knew he couldn’t even look at Brad at this moment.  Seeing the twinkle in Luke’s eye he knew that he’d told Brad some outlandish ‘gay fact’.  “Oh, really.”   
  
    “Sorry.”  Brad said leaning forward and lowering his voice.  “Is it really some kind of secret?”   
  
    Janet lost it then as she got up and practically ran to the screen porch.  Noah could have sworn that he heard a distant laugh and ‘moron’ come from that direction.    
  
    “No . . . “ Noah began, finally looking at Brad.  “No, it’s not really a secret.  I just didn’t expect Luke to tell anyone.”   
  
    “I mean, it’s pretty extreme.”  Brad said shaking his head.   
  
    “Yeah, I guess.”  Noah answered.  Not having a clue where this was leading.   
  
    “Aren’t you going to get all hot and sweaty and you could really hurt yourselves.”  Brad seemed to be really concerned.   
  
    Noah looked at Luke wondering what the heck he’d told his cousin.    
  
    “I mean, one time would be enough or even two, but three times.  Man that’s just crazy.”  Brad was shaking his head.   
  
    Katie finally caved and she started laughing and had to walk away from the picnic table, while Jack was still holding out.    
  
    At Noah’s bewildered face Luke couldn’t take it anymore as he gave his dumbfounded cousin his best WTF  look.   
  
    “What?”  Brad asked looking at everyone in confusion.   
  
    “Luke was joking, Brad.”  Jack laughed at his brother.    
  
    “You mean they really don’t wrestle the best two out of three to see who carries who?”  Brad was the picture of befuddlement.    
  
    Jack reached back and slapped Brad in the back of the head.  “Idiot.”   
  
    “Damn.”  Brad whispered glaring at Luke.  “You really mean it, no wrestling?”   
  
    “Oh, we may wrestle.”  Luke smirked as he glanced at Noah.  “But I think we both win in that particular match.”    
  
    That did Jack in as he nearly chocked on his tongue at the flaming red blush that shot up Noah’s neck and Brad’s totally confused look.   
  
  
  
    Lucinda and Emma were sitting at the grandchildren’s table listening to the latest pre-teen gossip and watching Ethan wear more food then he actually ate.  Lucinda was about to send Faith in to change Ethan into his third set of clothes when she noticed two cars coming up the farm’s driveway.  She watched as the cars parked and the headlights were turned off to reveal that one was a police patrol car and the other was Margo’s.    
  
    “Grandmother, why are the police here?”  Faith asked with concern.    
  
    Lucinda looked over and caught Emma’s eye.    
  
    “Katie, Brad.”  Emma called to the couple as they passed.  “Would you take the kids into the house for a bit?”   
  
    Katie followed Emma’s gaze and saw the patrol car and immediately started to herd the Snyder kids into the house dragging a confused Brad with them.    
  
    At the appearance of the cars all activity and conversation had ceased around the picnic tables.  Holden, Lily, Jack and Tom had already started toward Margo’s car when they noticed Peyton Emerson emerging from the passenger’s seat.  Upon his exit from the car both Noah and Luke had stood and Janet, Meg and Damian had come to stand nearby.    
  
    “Holden, Lily.”  Margo began.  “I need to talk to Luke and Noah for a minute.”   
  
    “Mom, how can you do this.  It’s their engagement party for pete’s sake.”  Casey snapped from where he stood with his arm around Alison who was holding a sleepy Eliza.   
  
    “Casey, please stay out of this.”  Margo said looking sadly at her son and daughter-in-law.  Margo’s gaze slipped quickly passed her husband, Tom, but not before he saw a warning look in them.    
  
    “They’re not going to answer any questions, Margo.”  Jack said as he stood next to Holden.    
  
    “Then we’ll take them down to the station.”  Peyton said as he took a step forward.    
  
    “I certainly hope you have that warrant that I warned you about, Mr. Emerson.”  Emma said as she and Lucinda made their way forward.  “If not, I will kindly ask you to get off my property.”   
  
    “There is no need for this to get ugly.”  Margo started.  “We just need to ask them a few questions to clear up some things.”   
  
    Tom had slowly drifted back toward Luke and Noah and now stood by their side opposite Janet, Meg and Damian.    
  
    “Don’t say a word.”  He said under his breath to the pair.  Their startled expressions registering that they had heard his instruction.    
  
    “I don’t think they are going to answer any of your questions.”  Holden said looking fiercely at the District Attorney.  “I think my mother just told you to leave her property.  If you don’t I’m sure the officer can arrest you for trespassing.”   
  
    “We have evidence that they were both on the roof of World Wide the night of my son’s death.”  Peyton snapped.  A hushed silence met the statement.    
  
    Jack looked questioningly at Margo for an explanation.  “Margo?”   
  
    “The forensics came back a few hours ago” Margo said quietly. “Both Luke and Noah’s fingerprints were found on the roof of the World Wide building.”  Margo glanced in the boys direction.  “Can you explain how they got there?”   
  
    “They don’t need to.”  Damian said.  “You’ll also find mine there.”   
  
    “And mine.”  Holden added.      
  
    “And mine.”  Lily said with a glare for the District Attorney.   
  
    “Mine, also.”  Lucinda said with a decided smirk on her face.   
The other guest’s heads had been turning from one to the other as each stated their attendance on the roof top.  The only heads that had not turned had been Luke and Noah’s.  Luke glared at Peyton Emerson with an undisguised hate, while Noah’s eyes were glued to the ground just in front of his shoes.    
  
    “And why would all of you have been on the roof of the building?”  Margo asked in confusion.   
  
    Silence meet her question.  Every one that had been on the roof that night a month earlier had decided to keep the incident private.  It was Noah’s personal matter and they wished to respect that.    
  
    “It was a month ago.”  Holden said shortly.  “And it’s a private, family matter.”   
  
    “Private!”  Peyton nearly screamed.  “Private!  Your son or his . . . lover or both killed my boy and they are going to pay for it!”   
  
    The DA’s tirade was interrupted by the appearance of another set of headlights as they drove up the driveway.  The engine turned off and Kevin, who had been standing silently behind Casey along with a paralyzed Jade, was surprised to see his father emerge and hastily make his way to the crowd.    
  
    “What the hell are you doing here, Davis.”  Peyton said as he watched his Assistant DA walk toward the Snyder’s.    
  
    “Just visiting.”  Ken smirked.  “I heard there might be some excitement going on tonight.”   
  
    Peyton for his part seemed like he was about to blow a blood vessel as he turned back toward Holden and Jack.    
  
    “Please, Holden.”  Margo tried again.  “We really need an explanation as to how their fingerprints got there.”   
  
    “I said it was a family matter.”  Holden said again in a steely voice as his heart raced.  The vision of Noah sinking the shoes in the pond playing over and over in his head.   
  
    His wasn’t the only heart racing in the crowd as Jade and Kevin’s heart were pounding so hard they both thought they were on the verge of heart attacks.  Without even realizing it Damian had moved protectively closer to his son and his fiancé, the only thoughts he had was for the fact that neither could be allowed to go to jail.    
  
    Noah and Luke were each in their own personal h*ells.  Noah silently looked at the ground.  For the first time in months, he wasn’t afraid for himself.  His only thoughts were the bloody tennis shoes he’d managed to sink into the pond.  Luke was safe and there was no way that Emerson was going to arrest his Luke.   
  
    Luke continued to glare at the District Attorney.  ‘Try and find the shirt now, ass*hole’ he thought.  Luke could feel Noah standing just behind his right shoulder but he didn’t dare look at him.  There was no way on earth that he was going to allow Noah to be arrested.    
  
    “This is over.”  Peyton finally screamed.  “If you don’t take them in for questioning, I’ll take them in myself.”  He looked at the two officer’s standing behind him.  Margo knew that he was as good as his word and she turned pleading eyes on Lily and Holden.   
  
    Holden stood silently, while Lily openly glared at her long time friend.    
  
    “Take them into custody and take them to the station for questioning.”  Margo said reluctantly to the officers.   
  
    Pandemonium erupted at the Snyder Farm.  Casey, Kevin and Jade started forward but were restrained by Jack.  Holden and Lily started yelling at Margo.  Lucinda and Emma both immediately placed themselves in between Luke and Noah and the oncoming officers.  Tom, who had stepped between the boys was whispering hurried instructions in their ears as they both stood wide-eyed.  Meg and Janet quickly guided a shaking Alison and Eliza closer to the screened porch.   
  
    The only two not moving, screaming or arguing were Damian, who had a shocked yet determined look on his face and Ken Davis who just happened to be watching Damian.   
  
    “Get them into custody now!”  Yelled Peyton as he smiled at the uproar this had caused.    
  
    Lucinda and Emma both started arguing with the officers as they neared Luke and Noah.    
  
    “Margo, how can you do this?”  Lily sobbed as Holden held her.    
  
    “I don’t have a choice.”  Margo yelled over the confusion and shook her head.   
  
    The officers were trying to get around the elderly ladies blocking their path to their suspects.  Luke and Noah both took steps forward fearing that Lucinda or Emma or both would be hurt in the scuffle.   
  
    “ _**They didn’t do it.  I DID.”** _   A voice yelled into the chaos bringing it all to a sudden, silent halt.   
  
    Every set of eyes there, with the exception of one pair, were now riveted on Damian.   
  
    “What?” Margo said into the silence.   
  
    “I said, I killed Jeff Emerson.”  Damian said again.    
  
    “Damian?”  Lily breathed.   
  
    Luke tried to take a step toward his father but was restrained by Tom’s hand on his arm.  “No, Luke.”   
  
    “You’re lying to protect your son.”  Peyton said, his whole body shaking.   
  
    “No.”  Damian smiled at the DA.  “I killed that piece of filth.”   
  
    “You were on top of the World Wide building that night and what?  How did it happen?”  Margo asked.   
  
    Damian stood silent for a second as he composed his racing thoughts.  He hadn’t really formulated any plan, he had just needed to stop the arrest of his son or Noah.  “I don’t even remember how I got there.  I just remember suddenly Jeff was there and I . . . I snapped and I hit him and then pushed him off the roof.”   
  
    “Peyton!”  Ken suddenly said loudly ripping the District Attorney’s attention away from Damian.  “I hereby tender my resignation from the Oakdale District Attorney’s Office.  Do you accept my resignation?”    
  
    Peyton and Margo weren’t the only stunned faces in the crowd.   
  
    “Dad?”  Kevin began but was silenced but his father’s raised hand.   
  
    “Do you accept my resignation?”  Ken demanded.   
  
    “With pleasure.”  Peyton said glaring at his now former Assistant.   
  
    Ken immediately turned to Damian.  “Retain me as Counsel.”   
  
    “What?”  Damian asked.   
  
    “Ask me to represent you.”  Ken said as he stared at Damian.   
  
    “Would you represent me, Mr. Davis?”  Damian asked as he still looked questioningly at the former Assistant DA.   
  
    “My client, Mr. Grimaldi, refuses to answer any further questions.”  Ken said as he turned toward his former boss with a smirk.    
  
    “It doesn’t matter, he just confessed to killing me son.”  Petyon breathed.   
  
    “He didn’t confess.  It was an excited utterance, which I’ll get thrown out.”  Ken said looking a challenge at Peyton.   
  
    “Excited utterances are admissible.”  Peyton smiled.    
  
    “I have at least 10 witnesses here who I’m sure will testify that my client just said, he didn’t remember how he got on the roof and that he snapped.  I’ll have Mr. Grimaldi declared incompetent and it will be thrown out.”  Ken said staring directly at Peyton.   
  
    Peyton glared at Ken and the same was returned in kind.  “We can still arrest him until then.  Captain Hughes are you going to do your job?”   
  
    Margo wasn’t the only one surprised at the sudden turn of events.   She waved at the waiting officers to go and handcuff and lead Damian toward the waiting patrol car.    
  
    Luke struggled slightly wanting to go to his father but Noah had wrapped his arms around him and was holding him from behind.  Whispering in his ear, while Luke silently shook his head and gripped Noah’s arms.   
  
    As Damian was lead through the silent mass of Snyder’s, Holden’s eyes finally came up to meet Damian’s as he walked passed.  As their gazes locked, both men knew the lie that had just been told.   
  
    Ken watched as Peyton walked ahead of the officer’s leading the suspect to the waiting patrol car.  As Ken followed Damian, he passed a quiet, exhausted Margo and whispered.  “Thanks for the phone call.”    


 

* * *

 

    “I want you to leave.”  Lily walked up to Margo as the police car pulled away.  “Now.”

  
    Margo could only look at Lily and quietly nod her head and then make her way to her car and pull out heading back to the station.   
  
    Lily turned to find Holden watching as Tom pulled Noah and Luke aside and speak quietly to them.  He had that faraway look that he had had earlier in the evening.    
  
  
  
    Tom quickly pulled Noah and Luke away from the rest of the family and walked them a short distance away.  Noah was walking with his arm around Luke’s shoulders and Luke was in visible shock.    
  
    “I’m not acting as either of your attorney at the moment.  I can’t represent you both because it would be a conflict, but I will give you advice.  If, at some point, one of you is charged than I’ll be more than willing to represent either of you.  Okay?”  Tom said trying to get through to the two stunned men in front of him.    
  
    “If one of us is charged?”  Luke began in a whisper.  “You don’t think . . . Damian did it?”   
  
    Tom stood with his gazed locked onto Luke’s.  “It doesn’t matter what I think, but it will matter what the District Attorney thinks and he obviously thinks it’s very convenient that Damian confessed when he did.”  Tom said raising his eyebrow in a questioning manner.  He had some idea of what it was all about and he decided to do a little fishing.   
  
    “Margo told me about your alibi for the night of Jeff’s murder.  You were home alone, together.”  He began, glancing at each in turn.  “I hope you know if anyone . . . even just one person comes forward saying they saw you someplace other than your apartment that night . . . well?”    
  
    Tom trailed off and let the thought hang there.  The quick flash of terror that appeared and than disappeared in Luke’s eyes and Noah’s slight intake of breath was all he needed to know his intuition had been correct.    
  
    “I’m not your lawyer but here’s two pieces of advice. “ Tom said stepping up to the young men to make sure he had their full and undivided attention.  “One, don’t talk to anyone and that includes Margo, Jack and especially anyone for the DA’s office without me with you.  Got it?”   
  
    Both Luke and Noah nodded their heads in response.   
  
    “Good.   Two, and I know this is going to be hard but you have to listen to me.  Don’t talk about this to each other.”  Luke started to interrupt but he was silenced by Tom’s raised hands.   
  
    “No, Luke.  I mean it.  Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, I know you’re both hiding something.  I’m not your lawyer so I don’t want to know right now.  But if you’re hiding something, than one or both of you could possibly have information that the DA can use against the other or Damian.”   
  
    “Mr. Davis told us the same thing when Margo showed up last time.”  Noah said, chewing his bottom lip.  “He said Luke and I don’t have something called “spousal privilege”.  What if we hopped in a car and drove to Iowa tonight and got married, it’s legal there.”   
  
    Luke stood shocked, staring at his fiancé.  Married . . . tonight?    
  
    Tom was shaking his head, no, before Noah had even finished the question.  “Won’t work, Noah.  Illinois doesn’t recognize those marriages.  They could still force one or the other of you on the stand to divulge what the other had told you.  I’m sorry.”   
  
    Noah just stood staring at Luke with a look of total devastation.  How had all of this gone so out of control.  Damian confessing to murdering Jeff.  Luke’s blood stained tennis shoes.  Noah didn’t realize he was shaking until Luke pulled him into his embrace.   
  
    Luke clung to Noah like he hadn’t since the days after he’d woken up in the hospital.  His thoughts were confused and ran in circles.  Why did Damian confess?  Why else would there be that much blood on Noah’s shirt?   
  
    Tom left them quietly as they stood wrapped in each other’s arms and each tried to deal with their own spinning thoughts.    


 

* * *

 

    Luke and Noah walked silently through the door to their apartment.  The drive home had been both silent and tense.  Noah had insisted on driving them both home in his truck, leaving Luke’s car at the farm. 

  
    Luke stood silently looking at nothing as he listened to Noah locking the door and placing his keys in the dish next to the door.  He could only wonder over and over again, why had Damian confessed?  Did he do it?  Am I completely wrong about Noah?  His head was pounding.  He needed a . . . a drink.  He froze as he realized that his instincts had him wishing for alcohol right now.   
  
    Noah stood watching his lover, his fiancé, his everything . . . really.  Luke was lost in a tidal wave of thoughts.  For his part, Noah was equally adrift.  Damian killed Jeff?  Luke didn’t or did he?  He felt like his world was spinning away and he couldn’t grab a hold of it.    
  
    “Noah.”  He was jerked out of his misery by the whisper of his name.  He looked up and saw Luke with a look he hadn’t seen on his face since the terrible months after the election, during their breakup and the whole Brian situation.  It was a look of desperation.   
  
    Noah was across the distance and holding Luke against him in a fierce embrace before either knew it.    
  
    “I can’t take this, Noah.”  Luke whispered into Noah’s neck where his face was buried.  “I’m losing it, I’m coming apart.”   
  
    “Shhhh.  Shhhh, baby.”  Noah whispered back.  Stroking his hands up and down Luke’s back trying to calm him.  “I’m here.  I’m here.”   
  
    “I just want to lose myself . . .” Luke started, knowing that Noah knew exactly what he meant.   
  
    “No.”  Noah whispered fiercely.  “You’re not going there, Luke.”   
  
    “I just want to forget.  I just want to stop thinking.  I just want to lose myself, I just want to lose myself.”  Luke kept chanting as he started to silently cry.   
  
    “Then lose yourself in me.”  Noah calmly said trying to get through Luke’s clouded thoughts.  “Lose yourself in me.”   
  
    Luke pulled away just enough to look into Noah’s gleaming blue eyes.     
  
    “Lose yourself in me.  I need you to, Luke.  I need you.”  Noah whispered just as he leaned forward and he crushed their lips together.    
  
    Luke knew that maybe he should pull away, that maybe this wasn’t the best way for their first time since the attack to be, but damn he needed to lose himself and he’d always been able to do that when he was making love to Noah.    
  
    He needed to know that all of the heartache, all of the suffering, all of the worrying was worth it.  He needed to feel the connection between them.    
  
    Obviously, Noah needed to feel that connection just as much.  Noah’s mouth was devouring Luke in a way that he hadn’t done since before the attack.  There was no hesitation, no easy, lazy kissing.  This was intense, urgent, need filled kissing.  Noah’s tongue licked across his bottom lip as if asking for admittance and Luke eagerly opened his mouth granting that admittance.    
  
    Luke moaned into Noah as he felt, more than saw, Noah reach down and grab Luke’s legs behind the knees and lift him up until his legs wrapped around Noah’s waist.  Noah started walking quickly into the bedroom.    
  
    “I love you.”  Luke said.  He always loved the fact that Noah was the bigger and slightly stronger of the two.  He loved it when he could feel that strength especially in their foreplay and lovemaking.    
  
    When Noah felt the front of his knees hit the side of their bed he stopped and slowly kneeled down on the bed and gently leaned forward bringing Luke down with him.  Luke pulled away as he knelt on the bed in front of Noah and looked into the bluest eyes he had yet to find on this plant, so full right now with love, need and desire.    
  
    “Are you sure, baby?”  Luke whispered as he placed his forehead against Noah’s.    
  
    Noah’s hands were gripping Luke around the waist and he silently grabbed the hem of Luke’s polo shirt and quickly pulled it up and over his head, throwing it into the corner.  “I need you, Luke.”   
  
    Blue met hazel in an intense, searing exchange.  “You need me, baby?”  Luke asked as his hands reached under Noah’s flannel and touched the hot, pulsing skin of Noah’s stomach.  As his hands worked their way upwards, bringing the shirt with them, he pulled the shirt off.  He slowly eased forward and ran his tongue over Noah’s hard right nipple.  He could feel the shiver that it sent through Noah’s body and smiled as he continued to lick and suck on the little nub of flesh.   
  
    Luke slowly pulled away and gazed back into Noah’s now almost black eyes and asked again.  “You need me, baby?  How much do you need me?”    
  
    Noah lunged forward taking Luke with him as they landed heavily on his back.  It seemed to Luke that Noah’s lips were everywhere at once.  He moaned as Noah’s mouth left his and he started trailing wet, hot kisses along his jawline leading to his left earlobe.  He moaned again and ran his short nails down Noah’s back as Noah sucked that earlobe into his mouth and teased it with his teeth.  Whispering “need you” over and over again.   
  
    Luke could have lost it right there, hearing the total lose of control in Noah’s voice.  It almost made him come undone.  His breath caught as Noah’s mouth left his suddenly lonely earlobe and trailed a long line of kisses down his neck and stopped and lavished attention to each of his nipples.  He sucked in a breath as Noah bit one and pulled slightly and then let go and soothed the pain away with a long sweep of his tongue.    
  
    He racked his fingers through Noah’s now sweaty black curls.  He gripped a hand full of the curls as Noah’s mouth moved further down his torso.  Kisses, hot and needy, being delivered to each and every muscle that Noah’s mouth encountered along the way.  Luke squirmed when Noah’s mouth landed on the faint scare from his kidney transplant but he stilled as Noah licked a soft loving trail down passed his navel and headed toward an already painfully hard erection.   
  
    Noah reached up and popped the top button of Luke’s jeans and started pulling the zipper down.  He stopped and got up off the bed and without preamble quickly got out of his own jeans and boxers.  Luke watching, caressing Noah’s body with his eyes, as he gently leaned over and grabbed Luke’s jeans and boxers and pulled them in one smooth motion down and drew them slowly off and dropped them on the floor.  Noah slowly lowered himself back in between Luke’s legs.   
  
    He stopped and looked up along the magnificent body to Luke’s face.  His heart almost stopped at the emotion that was pouring from his lovers deep chocolate eyes.  Love, faith, concern was there to.  Concern that maybe Noah wasn’t ready for this.  Wasn’t ready to be one with Luke in that way, but Noah knew that he wouldn’t get passed the attack and what the men had done to him until he connected and was complete with Luke.    
  
    Noah slowly took Luke into his mouth, swallowing as much as he could and then sucked hard as he drew back off.  He gently licked a path on the underside of his Luke’s hard c*ock from the base to the tip and then swallowed him again.    
  
    Luke watched.  He always did.  He wasn’t able to rip his eyes away from the sight of Noah’s lips stretched wide around his erection and moving slowly up and down, because Noah always started slowly.  Loving the feel and weight of Luke in his mouth and Luke loved that.    
  
    The slow heat that traveled up and down and up and down again.  The way Noah always used his hands to grip him at his base and stroke up and meet his lips.  Luke’s head fell back onto the mattress.  He wanted to continue watching because watching turned him on almost as much as what he watched, but the sensation was just too much.    
  
    “Noah . . . so good.”  He nearly whined.   
  
    Noah’s tongue flattened out and caressed his penis as he slowly pulled back and released Luke.  He heard a whimper from Luke and then a quick intake of breath as Noah firmly wrapped his hand around Luke’s length and started stroking and twisting his wrist just so, as he mouthed his way down and sucked one and then both ball into his mouth.    
  
    Luke was slowly, so slowly coming undone.  He could feel the tingling start at the base of this spine, he could feel the slight tightening of his balls as Noah continued to pay such rapt attention to each of them.  Luke tried to hold out but the effect of Noah’s mouth and his hands was just to much as he moaned with the shear pleasure he was feeling.   
  
    Noah knew all of Luke’s sounds and knew that sound for what it was.  The sound that Luke was nearing the edge, nearing the point of no return.  Noah abandoned his place with a gentle kiss to each and then rose and took Luke into his mouth deeply and swiftly.  He hollowed out his cheeks and could feel Luke hitting the back of his throat and loved it.    
  
    He could feel Luke widening and hardening even more and knew that it would only be a matter of seconds before he’d feel Luke’s release.    
  
    Luke was fisting the comforter on their bed with his eyes squeezed shut.  He was trying to prolong this for as long as he could but he had to look, he had to see Noah.  He raised his head and looked down at Noah quickly bobbing up and down, his eyes closed and a gentle smile on his lips as he watched those lips take him in deeper and deeper with each stroke.    
  
    That did it.  The vision of Noah so intense, so totally into pleasuring him and loving it, that sent Luke over the edge.  He collapsed onto the mattress as he called Noah’s name over and over again and his back arched and he came hard and long into Noah’s waiting and very greedy mouth.    
  
    He lay there trying to catch his breath that was coming in ragged burst.  Waiting for the aftershocks to subside and he could feel Noah raining light kisses all the way up his body.  He reached out blindly and found Noah pulling him up into a searing kiss.  Luke exploring every part of Noah’s mouth.  Tasting Noah and himself and wanting more and more.    
  
    Noah raised up on his forearms and looked into Luke’s eyes and Luke could see a slight wetness in the corners of his.  “I need you, baby.  All of you.”  Noah leaned down and ran his tongue around the outside of Luke’s ear and then whispered.  “I need you to get lost in me, baby.”   
  
    Luke froze for a moment.  Did Noah mean what he thought he meant?   
  
    “Noah?”  Luke whispered in concern.   
  
    “Luke, don’t.”  Noah sighed, not raising his head.  “I need you.  I need this.  I need to have this replace everything else in my head.  Please, Luke.”   
  
    Luke grasped Noah’s head and raised him up so they could look at each other.  “Noah, you don’t have to beg me to f*uck you.  I just want to know you’re ready, that’s all.”   
  
    He leaned forward and captured Noah’s lips in his own as he managed to roll them both and landed on top of Noah’s body.  He took the time to enjoy the feeling of Noah’s erection rubbing against his now rapidly reawakening c*ock.  He continued to kiss Noah as he reached out and pulled out the drawer of the bedside table.  The lube and condoms were luckily within easy reach and he laid them on the bed next to them.   
  
    It was a measure of how often they’d done this that Luke was able to pop the top of the lube one-handed and shivered a little as the cool liquid landed on his fingers.    
  
    “Love you so much.”  Noah whispered as their lips broke apart before crashing back together.   
  
    If Noah needed other memories to replace the horrors that were there, Luke was going to do everything he could to force those away with one’s that Noah would remember for the rest of his life.  Luke never stopped the kissing.  They were long, lazy kisses as Luke reached down and carefully started to circle a finger around the waiting ring of muscle.  Noah let his legs fall open allowing Luke easier access.    
  
    Luke plunged his tongue into Noah’s eager mouth at the same time as he slowly inserted the first finger up to the second joint.  He stopped and held still when he heard and felt the sudden hitch in Noah’s breathing.  Their lips had stilled but soon Noah was kissing him back.  Tongue for tongue, fighting for space and supremacy.   
  
    Luke moved the finger in and out slowly and then just as slowly added a second finger.  Noah didn’t still at the insertion of the second, he simply groaned that delicious groan that almost sent Luke over the edge right there.  Luke added the third finger and slightly curled them as he searched for the slight bump that was Noah’s prostate.    
  
    Noah’s sudden jerk and “Oh, God.” was what Luke had waited to hear.  He smiled as he watched as Noah’s head pushed back into the pillow and his back arched under them both as Luke stroked his prostate over and over again.  Noah needed this.  Luke needed to give this to him.   
  
    Noah suddenly opened his eyes and the blue that was usually there was engulfed in the black of his blown out pupils.  _“Need. You. In. Me. Now.”_   Noah groaned out and kissed Luke long and deep.   
  
    Luke pulled away from the kiss and sat back on his heels.  He never took his eyes off of Noah laying there, waiting, vulnerable, for him.  He quickly opened the condom, rolled it over his rock hard erection, and stroked more lube onto himself.    
  
    Luke slowly slipped his arms under Noah’s knees lifting them up near his shoulders as he locked eyes with Noah.  “I love you so much, Noah.”  He whispered as he leaned forward and kissed his lips as his c*ock pressed against Noah’s waiting entrance.    
  
    Noah involuntarily tensed up, but Luke had expected it even if Noah hadn’t.  He reached down between them and wrapped his fingers around Noah’s semi-hard c*ock and started to stroke slowly, not to arouse but to calm.  He felt Noah relaxing and he pressed in slightly, make it past the ring of muscle and slowly, every so slowly gilding in deeper.    
  
    Luke heard the moan deep in Noah’s chest.  Noah’s legs slide off of his shoulders and wrapped around Luke’s waist pulling in and bringing Luke in deeper.  Noah was whispering something and Luke had to lean down to hear it.    
  
    “Move, Luke.”  Noah whispered as he opened his eyes and Luke saw the love and desire mixed in them.  “I need to feel you . . . deep inside.  I need to feel you.”   
  
    Luke didn’t need to be told that again.  At first Luke had intended to try and make it a gentle and drawn out love making but Noah wasn’t having that.  His legs gripped Luke tighter as he reached down and covered Luke’s hand with his own on his c*ock and started to stroke harder and quicker.  “Luke, move.”  Noah said in a ragged voice.  “I want to feel it.  Need to feel it.”   
  
    Luke closed his eyes and started rocking his hips faster and deeper into Noah’s tight heat.  “Noah . . . God, you’re so tight.  I’ve missed this.  I’ve missed us, like this.”  Luke gasped out, losing his breath as the pace picked up and he felt Noah shifting to meet every thrust making it deeper each and every time.   
  
    Noah lay there, loving the feel of Luke sliding in and out.  Hitting that one spot with each stroke and the feel of both their hands matching the pace on his erect c*ock.  He wanted to savor each push and pull, each stroke, each slide in and out, each bead of sweat that was dropping from Luke’s sweat soaked hair that was now falling in his face as he rocked his hips in and out.   
  
    Noah loved this the most about being the bottom.  Watching Luke when he was “in the zone” as they laughingly called it.  Luke with his eyes shut, biting his bottom lip in concentration and his arms that were straining as he leaned on them to drive deeper and deeper.  Noah reached up with his free hand and racked his hands through Luke’s hair drawing it away from his eyes.   
  
    Luke felt Noah’s hand pulling his bangs back and opened his eyes and saw Noah staring up at him.  ‘God he’s beautiful.  Did he know that.’  Luke thought as he thrusted into Noah driving deeper.  “Noah . . . I’m so close, so close.”  He panted.   
  
    “Me too.”  Noah breathed as he and Luke both felt the granite that was his erection between their hands.    
  
    With Noah’s hand still gripping the top of his head, Luke leaned forward brushing his mouth across Noah’s and whispered.  “Come for me, baby.  Come for me.”   
  
    “Nnngghhh.”  Noah’s groan was his answer as both he and Noah felt the pulsing start and than the long ribbons upon white ribbon of cum pour out over their joined hands and onto Noah’s sweat soaked stomach and chest.    
  
    As Noah’s muscles clamped down on Luke’s c*ock he managed three more thrust before he was following Noah over the edge.  “NOOOOAH!”  He nearly screamed as he came long and hard into the condom deep inside Noah.    
  
    Luke felt Noah’s legs fall lifelessly to the bed and he gently eased out and discarded the condom in the trash can next to the bed.  He shifted to Noah’s side and pulled the comforter up over them before he collapsed.  He waited as both he and Noah’s breath evened out.    
  
    “Are you all right?”  Luke asked with concern as he gently played with Noah’s fingers.   
  
    Noah turned his head, opening his eyes.  “Thank you.”   
  
    “For what?”  Luke smiled.   
  
    Noah kissed his forehead.  “For making it ‘worth the wait’ again.”   


 

* * *

  
  
  



	23. Chapter 23

    Holden entered the squad room as quietly and unobtrusively as possible.  He’d been here many times over the years, but never with the intent to ask a Grimaldi why he had lied about committing a crime.   
  
    Margo was just now leaving the squad room through the back door obviously going somewhere else.  As Holden was about to ask the Desk Sergeant if he would be able to visit with Damian, his eyes passed the interrogation room window and stopped.  Damian was sitting, in an orange jail suit, waiting.    
  
    Damian looked up expectantly as the door to the interrogation room opened.  He had been waiting for his recently hired counsel, Kenneth Davis, what he didn’t expect was Holden as he closed the door behind him and leaned back against it staring at him.   
  
    They stayed that way for several minutes.    
  
    “You know.”  Holden stared.  “I’ve envisioned you right here, in this position, many time but never for something you didn’t do.”   
  
    Damian sat, he gazed locked with Holden’s.   
  
    “And I know you didn’t do it because Jeff’s body was found at 9:30 and Jack says they figure he was killed around that time and we were having our. . . discussion at the time.”  Holden said staring at Damian.    
  
    Damian still sat silently at the table.   
  
    Holden reached up and rubbed the side of his face.  The memory of Noah getting rid of shoes running over and over again.  “So why, Damian?”  He feared he already knew the answer.   
  
    Damian hesitated for a second and than seemed to come to a decision.  “When Margo asked Luke and Noah for an alibi last week, Luke lied.”   
  
    “What?”  Holden whispered.   
  
    Damian closed his eyes replaying the scene over again in his mind.  “After you left my office to go meet Lily I left and was walking home.  I turned a corner and there they were.”    
  
    Damian opened his eyes to stare at Holden.  “Luke and Noah were there, not two blocks from the World Wide building.”   
  
    “What . . . what were they doing.”  Holden didn’t know if he wanted the answer.   
  
    “I’m not sure.  It looked like Noah was disoriented and, I don’t know, out of it.”  Damian answered with a somewhat confused expression.  “They didn’t see me.  I didn’t approach them.  It looked like maybe Noah was having another episode like the one on the roof but Luke seemed to get Noah in hand and they headed off toward their apartment.  I didn’t want to embarrass Noah.”   
  
    “You don’t know that either of them had anything to do with it.”  Holden said in a whisper.   
  
    “They lied, Holden.”  Damian said shaking his head.  “They gave Margo a false alibi.  Why?”   
  
    Holden dropped his gaze to his hands.  Damian saw both Luke and Noah out the night of Jeff’s murder and he’d seen Noah getting rid of shoes in a very suspicious manner and Luke had lied about their alibi for the night.  Holden didn’t have any doubt that Luke would lie to protect Noah.  He knew it because he would and had lied to protect Lily.    
  
    “Holden, I don’t know if they did it or if so, which.”  Damian began.  “But I’m not about to let either Luke or Noah go to jail for the death of that piece of filth.”   
  
    Holden looked up again.  “You know I’ve wanted so many times for you to go to jail but not like this.”   
  
    Damian actually smiled.  “You can’t tell me you wouldn’t have done the same thing if you had known that Luke and Noah lied.  You would have done the exact same thing.”   
  
    Holden slowly shook his head.  “You’re right, I would have.”   
  
    “Anyway, think of it this way, Holden.”  Damian continued to smile.  “If I get convicted you’ll never have to worry about me and Lily.”   
  
    “There isn’t anything to worry about anyway.”  Holden smiled back.  “But . . . I don’t think I can let you go to jail for this and I know Luke’s not going to be able to.”   
  
    Damian’s smile slid from his face.  “Well, we’ll just have to make sure that there isn’t anything Luke or Noah can do about it and you’re going to help me.”   
  
    “I’m not going to help convict you for something you didn’t do.”  Holden looked at the man sitting calming at the table in front of him.   
  
    “Do you want to see Luke in jail?  Do you think he’d survive there?”  Damian asked quietly.  “How about Noah?  He’s barely hanging on now.”   
  
    Holden stood staring again.  ‘No, he couldn’t send his son or Noah to jail.’ he thought.  But even though he’d hated Damian for more years then he could count, he couldn’t send an innocent man away either.  Especially, if that man was Luke’s father.   
  
    “Holden.”  Damian said drawing Holden out of his thoughts.  “You don’t have to help me, just don’t do anything to stop me from doing this.  Agreed?   
  
    “I can’t promise that, Damian.”  Holden said honestly.   
  
    The door opened suddenly as Luke stood in the doorway looking surprised to find his father already there talking to his biological father.    
  
    “Dad, what are you doing here?”  Luke asked in confusion as he looked at Holden.   
  
    “Luciano.”  Damian tried to interrupt.  “I asked Holden to come here.”   
  
    “You did.”  Luke asked in disbelief.  “What for?”   
  
    Holden looked questioningly at Damian.    
  
    “That’s between your father and I, Luciano.”  Damian said quietly.  “Thank you, Holden.”   
  
    Holden stood for a moment staring at Damian before he turned seeing the questions in Luke’s eyes.  “I’ll see you and Noah tomorrow night at your place?”   
  
    “Tomorrow night?”  Luke said, confused.   
  
    “Yeah, dinner.”  Holden said as he inched through the door.   
  
    “Oh, yeah.  I guess.”  Luke said shaking his head.  “Dad?”   
  
    But Holden had already slipped out the door and was leaving the squad room.  Neither he nor Luke saw Lucinda observing the whole thing from the back of the room.  As Luke closed the interrogation room door she quickly went after her son-in-law.   


 

* * *

 

    Holden’s thoughts were preoccupied as he walked out of the Oakdale Police station and made his way toward his pickup truck.  So preoccupied, in fact, that he didn’t notice or even hear Lucinda calling his name the first two times.

  
    “Holden!”  Lucinda said again as she walked up and touched his forearm.    
  
    Holden jumped at the touch, turning to see his mother-in-law standing behind him with what he had come to call over the years, her “bulldog” face on.  Obviously, Lucinda was on the trail of something and Holden must be standing in her way.    
  
    “Lucinda, where did you come from?”  Holden asked as he tried to fish his keys out of his pants pocket.    
  
    “I came from the same place you did, darling.”  Lucinda said smiling up at him.  “The Police Station.”   
  
    Holden looked down at the keys in his hand.  “Why were you at the police station, Lucinda?”   
  
    Lucinda stood, considering her longtime son-in-law.  He had never been good at hiding his feelings and today was no exception.  “I think for the same reason you were.  To see Damian.”   
  
    Holden just continued to stand, fiddling with the keys in his hand.   
  
    “Now, why do I get the distinct impression that your visit with Damian wasn’t simply to make sure that the infamous Grimaldi finally gets what’s coming to him.”    
  
    Holden glanced up at that.   
  
    “Oh . . . “ Lucinda chuckled.  “So it wasn’t a gloating session.  Granted, considering who he has admitted to killing he really shouldn’t be charged.”    
  
    “Lucinda, I’ve got to get back to the farm.”  Holden tried to get away from his prying mother-in-law as quickly as possible.   
  
    “Holden, Holden, Holden.”  Lucinda said as she reached out and touched his arm stopping him before he could turn back to the truck.  “You don’t think Damian did it, do you?”   
  
    Holden stood with his back half to her.  “Lucinda, just leave it alone.”  He turned a stoney stare at her.  “Just leave it alone.”   
  
    Lucinda watched as Holden unlocked the truck door, hopped in and pulled out of the parking lot.  He hadn’t even cleared the lot before Lucinda was pulling out her cellphone and hitting a speed dial button.   
  
    She waited two rings until it was answered.  “I need to see you in my office in 30 minutes.”  She snapped the phone shut as her thoughts went back to the man sitting in the station behind her.   


 

* * *

 

    Luke stood staring down at his biological father.  A father that up until twelve months ago he hadn’t wanted to ever see again. 

  
    For his part Damian sat, waiting for his son to speak.   
  
    Luke was conflicted and confused.  He had managed to lose himself in Noah in their loving making last night but waking up this morning all the confusion and questions had descended on him full force.    
  
  
_He’d awoken to Noah getting ready for the early shift and watching him as he moved around their room dressing and putting his things together getting ready to leave.  
    Noah turned from where he was sitting on the bed and leaned over to kiss Luke.  “I love you so much.”  
    “Same here.”  Luke had smiled back.  
    “You’re stealing my line.”  Noah chuckled.  
    “Busted.”  Luke captured his lips again for a quick kiss.  
    Noah sat staring down at him, his blue eyes thoughtful.  “Are you going to see him today?”  
    Luke looked away and silently nodded his head.  
    “Do you want me to go with you?”  He asked.  
    Luke shook his head.  “I’ll be fine.”  
    Noah sat gazing at him.  “Luke . . . I think we need to talk.”  
    Luke was already shaking his head, no.   
    “Yeah, we do . . . “ Noah tried to continue._   
_“Noah, we’ve had two very good attorneys tell us that we shouldn’t talk about that night.”  Luke said turning his eyes back to him.  “That’s what you think we should talk about right?  That night?”  
    Noah nodded his head.   
    He knew that Ken Davis and Tom Hughes were right but he needed to know if Luke had did it or if Damian had.  He couldn’t hate either if they had killed Jeff, but he needed to know.  If Luke did it than they’d work through it, find some way to live with the fact.  The same if Damian had done it, but if Damian was lying, as Noah feared he was, to save Luke, Noah didn’t know if he could live with Damian being convicted for something he didn’t do even if it was to protect Luke.  He was confused and needed to talk to Luke.  
    “We’re not talking about it.”  Luke said throwing the blanket off and searching for his boxers.  He stood and pulled them up.  Luke’s thoughts had been racing since he’d awoken and listened as Noah showered.  He wanted to know if Noah had actually killed Jeff as he feared.  Luke didn’t fool himself into thinking that he was a morally superior person.  If Noah did it, then he was more than willing to hid the fact and keep Noah out of jail.  Jeff deserved whatever fate he was dealt.  If Damian had done it as he said he did, well he’d do everything in his power to get his father free.  His fear though, was that somehow Damian knew Noah had did it and he was lying to protect him and Luke in turn._   
_That thought is what was driving Luke crazy.  What was he supposed to do?  If Damian was lying to protect Noah, he couldn’t let Damian go to prison for killing Jeff when he didn’t, but he couldn’t let Noah go to prison either.  It was driving Luke insane.  The not knowing, the fear for either outcome.  
    He turned and looked at Noah as he stood on the other side of the bed.  His face a mask of confusion.  They needed to talk but fear and the laws really wasn’t allowing it.  Luke walked slowly over to Noah, reaching out and taking his hands in his own pulling him into the small space that separated them until their foreheads touched.   
    “We’re going to get through this.”  Luke whispered as he closed his eyes.  He could feel that they were both swaying slightly.  They always seemed to do that when they stood this close.  A natural rhythm between them.                                   
    “I know.”  Noah whispered back._   
  
  
    He stood staring at Damian wondering again ‘did you do it, Damian or are you protecting Noah?’   
  
    “Luciano” Damian began.  He swallowed not wanting to hurt his son but knowing no other way to proceed.  “I’m not going to talk to you.  You need to leave.  Now.”   
  
    “Damian?”  Luke began but was interrupted by the interrogation room door opening and Ken Davis standing there looking at the scene in front of him.    
  
    “I’m sorry Mr. Snyder, but I need to speak to my client.”  He said as he entered leaving the door open, the silent invitation that he should leave.  “In private.”   
  
    Luke and Damian’s eyes locked and Luke was caught by the undisguised love that he saw there.  He didn’t have to ask, he knew.  He knew that Damian hadn’t killed Jeff.  That Damian was lying.    
  
    Damian dropped his gaze to the table in front of him.  Luke stood a second longer looking at the man that had come back to Oakdale to make amends.  To get a second chance to be a father.  Luke turned and walked out as the door shut silently behind him.    
  
  
  
    Ken placed his briefcase on the top of the table as he saw Damian watch Luke’s retreating back through the window.  Damian briefly closed his eyes, composing himself before looking up at his counsel.   
  
    Ken stood for a second with his arms folded in front of his chest contemplating if he really wanted to ask the question that had been plaguing him all night.    
  
    “So Mr. Grimaldi, which is it?”    
  
    Damian cocked his head in a confused manner at Ken’s question.   
  
    “You’re protecting them.  Which one, Luke or Noah, killed Jeff?”          
  
    “We will not be discussing Luke or Noah, Mr. Davis.”  Damian said with a deathly calm.   


 

* * *

 

    Lucinda stood at the floor to ceiling window in her office overlook the city of Oakdale.  A city that she owned, literally, but what good was all the money, all the power, if you couldn’t do what you wanted to do.

  
    The look in Holden’s eyes when he had told her to ‘leave it alone’ only confirmed in her mind what she already knew.  Damian was lying.  He didn’t kill Emerson and what’s more, Holden knew it.  She turned as her assistant, Katherine, knocked and quickly entered saying that her appointment had arrived.   
  
    Dusty quickly entered and they both stood in silence while Katherine closed the door.   
  
    “You sounded pretty . . . upset when you called.”  Dusty faintly smiled.   
  
    “Don’t try and be cute, Dusty.”  She said as she turned back to the window.  “You heard about Damian, I presume.”   
  
    “Yes.”  He said as he joined Lucinda by the window.  “He didn’t do it though.”   
  
    Lucinda turned just enough to see Dusty out of the corner of her eye.  “No, he didn’t.”   
  
    “I suppose you know who did.”  He rocked back and forth on his heels.   
  
    “I have an idea.”  Lucinda said in a low voice turning back to the view.   
  
    Dusty stood thinking for a few moments as he too studied the view.  “Maybe you’re wrong.”   
  
    Lucinda chuckled.  Few people got away with saying she was wrong, but Dusty was one of them.  “I pray to God that I am. Dusty.”   
  
    “I haven’t found the tapes yet.”  He said as he ran a hand through his hair.  “I don’t think either Luke or Noah would have even thought to get the tapes.”   
  
    Lucinda froze, closing her eyes. There it was.  Someone had finally named the names.  “My grandson is my grandson for a reason, Dusty.”  She smirked in pride.  “If I thought about it that quickly and asked you to get them, I’m sure he would have thought of it.”   
  
    Dusty nodded his head up and down.  “So you think it’s Luke, not Noah?”   
  
    Lucinda turned and looked Dusty directly in the eyes.  “Even with all that Noah’s been put through, the hell, the pain, everything, I don’t think the boy has it in him.”   
  
    “But Luke does?”  Dusty asked.   
  
    “He has Walsh blood running through his veins.”  Lucinda said turning back to the window.  “He wouldn’t be the first to solve a problem this way.”   
  
    “Than I think someone needs to talk to Noah.”  Dusty said shoving both hands deep into his pants pocket.   
  
    “And that’s another reason why you’re here.”  Lucinda smiled.    
  
    “Doesn’t surprise me.”  Dusty smiled back.   
  
    “I trust if Noah says anything . . . damning, you won’t be volunteering it to the Oakdale PD?”  Lucinda asked seriously.   
  
    “You can be sure, Lucinda.”  Dusty answered just as seriously.   


 

* * *

 

    Luke stood looking at the sign.  ‘Sunny’s Liquors’.

  
    He’d left the police station and started walked, forgetting about his car in the parking lot.  Damian’s eyes stuck in his head and the certain knowledge that he didn’t kill Jeff and Noah did.  Now, he stood in front of the liquor store in Old Town and he’d been staring at the sign for a full five minutes.  He shook his head trying to rid himself of Damian’s eyes.    
  
    He was violently spun around and moving down the sidewalk before it even registered he was no longer in front of the building.  Kevin’s hand clamped around his forearm pushing him forward.  They turned the nearest corner and Luke found themselves near the Old Town Amphitheater.        
  
    Kevin released his grip.  “What the h*ell, Luke.”   
  
    “Get away from me, Kevin.”  Luke said as he stepped back.  “Leave me alone.”   
  
    “What, so you can crawl into a bottle.”  Kevin shouted.    
  
    Luke simply stood staring at the ground.    
  
    “You were, weren’t you?”  Kevin asked.  He stood waiting from a response and started pacing and cursing when one didn’t come.   
  
    “Luke . . .”  He didn’t know where to begin.  He stepped right up in Luke’s face.  “Do you think getting drunk and putting your health at risk is going to help any of this?  Noah?  Damian?”   
  
    Luke could sense Kevin in his face but couldn’t bring himself to look into his friend’s eyes.    
  
    “Do you!”  Kevin snapped.   
  
    “I don’t know!”  Luke yelled back as he locked eyes with Kevin.  “There!  You happy!  I don’t know.”   
  
    They both stood, ridged.  Kevin stepped back and rubbed the back of his neck as Luke also took a step back and stared at the ground.   
  
    Kevin had been thinking all night.  The arrest of Damian the night before had come as a shock.  He and Jade had been confused when they had seen Luke throwing something into the bonfire, but he could tell without even asking Jade that as soon as Peyton had stepped out of that car the night before that they both had the same question.  ‘Did Luke do it?  What was he destroying?’   
  
    He hadn’t slept much during the night and he had been heading to Java for a caffeine fix when he’d seen Luke just standing there, staring, outside the liquor store.   
  
    “My dad is a great attorney, Luke.”  He said smiling slightly at Luke.  “He’ll do everything he can to get Damian out of this.”   
  
    Luke looked up and Kevin was struck still.  He had known Luke for years.  Before the “summer” that ended their friendship for a time, they’d done everything together.  Basketball, movie watching, drinking.  He could tell the look in Luke’s eyes and it wasn’t gratitude, it wasn’t sadness, it was guilt.   
  
    “Luke, if you need someone to talk too and for whatever reason you can’t talk to Noah . . . you can talk to me.”  He said quietly.  The memory of Luke and the bonfire was front and center in his minds eye.   
  
    Luke stuffed his hands deep into his front pockets, looking down at the ground again.  Shaking his head.   
  
    Kevin unconsciously was mirroring Luke’s stance with his hands also jammed down into his pants pockets.  “Luke, I . . . I saw what you did last night.”   
  
    Luke’s eyes snapped up to Kevin’s.  “What?”   
  
    Kevin took a deep breath.  “I saw you throw something into the bonfire last night, like you were trying to get rid of it.”   
  
    “What are you spying on me now?”  Luke snapped as he turned away from Kevin.   
  
    He grabbed his arm and stopped him.  “Luke, come on.”   
  
    Luke hadn’t turned around when Kevin stopped him.  “Your father’s an attorney, Damian’s attorney, I can’t talk to you, Kevin.”  He turned and Kevin could see the pleading in his eyes.   
  
    “I swear, I’m not going to say anything to anyone, Luke.”  Kevin whispered.  “Did you do it?  Did you kill him?”   
  
    “No!”  Luke yelled.   
  
    “Then what where you getting rid of?”  Kevin asked.   
  
    Luke wouldn’t look at him again.  Kevin watched as he paced back and forth, frustration written all over his face and expressed in his every move.   
  
    “It was Noah’s shirt.”  Luke said and immediately clamped his mouth shut not believing he’d said it out loud.    
  
    Kevin stood, a look of confusion on his face.  ‘Why would Luke be burning one of Noah’s shirts?’  Unless.   
  
    “What was on the shirt, Luke?”  Kevin demanded.   
  
    Luke stopped pacing and looked at him whispering.  “Blood.”   
  
    Kevin was stunned.  He’d thought all night it was Luke but Noah?  “Noah?”   
  
    “But my dad said that you two had an alibi the night he was murdered.”  Kevin asked.   
  
    “I lied.”  Luke said sitting down on the nearest bench dropping his head in his hands.  “We weren’t home that night.  I mean we were, but I woke up and Noah was gone and I went to find him.  I didn’t find him right away but I found . . . I found Jeff though.”   
  
    “What?”  Kevin dropped next to him on the bench.   
  
    “I was practically running through Old Town trying to find Noah and when I rounded a corner there Jeff was.  He had blood all over his face, I thought maybe he’d done something to Noah.”   
  
  
  
_Luke charged forward grabbing Jeff by the collar of his shirt.  “Where’s Noah!”  
    Jeff surprised by the sudden assault regained his footing quickly and shoved Luke away.  “Get off of me f*aggot!  I haven’t seen your pansya*ss boyfriend.”     
    “Well, someone beat the crap out of you.”  Luke yelled.   
    “Just another one of a thousand a*ssholes in this stupid town.”  Kevin commented as he tried to stop his nose from bleeding with the end of his shirt sleeve.   
    Luke stared at the cause of all Noah’s pain for the last three months.  God, he hated this one person more than he had ever hated anyone else in his entire life.  If he’d just disappear, life for all of them would be so much easier.  The thought struck him like a bolt of lightening.  ‘Maybe I should just go Grimaldi on him.’  
    “If the town is such a disappointment to you, I suggest you leave it behind.”   Luke said in a mild voice.  “Leave now.”  
    “Is that a threat?”  Jeff smirked.  “Your old man already did that the other week after my visit with your little boyfriend.”  
    “So Damian gave you some advice, I hope you plan on taking it.”  Luke smirked.  “I would if I were you.”  
    “Well you’re not me, girlfriend.  What are you going to do if I don’t?”  Jeff asked.  
    Luke took a step closer looking directly into Jeff’s slightly blood shot eyes.  “I’m sure you found out that Damian’s got a shady past to say the least.  The thing you probably don’t know is that my grandmother, Killed. Damian’s. Brother. And. Got. Away. With. It.  I don’t need anybody’s help to deal with you.”  _   
_Luke took yet another step closer, his stomach threatening to empty itself right there.  “Your friend Brice did the smart thing and took his own life.  Eric’s in prison, he won’t make it to the end of the month.  I suggest you leave, because I think you have about another month before you . . .”  
    Jeff listened waiting for Luke to finish the sentence.  “Before what?”  
    “Before you just suddenly don’t . . . seem to be around any more.”  Luke drew up the corner of his mouth in a small smile.  “Not that anyone will even miss you, Jeff?”  
    Luke received some small satisfaction in the fact that Jeff’s hands were shaking as they reached up again to wipe blood from his nose.  Jeff took an involuntary step back and looked around as if he were afraid someone or something would come out of the darkness that instance and snatch him away.  
    He saw the smile on Luke’s face and flinched at the thought that he’d witnessed his fear.  His back stiffened and he spit out blood that had collected in his mouth.  “You think you can scare me, think again.”  
    Luke looked down but barely registered the bloody spit all over the front of his shoes.  Actually, a soft laugh escaped.  “Your choice than.”_   
  
  
    “I left him there while I went to find Noah.  I found him about 25 minutes later and he was disoriented and confused.  We went home and then the next morning I found his shirt and it had blood all over it.”  Luke finished.  He waited to see what Kevin had to say.  He felt relieved he’d actually told someone but now he worried if Kevin was honest when he said he wouldn’t tell anyone.   
  
    “I’m the one that had gotten into a fight with Jeff before you ran into him.”  Kevin said as he sat back on the bench.    
  
    Luke turned to look at him waiting for an explanation as to way, but none came.  “I’m sure he deserved ever punch.”   
  
    “He did.”  Kevin smiled faintly.   
  
    Luke looked down at his hands and whispered.  “Are you going to tell your father about me lying about the alibi and Noah’s shirt?”   
  
    Kevin didn’t hesitate.  “I said I wasn’t going to, didn’t I?”   
  
    “Yeah.”  Luke breathed.   


 

* * *

 

    “Damn it!”  Noah exclaimed as he pulled his hand away from the steam of the espresso machine. 

  
    “Hey buddy, you better be careful.”  A voice said from the other side of the counter.   
  
    Noah was rubbing his scorched hand as he turned around.  “Dusty?  I didn’t know you were back in town.”   
  
    “Yeah, got back last week.”  Dusty smiled across at the young man.  Noah had changed a lot in the last two years.  Coming out, finding love with Luke and finally, being able to release himself from the shadow of the Colonel.   
  
    “What can I get you?”  Noah asked as he finished rubbing the offending hand.    
  
    “A few minutes.”  Dusty answered.   
  
    “Ah, sure.”  Noah looked around catching sight of Jeff.  “Jeff, can you cover me for ten?”   
  
    “Sure, as long as we don’t get a rush.” Jeff smiled.   
  
    Noah came around and lead Dusty over to a table in the corner sensing that they’d probably want privacy.   
  
    Once they were settled Dusty didn’t waste any time.  “Noah, I need to ask you about the night Jeff Emerson was murdered.   
  
    Noah froze at the statement.  “What?”   
  
    Dusty almost felt sorry for the kid but he and Lucinda needed to find out the truth and fast if they were going to try and control the situation. “I’m pretty sure Damian didn’t kill Emerson and if he didn’t than he’s admitting to it to protect someone else.  I’m guessing . . . Luke.”   
  
    Noah just stared wide-eyed at the man across the table from him.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.  Luke and I were home that night.  All night.”   
  
    Dusty fixed Noah with a penetrating gaze and a slight smile.  “Really?”   
  
    “Ye . . . .yes.”  He stuttered and dropped his gaze to the table top.  Damn if he couldn’t lie to Dusty, who he hadn’t seen in almost a year, how was he going to do it with anyone else, like Margo or the District Attorney.   
  
    “Noah.”  Dusty began.  “Look if say, just for arguments sake, you or Luke killed this loser and you happen to tell me I’m not going to tell Margo.  I want to help.”   
  
    Noah started to trace patterns on the table top with his finger.  He could use someone to talk to.  He had no idea what he was doing.  He was confused and afraid all the time.  Every time the bell rang on the door of Java his pulse raced.    
  
    “Noah?”  Dusty tried again.   
  
    “Ken Davis and Tom Hughes both told us that we, me and Luke, shouldn’t talk to each other or anyone about that night?”  Noah whispered.   
  
    “Yeah, well they have to tell you that because of their legal ethics.”  Dusty smiled at the down turned head.  “I don’t have that problem.  I have no ethics.”   
  
    Noah was silent for so long Dusty was afraid that maybe he wouldn’t talk to him.    
  
    “When Margo asked us for an alibi, Luke gave her one.”  Noah started.  He continued following his finger on the table not looking at Dusty.  “Luke lied and I didn’t know why but I confirmed it when Margo asked.”   
  
    “You two weren’t home that night?  Did you see Jeff that night?”  Dusty leaned forward lowering his voice.   
  
    “I saw him.”  Noah whispered.  He still kept his head down not looking at Dusty.  “Dusty, you know what . . .” Noah took a deep breath.  “You know Jeff raped me, right?”   
  
    “Yeah, kid.  I know.”  Dusty said matter of factly.   
  
    Noah looked up then.  “I saw him that night and I wish I had thrown him off that roof.”   
  
  
  
_Noah stumbled through Old Town.  He really should go back to the apartment but he just couldn’t go back and try and sleep only to find himself in the middle of another nightmare with Jeff Emerson as the star.  As if conjured by the mere thought of his name, Jeff seemed to materialize in front of him.  
    Jeff came up short and stood staring at the man in front of him.  He quickly looked around as if afraid that someone might notice that he was even there in Noah’s presence.  “Look cupcake, just leave me alone and get out of my way.”  
    Something snapped.  Noah surged forward and grabbed Jeff by the front of his shirt.  He didn’t even notice the blood that Jeff’s hands had left on his shirt as he tried to push Noah away from him.   
    “Leave you alone!”  Noah screamed.  “Leave you alone!  That’s all I want is to forget about you and what you did to me.”  
    “Awww, fond memories of our night together.”  Jeff smirked.  “I’m touched.”  
    Noah turned and started walking toward the nearby building while retaining his grasp on the front of Jeff’s shirt dragging him behind.  “Yeah, fond memories.”  
    “Let go of me!”  Jeff started to yell as he tried to disengage Noah’s hands from his shirt.  He was quickly finding out that Noah was the bigger and stronger of the two.  Obviously, having two other friends had been the only reason he’d been able to overpower Noah the night of the attack.   
    Noah didn’t hesitate as he dragged Emerson behind him through the front door of the lobby of the World Wide building.  He was in luck, the security desk was empty as he walked up to the elevator bank and shoved Jeff before him into the nearest one and pressed the button marked “R”.  
    “Where the h*ell do you think your taking me?”  Jeff tried to reach past Noah for the buttons.   
    Noah shoved him back against the back wall of the elevator.  “You’ll see.  Scared?”  
    “Of you?”  Jeff snorted.  
    The bell rung and the doors slid open onto the glass doors that lead out to the roof.  Noah grabbed Jeff’s arm and pulled him after him out of the elevator and through the doors.  He pushed him ahead of him and followed him while he walked further out onto the roof.     
    “So what now.”  Jeff turned with his back to the edging of the roof.  “This where you’re going to threaten me and tell me that I’m going to disappear or you’re going to kill me or whatever?”   
    Noah didn’t speak he just stared at the man in front of him.  The man whose face, voice and presence had haunted his dreams and even his waking hours for the better part of three months.  He really couldn’t take it any more but what really had him on the verge of physical violence was the fact that he’d remembered what Jeff had said the night of the attack.  His threats to Luke’s safety.  How he’d see if Luke “liked it rough.”  
    Jeff had stopped talking and was watching Noah with hesitant eyes.       
    “I was up here about a month ago.”  Noah began in a whisper.  “I nearly killed myself because of you and your friends.  I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to get past what you’d done to me, but you helped me figure that out, Emerson.”  
    A look of confusion on Jeff’s face was the only response.   
    “When you came into Java and threatened Luke you gave me another emotion besides fear.  HATE!!”  Noah quickly moved forward and pushed Jeff toward the edge of the roof.  As Jeff tripped toward the edge Noah grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands and pushed him over the edge.   
    Jeff stood there, leaning over the edge of the roof at a precarious angle.  “F*uck you, Mayer!”  Jeff screamed as he reached for Noah’s arms and hung on, trying to pull himself back from the brink.   
    “No thanks, already done that.”  Noah’s arms and back were straining as he held Jeff in that difficult position on the roof of World Wide.  He watched in distant fascination as Jeff’s eyes nearly bulged from their sockets.  “Do you know how easy it would be to just let you go, Emerson?”  
    Jeff angrily stared back at Noah not saying a word.  He couldn’t find his voice even if he’d known what to say.   
    “So easy.  I could just let go and you’d fall and we’d be rid of you for good.”  Noah said in a wistful tone.  He wasn’t even looking at Jeff anymore, his thoughts pulling him elsewhere.  He was jerked back to the present with the sound of sobbing.  
    Noah looked down at the man in his grip and saw that tears were actually flowing down his cheeks and he had his eyes squeezed shut.  “Please don’t.  Please don’t.  Please don’t.”  He whispered.  
    Noah pulled Jeff back and pushed him away.  Jeff stumbled back landing on his butt and sat their with his head in his hands.   
    “Begging?”  Noah asked in fascination.  “I did that too, didn’t seem to help me out much that night.”_   
_Noah shook his head to clear the memories.  “Killing you would be too easy for you, Jeff.  You deserve the suffering you’re going to have to live with.”  Noah breathed trying to center himself and then glared at Jeff who had raised his head.  “Stay away from me, stay away from Luke, stay away from everybody I love.”  Noah took two steps to close the distance and kneeled down in front of him.  “If I even see you anywhere near anybody I just mentioned, I’ll drag you up here and not even think before I throw you off this roof.  Do you understand me?”  
    Jeff just sat staring at Noah’s dark eyes.   
    “I said, DID YOU HEAR ME?”  Noah said again.  
    “Ye . . . yes.”  Jeff stammered.  _   
  
  
  
    “I left him there sitting on the roof of World Wide.  I stumbled through the streets trying to decide if I was going home when all of the sudden Luke was walking toward me.  I was suddenly so exhausted and all we both could do is head home and fall into bed.”  Noah continued.   
  
    “I got up the next morning and when Luke was getting ready I noticed his tennis shoes and they were covered in something.  It didn’t even register that it might be blood until Margo and Emerson showed up and told us Jeff was murdered and then Luke lied.”  Noah was shaking his head in confusion.  “I went back and looked at them and it was blood.”   
  
    “Where are the shoes?”  Dusty asked.   
  
    “I got rid of them.”  Noah said looking up at him through his lashes.  “I took them to the farm and filled them with stones and sunk them in the pond.  I heard water messes with the evidence.”    
  
    Dusty smiled slightly at Noah’s earnest expression.  “Pretty good thinking, kid.”   
  
    Noah didn’t return the smile.  “What do I do, Dusty?”   
  
    Dusty sat back and took a deep breath looking at the young man across from him.   
  
    “I mean, if Damian didn’t do it than Luke . . . Luke must have, right?”  Noah was rubbing his forehead now trying to think.  “I can’t let Luke go to jail, I can’t, I love him but how can I let Damian, who’s innocent take the blame.”    
  
    Dusty stood up and placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder.  “We’ll figure something out, just try and stay calm.”   
  
    Noah started to laugh.  “Calm, right.”    


 

* * *

 

    Both Noah and Luke had arrived home exhausted once again.  They’d quietly eaten dinner and Noah had asked how the visit with Damian had went.  When Luke informed him that Damian ‘wouldn’t talk to him’ Noah’s anxiety increased.  They had gone to bed quiet, nervous and not telling the other about the conversations and confessions they had both made during the day. 

  
    Noah spooned in behind Luke and encircled his waist pulling him in closer.  He leaned in and kissed him behind the ear and breathed.  “Whatever it is, we’re going to be okay.”   
  
    Luke froze for a second before burrowing back into Noah’s embrace.  “We’ll be fine, bubby.”    
  
    “I love you.”  Noah closed his eyes feeling the warmth in Luke’s back pressed back into his chest.   
  
    “I adore you.”  Luke whispered as he closed his eyes trying to ignore the other eyes that kept popping up in his memory.    
  
    They both were silent and slowly they each feel into a restless sleep.   
  
    The next morning was Monday which meant that Noah was up and out before Luke even stirred and than Luke was off to the Foundation.  If they had asked each other they both would have admitted that the strain of trying so hard not to talk about something was wearing them out.  The constant stress of their each individual knowledge and secrets was almost too much.   
  
    Noah had forgotten, as Luke had, that Lily and Holden were even to come over for their first dinner in their apartment.  Luke had thought to cancel but feared that that would produce more questions that he couldn’t answer or wouldn’t answer.   
  
    They had tried to get back to normal while they prepared their first dinner “party.”  Noah had laughed when Luke tried to convince him to just order take out and put it on plates and fool Lily into thinking that they had actually prepared a meal.  They had finally agreed on something simple, spaghetti and garlic bread, which had turned out surprising well and actually edible.   
  
    The four of them were just finishing up and lingering over their coffee and pastries.  Pastries that Noah had grabbed from Java before leaving work.  Lily had tried to keep the conversation light and off the topic of Jeff’s murder and Damian’s arrest but it was a huge, white elephant in the room that no matter how hard they tried to ignore just seemed to become bigger and bigger.   
  
    “Did you go to see Damian, baby?”  Lily finally asked.   
  
    Luke’s hand had frozen as it was reaching for his coffee and his gaze shifted from the table to Holden.  “I did, didn’t Dad tell you?”   
  
    Lily’s confused look was his answer.  She turned to Holden with a questioning look.  “Why were you down there?”   
  
    Holden’s eye were still locked on his dessert as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.  “I went to see Damian.”   
  
    “Why?”  She asked.   
  
    Holden simply looked up into Lily’s eyes.  “Can we discuss this later?”   
  
    “No.”  Luke said as he dropped his hands into his lap.    
  
    Noah reached out and gripped his forearm.  “Luke.”   
  
    “No.”  Luke glanced at Noah.  “Damian said he had asked Dad to come there but neither would say what for.”   
  
    Lily and Noah both were staring at Holden now.  Noah in slight fear and Lily in agitation because Holden hadn’t mentioned the visit and seemed to now be trying to avoid discussing it.   
  
    “Holden?”  Lily tried again.   
  
    “Lily.”  Holden sighed as he folded his napkin and laid it on his plate.  “I went to see him and he asked me to watch over Luke and Noah, like I wouldn’t do that anyway.  I didn’t ask him about the case and he didn’t volunteer any information.  It was a very brief discussion.”   
  
    Lily eyed her husband and knew he was lying.  Knew it as sure as she knew that if Damian was actually guilty that Holden would be the first to campaign to send him to Statesville.  The fact that Holden had been so silent on the subject confirmed in her mind that even Holden doubted Damian’s confession.    
  
    Holden turned and locked eyes with his wife and a discussion passed between them.  ‘We’re not done with this.’  ‘I know that.’   
  
    Noah got up and started clearing the dishes, carrying them into the kitchen and filling the sink with soap to let them soak.  He came back as everyone had gotten up and good-byes were being said.   
  
    “Luke, did you have those new pamphlets for the symposium at OU?”  Lily snapped her fingers remembering the materials that Luke had said he’d be picking up from the printers.   
  
    “Yeah.  Let me put some shoes on and I’ll carry them down to the car for you.”  Luke smiled and headed toward the bedroom with Lily following behind.   
  
    “Thanks, Noah.”  Holden smiled.   
  
    Noah picked up the last of the dishes and looked at Luke’s father with confusion.  “For what, Holden?”   
  
    “For feeding us without killing us.”  Holden laughed.   
  
    “Funny, sir.”  Noah laughed as he headed toward the sink while Holden walking into the living room to retrieve his and Lily’s coats.   
  
    “Noah.”  Luke called from their bedroom.  “Have you seen my white tennis shoes?  You know the ones I got when we went to Branson.”   
  
    Holden’s breath caught as he slowly turned to see Noah frozen at the kitchen sink, his back to him.    
  
    “Noah?”  Luke called again.   
  
    “Yea . . . yeah.”  Noah answered without turning.  His voice barely managing not to crake and his hands white knuckled on the edge of the counter.  “I don’t know, Luke.  You got like 10 pairs, can’t you just grab another pair?”   
  
    “Okay.”  Luke answered.   
  
    Holden stood frozen staring at Noah’s back.  Luke missing a pair of white shoes?  Noah sinking a pair of white shoes in the pond?  Noah sinking Luke’s shoes into the pond.  Noah wasn’t hiding his shoes, he was hiding Luke’s shoes.  Luke?   
  
    Holden realized belatedly the look of horror that most be on his face as Noah turned back around and their eyes locked.  The look of fear quickly bloomed in Noah’s face when he saw Holden’s.    
  
    Noah didn’t know how he knew, but at that moment Noah knew that Holden knew about the shoes.  He could see a look of comprehension and then something else . . . understanding and love.   
  
    They both jumped as Luke and Lily emerged from the bedroom carrying the boxes of printed material.    
  
    “Noah, I’m going to run these down to my parents car, okay?”  Luke smiled at his fiancé.    
  
    Noah flinched.  “Of course.  Good night, Lily.”  He smiled down at the tiny woman and leaned in for a kiss.   
  
    Lily leaned up on tippy toe and planted a kiss on his cheek.  “Love you, baby.”   
  
    “Same here.”  Noah smiled.    
  
    Luke already had the door open and was heading out with Lily in tow as Holden stopped in front of Noah.    
  
    They stood, their eyes locked.  Holden pulled Noah into a fierce bear hug.    
  
    Noah was shocked for a second but immediately found himself hugging Holden just as fiercely.    
  
    “Thank you, son.”  Holden whispered in a chocked voice as he pulled away.   
  
    Noah saw the tears threatening in the older man’s eyes as they were in his own.   
  
    Holden reached up and patted the side of Noah’s jaw and then hurried to follow his wife out into the November night.   


 

* * *

  
  
  



	24. Chapter 24

After almost a week, Noah and Luke had discovered that “not talking” about a particular event was much, much harder than one would think.  The ”not talking” about one particular event seemed to bleed over into all aspects of their life and they found that they were “not talking” about quite a lot.     

  
    Luke had tried two more times to see Damian, each time being turned away by the Desk Sergeant who informed Luke that Damian had requested no visitors.  Luke was getting more and more annoyed at that and more anxious about everything in general.  He often sat for hours at this desk at the Foundation simply gazing out the window as his mind ran in circles.  Guilt over letting his innocent birth father claim that he committed a crime that he didn’t and fear that if someone discovered that lie they would figure it out about Noah.   
  
    Noah had become more and more silent as the days had gone by.  He was jumpy and moody and even the daily sessions with Dr. Morris were deteriorating.  She knew there was something going on, but time and again when she broached the subject Noah immediately shut down and the session usually came to an abrupt end.    
  
    They found themselves heading to the farm for the weekly Saturday night dinner, made even more special since the girls were back from their camp.  Noah grabbed Luke’s hand as they made their way from his truck toward the screened porch and Luke stopped.   
  
    “You okay?”  Noah asked as he drew Luke toward him, holding both of his hands in his own, running his thumbs over the backs of Luke’s hands.   
  
    “Yeah.”  Luke breathed and smiled up at Noah’s concerned eyes.  “I’m just tired.  We’re all tired, I guess.”  He stood up on his tippy toes and dropped a quick kiss on Noah’s lips.   
  
    “Luke?”  Noah began.  Luke turned away knowing what Noah was trying to do.  He was trying to start a conversation about “that” night again, but Luke didn’t want to go there.  Didn’t want to face the truths of that night.   
  
    “Come on, I can hear Ethan putting up a fuss all ready.”  Luke smiled and pulled Noah behind him into the porch and through the kitchen door and into the chaos that was the Snyder’s kitchen.   
  
    Emma was slapping Holden’s hand as he tried to pick the crispy skin off of the nearest piece of fried chicken.  “Get off of that!”    
  
    “Get off of what, mama?”  Holden laughed as he jumped back.   
  
    “Caught in the act.”  Luke smiled as he and Noah entered.    
  
    “He certainly was.”  Emma smiled as she came over and gave Luke and Noah each a giant hug.  “And how are you two today?”   
  
    “We’re fine, ma’am.”  Noah said.   
  
    He was rewarded by a mock glare from the grandmother that stood with her hands on each side of his face.  “Excuse me?”   
  
    “We’re fine, Grams.”  Noah corrected and smiled as he leaned down and placed a warm kiss on her now smiling face.   
  
    “I’m fine too, Grandma.”  Luke chimed in from where he was hanging up his and Noah’s coats.   
  
    “Oh, you.”  She said as she waved a dismissing hand at her grandson and gave him a kiss as he leaned over.   
  
    The relative calm of the kitchen was broken by the entrance of a running and shrieking Ethan being chased by both Lily and Natalie.  Ethan stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Luke and Noah and a huge grin appeared on his small face.   
  
    “Nuke!  Nuke!”  Ethan screamed as he launched himself at the two young men.    
  
    Luke was the one to catch his younger brother up in his arms as he turned confused eyes to his mother.  “Nuke?”   
  
    Lily was covering her mouth trying unsuccessfully to hid the laugh.  “Well, the other day Ethan was telling me a story and his mouth was running a little ahead of his brain and I think he was thinking of Noah but his mouth was saying Luke and it came out - NUKE.”   
  
    Ethan squirmed in Luke’s arms as he tried to get Noah’s attention.  “Nuke!  Nuke!”   
  
    Noah reached over and took the little mass of energy out of his fiances arms and tucked him under his arm like a football.  “I guess we’re now stuck with that, huh?”   
  
    Lily smiled as she watched Noah walk around in circles with her squealing son.  “Unfortunately, I laughed when he said it and now . . . well it’s stuck in his head.”   
  
    Noah picked up Ethan and swung him up over his head so he was sitting on his shoulders.  “So buddy.”  He began as he looked up at the little boy he now thought of as his own little brother.  “Nuke’s what you call me and Luke?”   
  
    “Nuke!  Nuke!”  Ethan yelled as he pointed to both Luke and Noah.   
  
    “We’ll I guess we are stuck with it.”  Luke smiled up at his younger brother and smiled as he watched Noah march around the kitchen with the little boy on his shoulders.  It tugged at his heart every time he saw Noah and Ethan together.  Luke knew that Noah had always longed for brothers and sisters and since being with him had cherished the roll of “big brother” to his younger siblings.    
  
    “Nuke!  Nuke!”  Ethan squealed again as Holden came over and plucked the boy from Noah’s shoulders.    
  
    “Try not to wear out Noah before dinner, buddy.”  Holden smiled.  “Natalie, can you take Ethan up to wash his hands?”   
  
    “Sure, dad.”  Natalie said as she took Ethan’s hand and headed up stairs.     
  
    Saturday night dinner was in full swing as everyone lent a hand to get everything on the table.  Faith entered the room quietly and unnoticed until Luke almost bumped into his little sister.    
  
    “Hey squirt.”  Luke smiled as he hugged her.  “Long time, no see.”   
  
    “Yeah.”  Faith mumbled as she hugged her brother back in a less than enthusiastic way.    
  
    “What’s wrong?”  Luke asked as he took a step back.   
  
    “Nothing.”  Faith said as she dropped her eyes and made her way to a seat.    
  
    Lily caught Luke’s eye and shrugged, mouthing the word ‘teenager’ and finished carrying the cole slaw to the table.    
  
    Noah sat down next to Faith and bumped her shoulder.  “I guess you’re making the move before Natalie.”   
  
    Faith turned a slightly confused look at him.  “What?”   
  
    Noah chuckled.  “I’m sitting here and you and Nat always argue about who’s going to sit next to me.  I see you’re staking your claim before she even gets here.”   
  
    Faith dropped her eyes to the table top in front of her.  “No, she can sit here.  I don’t want to sit there.”  And she got up to move to the other side of the table.   
  
    “Faith?”  Noah asked.  Slight hurt written on his face.   
  
    “Faith Snyder.”  Lily said sternly.  “What’s gotten into you?”   
  
    Faith’s eyes landed on Noah.  An embarrassed blush colored her cheeks as her gaze traveled between Noah, Luke and Lily.    
  
    “Faith?”  Lily said again.   
  
    “What, mom, not being a sweet, innocent enough child for you.”  Faith snapped.  “I’m tired of his whole d*amn family treating me like I’m too stupid or too young to handle anything. Like I’m Natalie or Ethan or something.”  She saw the hurt and confused looks on her parents face.  She bolted for the door before anyone could even move.   
  
    “Faith!”  Lily yelled as she started toward the door.  Holden grabbed his wife and shook his head.        
  
    “I’ll go.”  Noah said as he got up and followed her out the door.   
  
    Noah looked around as he came through the screened porch, looking to see where Faith had gone.  The pond?  The barn?  He heard Magic whinny and decided that the barn had been her destination.  He jogged over and stopped at the door as Faith buried her face into the side of Magic’s neck.   
  
    “I’m such an idiot.”  Faith whispered.   
  
    “No, you’re not.”  Noah said quietly as he walked up beside her.    
  
    Faith stood stroking Magic’s neck.  She could see Noah out of the corner of her eyes standing beside her, but she couldn’t look at him.    
  
    “Faith.”  Noah began.  “Did I do something?  Are you mad at me for some reason?”   
  
    “No!”  Faith said shaking her head.  She stood quietly and than took a deep breath.  “Why didn’t anyone tell me about what happened to you, Noah?”   
  
    Noah stood staring at the wall of the barn, unable to form an answer to Faith’s question.   
  
    Faith sighed heavily.  “See.  You too.  I’m 15 not 10.  Didn’t anyone stop to think that yeah, you can send me and Nat out-of-town for a while and tell us that you got beaten up and almost killed, but didn’t anyone in this family think that the fact that you got raped wouldn’t be talked about in my high school.  That somebody would probably say something to me.  Ask me questions.  Make rude remarks.”   
  
    Noah was staring at the girl that he’d known for the last two years and realized that she wasn’t so much a little girl anymore.  “I’m sorry, Faith.”  He began.   
  
    “Noah, you have nothing to be sorry about.  You’re not my parents.”  Faith smiled up at him.  “I honestly don’t want the details, but a little heads up from my parents would have went a long way this past Wednesday when I got back to school.”   
  
    “I’m sorry.”  Noah really didn’t know what else to say.   
  
    She looked at him and suddenly seemed to deflate.  “I’m sorry, Noah.  I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”  She dropped her eyes to her hands and seemed to get nervous.  “Are you . . . okay now?”   
  
    “Yeah, Faith, I am.”  Noah smiled sadly.   
  
    Faith continued looking down at her hands and Noah could sense that there was something else.  “Faith, you know you can say anything to me.”   
  
    She looked up into his eyes and slowly looked back at Magic.  “Are you mad at Damian for killing that guy?”   
  
    Noah flinched.  Mad wasn’t the emotion that he was associating with Damian right now.  Guilt was more like it.  “No.”   
  
    Faith nodded her head up and down, still staring at Magic.  “I’m glad he did it.”  She whispered.   
  
    “What?”  Noah asked in shock.    
  
    “When I was sitting with you in the hospital, when Luke went to the vigil.”  Faith swallowed remembering how Noah had looked that day in the hospital, hooked up to all those machines.  She’d been so afraid and Lucinda had held her while she cried.  “I hated those men so much.  I’m glad Damian killed him.  I just wish the other one was dead too.”   
  
    “Faith.”  Noah breathed and took a step closer.  “Please, don’t talk that way.”   
  
    “I mean it, Noah.”  Faith was crying now.   
  
    Noah pulled her into a hug and reached up and stroked her long hair.  Hair very similar to her older brother’s.    
  
    Faith was talking again into his shoulder.  “I told Lucinda at the hospital I wish they were all dead.”  She took a shaking breath in.  “Would you . . . would you hate me if I had did what Damian did?”   
  
    Noah pushed Faith away slightly as he looked into her tear-filled eyes.  “I could never hate you, Faith, but doing what . . . what Damian did isn’t the right thing to do.”   
  
    “Even though Jeff got away with what he did to you!”  Faith nearly shouted.   
  
    “Even though.”  Noah said quietly.    


 

* * *

    Lily looked out the kitchen window toward the barn where she’d seen Noah heading.

  
    “Lily, stop.”  Holden said as he came up behind and hugged his wife.  “She’s being a teenager.”   
  
    “I know.  She’s just been so quiet since she got back from camp.”  Lily said turning and looking at her husband.   
  
    “Mom.”  Luke called.  “Do you want me to go out and get them?”   
  
    Lily and Holden started toward the table.  “No, we’ll give them a few more minutes.”  Holden smiled.  “Natalie, why don’t you and Ethan go into the parlor and watch some television for a little bit?”   
  
    “Okay.”  Natalie said as she and Ethan ran in that direction.   
  
    “Luke.”  Lily began.  Luke turned to see that his mother seemed to be searching for words.    
  
    “What, mom?”  He asked as he reached for a pinch of cole slaw.   
  
    Lily looked at Holden who shook his head.  “Luke, you know that Damian’s evidentiary hearing starts Monday, right?”   
  
    Luke nodded.  He’d been called by Ken Davis the other day letting him and Noah know that the confession had been thrown out and that the District Attorney’s office was required to hold an Evidentiary Hearing in order to see if they had enough evidence, without the confession, to take Damian to trial.  Luke and Noah had discussed it and they had both agreed they needed to attend to give their support to Damian, even if Damian wasn’t seeing Luke at the moment.   
  
    “Yeah, mom.”  Luke realized he hadn’t answered his mother.   
  
    “Well . . .”  Lily hesitated again.   
  
    “What your mom is trying to say is that the DA has called me as a witness against Damian.”  Holden said as he looked at the table top.   
  
    Luke sat quietly for a second.  “Why?  I mean, is there something you know about Damian and the murder?”   
  
    Holden was shaking his head before Luke even finished the question.  “No, Luke I don’t.”   
  
    “Than way is Emerson calling you?”  Luke asked in confusion.   
  
    “I honestly don’t know.”  Holden answered locking eyes with his son.  They’re gazes were locked for several seconds before Holden dropped his to the table top again.  “I don’t know anything about Jeff’s murder or if Damian did it.”   
  
    “Mother seems to think that they’re fishing for something because they know how much Damian and your father don’t get along.”  Lily said as she glanced at her husband and then back to her son.  “But he doesn’t have anything that can hurt Damian, right?”   
  
    “Right.”  Holden said looking up at her.   


 

* * *

 

    “So I did what you asked.”   Dusty said as he sat across the table from Damian in the interrogation room.  “I called the DA’s office and let it drop that they really needed to put Holden on their witness list and to suggest a certain question they needed to ask him.”

  
    Damian face held a slight smile as he listened to Dusty.  He had listened to his attorney two days ago say how that now that the confession was thrown out there really was only the slightest, circumstantial evidence to hold him and that the case would probably be thrown out and not sent to trial.    
  
  
  
_“So does that mean the District Attorney will drop this?”  Damian had asked hopefully.  
    Ken smiled and shook his head.  “Not a chance.  He doesn’t believe you did it anyway.”  Ken continued to stare at Damian as if he was expecting Damian to contradict him.  “He’ll just move on to his next target.”_   
  
  
  
    That had haunted Damian the entire night and when Dusty had appeared the next day and said that he was there on behalf of Lucinda and that they knew that he didn’t do it and that Noah had confirmed that he believed Luke had murdered Jeff that had clinched in Damian’s mind what had to be done.  He had asked Dusty to make an anonymous call to the DA’s office and get Holden on the witness list.     
  
    “You know” Dusty said as he rubbed his chin.  “Holden’s going to be mighty pissed when he gets slapped with that question tomorrow.”   
  
    “Holden will get over it, Dusty.”  Damian smiled.  “The only important thing right now is keeping the District Attorney away from Luke and Noah.”   


 

* * *

 

    The court was packed that Monday as Damian was led into the room between two bailiffs and sat at the Defendant’s table.  Ken Davis was already there and immediately started instructing Damian on what to expect. 

  
    As he listened he looked over his attorney’s shoulder to the seating area on his side of the court room.  His eyes were immediately drawn to the front row where Holden and Lily sat.  Lily was smiling encouragingly to him while Holden tried to avoid eye contact.  Luke and Noah were seated next to them and Damian was concerned about how exhausted they both seemed.  The other rows were surprisingly filled with an assortment of other Snyder’s and friends of Snyder’s, Lucinda, Dusty, Jack, Janet, Margo, Tom, Brad, Katie, Kevin and Jade   
  
    Luke watched as his father turned and looked at them from his seat.  Luke hadn’t been able to sleep all night and he could tell that Noah hadn’t either and the lack of sleep and tension were starting to take their toll.  Luke silently reached for and took Noah’s hand as they watched as the Judge entered the courtroom.    
  
    “All rise for the Honorable Judge Thomas Stone.”  The bailiff recited as the Judge took his seat behind the bench and the assembled took their seats.    
  
    “We’re here today for an Evidentiary Hearing for Mr. Damian Grimaldi.  Mr. Thompson, are you ready to proceed for the State of Illinois?”  The Judge asked.   
  
    Jason Thompson, the new lead Assistant District Attorney, stood and faced the judge.  “We are, Your Honor.  The State would like to call Mr. Holden Snyder to the stand.”   
  
    There was a quiet hush in the courtroom as Holden stood and made his way to the witness stand.    
  
    “Do you solemnly declare or affirm under the penalties of perjury that the responses given or the statements made will be the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”  The bailiff asked in a bored manner.   
  
    “I do.”  Holden answered with his right hand raised.   
  
    “You may be seated.”  The bailiff said as he turned away and headed to his seat near the end of the bench.   
  
    Jason Thompson got up and straightened his suit jacket as he approached Holden, smiling slightly at the obviously nervous man on the stand.   
  
    “Mr. Snyder, are you related in any way to the Defendant, Damian Grimaldi?” He asked smoothly.   
  
    “No.”  Holden answered.   
  
    “Do you have a son, Luke Snyder?”  He asked pointing vaguely over his shoulder toward the gallery.   
  
    “Yes, I do.”  Holden shifted slightly.   
  
    “He’s not your biological son, correct.”  Thompson smiled.   
  
    “No, he’s not.”   
  
    “Who is his biological father?”   
  
    “Damian Grimaldi.”   
  
    “And who is Luke’s mother?”   
  
    “My wife, Lily.”  Holden answered.   
  
    “So, your wife, Lily Snyder and the Defendant, Damian Grimaldi are the biological parents of the son you have raised as your own.  Is that correct.”  The lawyer smirked.   
  
    “Yes, they are Luke’s parents.”  Holden stated flatly.   
  
    “How would you characterize your relationship with Mr. Grimaldi?”  Thompson asked as he strolled back to his desk.   
  
    “Relationship?”  Holden asked confused.   
  
    “Do you two get along?  Do you fight?  Do you like each other?”  Thompson turned and leaned against the Prosecution’s table.   
  
    Holden sat for a moment trying to gather his thoughts.  “I wouldn’t say we like each other.”  Holden purposely didn’t glance at the Defendant’s table.  “But we try to get along for Luke’s sake.”   
  
    “I see.  I see.”  Thompson said as he tapped his chin in thought.  “So it would be fair to say that you and Mr. Grimaldi aren’t necessarily friends?”   
  
    “That would be fair to say.”  Holden answered hesitantly.   
  
    Thompson walked slowly back toward the witness stand.  “So if you knew of anything that would contribute to this hearing, anything that might not reflect well on the defendant, you wouldn’t have any problem telling this Court, correct?”   
  
    Holden sat looking at the Prosecutor.  “If I knew anything that would prove that Mr. Grimaldi committed the crime he’s charged with, no I wouldn’t have a problem.”   
  
    “So is there any reason why you haven’t come forth of your own free will to recount a conversation you had with Mr. Grimaldi at Memorial Hospital approximately three months ago?”  Thompson smoothly asked as he locked eyes with Holden.   
  
    “Three months ago we had several conversations.  Many conversations about the fact that Noah Mayer was nearly killed and we worried about his survival.”  Holden said through gritted teeth.    
  
    “Ah, yes.  Noah Mayer’s attack.  Sad thing, that.”  Thompson said as he turned again toward the gallery.  “Would it be fair to say that emotions within your family were running high during that period of time?”   
  
    “Of course.”  Holden snapped.   
  
    Thompson’s head whipped around at Holden’s tone.  “Where your emotions running high?”   
  
    “Yes.”  Holden said looking down at his hands   
  
    “How about Mr. Grimaldi’s emotions, were they running high?”  Thompson asked.   
  
    Holden slowly looked up into the Prosecutor’s eyes.  Thompson knew about conversation by the fountain.  Only two people knew about that conversation and apparently one of them had decided it was time the District Attorney was privy to it.    
  
    “Did you not understand the question, Mr. Snyder?”  Thompson asked when Holden didn’t answer.   
  
    Holden simply continued to stare back at the Assistant District Attorney.    
  
    “I asked you, were Mr. Grimaldi’s emotions running high?”  Thompson took a step forward.   
  
    Holden didn’t move.  He hardly even breathed.  ‘D*amn you, Damian’ he thought.  He had told him he wouldn’t help him get convicted but Damian had taken the choice out of his hands.    
  
    ‘Why wasn’t Holden answering the question.’ Lily thought as she started to fidget at Holden’s continued silence on the stand.  Luke and Noah both sat motionless as they watched the District Attorney step nearer the stand and Holden tense up.    
  
    “Your Honor, I’d like to treat Mr. Snyder as a hostile witness.”  Thompson asked the Judge.   
  
    Judge Stone considered the request for a second as he turned to Holden.  “Granted.”   
  
    “Mr. Snyder, I’ll ask again, was Mr. Grimaldi’s emotions running high during that time?”   Thompson was smiling now.   
  
    Holden glanced quickly over to Damian who was sitting with his arms folded quietly on the table top in front of him.  Their gazes locked and Holden knew that this was Damian’s doing and that he wanted Holden to recount the d*amning conversation that had taken place that night at Memorial.  Damian’s head nodded ever so slightly.   
  
    It wasn’t slight enough though that Lily, Luke and Noah didn’t all see it.    
  
    ‘What are you two hiding?’  Lily thought as her eyes snapped back to her husband.   
  
    “Mr. Snyder, I will cite you for contempt if you don’t answer Mr. Thompson’s question.”  Judge Stone snapped causing everyone in the courtroom to jump.    
  
    Holden swallowed and turned back to the Prosecutor standing in front of him.  “Yes, Mr. Grimaldi’s emotions were running high.”   
  
    “Thank you and was there a specific conversation that took place that illustrated just how emotional Mr. Grimaldi was?”  Thompson asked with a smirk.   
  
    “Yes.”  Holden whispered.   
  
    “I’m sorry, you need to speak loud enough so the court reporter can get an accurate record.”  Thompson said.   
  
    “I said, yes.”  Holden said louder.   
  
    “And would you recount the contents of that conversation for the Court.”  The Prosecutor turned again and wondered back toward his table.   
  
    Holden took in a slow breath and dropped his eyes again.  “Mr. Grimaldi and I were having a conversation outside Memorial.  He was upset, we all were.”   
  
    “Just stick to the actual contents of the conversation, not your thoughts or opinions, please.”  Thompson smiled.   
  
    “Objection, Your Honor.”  Ken finally stood as he spoke.  “This is complete hearsay.”   
  
    Judge Stone sat and thought for a moment.  “Overruled, I want to hear what the conversation entailed and then I’ll make the judgment on it’s admissibility.”   
  
    “Again, Mr. Snyder, what exactly did Mr. Grimaldi say during the course of this conversation?”  Thompson continued as if not interrupted.   
  
    “I don’t really remember the exact words.”  Holden tried to hedge.   
  
    “Of course you do, Mr. Snyder because the conversation concerned you greatly, didn’t it?”  Thompson leaned against the table with his forearms crossed.   
  
    Holden stared at the Assistant DA.  “He said that he was concerned about Luke’s welfare.”   
  
    “Nice try, Mr. Snyder.”  Thompson smiled.  “I’m referring to his statements in regard to the victim in this case.”   
  
    Holden sat staring at the back of the room now.  He’d tried hedging, tried dodging but obviously he wasn’t getting out of this.  ‘Damn you, Damian.’   
  
    “He said that he wished that Margo wouldn’t catch the people who had did this to Noah.”  Holden said flatly.   
  
    More than a handful of heads snapped in Damian’s direction at that statement most notable of all his own attorney, Ken Davis.   
  
    “And what was your response to that?”  Thompson took one step closer.          
  
    “I asked him why?”  Holden said.   
  
    “And his response?”  Thompson said with a satisfied smile.   
  
    “He said . . . he said because he’d kill them.”   
  
    There was a muffled gasp in the room.  Lily was stunned as she listened to Holden.  Noah sat, the blood draining from his face and Luke simply closed his eyes.    


 

* * *

 

    “You’re an asshole you know that, right?”  Holden yelled as he closed the interrogation room door behind him and confronted Damian. 

  
    “You simply told the truth, Holden.”  Damian said to the enraged man standing before him.   
  
    “Why did you tell the DA’s office about that conversation?  In fact, how did you tell them because I know Ken Davis didn’t phone up Peyton and tell him?”  Holden said as he paced around the small room.   
  
    “I had someone call, you don’t need to know who.”  Damian answered as he followed Holden with his eyes.  “And why?  Because if they don’t send me to trial and convict me they, Peyton, are going to go after someone else and I think we both know who that someone else might be.”   
  
    Holden stopped and looked at the wall, not daring to glance in Damian’s direction.  “Do you know who?”   
  
    Damian could sense the tension in Holden’s body.  He obviously knew something that Damian didn’t, just as Damian knew something that Holden didn’t.  “I know that Noah told Dusty that he, in fact, thinks Luke did it.”   
  
    Holden’s shoulders sank along with his head.  “Dusty knows?  How?”   
  
    “We had a discussion and he said that he and Lucinda didn’t believe that I killed Jeff and they believed that because Noah had told Dusty about the night of Jeff’s murder and that they had lied about their alibi and that Noah disposed of some bloody shoes of Luke’s.”  Damian finished looking at Holden’s back.   
  
    He turned and stared at Damian’s face.  “I saw Noah drop the shoes into the pond.  I thought they were his until Lily and I were at their house for dinner and Luke asked Noah where his tennis shoes had gone and Noah lied about where they were.  I realized it was Luke’s shoes he’d been getting rid of.”   
  
    “So you thought it was Noah at first?”  Damian asked.   
  
    “Yeah.”  Holden breathed as he lend against the door.  “I thought Emerson was coming for him the night of the engagement.”   
  
    Damian was shaking his head.  The fact that Dusty had seemed to confirm his suspicions about his son’s involvement in the murder had come as a slight shock, but with Holden’s added confirmation Damian was really rather depressed.   
  
    “You know, with this admission you forced me into making today your almost assured of going to trial and you stand a good chance of being convicted.”  Holden said staring down at him.   
  
    Damian smiled slightly.  “Don’t sound so upset, Holden.”   
  
    “Damian, if they can prove premeditation Illinois has the death penalty.”  He breathed.    
  
    “Holden, I didn’t know you cared.”  Damian smiled.   
  
    “Stop.  You didn’t kill him.  You could get the death penalty, Damian!”  Holden whispered fiercely as he leaned forward with his hands on the table.   
  
    Damian sat staring at Holden.  “What makes you think that I’d ever make it to a prison here in the United States?”    
  
    Holden stood up as if he’d been slapped.  “What?”   
  
    “If I get convicted, I’ll escape before I make it to Statesville.  Malta has an extradition agreement with the United States but I’m positive I’d be able to successfully fight it.”  He said calmly.  “Since I won’t be able to attend Luke and Noah’s wedding, maybe they’ll come to Malta for their honeymoon so I can see them.”   
  
    “You’ve just got this all planned out, don’t you?”  Holden whispered.   
  
    “Of course, Holden.”  Damian smiled.   


 

* * *

 

    Luke stood just outside the interrogation room door.  He’d come in just as Holden had slipped through the door to see Damian.  He couldn’t stand there with his ear pressed up against it to hear what was being said but he was close enough to hear one word that was repeated several times and that rang in his ears.  ‘Noah.’

  
    They had all stood when the Judge had adjourned the hearing for the day.  Lily, Noah and himself weren’t the only ones stunned and dumbfounded.  Margo had immediately asked Jack if he’d known about Holden and this conversation at the hospital.  Jack had denied it and looked almost as upset as Margo as he started toward his exiting cousin.   
  
    “What the hell was that, Holden?”  Jack whispered as he stepped up into his cousin’s face.   
  
    “Later, Jack.  Okay?”  Holden had answered as he forced his way through the crowd determined to leave the courtroom as quickly as possible.    
  
    Lily hadn’t moved.  She stared at Holden’s back as he exited the courtroom.  She had a feeling she knew exactly where he had been heading all along.  Luke had told Noah that he’d meet him at his parent’s house and Noah took Lily home.   
  
    Luke stood waiting for someone to open the door.  Open up and explain why his dad had purposely kept a d*amning fact that could easily send his father, who up until three months ago he couldn’t stand the sight of, to jail for life.  Holden had actually been forced to reveal that fact and that in and of itself confirmed that Damian was innocent and protecting someone.  And that someone was obviously Noah.   
  
    Luke jumped as the door swung open unexpectedly and he stood staring at both Holden and Damian.    
  
    “How could you tell the District Attorney about what Damian said to you, dad?”  Luke asked without realizing he’d taken a step toward them.    
  
    “Luciano.”  Damian began.    
  
    “No, Damian.  You haven’t wanted to talk to me, I’m asking my dad.”  Luke snapped.   
  
    “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask both of you to leave while I speak with my client.”  Ken Davis interrupted as he walked up to them.    
  
    Holden turned his gaze on his son and a look of ‘you know’ seemed to be there.  He turned away before Luke could even speak and headed out the door.   
  
    Luke stood alone again as the doors swung shut behind Holden’s retreating back and the door of the interrogation room swung shut to Damian.   
  
    ‘Damn it!’  Luke thought as he almost ran out of the squad room.   


 

* * *

 

    The hand hesitated as it reached out for the handle of the mailbox.  ‘Stop, stop, stop’ the mind screamed trying to get the hand to listen to it. 

  
    ‘You can’t do this.’  But the hand wasn’t listening.  It continued to reach out and finally grasp the handle and pull it open and now the other hand came into view of the eyes that were wide, not believing what the hands were doing.  The other hand holding the envelope marked “Statesville” that held the two line note.    
  
    ‘Stop, stop, stop.’  The voice said to the mind, but the hands still weren’t listening as they dropped the envelope into the mailbox.   
  
    Now, the mouth betrayed the mind, too as it smiled in satisfaction.   


 

* * *

  
  
  


    Lily stood staring at the picture on the mantel of her fireplace.  It had been taken shortly after the kidnapping when Noah and Luke had been staying there.  It was of her, the boys and Holden all sitting out on the patio and smiling.  The relief plain on all of their faces.  Relieved because they thought the worst was behind them. 

  
    Lily snorted out a laugh.  ‘When will we ever get the worst behind us?’   
  
    She hadn’t been surprised that Noah had hastily excused himself and left after dropping her at the house.  In fact, she was glad.  She needed time to think, to wonder, to gear herself up for the “conversation” she was going to have with Holden as soon as he walked in the door.   
  
    As if conjured up by the mere thought of him, Holden burst through the door.  Throwing his suit jacket with more force than was necessary onto the nearby chair.  He stopped short when he saw Lily standing at the fireplace.   
  
    “Well.”  Lily began.  “I see I’m not the only one mad right now.”   
  
    Holden slowly turned around and closed the front door.  Seeming to take a breath and then turned to face his wife.  “Where’s everyone?”   
  
    Lily glared at her husband.  So this was how he wanted to play this?  Fine.    
  
    “Luke didn’t come here and Noah had somewhere else to be.”  Lily said as she took a step closer.  “Where did you go in such a hurry?”   
  
    Holden looked away as he reached up and loosened his tie.  “For a walk.”   
  
    “I’m sure that walk lead you right to the Oakdale Police Department.”  She said matter of factly.   
  
    Holden stopped, not looking at her.   
  
    “When exactly did you realize that Damian hadn’t done it?”  Lily’s patience finally snapping.   
  
    Holden just stared at the floor.   
  
    “Because you’ve obviously known for a while because you certainly would have told the DA about that conversation.”  Lily said as she paced.  “I mean, I should have known.  I mean, Damian’s charged with murder, hell he confessed to it and you weren’t jumping for joy and planning his trip to Statesville.”   
  
    Holden continued to avoid her eyes.   
  
    Lily stopped pacing and stood looking at her husband realization dawning.  “You knew as soon as he confessed that he didn’t do it.”   
  
    Holden slowly met her eyes.    
  
    “You were both distracted at the engagement party.”  Lily whispered as she remembered both her husband and ex-husband’s demeanor that night.  Lily’s eyes suddenly going wide, her head shaking as if trying to deny the truth now staring her in the face.   
  
    Holden’s ears were ringing from the force of the slap before his brain even registered that Lily had closed the distance between them.  As his vision cleared his saw the tears streaming down his wife’s face as she stood in front of him, rage and hurt pouring off of her in waves.   
  
    “How long?”  She screamed.  “How long have you . . . have you and Damian known that one of our boys killed him?!?”   
  
    Holden couldn’t answer.  A giant lump caught in his throat.   
  
    “Answer me!”  She screamed again.   
  
    “Damian, since the night Luke gave Margo an alibi.”  Holden said in a barely heard whisper.  “Me, the night of the engagement party.”   
  
    Lily brought her arm back to deliver another slap but she stopped and her hand dropped.  Her breath coming in gasps.  “Which one?”   
  
    Holden stood staring at his wife, all her energy and anger suddenly drained from her and she seemed to sag against the back of one of the arm chairs.    
  
    “We think . . . Luke.”  Holden whispered.   
  
    “Did you ask him?”  Lily chocked.   
  
    Holden was having a hard time focusing since tears were now clouding his vision.  “How . . .  how do you ask your son if he murdered someone?”   
  
    He caught Lily as she crumbled to the floor.   


 

* * *

  
  



	25. Chapter 25

    Kevin was standing in the hallway outside the courtroom waiting to see if his dad would have a minute to talk, but was disappointed when he saw his father rush out of the courtroom and nearly run for the elevator. 

  
    “Looks like we in the peanut gallery weren’t the only ones surprised by what Holden had to say.”  Jade said as she stepped up behind Kevin and watched his father race down the hallway.    
  
    “Yeah.”  Kevin breathed as he turned toward her.  “I don’t get it.”   
  
    Jade looked at Kevin confused.  “Don’t get what?”   
  
    Kevin leaned up against the wall.  “Well, Holden and Damian don’t get along, right?”   
  
    “They get along like oil and water.”  Jade smiled.   
  
    “So, if Holden knew that Damian said he’d kill the men responsible for Noah’s attack and he doesn’t like Damian, why did Thompson and the Judge have to threaten Holden with jail before he’d tell them about it?”  He said shaking his head.   
  
    “I don’t know.”  Jade sighed.  It was all so confusing.  She looked up at Kevin from underneath her eyelashes with a questioning look.   
  
    “What?”  He asked.   
  
    Jade was biting her bottom lip, trying to decide what to say.  “You remember at the engagement party when we saw Luke at the bonfire?”   
  
    “Uh-huh.”  Kevin said shifting slightly.   
  
    “What if . . .” She began looking around at the empty hallway to make sure no one overheard her as she took a step closer to Kevin.  “What if Luke had something to do with Jeff’s murder?”   
  
    Jade watched as Kevin suddenly dropped his eyes to the floor.  “Kevin, what?”  She said as she backed him up against the wall and poked a finger at his chest.  “If you know something about my cousin, you better tell me.”   
  
    Even though Jade was mad and yelling at him, Kevin found it almost impossible suddenly to tear his attention away from the fire and passion that were in her eyes at that moment.  He physically jerked his eyes away and took a breath as he tried to decide what he was going to tell her.    
  
    “Kevin?”  Jade asked again.   
  
    “All right.”  Kevin sighed.  “All right.  I talked to Luke the other day.”     
  
    Jade waited for Kevin to continue.  “And?”   
  
    “He burned a shirt that night.”  Kevin said as he shoved his hands deep in his pockets.  “He was getting rid of it because it had blood on it.”   
  
    Jade closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  “I can’t believe it.  Luke . . . Luke killed him, didn’t he?”  She wrapped her arms around herself and was shaking her head.  “I can’t believe this.”   
  
    “Jade.”  Kevin began.  “It wasn’t Luke’s shirt.”   
  
    Jade’s eyes snapped open.  “What?”   
  
    He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.  “It was Noah’s shirt he was burning.”   
  
    Jade stood silent.  “What?  How?”   
  
    “Luke said they weren’t home that night.  The alibi was a lie.  He woke up and Noah was gone and he went to look for him and found him in the middle of Old Town.  The next morning he found Noah’s shirt covered in blood.”  Kevin rushed it all out looking at her.  “When Margo showed up wanting an alibi he came up with one and Noah went along with it.”   
  
    “Well did he ask Noah how it happened?  Maybe it was an accident?”  Jade whispered.   
  
    “Luke hasn’t asked.”  Kevin answered.  “Both my dad and Tom Hughes told them not to talk about it.  Even if they didn’t tell them that, I don’t think Luke really wants to know that Noah did it.  He’s in denial.”   
  
    “God.”  Jade breathed.  “He knows Noah did it and Damian’s on trial for it.  This is so screwed up.”   
  
    “I know, but . . . “ Kevin and Jade’s heads snapped around at the sound of shouts coming from what they thought had been an empty court room.    
  
    They looked questioningly at each other and glanced around the deserted hallway and quietly crept over to the doors of the court room and pressed their ears to the crack.   
  
    “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”  Peyton screamed at Jason Thompson.  “I told you that he didn’t do it.  I told you Mayer killed my son.”   
  
    Peyton was standing in the middle of the court room.   He’d been in the back of the room during the questioning of Holden Snyder and he’d been barely able to contain himself until the room had been vacated and he could talk to his Assistant alone.     
  
    “I got a tip two days ago that Holden Snyder had information pertinent to the case and he did.  He admitted that Damian Grimaldi as far back as three months ago threatened the lives of your son and others.  That’s premeditation.”  Jason said as he sat  in the chair behind his Prosecution’s table.   
  
    Peyton quietly walked over and leaned down on the top of the table..  “I told you, I know that Grimaldi didn’t do it.”   
  
    Jade and Kevin both registered surprise as they listened to that statement as they stood outside ease dropping on the conversation between the District Attorney and his Assistant.   
  
    “I didn’t give you Lead Assistant District Attorney over Sally Benson because you are all that good, Jason.  I gave it to you because you are supposed to do what I tell you to do, when I tell you to do it.  Do you understand me?”   
  
    Peyton could hear Jason swallow audibly as he sat looking up at his boss.    
  
    “I don’t want Grimaldi going to trial.  Mayer killed my son and he’s going to pay for it.”  Peyton said as he looked down at Jason.  “Get it done the way I said.”   
  
    Jade and Kevin could hear the approaching footsteps coming toward the door.  They quickly and quietly ran down the hallway and around the corner and waited as they watched Emerson emerge from the court room and take the elevator down.    
  
    Kevin grabbed Jade’s hand and pulled her behind him as he pushed through the door to the stairwell and started racing down the steps.  After the first two flights, Jade stopped and yanked off her heals so she could race down the stairs quicker.  They emerged in the lobby just as Emerson was going out the front door of the court house.    
  
    Kevin was reaching into his pants pocket for his keys as he continued to follow the District Attorney, Jade running along with him.   
  
    They watched as Peyton approached and got into his car.  He sat for a minute on his cell phone before pulling out and heading out of the parking lot.    
  
    “Shit.”  Kevin swore as he raced toward his car.    
  
    “What are you doing!?”  Jade yelled as she raced up behind him as he fumbled to get his car door unlocked.   
  
    “I’m following him, what do you think I’m doing?”  Kevin said as he ripped the door open and hopped in.   
  
    “Why!?”  Jade grabbed the car door so he couldn’t close it.    
  
    Kevin glared up at her.  “He said he knew that Damian didn’t do it.  You heard him, Jade.  Now let go of the door.”   
  
    “No, Kevin.”  Jade said as she continued holding the door open.  “Yeah, I heard him but we don’t know what it means.”   
  
    “Jade, let go of the door.” Kevin was nearly screaming.    
  
    “What do you think you’re going to do?  You’re not a cop, Kevin.”  She said.   
  
    “He knows, which means he’s got some kind of evidence.”  Kevin got out and stood looking down into her eyes.  “Evidence that could convict Noah.  You heard him, he’s not going to stop until he does.”   
  
    Jade placed her hand on Kevin’s that was on the top of the car door.  “Even if he does, how are you going to find it?  It’s not like he’s going to give it to you.  Why you anyway?”   
  
    “Who else?”  He asked and saw her doubtful look.  “Exactly.  If it’s evidence against Noah I really can’t tell my father or the cops, now can I.”   
  
    Jade shook her head, no.   
  
    “I can’t tell Luke or Noah, as nervous as both of them are they’d probably get caught and arrested anyway.”  He said continuing to look at her.  “Who else?  Casey?  He’s married and has a kid on the way.”   
  
    “It doesn’t have to be you.”  Jade whispered.  “Peyton’s probably no better than his son.  It could be dangerous.”   
  
    “Jade, come on.”  Kevin smiled.  “It’s not like I got anybody to worry about like Casey and Emerson’s an attorney, he’s not a psycho like his son.”   
  
    Jade’s eyes softened.  “Just because you don’t have a baby on the way doesn’t mean you don’t have anybody to worry about you.”    
  
    Kevin’s eyes held hers for a long moment and then he dropped them and was clearing his throat.  “Yeah, well I’m sure my mom and dad would be upset but you know . . . “   
  
    ”Yeah, your parents would kill you if you got hurt.”  Jade laughed.  “And psychos come in all shapes.  Jeff didn’t become the way he was without some help along the way.  Just be careful.”   
  
    “I will.”  He said as he got back in the car, closed the door and started the car.   
  
    “Kevin.”  Jade asked just before he pulled out.    
  
    “Yeah?”  He answered.   
  
    “Call me every hour so I know you’re all right.”  She stared at him.  “If you don’t I’m going to call Jack.  I swear I will.”   
  
    “Okay, Jade.”  Kevin smiled.  “I’ll call you.”      
  
    Jade watched as he back up and headed off in the same direction Emerson had.  Jade stood chewing at her bottom lip.  She had a really, really bad feeling about this.   


 

* * *

  
  
  


    Kevin walked up to the house.  It was dark so he hoped that would hid what he was attempting to do, which was spy on the District Attorney to see why he knew Noah had killed his son. 

  
    He’d left Jade and driven directly to Emerson’s office.  Kevin hadn’t had a problem smiling his way into information from the reception that the District Attorney hadn’t come back to the office after the evidentiary hearing and was working from his home since his wife was out of town visiting family.    
  
    Kevin had been thankful at that moment that he lived in a small town and that everyone basically knew where everyone else lived.  He’d talked to Jade on the way since it had been an hour and she had started calling just as he was leaving the District Attorney’s office.  She’d been none to thrilled about the prospective of Kevin going to Emerson’s home and reminded him on more than one occasion during the brief conversation that he wasn’t a detective, just a pre-law student.    
  
    He laughed at the memory of her call and realized that he was smiling from ear-to-ear.  He shook his head, clearing it of the memory.  He had a job to do and didn’t have time to think about Jade and him or if, in fact, there was a Jade and him.    
  
    Kevin had had no idea as he was driving toward Emerson’s house what he was going to do.  He had a gut feeling that Peyton had something on Noah that would prove he killed Jeff, otherwise why would he be so sure that Damian hadn’t done it and didn’t want him to go to trial.  But what he’d do if he indeed found that Peyton had evidence against Noah?  He wasn’t a cop.  He wasn’t a criminal either so he couldn’t just break in and take it.   
  
    Kevin had parked at the end of the long driveway and walked up to the almost completely dark house.  The only signs of life was a light in a first floor room near the back of the house.  Kevin decided to take a peek for lack of any other idea of what to do.  He approached the window and had to avoid the prickly holly bush that insisted on trying to poke him.   He could see a room that appeared to be an elaborate study.    
  
    He eased up to the window trying not to be seen.  He could see the screen of a laptop sitting on the desk with a chair backed up to the window.  His eyes were glued to the images playing out on the screen.  Noah!? . . . and . . . Jeff!?   
  
    As he watched it struck him that there was something unusual about the video.  He could see Noah and Jeff, they seemed to be arguing on a roof top, but they kept going out of the image and the camera didn’t follow them.  It was as if the camera was fixed in one position.  Like it wasn’t being held by a person, like it was a . . . surveillance tape of some sort.   
  
    The World Wide building!  Of course, they’d have surveillance cameras.  But how had Emerson gotten a hold of it before the police?  And why hadn’t he given it to the police?  Kevin’s mind was racing as he continued to watch the images.  He froze as he watched Noah grab Jeff’s shirt and force him over the edge of the roof, but his heart stopped racing when Noah pulled Jeff back and he collapsed onto the roof and Noah walked away.    
  
    He walked away?  He didn’t push Jeff off the roof?  What the??  Kevin watched as Jeff sat on the roof for a few moments and even though he couldn’t here the audio he could tell Jeff was crying.  Suddenly Jeff’s head jerked up as if he had heard something.  Kevin’s eyes bulged as he saw the person who Jeff had seen off camera finally make their way into the line of sight of the surveillance camera.   
  
    “Son of a bitc . . .”  Kevin began but was cut short as he crumped to the ground unconscious.    


 

* * *

  
  
  


    It was almost 8:00 p.m. and Noah was walking up to his apartment.  He’d dropped off Lily and made an excuse about having to do something but it had been a lie.  The only thing he’d been able to do since the end of the trial was walk or sit in his truck watching the scenes play out over and over again in his mind.

  
    Damian going to jail, possibly even getting the death penalty.  They’d both heard Tom whispering that to Margo as they waited for the elevator.  Thompson had proved premeditation and in Illinois that met the classification of “special circumstances”.    
  
    Noah was positive he wouldn’t be able to live with that outcome.  He’d somehow over the course of the last week made himself believe that maybe Damian had done it or maybe he’d be able to live with the fact that an innocent man was going to spend years in jail for something he didn’t do in order to protect the one person who meant everything to him, but with today’s events the reality was hitting him hard and he was totally coming apart.   
  
    There wasn’t any way he’d ever let Luke go to prison for killing Jeff.  If he killed him, and he said, ‘if’ because he just didn’t want to admit it even in his brain that Luke would be pushed that far.  ‘If’ he killed Jeff, Luke wasn’t going to prison.    
  
    Noah turned the key in the lock and walked into a dark apartment.  Luke wasn’t home yet either.  He flipped on the overhead light and dropped his keys on the kitchen island and stood.  His mind continuing to race in circles.  Like a hamster on a never ending wheel.  Running and running but getting no where.    
  
    If he had just not gotten attacked and raped.  If none of this had happened then they all wouldn’t be here now.  Fate was a cruel mistress was an old saying that kept popping up in his head.  His mind picturing Damian sitting on death row.  Luke in jail and being beaten and raped like Casey.  Luke pleading for Damian’s life.  Lily, Holden, the whole family devastated while Luke goes on trial for murder.  Visions played in his head like a bad movie . . .   
  
  
  
    Luke parked his car in the dark parking lot.  He looked up at the window to his and Noah’s apartment and saw the light on through the window.  He glanced at the watch that Noah had given him and caressed the face of it.  It was 8:15 p.m.  He’d been driving aimlessly for almost three hours since leaving the police station.    
  
    Damian and Holden knew that Noah had killed Jeff.  He was certain.  He could see it in that one look into Damian’s eyes that Damian hadn’t done it and the way that the facts had to be pulled out of his father about the conversation he and Damian had had spoken volumes about the fact that Holden knew that Damian didn’t do it.   
  
    They were hiding something from everyone.  Luke could see it in the way his mother had watched his father as he got off the witness stand and made his way out of the court room.  When he’d been standing in the police station the only words he kept making out in Holden and Damian’s conversation behind closed doors had been Noah’s name.  They knew.  He didn’t know how, but they did and they were covering for him.   
  
    Covering up for Noah to the point that now Damian was probably facing the death penalty.  Luke rested his head on the top of the steering wheel.  What was he going to do?  He couldn’t let his father go to prison for something he hadn’t done.  And Noah?  If they did find out Damian didn’t do it they’d start investigating the crime again and come right back to Noah.  Peyton had wanted to arrest him that night at the farm.  If Damian got off somehow, he knew Peyton would make a beeline straight to Noah and how long would Noah hold out.    
  
    Not long.  Noah wasn’t good at the lying thing, never had been.  Luke smiled sadly, he could tell the last two weeks that Noah wanted to talk.  Confess to him everything that had happened.  Peyton would have him confessing right onto death row in minutes.  That wasn’t going to happen!  Just the thought of what would happen to Noah in prison was enough to make Luke shiver.     
  
    Luke lifted his head and stared ahead into the darkness.  He couldn’t let Damian do this.  Couldn’t let him take the blame and the consequences, but he had to protect Noah.  Noah was the most important person in his life.  He knew that he’d do anything for Noah and that Noah would do anything for him . . .   
  
  
  
    Noah had to find a way to stop it somehow.  He was the reason they were all here.  His attack was the beginning of all this.  Damian was protecting Luke.  Luke had been protecting him when he killed Jeff.  Now Noah . . .  would have to protect them.  His family.  Those were his thoughts as he stood staring . . .   
  
  
  
    Luke knew Noah had always been the strong, protective one of the two but since the attack that role had shifted and Luke knew that he needed to be the protective one now.  He had to and he would.  Damian and Noah neither was going to go to prison were his thoughts as his hand touched the door nob . . .   
  
  
  
    Noah turned as he heard the key in the door and watched as Luke closed it and they stood staring at each other.  Luke’s eyes burned into Noah’s from across the space.  Noah was across the distance in three giant strides, the momentum forced Luke’s back up against the front door as their mouths crashed together.   
  
  
    Noah’s onslaught was met and countered by Luke’s wild frenzy.  Their mouths devoured each other as Noah pinned Luke’s body in place against the door.  Their hands were everywhere as they rained open-mouthed kisses onto each other.  No words were exchanged, the only sounds were the sounds of kissing and ragged breathing.    
  
    Noah struggled to get his hands to obey him as he quickly pulled his lips away as he pulled Luke’s polo shirt up and over his head and threw it to the side.  Their lips were drawn back together and his hands immediately went to work on the belt and buttons on Luke’s jeans.  He needed to get the pants off . . . now.   
  
    Luke was losing focus as his hungry mouth continued to devour Noah’s.  He’d gotten some much needed air when Noah had pulled away to get his shirt up and over his head but now Noah’s lips were back and his mind was floating away again.  His hands weren’t cooperating as he tried to undo the buttons on his fiancés shirt but they just weren’t coming undone.  Luke frustration got the best of him as he pushed Noah forcefully away.    
  
    Noah’s shock at being forced away was short lived as his lust-filled blue eyes met desire inflamed brown ones.  Luke had had enough of the offending shirt and reached out and grabbed the button down shirt at the top and ripped it open.  Buttons ricocheted in all directions as Luke stood with a ripped half of shirt in each hand and a heavy breathing fiancé, underneath said shirt, whose eyes had just gone from a lust-filled blue to a “fuck, yeah” black in a matter of seconds.   
  
    Frenzy hit both of them.  Luke pulled the shirt off of Noah’s arms and threw it who knows where.  Noah was walking backwards toward the bedroom, locking eyes with Luke as he slowly started unbuttoning his jeans and let them and his boxers fall as he reached the bedroom door.  He kicked them aside when they bunched at his ankles and stood, naked, watching Luke who hadn’t moved yet.   
  
    Luke slowly unbuttoned his jeans and dragged them and his own boxers down and off and dropped them on the nearby sofa and slowly started toward the bedroom.  Their eyes locked again and never wavered as Luke came up and followed Noah as he took a few more backward steps into their bedroom.  They stood silently, staring.   
  
  
    Hazel gazed at blue.  ‘God, how I love this man.  I can’t let anything happen to him.  He’s mine, he’s my world, his everything  --  Tomorrow?’   
  
  
    Blue stared back at hazel.  ‘I love him more than my own life.  His support and love - he’s the breath in my body.   I’ll never let him down again, I’ll never let his family down again – But we still have tonight.’   
  
  
    Hands flow out as each pulled the other in and the magnetic pull that had always been them worked it’s magic again.  Their hips seemed to fuze together as easily as their lips did.  Luke snaked his arms around and up Noah’s back until his hands were buried in his black curls.  He gripped and turned Noah’s head for better access to drive his tongue and kisses even deeper.  Noah’s groan was the only sound either needed as the frenzied pace started again.    
  
    Noah was finding it hard to catch his breath as he bent into Luke’s kisses.  Wet kisses left his mouth and traveled along his jawline and started down his neck.  Luke was finding it hard to control himself as he kissed his fiancé.  He pulled back and once again their hungry eyes locked.   
  
    Luke didn’t hesitate as he pushed Noah back onto the bed and Noah didn’t hesitate to comply as he fell back and watched as Luke practically crawled up his long body until he was straddling his hips.  Luke sat staring down at Noah, grinding their hips together.  Noah breath hitched as he felt Luke’s hard erection brush against his own, equally hard erection.  The friction was almost more than he could take as he reached up and grabbed Luke and crushed their lips back together.    
  
    Luke felt a hot need, an ache start.  He wanted nothing more than to take all night and he and Noah explore and rediscover everything about each other’s body that turned them on but his need to have Noah inside and filling him was winning out.  His hand reached out blindly and he jerked the drawer open and pulled out the lube and condom.    
  
    At the sound of Luke’s searching hand Noah broke the kiss and saw that Luke already had their supplies out and gazed up into Luke’s eyes and saw the red-hot desire and want there.  He reached out and grabbed the lube from the bed where Luke had dropped it and opened it and slicked up his fingers.  He heard Luke opening the condom and felt an almost electric charge as Luke  reached back and rolled the condom over his painfully hard c*ock.    
  
    Just the touch from Luke was almost enough to send him over the edge and he pulled Luke into another kiss as his reached around with his hand and his fingers gently entered Luke.  He stretched and slide in and out.  Feeling Luke starting to rock back and forth on them was proving to be almost more than he could bare.  Without warning, Luke pulled back and slowly lifted his hips and lowered himself onto Noah.    
  
    Noah’s eyes never left Luke’s face.  He loved watching the play of emotions across that beautiful face.  The first signs of pain quickly replaced by a look of utter contentment and than that replaced by undisguised want.   
  
    Smoldering hazel locked with deep violet as Noah gripped Luke’s hips and braced his feet to get better leverage.  Luke held on to Noah’s shoulders and rocked his hips back and forth, meeting each of Noah’s upward thrust with a backward push.  Noah landing on the exact spot with each thrust, pushing Luke closer and closer to the edge.   
  
    They couldn’t look away as they each pushed and pulled, slide and glided closer to the edge.  Each wanting to prolong it as long as possible but neither wanting to slow the back and forth that was driving them there.  Noah could see in Luke’s eyes all the love, desire and need that he himself felt.  The connection, the heat, the love that was between them.  This was what he’d missed those long months and now they were back.    
  
    Luke rocked his hips, slamming them back into Noah’s.  Meeting him thrust for thrust.  Luke was nearing the end and he hadn’t even been touched.  He could feel the sensation at the base of his spine.  Feel his balls tightening up as his hard c*ock bounced with each thrust and leaked c*um onto Noah’s firm stomach.    
  
    Noah glanced down at Luke’s erection and was caught by the beauty of his lover’s body.  His erection making his penis engorged and pink along the crown.  Pre-c*um slowly leaking out and making a small pool on his own stomach muscles.  The sight was just another image to send to his own engorged erection now sliding in and out of Luke’s tightness.    
  
    As if Noah’s gaze had been caress enough, Luke suddenly gasped and they both watched as ribbons of white c*um was suddenly shooting and landing on Noah’s stomach and chest.  They’re eyes met again as Luke gasped in ragged breaths as he watched as Noah’s face was overtaken by the expression of bliss as Luke’s muscles contracted around Noah as he thrust one final time and Luke felt Noah’s release long and deep inside.    


 

* * *

    “C’mon, Kevin.”  Jade breathed as she snapped her cell phone shut. 

  
    It was almost 9:30 and she hadn’t heard anything from Kevin in almost two-hours and she was starting to really, really worry.   
  
    She looked up as the waitress approached for the third time in the last half hour.  “You sure I can’t get anything for you, honey?”    
  
    “No, I’m leaving.  Thanks.”  Jade said as she made the decision to go to Emerson’s house herself.    
  
    She was so intent on figuring out what to do when she actually got there that she didn’t see the man coming in the door of Al’s as she was running out.   
  
    “Ughh.”  A male voice said as she ran headlong into him.  “Jade?”   
  
    Jade looked up into Dusty’s concerned face and stammered out an apology as she tried to untangle herself and continue to her car.  “Sorry, Dusty.”   
  
    “Wait, wait, wait.”  Dusty held her by her arms.  “Jade, what’s wrong?”   
  
    “Nothing’s wrong.”  Jade tried to say, knowing that the fear in her eyes were probably a dead give away.    
  
    “Right.”  Dusty smiled as he released his hold on her.    
  
    At that moment they both heard the sound of Jade’s cell phone ringing.  Jade nearly ripped a whole in her purse as she tried to open it to get to the phone.  She pulled it out only to see that it was one of her psychology classmates, probably calling for her notes.  As she pressed the button sending the call to voicemail she wasn’t the only one to see how violently her hand was shaking.   
  
    “Jade, what’s wrong?”  Dusty asked stooping down trying to catch her eye.    
  
    Jade was going to try and lie but her nerves were shot and she just couldn’t pull it off.  Before she even realized tears were streaming down her face and Dusty had pulled her into a quick embrace.    
  
    Shhhh, shhhh.”  He said as he slowly rubbed a hand up and down her back.  “Tell me, maybe I can help.”   
  
    Jade pushed back and tried to get a hold of herself but looking up into Dusty’s concerned eyes, Jade realized that maybe he could help.  Although, she’d threatened to call Jack if Kevin didn’t call her, she really couldn’t do that because Kevin was trying to find evidence that Noah killed Jeff.  Jack would be forced to be a police officer, no matter how much he loved Noah, and use any evidence Kevin found.  Dusty on the other hand, could care less about helping the police and he was Noah’s friend.   
  
    Dusty watched as Jade wiped her eyes and seemed to come to a decision as she stared wide-eyed at him.    
  
    “You’re Noah’s friend, right?”  She asked, sniffling.    
  
    “Of course.”  Dusty answered, tensing with the mention of Noah.   
  
    Jade took a deep breath.  “Kevin and I overheard Peyton Emerson and Mr. Thompson arguing.  Emerson said he knew that Damian didn’t do it and that Noah did.”    
  
    Dusty had suddenly become very still as he listened to Jade.   
  
    “And we . . . me and Kevin, saw Luke do something at the engagement party that was odd.”  Jade took another breath.  “He was burning one of Noah’s shirts.  A shirt that had blood all over it.  A shirt Noah was wearing the same night Jeff was murdered.  He told Kevin that he thought Noah killed Jeff.”   
  
    Dusty’s mind was racing.  Luke burning a bloody shirt that was Noah’s?  Noah getting rid of bloody shoes that belonged to Luke?  What the hell was going on?    
  
    “Jade, where’s Kevin?”  Dusty asked fearing he already knew the answer.   
  
    “He went to Emerson’s house.  He promised he’d call every hour, but I haven’t heard from him in over two and he’s not answering his phone.”  Jade said in a shuddering breath.   
  
    Dusty started searching his pockets for his keys.  “All right.”   
  
    “All right, what?”  Jade asked as she followed Dusty as he turned and made his way to his car.   
  
    “I’m going to go to Emerson’s house and see what’s going on.”  He said as he tried to unlock his car door.   
  
    “No.”  Jade said as she went around to the other side of the car.  “We’re going to Emerson’s house to see what’s going on.”   
  
    “No.  Wrong.  Bad idea.”  Dusty said shaking his head.    
  
    “Yes.  Bad idea.  Still going.”  Jade said starting at him.    
  
    Dusty stood staring at Jade who wore the same determined expression that he’d seen before . . . in Lily Snyder.  “Fine.  Get in the car, but if I tell you to do something, do it.  Okay?”   
  
    “We’ll see.”  Jade smiled as she buckled her seat belt.   


 

* * *

 

    Luke stood looking in the mirror of the bathroom the light hurting his eyes as he looked at himself.  He was naked and exhausted.  He and Noah had fallen asleep after their love making but Luke had quickly woken back up.  Visions of Damian and Noah running through his head.  He’d made his decision.  Tomorrow he’d fix all of this.

  
    A warm hand glided around his waist and landed on his semi-hard c*ock.  Luke looked up into the mirror to see a wide awake Noah staring back at him.  Blue eyes blazing as he wrapped his other arm around and ran his fingers through the fine hair on his chest and pulled Luke into his chest.    
  
    Luke could feel Noah’s very full erection pressing into his back as Noah dropped kisses onto his shoulders as their eyes held each other in the mirror.  Luke’s head dropped back to allow Noah better access to his neck but he still kept his eyes focused on Noah’s, not wanting to break the connection.  He sighed as he felt Noah stroking him, his erection quickly returning.   
  
    Noah kissed and licked Luke’s exposed neck.  He never got tired of that taste, the salty, spicy, just so Luke taste.  Noah’s couldn’t pull his eyes away from watching Luke in the mirror.  Watching the pleasure and the want play across his face. Watching how he gave himself to Noah’s touch.    
  
    He needed to protect this man, needed to pleasure this man, needed to have this man, needed to possess this man.  His hand traveled up from Luke’s chest to his mouth.  Noah placed his fingers on Luke’s lips and watched as Luke sucked in those fingers.  Became even harder as he felt Luke’s tongue swirl around the fingers and move his lips up and down their length.    
  
    Noah pulled them out and quickly ran his hand down Luke’s side and placed his hand on one firm, fleshy mound and slowly circled the tight ring of muscle and slipped one finger in up to the first joint.  Noah watched as Luke’s mouth fell into an “o” of pleasure at the feel of Noah’s fingers moving and stroking.  Watched as he bit his bottom lip as the second finger was added.    
  
    “Now.”  Luke breathed as he stared at Noah in the mirror.  “Now, please.”   
  
    Noah quickly withdrew his fingers.  Noah and Luke’s eyes were locked as Noah slowly pressed in.  Slowly stretching.  Slowly gliding into . . . home.  Noah adjusted his stance and started to thrust up, hitting Luke’s prostate and watched as Luke came undone.    
  
    Luke felt Noah shift and then he was thrusting in and hit that perfect spot.  His legs almost buckled, but Noah had him.  His arm wrapped around his waist holding him firm.  Luke reached back over his shoulder to grab a handful of Noah’s curls and pull his mouth to him.    
  
    Luke gasp again as Noah pushed up again and hit his prostate.  He turned back and almost came right there from the look in Noah’s eyes in the mirror.  Intense, lust, desire, want, need all there for Luke to see.  Noah’s hand tightened around Luke’s shaft as he started to stroke him, matching it to his upward thrusts.  Luke didn’t know whether to push back to meet Noah or jerk forward.    
  
    He listened to Noah’s ragged breathing next to his ear and watched as Noah’s eyes went from violet to almost black as sweat started to pour off of them both as they stood in front of the mirror mesmerized by what they were doing.  Luke didn’t know how much longer he was going to be able to hold out as Noah thrust faster and harder into him and his fist stroked him harder and faster.    
  
    Noah could feel the pressure building as he rocked in and out.  He was relishing in the tight, heat that surrounded him.  The friction of Luke’s body as it gripped him as he slide out and than slammed back in to connect with Luke.  He watched as sweat soaked bangs hung in Luke’s eyes.  Eyes that were ablaze with lust and unbridled want and need.   
  
    Noah was so close, painfully close to the edge.  He leaned into Luke and softly bit his neck as he stroked him even harder.  He could feel Luke getting, if possible, even harder in his hand and he could feel the pulsing starting.  He knew Luke was right at the edge, barely holding on.    
  
    Noah speed up the stroking and twisted his wrist.  He looked in Luke’s eyes watching as the edge came closer.    
  
    “Mine!”  Noah whispered hoarsely as he stroked and thrust in tandem.    
  
    Luke cried out as the orgasm struck with force.  Cum spilling out over Noah’s fist as he continued to stroke him.  Luke was biting his lip as his legs shook as Noah thrust another two times before he also came with a scream.  Clutching Luke almost painfully to himself as he continued thrusting through his aftershocks and leaned his head on Luke’s shoulder.   
  
    They both stood there spent as they stared at each other in the mirror.  Luke reached up and pulled Noah’s lips to his.  His lips grazed Noah’s for just a second before he pulled back and whispered.  “Yours.”   


 

* * *

 

    “Stay in the car, Jade.”  Dusty said as he parked his car next to Kevin’s at the end of Peyton Emerson’s driveway.

  
    “What?  No way.”  Jade snapped as she opened the door to follow Dusty up to the house.    
  
    “Jade.”  Dusty began as he came around the car and stared down at her.  “You’re my insurance policy.”   
  
    “What?”  She asked confused.   
  
    “If I don’t come out in say, a half hour, call Jack.”  Dusty smiled as he turned and started walking toward the house.   
  
    “Men.”  Jade huffed as she leaned back against the front of the car.    
  
  
    Dusty walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell, he figured the best course was the direct course.  He waited another minute and then rang again.  His mind had been spinning the whole way over after Jade had told him what they had heard and what Luke had told Kevin.   
  
    Luke thought Noah did it and Noah thought Luke did it.  Obviously, neither must have killed Jeff so that left someone else.  The fact that Peyton didn’t believe Damian did it and said that he knew Noah did it was setting off all kinds of bells in Dusty’s head.    
  
    The door opened and a slightly disheveled District Attorney answered the door.  “Yes?”   
  
    “Mr. Emerson, I’m Dusty Donovan.”  Dusty began with a smile.    
  
    “What can I do for you?”  Peyton asked confused.   
  
    “Lucinda Walsh has hired me to find some property that disappeared from World Wide the same night that your son died.  I think that you’re aware of what I’m talking about.”   
  
    Peyton stood staring at the man on his doorstep as if he’d sprouted a second head.  “I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand.”   
  
    “I’m sure you do understand since you say you know that Noah Mayer killed your son.”  Dusty continued to smile.    
  
    “Come in.”  Peyton breathed as he moved aside.    
  
  
  
    Jade walked up the driveway as she watched the front door close behind Dusty.  ‘Yeah, stay in the car.  Right.’  Jade thought as she stopped, looking at the darkened house wondering where she should try.  The light at the back of the house drew her attention and she started toward the light that spilled out the window.  She crept up to the window and peeked through it to see an empty study.    
  
    She quickly pulled her face back when she saw Dusty and Peyton Emerson pass by the opened door.  She was wondering what to do next when she noticed a slightly opened french door on the other side of the room.  It looked like it opened on to terrace on the other side of the house.    
  
    Jade looked around, checking to see if anyone unexpected was around and started toward the back corner of the house.  She turned the corner and saw the light from the study shining through a partially opened glass door.  Jade stopped, wait . . . “didn’t I see this in a horror movie or something?’  She chuckled as she shook herself and slowly walked up to the door.    
  
    She looked inside the study and with no sign of Peyton or Dusty she stepped inside.  She really didn’t know what she was looking for but obviously Kevin had come here and tried to find something and now he was missing.  That thought was scarier than she even wanted to admit.  She had a sudden thought as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone.  She quickly hit the redial button and waited to see if Kevin would pick up this time.   
  
    As she listened to the ring of Kevin’s phone she was struck by a strange stereo like quality.  She slowly lowered the phone from her ear and heard the faint sound of a ringing phone.  Jade looked around trying to identify the direction it was coming from and walked a few steps toward a door across the room.  She stopped in front of the door as Kevin’s phone flipped to voicemail.  As she reached out to turn the knob her eyes were drawn down to the carpet in front of the door where four small dots of red painted the floor.   
  
    Jade’s breath caught as she jerked the door open and saw two sneakered feet.  “Kevin!”  She whispered hoarsely as she scrambled into what she saw was a closet and an unconscious Kevin.    
  
    Jade fell to her knees beside Kevin and pulled him up into her arms.  “Kevin?  Kevin?”  She whispered as she cradled him against her shoulder.    
  
    Kevin’s head was screaming.  The pain was so intense he thought maybe he was starting to hallucinate because he thought he heard Jade calling his name.  “Kevin?”  There it was again.  He cracked his eyes open and blinked trying to focus his eyes.  Jade’s head was bowed over his and a single tear was running down her cheek as she called his name again.  “Kevin?”   
  
    “You couldn’t wait for a call?”  Kevin asked in a whisper.    
  
    Jade let out a nervous laugh as she hugged Kevin to her.  “No, you jerk.”  She pulled back and watched as Kevin tried to sit up and grabbed the side of his head.    
  
    “Ouch!”  Kevin breathed as he touched a large knot and then his memory came crashing back.  “Jade!  Go to the laptop and see if the disk is still there.”    
  
    “What?”  Jade asked in confusion.   
  
    “Over on the desk.  I saw a video with Noah and Jeff on it before . . . before I was knocked out.”  Kevin said as he struggled to get to his unsteady feet.  “Go look.  Quick.”   
  
    Jade helped Kevin get to his feet and than walked quickly over to the desk and hit the touch pad and the screen came back on with the frozen image of an empty roof top.  “Is this it?”  She turned the laptop toward where Kevin stood.   
  
    “Yeah, get the disk before Emerson comes back.”  Kevin tried to walk but a wave of dizziness hit him and he had to steady himself by grabbing the edge of the desk.    
  
    “He’s busy at the moment.”  Jade smirked as she hit the eject button on the side of the laptop and a disk popped out.  She grabbed it and stuffed it in her purse.  She looked up to see a confused look on Kevin’s face.  “Dusty’s here.”   
  
    “What?  How?”  Kevin asked as Jade slipped an arm around his waist and helped him toward the door.   
  
    “We ran into each other outside Al’s.”  Jade said as they eased out the door and started walking toward the driveway.  She leaned him up against Dusty’s car when they got there.  “I should call him and tell him I found you.”   
  
  
    “So Mr. Donovan, what does Lucinda have you looking for?”  Peyton asked as he walked down the hall toward the living room.   
  
    Dusty gazed around at the darkened house, wondering if Kevin was somewhere in here.  He stopped as Emerson turned around, obviously waiting for an answer.   
  
    “A surveillance tape.”  Dusty answered honestly.  “It was from the night of your son’s death.”    
  
    Peyton actually seemed taken aback by Dusty’s statement.    
  
    “What?  Didn’t think I’d just come out and tell you that’s what I’m looking for, Mr. Emerson.”  Dusty asked as he shoved his hands into his pants pockets.   
  
    Peyton stared at him for a few seconds.  “No, actually.”   
  
    “Where is it?”  Dusty asked.  “It’s theoretically stolen property.”   
  
    Peyton laughed.  “If you were going to call the police, you would have done so already Mr. Donovan, let’s not pretend here.”   
  
    Dusty gazed at the man in front of him.  So, he had the tape, which means he had to have been there the night his son was killed in order to have been able to get to it before Dusty even got there.  Noah had threatened Jeff, it was on the tape but after Noah left someone else came and killed Jeff and that would have been on the tape also.    
  
    Dusty looked at the man in front of him.  Could this man have killed his own son?  Could this man have killed his own son and than planned on framing his son’s victim for his murder?  Dusty had seen a lot of things in his life in Oakdale.  A lot of scandalous things.  A lot of insane things but this would take the cake.   
  
    The silence between them was broken by the ringing of Dusty’s phone.  He pulled it out and saw that it was Jade.  “Hello.”   
  
    “I found Kevin in the house.  He’d been knocked out.  He had me grab a cd that he said had Noah and Jeff on it.  We’re down at your car.”  Jade rushed out.    
  
    Dusty’s eyes snapped up to the District Attorney standing in front of him.  “Okay.  If I’m not walking down the driveway in five minutes call the police.”   
  
    There was a soft gasp on the other line.  “Okay, Dusty.”   
  
    Peyton’s own eyes had snapped up with Dusty’s comment and Peyton watched as he snapped his phone closed and pocketed it.    
  
    “We have the tape.”  Dusty watched as Peyton’s head whipped around toward a room behind him.  When he turned back around  all the color seemed to have drained from his face.   
  
    “We have Kevin also.”  Dusty turned to leave.    
  
    “I didn’t do anything wrong.”  Peyton yelled at his retreating back.   
  
    Dusty stopped and turned looking questioningly at Peyton.   
  
    “That night . . . on the roof.  I didn’t do anything wrong.”  Peyton said.    
  
    Dusty turned and left the DA’s house and walked quickly down the driveway.  ‘What the h*ell happened on that roof?’   


 

* * *

 

    Kevin sat on the sofa pressing a towel full of ice against the throbbing knot on his head with one hand and clutching a sobbing Jade against him with the other hand.  His face, he was sure, reflected his own shock and horror.

  
    Dusty used the remote and stopped the surveillance cd.  He had immediately called Lucinda as soon as he had gotten in the car and told her that he and the young couple were on their way over and that he had the surveillance tape in his possession.   
  
    They’d gotten there to find an anxious Lucinda practically dancing with impatience as Dusty put the cd in the player and pressed the start button.  They all proceeded to witness the death of Jeff Emerson.   
  
    “Well . . . “ Lucinda began but than didn’t quite know how to finish the statement.   
  
    “He said he didn’t do anything wrong?”  Dusty breathed, shaking his head as he rubbed the back of his neck.   
  
    “What?”  Lucinda asked.   
  
    “Peyton.  When I left he said, ‘I didn’t do anything wrong.’” Dusty said as he glanced over at Kevin and Jade.  Kevin had abandoned the ice pack and was now holding a still crying Jade in a tight embrace.    
  
    “Well . . . he obviously didn’t, ever, do anything right either.”  Lucinda said in a sad voice.   
  


* * *


	26. Chapter 26

   Ken Davis got up from the table in the interrogation room and snapped his briefcase shut as his client got up from the other side. 

  
    “Well, I guess you know that after that stunt with Holden that it’s pretty much a given that you’re going to be bound over for trial?” He said with a sigh while looking at the man he had quit the District Attorney’s office to defend.    
  
    Damian gazed at the man across the table.  “I’m sorry, Mr. Davis.”   
  
    Ken stood watching Damian.  He cleared his throat.  “Maybe I’ll be of more use to you in the next phase and keep you off of death row.”   
  
    Damian smiled.  “You would stay on as my attorney?”    
  
    “I’m a father also, Mr. Grimaldi.”  Ken paused.  “H*ell, I probably would have done the same thing if I were in your place.”  He answered as he turned toward the door.   


 

* * *

 

    Luke stood, leaning with his hand against the tile, feeling the hot water from the shower flow over his body.  He could feel the water caressing his body just as he could feel Noah everywhere and that’s just how Luke wanted it.  This would most likely be his last free morning if he had anything to say about it.

  
    He’d woken up about twenty minutes ago to hear Noah showering and watching as his naked fiancé, who knew Noah was so willing to walk around nude while getting ready, brush his teeth and shave.  Luke had been heading into the bathroom to shower himself when he’d been scooped up into a fierce embrace and kissed good morning.   
  
    Luke smiled as he turned off the water and toweled off.  Noah.  Last night had been many things;  intense, erotic, intimate, passionate.  It had also been what he wanted most to remember.    
  
    He quickly shaved and brushed his teeth.  Fighting, as always, with his unruly hair.  He sat on the bed putting on his socks and shoes thinking about everything that needed to be done when he realized he didn’t smell Noah’s coffee.  “Noah, no coffee?”   
  
    His question was met with silence.  He finished putting on his shoe and started for the bedroom door.  A feeling of dread was suddenly everywhere.    
  
    “Noah?”   
  
    Still silence.   
  
    Luke walked quickly toward the kitchen.  “Noah!?”  He saw the empty kitchen and was starting to turn towards the front door when something on the kitchen island caught his eye.  His heart sank as he took another step closer and realized it was a ring sitting on top of a piece of paper with just four words on it.  ‘I’ll love you forever.’   
  
    “Damn it, Noah.”  Luke cried as he grabbed the ring and his keys and raced out the front door.   


 

* * *

 

    Kevin was rubbing the side of his head.  The pain from last night had lessened but it was still there.  He and Jade were standing by the elevator on the fourth floor outside the courtroom waiting for Dusty and Lucinda who said that they’d meet them here.  Lucinda had been certain that they would be able to show the surveillance tape to the judge this morning and get everything straightened out.

  
    “Do you think the judge will even look at the tape?  I mean, he could rule it not admissible.”  Kevin asked Jade as he watched her pace.    
  
    She stopped and directed a incredulous gaze at him.  “This is Lucinda, Kevin.  If she wants something, she gets it.”   
  
    They both turned as the elevator doors opened expecting Dusty and Lucinda.  They were surprised to see Noah walking out alone heading toward the courtroom.   
  
    “Noah?”  Kevin asked.  “Where’s Luke?”   
  
    Noah distractedly looked toward Kevin and Jade.  “He’s running late.  He’ll be here soon.”   
  
    “We need to tell you something we found out last night.”  Kevin started toward him.   
  
    “Sorry.”  Noah said as he grabbed a hold of the courtroom door.  “Later Kevin, okay?”   
  
    “Yeah, sure.”  Kevin answered slowly as he watched Noah open the door and walk through.  He suddenly had a nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach.    
  
    He turned and watched as Jade again started to pace.  Last night had been a revelation on many levels.  The tape, the truth of what happened and Jade.  Jade had stayed in his dorm room last night because, she said, she needed to keep an eye on him since he could very well have a concussion.    
  
    “Thanks, by the way.”  He said as she passed him.   
  
    “What?”  She asked as she stopped in front of him.   
  
    “For last night, staying with me to make sure I didn’t die in my sleep.”  He smiled.   
  
    Jade stood looking at him like she was trying to come to a decision about something.  She took a step closer to him.  “I was terrified last night when I couldn’t get a hold of you.  Then I walked into that study and saw that blood and than you on the floor.”  Jade visibly shuddered.  “And then that surveillance tape.  I just didn’t want to be by myself last night.”   
  
    Kevin’s hopes that had been rising as she spoke suddenly deflated.  “Oh.  Well, I’m glad I . . . I’m glad I could help.”   
  
    Jade looked up quickly seeing the hurt in his eyes.  “No, Kevin.  I wanted to be with . . . you.”  She closed the distance between them.  “I wanted to be with you, Kevin.  No one else.”   
  
    He could see the truth in her eyes as he leaned in.  “You know, if my head hadn’t been throbbing last night, you wouldn’t have spent the night in that chair.”   
  
    Jade smirked.  “If you weren’t in such pain last night you wouldn’t have spent the night alone in that bed.”    
  
    Kevin’s breath hitched as he looked into her eyes seeing something in them that he’d always wanted to see directed at him, love.  He leaned in and captured her lips in his own.  Jade’s heart was pounding through her chest as she dissolved against him.  She felt in his kiss everything she’d always wanted, love.    
  
    The elevator door opened and Dusty and Lucinda stepped out almost right on top of the couple.  Dusty’s face sporting a lopsided smile as he watched the young man and woman that he had helped the night before finally figure out that they were in love.  He’d seen it from the moment he had gotten back to the car and watched as Jade carefully cradled Kevin’s bleeding head against her.        
  
    “My, my, my.”  Lucinda said as she gazed at the couple over the top of her sunglasses.  “What exactly do we have here?”    
  
    Kevin and Jade jumped apart at the question.  Jade blushing and Kevin hurriedly pulling at his suddenly tight collar.    
  
  
  


* * *

 

    Tires squealed as the car swerved into the parking lot and came to an abrupt halt in the nearest parking space.  Luke had barely turned the engine off before the door flew open and he was racing, nearly stumbling, toward the courthouse.  He took the front steps two at a time and burst through the front doors of the lobby startling the officers at the security screening area.

  
    He raced up to the metal detector and ran through, immediately setting off buzzers.  Luke was stopped by the upturned hand of the elderly officer.   
  
    “Empty your pockets in the tray, sir.”  He said staring at the visibly upset man in front of him.    
  
    His hands shaking and nearly hysterical, Luke emptied the contents of his pockets into the little plastic tray that the elderly security guard handed him.  He reentered the metal detector and passed through without a sound.  Frantically he scooped up his wallet and other items and took off for the elevators.   


 

 

* * *

 

    Noah stood silently as the door closed behind him.  He saw that most of the Snyder’s were already in attendance.  Holden and Lily were standing near the front row talking quietly with Casey and Allison and Margo and Tom.  Jack and Janet sat in the next row along with Brad, Katie and Meg.

  
    “Noah.”  Holden turned as he quietly approached and tried to squeeze past to take his seat next to them in the front row.  “Where’s Luke?”   
  
    Noah jumped at the mention of the name.  “He’s . . . he’s running late.  He should be here in a few minutes.”  He mumbled as he took his seat not looking at Holden only staring resolutely forward.   
  
    Holden and Lily quickly exchanged questioning looks.  They’re thoughts were cut short by the entrance of Damian as he took his seat at the Defendant’s table and the entrance of the judge.   
  
    “All rise for the Honorable Judge Thomas Stone.”  The bailiff recited as the Judge took his seat behind the bench and the assembled took their seats.    
  
    “Mr. Thompson, do you have any further witnesses to present?”  Judge Stone asked the Assistant District Attorney.   
  
    “No, Your Honor.”  The Assistant DA answered.  He had wanted to press forward but the warning from his boss the previous evening had been enough to cow him into submission.   
  
    “Well, since there are no further witnesses I will proceed to render my decision in this evidentiary hearing.”  Judge Stone began.   
  
    “Excuse me, Your Honor.”  Noah said as he quickly stood.  “May I speak?”   
  
    Every head had turned at the sound of Noah’s voice.  Holden was staring nervously at him.  He didn’t like the intense, almost detached look on Noah’s face.   
  
    “And you are?”  Judge Stone asked.   
  
    “Your Honor, my name is Noah Mayer.”  He swallowed loudly.   
  
    Judge Stone looked down and consulted his notes from the case.  “You are the victim of a crime that the victim of this proceeding committed?”   
  
    “Yes, sir.”  Noah answered.   
  
    “Mr. Mayer, unfortunately nothing having to do with your case has any bearing in this proceeding.”  The judge stated matter a factly.   
  
    Damian was now turned toward Noah and he too was concerned.  He didn’t see Luke anywhere which was unusual.  He glanced quickly at Holden and Lily and saw the unease etched in Holden’s face as he watched the young man that was standing before the court.   
  
    “Your Honor, I know that Mr. Grimaldi didn’t kill Jeff Emerson.”  Noah stated in a cold, clear voice.   
  
    “Noah, no!”  Holden whispered as he started to rise realizing what Noah was preparing to do.   
  
    “And how would you know that, Mr. Mayer?”  Judge Stone asked staring at Noah intently.   
  
    “Because . . . “   


 

* * *

 

    The elevator doors opened onto the fourth floor of the courthouse and Luke bolted out and instantly collided with Dusty.  He frantically tried to untangle himself from the man as his eyes locked onto the closed courtroom door.  He had to get in there. 

  
    “Easy pal, slow down.”  Dusty said as he tried to steady Luke.   
  
    “Noah.”  Luke frantically panted.  “Got to get in there before . . .”   
  
    He didn’t finish the statement, he just ran toward the closed door.   
  
    Kevin, Jade, Dusty and Lucinda quickly followed Luke.  They reached him just as he yanked opened the door.   
  
  
  
    “. . .  I killed Jeff Emerson.”  Noah said into the stunned silence of the courtroom.   
    Luke froze.   
  
    The silence in the courtroom was deafening.  Holden still stood gazing between Noah and the judge, while Tom Hughes stood with a restraining hand on Noah’s shoulder.    
  
    “You’re confessing to the murder of Jeff Emerson, Mr. Mayer?”  Judge Stone asked into the silence.   
  
    “No, he’s not.”  Luke spoke from the doorway.  “He’s protecting me.  I’m the one that killed Jeff.”   
  
    Heads that had turned to stare at Noah had snapped around to witness Luke’s confession.   
  
    The judge sat dumbfounded for a second.  “And you are?”   
  
    “Luke Snyder.”    
  
    “And you are the defendant’s biological son, correct?”  The Judge asked.   
  
    “Yes.”   
  
    “And if I’m correct, you’re Mr. Mayer’s partner?”  He asked again.   
  
    “Fiancé, actually.”  Luke said quietly, shooting Noah a heated look.   
  
    “They’re both lying, Your Honor.”  Damian stood and addressed the judge.  “I’m the one that did it, they are only trying to protect me.”   
  
    “You realize, Mr. Grimaldi, if you confess this time it won’t be thrown out.”  The judge asked Damian.   
  
    “They’re both lying.”  Noah interrupted.    
  
    The judge gaze shifted between the three men, for a moment unsure exactly what to do.   
  
    “Thomas.”  Lucinda spoke from the doorway.  “If you’ll allow me to speak?”   
  
    Judge Stone glanced at the woman standing in the doorway of his courtroom.  “You’re not going to confess also, are you, Lucinda?  Because honestly, I’m beginning to wish I was a member of this family if I ever wished to commit a crime since there’s a dearth of confessions at the moment.”    
  
    Lucinda chuckled.  “No.  No, I’m not.  But I do have a tape here that will answer all of your questions and show exactly what happened the night of Jeff Emerson’s death.”   
  
    Judge Stone considered the woman he’d known for more than fifteen years.  She was a formidable woman.  “What kind of tape, Lucinda?  And why are you only producing it now?”   
  
    “It’s the security tape from that night, which also disappeared that night.  I retained the services of Mr. Donovan here to locate the tape, which he did late last night.”   
  
    “I’m not sure I can admit that into evidence since I don’t know where it’s been and whether it’s been tampered with.”  Judge Stone said as he studied the assembled group.   
  
    “Thomas.”  Lucinda began as she walked further into the courtroom.  “You can have it inspected all you want, but at least look at it and we will be able to clear up all of this.”   
  
    Judge Stone considered the argument for several long moments.  “Very well.”  He looked over to his bailiff.  “Jerry, can you get the projection equipment set up so we can view this tape?”   
  
    “Yes, sir.”  The bailiff answered as he started to move into the back room and produced the asked for equipment.   
  
    “The courtroom will be adjourned until said equipment is assembled.”  The judge left the bench and retreated to his private office.   
  
    Luke walked over toward Noah, their eyes locked in a fierce stare.  Holden and Lily stepped back to allow Luke to reach him.    
  
    Luke came to a standstill in front of Noah.  “Your. Ring. And. A. Note!!  That’s it!?”  Luke said in a fierce whisper.    
  
    Noah simply stared into Luke’s smoldering eyes.    
  
    Luke grabbed Noah’s hand and forced the ring back onto his finger so hard it made Noah flinch.  “Don’t you **_ever_ **  take that off again!”   
  
    “Never.”  Noah said in almost a growl.  His hands reaching out and quickly grabbing Luke by the front of his shirt and yanking Luke toward him.  Luke would deny it later, but this caused almost a girlish whimper to escape his lips just before Noah locked his lips onto his.    
  
    Luke immediately melted like butter against Noah’s sizzling body.  Clutching at anything that he could reach, which in this case was Noah’s back and hips.    
  
    A cleared throat broke the spell they were in.  They parted staring into each other’s eyes, each knowing that the other had planned on doing this, confessing to save the other, since last night.   
  
    “You know even though this is hot, in a guy-on-guy kind of way, you two should really get a room.”  Casey’s remark floated toward them making them both smile awkwardly.    
  
    “Casey!”  Several voices admonished.    
  
    “What?”  Casey laughed.  “They can’t keep their hands off each other.”   
  
    Noah blushed as he and Luke took their seats.  Kevin waved at Casey to get him and Allison to make room for he and Jade to sit behind Holden and Lily.  Lily turned to smile at Jade and her eyes caught the clasped hands of the couple.    
  
    “Don’t say anything.”  Jade whispered as she leaned forward.    
  
    Lily made a zipping motion across her mouth and sat back smiling.   
  
    After handing the video to the bailiff Dusty and Lucinda had made their way to the other end of the front row, just behind where Damian sat and on the opposite end as Holden and Lily.  Lucinda sat down next to Luke and squeezed his hand.  “It will be alright, dear.”   
  
    Luke gazed into his grandmother’s eyes and finally, for the first time in a long while, felt peace.  Dusty, who sat on the end leaned forward and caught Noah’s eyes from where he sat between Lily and Luke.  Noah breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Dusty wink encouragingly at him.   
  
    They all turned and stood as the Judge reentered the courtroom.    
  
    “Jerry, is everything ready?”  Judge Stone asked his bailiff.   
  
    “Yes, sir.”  Jerry answered as he handed the judge the remote to the tape player and then walked over and dimmed the lights in the courtroom.   
  
    “Let’s take a look at this then.  I will state right now that if there are any outburst the tape will discontinue and I’ll clear the courtroom.  Understood?”  The judge asked the assembled.   
  
    There were numerous murmured ‘yes’s’ and nodding heads throughout the room.   
  
    The judge pressed the ‘play’ button and the image of the rooftop of the World Wide building appeared on the screen.   
  
    At first there wasn’t anything and then the sound of an elevator opening could be heard.   
  
  
  
_‘Noah pushed Jeff ahead of him and followed him while he walked further out onto the roof.  
    “So what now.”  Jeff turned with his back to the edging of the roof.  “This where you’re going to threaten me and tell me that I’m going to disappear or you’re going to kill me or whatever?”   
    Noah didn’t speak he just stared at the man in front of him.  The man whose face, voice and presence had haunted his dreams and even his waking hours for the better part of three months.  He really couldn’t take it any more but what really had him on the verge of physical violence was the fact that he’d remembered what Jeff had said the night of the attack.  His threats to Luke’s safety.  How he’d see if Luke “liked it rough.”  
    Jeff had stopped talking and was watching Noah with hesitant eyes.       
    “I was up here about a month ago.”  Noah began in a whisper.  “I nearly killed myself because of you and your friends.  I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to get past what you’d done to me, but you helped me figure that out, Emerson.”  
    A look of confusion on Jeff’s face was the only response.   
    “When you came into Java and threatened Luke you gave me another emotion besides fear.  HATE!!”  Noah quickly moved forward and pushed Jeff toward the edge of the roof.  As Jeff tripped toward the edge Noah grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands and pushed him over the edge.  _   
_Jeff stood there, leaning over the edge of the roof at a precarious angle.  “F*uck you, Mayer!”  Jeff screamed as he reached for Noah’s arms and hung on, trying to pull himself back from the brink.  
    “No thanks, already done that.”  Noah’s arms and back were straining as he held Jeff in that difficult position on the roof of World Wide.  He watched in distant fascination as Jeff’s eyes nearly bulged from their sockets.  “Do you know how easy it would be to just let you go, Emerson?”  
    Jeff angrily stared back at Noah not saying a word.  He couldn’t find his voice even if he’d known what to say.   
    “So easy.  I could just let go and you’d fall and we’d be rid of you for good.”  Noah said in a wistful tone.  He wasn’t even looking at Jeff anymore, his thoughts pulling him elsewhere.  He was jerked back to the present with the sound of sobbing.  
    Noah looked down at the man in his grip and saw that tears were actually flowing down his cheeks and he had his eyes squeezed shut.  “Please don’t.  Please don’t.  Please don’t.”  He whispered.  
    Noah pulled Jeff back and pushed him away.  Jeff stumbled back landing on his butt and sat their with his head in his hands.   
    “Begging?”  Noah asked in fascination.  “I did that too, didn’t seem to help me out much that night.”  
    Noah shook his head to clear the memories.  “Killing you would be too easy for you, Jeff.  You deserve the suffering you’re going to have to live with.”  Noah breathed trying to center himself and then glared at Jeff who had raised his head.  “Stay away from me, stay away from Luke, stay away from everybody I love.”  Noah took two steps to close the distance and kneeled down in front of him.  “If I even see you anywhere near anybody I just mentioned, I’ll drag you up here and not even think before I throw you off this roof.  Do you understand me?”  
    Jeff just sat staring at Noah’s dark eyes.  _   
_“I said, DID YOU HEAR ME?”  Noah said again.  
    “Ye . . . yes.”  Jeff stammered’_   
  
  
    The courtroom sat in stunned fascination at the scene playing out before them.  Noah, for his part, didn’t feel fascination.  He felt shame.  Shame for threatening another person like that.  Shame for stooping to Jeff’s level.  Noah hung his head as he listened to himself on the tape.  First, terrorizing Jeff by hanging him over the edge of the building and than listening as he threatened him.  What had he become after all of this?   
  
    Luke sat staring at the images playing on the screen.  He couldn’t really comprehend that the sweet, loving, honorable, man that he loved was also this cold, hard, no nonsense individual that he was seeing on the screen.  Luke shivered as he saw something else on that screen.  Winston Mayer.  The look that Noah was directing at Jeff was exactly the same as the look Winston had given him just before shooting him.   
  
    Luke’s eyes were drawn to the man next to him and his heart broke.  Noah sat with he head lowered, not able to watch the images of himself on the screen.  He was embarrassed and humiliated by his actions.  Luke squeezed Noah’s hand to get his attention.  When Noah raised his head and looked at him Luke smiled and simply mouthed, ‘I love you.’    
  
    Noah’s fear suddenly evaporated as he saw the love still in Luke’s eyes even after witnessing his weakness and how harsh he had been that night.  Noah felt a tug on his other hand.  He turned his head to see Lily gripping his hand and a small smile on her face.  She leaned over and leaned her head on his shoulder and that, really, was all that Noah needed to know that everything he had done that night would be forgiven.    
  
  
  
_‘Jeff watched silently as Noah turned and left.  He sat and stared into nothing as he realized that he’d escaped a very close call with death.  Why than wasn’t he happier?  His head jerked up as he heard something - something distinctly out of place.  Clapping?  
    “Bravo.”  Peyton Emerson said as he slowly walked toward his son and continued to clap.  He stopped just a few feet away and finally stopped the clapping, looking down on his son.   
    “What are you doing here, dad?”  Jeff asked, some of his attitude making an appearance.  
    “Walking home from a meeting and happening upon you.  Then watching as you got your a*ss handed to you not once but twice and by two gay men no less.”  Peyton said shaking his head.  “I call in every last favor I’m owed getting you off after you beat and . . . “   
    ”Raped, dad.”  Jeff smirked.  “What, can’t even say it?  I mean, you deal with it every day.”  
    Peyton glared down at his son.  “You’re worthless.”  
    “Yeah, I’ve been told that.”  Jeff said as he slowly climbed to his feet.  “In fact, yeah, by you.”  
    “I just spent the last two hours trying to convince one of my major backers that I’m still a viable candidate for Mayor even though I have a convicted sex offender as a son.”  Peyton nearly spit out the term.  “I think you would be a little more grateful and judging by the blood, a lot more careful.  What did you do this time?”  
    “I tried to attack a woman.”  Jeff said, a slow calm descending.  Seeing the surprise and anger flaring on his father’s face only added to the appeal of the argument.  “Yeah, that’s right a woman, dad, and her date took exception.”  
    Peyton just stared at his son.  “You know when your mother decided to . . . leave, I should have taken steps then with regards to you.”  
    Jeff stood still glaring at his father.  “Leave?  She didn’t leave, dad.  It’s not like she had a choice, you committed her.”  
    Peyton flinched at the statement and Jeff drove on.  
    “You committed her because you couldn’t handle the fact that she opposed you.  You committed her after she couldn’t protect me but couldn’t leave me either.”  Jeff stepped closer to his father.  “You committed her so she’d shut up about Uncle Roy.”  
    “You are not to mention his name.”  Peyton snapped.  “You’re mother was a weak woman.  I tried to get her help and it failed.”  
    “Help!”  Jeff yelled.  “Is that what you called it when they give her electric shock treatments.  Is it any wonder she OD’d when she got the chance.”   
    “She killed herself because she was weak.”  Peyton said as if that was his confirmation.   
    “She killed herself because she couldn’t protect me and it was eating her alive.”  Jeff said remembering the many fights he had witnessed between his parents.  
    Peyton visibly took several breaths to calm himself.  “The only thing you needed protection from was yourself.”   
    Jeff stood staring at his father.  “Yeah, I’m the one that got myself raped over and over and over and over again, right?”  
    “You weren’t raped.”  Peyton ground out between his clinched jaw.  “The therapist told you that.”  
    The sound of a hollow laugh could be heard from Jeff.  “Right, therapist.  Is that what you called Dr. Meadows?  Well, Dad, I saw an actual therapist here at OU about a year and a half ago.”  
    Peyton’s stricken look was the reward Jeff was looking for.  “Yeah, that’s right, I told someone about Uncle Roy.  Coach Littman sent me to Mental Health at OU after a fight during practice.  He said I had to go or I couldn’t be on the team.”  
    “Roy had to pick up and move all the way to Florida to get away from you and your mother’s lies.”  Peyton hissed.  “You were never to say anything else about _ it.”   
_“Sorry to disappoint you but I did.  I told the OU therapist all about the ‘weekend outings’ that Uncle Roy took me on and the way Dr. Meadows tried to convince me that they never happened.”  Jeff chuckled.  “The funny thing is when I finally told the OU therapist about it she was amazed that I was so unfeeling about it.”  
    Jeff waited as Peyton continued to stare at him in silence.   
    “I actually saw her twice a week for almost two months and she finally diagnosed me.  She said I had a ‘dissociative disorder with antisocial tendencies’.”  Jeff said as he watched his father’s face.  “You know what that means?  It means that I dissociate from all my feelings and that I tend toward violent behavior probably brought on by physical or sexual abuse.  She said that since I was raped and the people who were suppose to protect me didn’t that my brain started protecting itself.”  
    “You weren’t raped!”  Peyton snapped again.   
    “Oh, so I asked for it?  I wanted it?”  Jeff asked in a surprisingly dead voice.  
    “Considering your tendencies are now obvious, it wouldn’t surprise me.”  Peyton said.  
    “I was ten, dad.”  Jeff answered.  “I didn’t want anything, least of all to be raped almost every weekend by your older brother.  Your older brother who you handed me over to each and every weekend even after you knew what was happening.  Your older brother who you believed and protected before me.”  
    “He was worth protecting.”  Peyton answered quietly.  “You weren’t.  You never were.”  
    Jeff stood silently for a second and then started to laugh quietly.  
    Peyton stared in wide-eyed confusion.   
    “You know if that doesn’t prove what my therapist said nothing ever will.”  Jeff said suddenly still.  “Anyone else would be crushed by that statement, dad.  I’m not.  I don’t feel anything when you say that.   No hurt, no anger, no loss.”  
    Peyton continued to stare.   
    “When I attached Mayer, I wanted to feel something.  Anything.”  Jeff continued talking as if to himself.  “Maybe horror at what I had done.  If I was a psychopath maybe satisfaction or arousal.  I felt nothing, dad.  I feel . . . nothing.”  
    “I should have committed you, too.”  Peyton whispered.  
    “I wish you had.”  Jeff countered.  “I want to feel something.  I want to feel remorse or anything for what I did to Mayer . . . but I don’t.”  
    Father and son stood staring for long seconds.  
    “And you don’t even care do you, dad?”  Jeff whispered waiting for a response to come, but none did.  “The fact is you’ve never cared about me.  Once that would have broken my heart but now . . . nothing.”   
    Jeff turned and looked out over the night time sky of Oakdale.  It was a cool night for October but not so bad.  He took a step toward the edge.   
    ‘No more.’ he thought.  ‘Life can’t be this hard and this lonely.  I’m tired and . . . ready.’  
    Jeff stood on the edge looking down and around.  He teetered on the edge and looked over at his father who hadn’t moved.   
    “See . . . nothing.”  He said as he took a final step and disappeared from view.  
    Peyton stood for a few moments staring at the spot his son had occupied only seconds before.  He shook his head and turned and walked back toward the elevator.’_   
  
  
  
    Sobs could be heard in the darkened courtroom.  Jade was crying again even after knowing what was coming and having seen it the night before.  Lily was gripping Noah and Holden’s hand so tightly that her own hands hurt.  She released both and was surprised to find tears running off of her face.  Luke and Noah sat stunned along with many others.    
  
    The bailiff quickly got up and turned the lights back on and took the remote from the judge, turning off the player and taking his seat.    
  
    “Well.”  Judge Stone began and then seemed unsure of what to say.  “I’m going to assume until further investigation that this tape is legitimate.”   
  
    His gaze shifted to Lucinda sitting slightly behind Damian and received a slight nod.    
  
    “Mr. Grimaldi, you are hereby released.  I would ask that you not leave town until Mr. Davis hears from me.  Agreed?”  Judge Stone asked a stunned defendant.   
  
    Damian hastily cleared his throat.  “Certainly, Your Honor.”   
  
    “Then this evidentiary hearing is adjourned.”  The judge said and then turned and headed for his private office.    
  
    Everyone seemed to be trapped in a spell for a few seconds until Ken Davis stood and reached out to shake Damian’s hand.  “You’re free, Mr. Grimaldi.”   
  
    Damian stood shakily and shook Ken’s hand, smiling slowly.  He turned and faced Lucinda and Dusty.  “Thank you both.  I really don’t know what to say.”   
  
    Lucinda gazed at the man that had been her son-in-law for a time and an enemy for even longer.  She smiled.  “This one time, you’re welcome.”   
  
    Others had started rising and shaking themselves out of the fog that the tape had caused.  Damian next turned to Luke and Noah who seemed to be even more dazed then most.  All three stared at each other, neither saying a word.    
  
    Luke reached out over the low wall and pulled Damian into a fierce hug.  “Thank you.”  He whispered.   
  
    Damian leaned back and looked at his son and found he couldn’t find the words.  He gripped Luke’s neck and just squeezed trying to impart his emotions through a simple touch.  He turned then to Noah and was touched to see tears in the young man’s eyes and quickly reassured him by pulling him into a quick hug.    
  
    Holden and Lily stepped up and quietly congratulated Damian on his release.  Holden and Damian quickly sharing a hand shake and a slight nod, both knew that they had both done what they’d done for the son and son-in-law to be that they all loved.   
  
    “I almost feel like celebrating but it seems so . . . wrong to.”  Lily said.    
  
    “I think we should just celebrate the fact that it’s all over.”  Lucinda voiced from behind Damian’s shoulder.    
  
    “Luke?”  Lily asked and turned to see that her son had vanished from beside her.  Everyone turned searching and found both Luke and Noah walking slowly, hand-in-hand toward the door.  “Luke?”   
  
    He turned at the sound of his mother’s voice but he had eyes only for the tall brunette that clutched at his hand.  “We’ll talk to you . . . tomorrow, mom.  Okay?”  They didn’t wait for an answer as he and Noah stumbled through doors.   
  
    “Get a room.”  Casey’s voice followed their retreating forms.   
  
    “Casey!”  Several voices yelled.   


 

* * *

    The shower was not even lukewarm, but it was better than nothing.  That was the one thing that Eric missed the most, hot water.  Statesville Prison wasn’t too bad as far as prisons went as long as you knew who to steer clear of and who’s hand to grease, so to speak.

  
    He got a five minute shower each day and it was one of the few times in here that he got any time to himself.  He was about to turn the water off when he heard the squish of shoes on the wet floor behind him.  ‘The guard trying to get a cheap thrill again.’  Eric thought with a smirk on his face.   
  
    He reached out and turned off the water and turned and was brought up short by the older man standing there.  Eric stood still staring at the man.  “Well . . . did you get an eyeful?”  Eric said as he turned to grab his towel from the half wall surrounding the shower enclosure.    
  
    Cold hand were suddenly on his chin and shoulder and a even colder voice was whispering in his ear.    
  
    “You should have stayed away from my son, boy.”    
  
    Eric had only a second to register his shock before the cold hands yanked in opposite directions, snapping his neck and his lifeless body slumped to the wet shower floor.   
  
  
  
  


* * *

 

    He walked into his cell sitting on the hard bunk and reached across to the desk and picked up his bible.  Flipping through it he came to the small piece of paper folded inside.  He had received it in the mail a few days ago and the contents had been burned into his brain ever since.

  
    He opened it and read it for the last time.   
  
  
_‘Eric Wilkerson is a prisoner in Statesville.  He is one of the men who beat and raped your son.’_   
  
  
    Winston Mayer had no idea who had sent him the note.  He’d opened it and saw no signature, but it really didn’t matter.  He had spent the next several days using his prison contacts and found out that indeed one Eric Wilkerson was an inmate and that, yes, he had been convicted of the attempted murder and rape of one Noah Mayer.   
  
    He got up from his bunk and walked over to the one-piece toilet that each cell held.  He quickly ripped up and crumped the note and proceeded to flush the pieces down the toilet.    
  
    “Justice served.”  He whispered as he smiled and watched the last piece disappear.   
  


* * *

  



	27. Chapter 27

   It had been almost two weeks since that day in the courtroom and the viewing of the surveillance tape had put an end to the whole Jeff Emerson saga.  Damian had been officially cleared two days later when Judge Stone had called Ken Davis and told him that all charges had been officially dropped and his client was free and clear.

  
    Ken had also gotten another surprise that day when he’d attended the hearing into the misconduct of the current District Attorney, Payton Emerson.  After learning that Kevin had been physically assault by Payton outside his home, Ken and Kevin had marched down to the Police Station and a quietly overjoyed Margo had taken their statement and sent Dallas out to arrest Payton on assault charges.    
  
    That had started the dominos rolling with the ending of Payton’s career.  Although, legally, he hadn’t done anything wrong when his son had committed suicide, ethically it was another matter.  He was also guilty of tampering and withholding of evidence and obstruction of justice.  Either of which could have his law licenses revoked.    
  
    The hearing had been short and to the point.  The Illinois Bar Association stripped Emerson of this right to ever practice law again in the state and the City Council of Oakdale summarily fired him.  In a curious twist, Hal Fisher the Council President had come up to Ken and offered him the job of District Attorney on the spot.    
  
    Ken had thought of declining until Kevin had pointed out that Oakdale really needed someone in the office that actually cared about the victims.  Ken had been sworn in two days later and the ceremony had been attended by not only Kevin and his wife Dorothy but also Luke, Noah, Holden, Lily, Damian and the most of the Snyder family.    
  
    Although, when Luke and Noah had left the courtroom saying they’d talk to Lily the next day, it actually turned out to be two days before Luke and Noah were seen again.  They had immediately left the courtroom and made their way back to their apartment where they’d made love many times over during the next 48 hours, not bothering to even leave the bedroom for more than the few minutes it took to grab food from the refrigerator in order to keep their strength up.   
  
    In between love making they had talked about everything that had lead to each thinking the other had killed Jeff, what they each had done to destroy supposed evidence, how they had both come to the conclusion that they’d confess to killing Jeff in order to protect the other.  In the end, they both came to the inevitable conclusion that they were hopelessly and delightfully made for each other and were stuck with each other for the rest of their lives.   
  
    It had been a day later when they were at Lily and Holden’s when Jack had arrived to tell them about the murder of Eric Wilkerson in Statesville.  Noah had sat dumbfounded as Jack finished.  It hardly seemed the right conclusion to the whole ordeal, but it was.  There would be no trials, no appeals, no probation hearings.  Everything was done.  Everything but the mental clean-up that Noah was still trying to accomplish with the help of Dr. Morris.   
  
    After seeing the video of Jeff’s suicide and realizing what Jeff had gone through, Noah was even able to come to terms with his feelings toward his main attacker.  Although, he didn’t forget what he’d done to him, Noah could forgive him.  Realizing that Jeff hadn’t been born evil, he’d been made evil by the actions of a neglectful, evil father.  Something he could sympathize with.  Too easily Jeff’s outcome could have been his own.   
  
    His sessions had been cut back to Monday, Wednesday and Friday and the flashbacks had finally subsided.  He and Luke were back to the couple they’d been before, possibly even stronger for it and Noah knew that his family would love him no matter what.  They quietly settled into the routine of life.    
  
    Luke working at Grimaldi Shipping and the foundation.  Noah working on his senior project while the semester finished and he could start the new one and working at Java.  Sunday dinners at the farm with the family.  It was at that Sunday dinner when Luke and Noah informed the family that in order to “get back to normal” they were going to finish the engagement party that had been interrupted.   
  
    Emma and Lily had launched into plans immediately only to be derailed by a smiling Luke.    
  
    “No, no, no, you two.”  He smiled as he sat next to Noah at the table and they all lingered over Emma’s legendary chocolate cake.  “Noah and I have made all the arrangements.”   
  
    The silence at the table was almost deafening as Emma and Lily first looked at each other and then at the young men in front of them.   
  
    “Mom, Grandma.”  Luke started, trying to head off an argument.  “We’ve all been through a lot in the last couple of months.  We, me and Noah, just wanted to have the engagement party and also, sort of a celebration that everything is finally over.”    
  
    “But part of the fun is the planning.  You’re a Snyder, I want to do this.”  Emma said with a frown.   
  
    Noah chuckled as he turned his gaze on his fiancé.  “I told you.”   
  
    “Shut up you.”  Luke playfully slapped Noah’s forearm.  “Grandma, I know you and I know you, mom.  You’d both go crazy and plan and plan and plan some more.  We just wanted everyone to relax.  Please let us do this for you all, please?”   
  
    Luke sat at the table looking at his grandmother and mother employing the  best puppy dog eyes that he had in his arsenal.   
  
    Holden started quietly laughing as he saw that his son’s sad look was slowly melting even Emma’s heart.  “You know you’re going to lose, mama.”   
  
    Emma finally chuckled lowly.  “All right.  I surrender.  You two can have your engagement party just the way you want it, but don’t think you’re going to cheat me out of planning your wedding.”  She said pointing at them.   
  
    Luke held up his hands in front of him as if to ward off an attack.  “I promise when Noah and I get married here at the pond, it’s all yours.”   


 

* * *

 

    The motor coach traveled down the expressway at a healthy 65 mile an hour clip as the sun was near setting.  The twenty odd friends and family inside had spent the last 45 minutes laughing, telling stories, and generally enjoying each other’s company as they traveled. 

  
    “So are you going to let us know how much longer, boys.”  Holden asked from the seat just in front of them.   
  
    Noah looked at his watch and winked at Luke who was sitting beside him.    
  
    “Well, we should be there in about 15 minutes.”  Luke smiled at his mom who had also turned.    
  
    “What do you have planned anyway?”  Emma asked from across the aisle.  She was sitting next to Ethan with Natalie and Faith behind.    
  
    “It’s a surprise, grandma.”  Luke rolled eyes.  “Gosh, you really have to learn how to handle surprises better.”    
  
    “I think we’ve all had enough of surprises for quite a while.”  Meg chuckled from just in front of her.    
  
    “Amen.”  Jack said from a few rows in front where he sat with Brad as they were tutored on the latest Nintendo game by Parker.    
  
    “Noah and I planned this engagement party.  It’s not very formal but it’s what we wanted and we want you all to relax and enjoy it.  No work for anyone for a change.”  Luke smiled.  “Not even any clean up this time.”   
  
    “Yeah!!!”  Faith and Natalie cheered at the same time.   
  
    Luke slide down into the seat and smiled at Noah as he snuggled up next to him.  He watched as Noah looked around and took in the sight of all the people that he loved and loved him so much all in one place.  Holden and Lily sitting in front of them.  Emma sitting with Faith, Natalie and Ethan.  Damian in the back of the bus talking with Katie and Janet, while Lucinda sat up front with Margo and Tom and Ken and Dorothy Davis who they had asked to join them in their celebration.    
  
    “Noah where’s Casey and Allison or Jade for that matter?”  Liberty asked from just behind him.    
  
    Noah shifted around.  “Allison wasn’t really up to it, the pregnancy’s really hitting her hard and both Jade and Kevin are studying for finals next week.”   
  
    They were all interrupted by the bus’ turn onto a more rural road.  Luke gripped Noah’s arm and amused blue met hazel as they shared a quick smile.  They all watched as the rural road gave way to giant farm fields.  The bus bumped along as silence filled the bus as everyone watched as a huge barn became visible in the distance.    
  
    “So we left a farm to come to a farm?  Classic.”  Parker joked as he strained to see through the window.   
  
    Holden and Lily both turned inquisitive looks on the two young men behind them, but only received quick shrugs and smiles in return.    
  
    The bus slowly turned into a long driveway and came to a gentle stop in front of the massive barn.    
  
    Luke stood up and walked to the front before anyone even budged.  “Just a couple of things.  First, as you can see it’s a farm.”   
  
    That was met with several chuckles and ‘you think’s’.    
  
    Luke held up his hands for quiet.  “After the party we can go back on the bus or as you’ve guessed since I asked you all to pack overnight bags we’ve made reservations at a hotel a few miles away and we can head back in the morning.  It’s totally up to all of you.”   
  
    Luke stopped and looked out over the smiling faces of everyone he loved.  “Well, let’s go party!”   
  
    The door opened and Snyder’s, Hughes’, Davis’, Walsh’s and a Grimaldi all gradually filed out of the bus.  Luke and Noah lead the way over to the oversized door that was the entrance to the large barn.  Upon reaching it Noah and Luke both took a handle and pulled to reveal a darkened interior.    
  
    There was silence for a second as everyone stood and waited.    
  
    “Guys, I think you forgot to pay the electric bill.”  Brad said in a deadpan voice.   
  
    Luke and Noah both chuckled as Luke turned and called out.  “Okay, Case.”   
  
    Immediately the interior of the towering barn was illuminated by what could only be described as thousands of tiny white lights.  It revealed not the interior of a barn that they had grown up to know but a barn that had been decorated for a party and a very specific type of party.   
  
    There were several round tables near the entrance covered in white table clothes and set with crystal and silver place settings.  On the other side of those tables and near the far side of the barn where white chairs set up theater style all facing what looked to be an alter and standing to the side of that were the smugly smiling faces of Casey, Allison, Jade and Kevin.   
  
    “Welcome to our wedding.”  Luke whispered into the silence.   
  
    Shocked silence almost instantly gave way to insane babbling.    
  
    “What’s?” and “Are you kidding me’s?”  Were heard as everyone seemed to be moving at once.    
  
    Holden and Lily slowly walked up, staring.  Lily was literally standing with her mouth opened as she took in the whole scene.   
  
    “Guys” Holden said as he came to a halt in front of them.  “It’s not legal in Illinois.”   
  
    “It’s not.”  Noah said smiling one of his lopsided smiles.  “But we passed over the Iowa boarder about three miles back and it is legal here.”   
  
    Holden stood for a second as that sunk in and than a huge grin broke out as he slapped Noah on the shoulder.  “Good man.”   
  
    Emma slowly walked up to Luke with a deep frown on her face.  “You lied to me, Luke.”   
  
    This had been the only part Luke had dreaded.  “Not really, grandma.”   
  
    “You said you’d let me plan your wedding.”  Emma looked him square in the eye.   
  
    Luke reached out and grabbed his grandmother by the shoulders and squeezed.  “Noah and I want to get married.  We have always wanted to get married at the pond, it’s were it all started, there’s no other place we’d want to be married at.”  Luke smiled.    
  
    Emma started to interrupt but Luke cut her off.  “But Illinois won’t allow that now and we want to get married now.”  Emma looked down and Luke pressed on.  “Grandma, when it does become possible back home, and that’s what me and Noah are going to be working on next with the foundation, we’re having another ceremony there at the pond and you can have full rein over the entire thing.  From start to finish.  Okay?”   
  
    Emma looked up and into the eyes of her precious grandson.  Seeing in those soft eyes some much love and caring that it almost made her want to cry.  How could she deny the fact that he and Noah just wanted to share their lives together and not have to wait.  “I’m going to hold you both to that and don’t think I’ll forget.”   
  
    Noah let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and slipped an arm around Luke’s shoulder.        
  
    “Thank you, grandma.”  Luke hugged her and kissed her forehead.    
  
    “Well, let’s get to this wedding.”  Holden said as they all turned and entered.   


 

* * *

 

    A half hour later and it found Luke and Noah in separate rooms getting ready for the most important moment of their lives.

  
    Holden reached out and brushed off some non-existent lint from the shoulder of Luke’s dark gray suit jacket.  Luke looked up into his dad’s eyes.    
  
    “You don’t think we’re being to informal with no ties and all?”  Luke asked with concern as he adjusted the light gray shirt under his jacket.    
  
    “Luke, you’re getting married in a giant barn.  I think tuxs would be a little over done don’t you?”  Holden chuckled.    
  
    Luke had to agree.  “I bet when I came out, you never thought we’d be here, at my wedding.”  Luke smirked nervously.   
  
    Holden stared at his son, trying without success to control the emotions that he was trying to keep just below the surface.  He quickly cleared his throat but it failed to clear up the gravelly quality.  “When you came out . . . I was concerned that you’d be lonely.  I had hoped you’d find someone you wanted to spend your life with . . . and you have.”   
  
    Luke’s composure almost broke as he quickly looked down and rubbed his hands together.  “You haven’t said it.”   
  
    “Said what?”  Holden asked in confusion.   
  
    “That you think we’re too young.  That we’re rushing into this too soon.”  Luke said still not looking back at his father.   
  
    Holden stood silently for a moment.  So long in fact that Luke finally did look up fearing that maybe his father did feel that way and now would voice those concerns, but all he saw was love in those eyes.   
  
    “I might have said that a few months ago.”  Holden said quietly.  “But you’re marrying someone that loves you completely and without doubt.  What more could a father ask for any of their children.”   
  
    Luke’s composure finally snapped as he pulled his dad into a giant hug and whispered.  “I love you, dad.”   
  
    Holden clung to Luke for a long moment.  “Just love each other and don’t forget that love even in the bad times.”   
  
    Luke laughed as he stepped back.  “In good times and in bad?”   
  
    “Exactly.”  Holden smiled.   
  
    “Well, I think we’ve seen enough bad.”  Luke breathed out.  “I think we are entitled to some much needed good times.”   


 

* * *

 

    Lily stood back and watched as Noah nervously fidgeted with the open collar of the dark blue shirt.  His frustration was getting the better of him as she walked up and placed her hands on his shoulders. 

  
    “Breath.”  She smiled as he stilled and closed his eyes.  “You look so handsome.  My son is a lucky, lucky man.”   
  
    Noah opened his eyes and smiled as a blush slowly made its way up his neck.  “I’m the lucky one, Lily.”   
  
    Lily came around and quietly started correcting the lay of his collar and looked up into the sparkling blue eyes of the young man that had come into her son’s life and changed it.  Had changed all of their lives.    
  
    “I think Luke would beg to differ, dear.”  Lily smiled.  She stopped and took a breath.  “Noah?”   
  
    Noah waited.  “What?”   
  
    Lily looked up and saw the beginnings of worry in the young man she would soon be able to call son.  She reached up and placed her hands on both sides of his face.  “You know, I remember a scared boy that knocked on my screen door wanting to talk to my son.  He was so afraid, so fearful back than.  Now here you stand and you’ve fought through that fear and you are such a compassionate, such a strong, such a good man.”    
  
    Noah could just stand there and listen while Lily spoke and watch as tears were slowly spilling down her face.    
  
    “I know I’m not your mother, Noah, but I am so happy that soon I can call you my son and I’m so proud of the man that you are and have become and I’m so thankful that you love my son.”   
  
    Noah was suddenly having a hard time seeing through the tears that now stood in his own eyes.    
  
    “Thanks . . . mom.”  He whispered.   
  
    Lily’s eyes widened.  “Oh, baby, you’re so very welcome.”    


 

* * *

    Lily, Holden and Damian were at the alter speaking with Revened Walters who would be officiating the ceremony.  Margo, Tom and Ken and Dorothy Davis stood talking to their respective son’s.

  
    “So you four knew about this for the last week?” Margo asked in disbelief.    
  
    “Geez mom, don’t sound so shocked.”  Casey laughed.   
  
    “No, no.”  Margo gazed around at the glowing atmosphere and quiet dignity of the room.  “I just can’t image my son turning a barn into this.”        
  
    “I’m hurt.”  Casey grabbed his chest as if shot.   
  
    Allison slapped her husbands arm while Jade glared.    
  
    “Actually, Luke and Noah found this place and Jade and I were in charge of everything else.”  Allison said.   
  
    “Yeah, for two gay men, they are surprisingly lacking in the interior design/fashion department.”  Jade smirked.  “If it was up to them we’d all be sitting on hay bails or something.   
  
    “Allison and Jade came up with everything and Casey and I provided the physical labor.”  Kevin smiled and ducked as Jade went to swipe him on the back of the head.   
  
    Ken and Dorothy both watched the interaction between their son and the young woman standing beside him.  Since the trial had ended they had been virtually inseparable.    
  
    The sound of the Reverend clearing his throat silenced the conversation as everyone turned their attention to him.   
  
    “If everyone would take a seat, we would like to start the ceremony.”  The older man said with a small smile.    
  
    Everyone quickly started taking their seats.  Lily and Holden took their seats in the front row on the right side.  Emma and Lucinda had decided among themselves that they would sit in the front row on the opposite side.  Damian stood for a moment seemingly undecided where to sit.  He was about to head for the row behind Lily and Holden when Holden stopped him with a hand on his arm and jerked his hand in the direction of the seat on the other side of Lily.    
  
    Damian stood for a second as he and Holden shared a look and smiled gratefully as he headed for the seat.  Lily watched as her former husband took the seat and turned and smiled a grateful smile at Holden.  Silence filled the space as everyone settled into their seats.    
  
    Casey and Allison stood at the alter with the Reverend as Luke and Noah’s Best Friend’s of Honor.    
  
    A rustling at the side of the barn drew everyone’s attention as an elderly woman with snow white hair pulled up into a bun on the top of her head and a sweet smile quietly made her way to an organ that had gone unnoticed until then.  After she settled herself on the seat she raised her hands to the keys and the strains of the traditional wedding march was heard.   
  
    All heads turned to the end of the aisle that ran through the middle of the chairs up to the alter.  Faith and Natalie slowly walked down the aisle as the “official” co-flower girls for the ceremony.  Each wore a radiant smile as they came down the aisle and proceeded to go and stand next to Allie.    
  
    There was a ripple of chuckles as the next down the aisle with a grinning Ethan as the “official” ring bearer for the ceremony.  He had been practicing for the last half hour with Parker and Liberty on how to properly walk down.  Holden and Lily both grinned broadly as Ethan took his halting steps.  Taking a step and than stopping just as his cousins had shown him.   
  
    As he made his way slowly down the aisle a sound started to be heard.  Everyone turned trying to identify what and where the sound was.  It was only when Ethan had gotten halfway down that people started realizing what the noise was.  Ethan was quietly singing something to the tune of the wedding march.   
  
    “Nuke, nuke, nuke, nuke.”  He grinned as he took a step and stopped.  “Nuke, nuke, nuke, nuke.”  He took a step and then stopped.  “Nuke, nuke, nuke, nuke . . .  nuke,  nuke, nuke, . . .  nuke, nuke, nuke, nuke.”  He had finally made it to the end with a huge grin on his chubby little face.   
  
    “Get over here snot ball.”  Casey whispered with a smirk on his face.   
  
    Ethan scampered over and grabbed onto Casey’s hand and stood while swinging the ring bearer pillow back and forth in his other hand.   
  
    The music stopped for half a beat and everyone turned back to the head of the aisle and saw both Luke and Noah standing there, their hands clasped tightly between them.  As the strains of the wedding march started again everyone rose from their chairs and Luke and Noah started forward.    
  
    Luke had believed he would be emotional but as he looked at the faces of everyone that he held so dear and were most important in his life, he found that he wasn’t frightened or nervous.  He felt an unexpected calm suddenly descend upon him.  A calm that he had never experienced before.    
  
    He glanced over at the man walking beside him and found Noah’s eyes were on him and Luke knew without a shadow of a doubt where the calm had came from.  It came from the fact that he didn’t have any doubts, no uncertainties and no second thoughts about what he was walking toward or who he was walking there with.    
  
    Noah had thought that he wouldn’t be emotional because he knew that what he and Luke were about to do was absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt the right and perfect thing to do.  Now as he walked down the aisle he found that he was very emotional, not because he had any second thoughts about what he and Luke were doing but emotional because not only was he marrying Luke but he was finally becoming a part, legally and emotionally, of the one thing he had always craved.  Family.   
  
    He looked at the faces as he walked beside Luke and saw deep and abiding love in each set of eyes.  It was almost more than he could handle so he turned and saw his glowing fiancé smiling his 1,000 watt smile as he gazed on the faces of his assembled family.  He then turned to him and Noah suddenly felt instantly grounded and at peace.   
  
    They slowly approached the alter.  Allison and Casey smiling from ear-to-ear, probably remembering their own impromptu wedding not that long ago.  Luke winked across at his younger sisters as he and Noah came to a stop before turning toward the smiling reverend.    
  
  
    “You, who are the family, the friends, the loved ones of this young couple in front of us have been gathered here today to witness several of life’s miracles.  The miracle of found love.  The miracle of that love shared and nurtured.  The miracle of the decision to join that love together going forward in life.     
  
    Luke and Noah have decided to embark on this important journey, one that should never be entered into lightly or without thought.  One that should not be entered into without trust and unabiding love and understanding, for even this great journey can be fraught with hardship and disappointments.”   
  
    Luke and Noah looked at each other from out of the corner of their eyes.   
  
    “Been there.”  Luke whispered.   
  
    “Done that.”  Noah whispered back with a smile.   
  
    “Don’t want anymore.”  Luke countered.   
  
    A small chuckle rippled through the seats behind them as they directed their attention back to the man in front of them.   
  
    “Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends; as for prophecy, it will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”  The elderly man looked out into the assembled family.    
  
    “For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. “   
  
    Holden reached over and gripped Lily’s hand as she reached up and quickly wiped away tears that were just starting to run down her cheeks.    
  
    “Luke and Noah have chosen to write their own vows.  So if you two will turn to each other and take each other’s hands.”  He smiled at them encouragingly.    
  
    Luke took a deep breath as they turned toward each other, both reaching out and take the other’s hand and gripping them in nervous excitement.  Luke looked up and his gaze was met by the steady, unwavering, calming eyes of Noah.  Small smiles played upon both of their faces as they gazed at each other and each finally realized that they were actually . . . here.  They were about to take vows that neither thought they might ever say.   
  
    Noah squeezed Luke’s hand and took a deep breath.  “Luke . . . “ He stopped, emotions welling up.  He watched as Luke gave him a reassuring nod.  “Luke, when I came to Oakdale I never imagined that that small decision to take a summer job would be a decision that would change the course of my entire life.  A decision that made me question who I was.  Made me question who I wanted to be.  Made me question how I wanted to live the rest of my life.  But there was one thing that I have never questioned and that has been the total, miraculous and wonderful presence that you have been in my life.”   
  
    Luke’s eyes were glistening as he listened to not only the words but the feelings that were pouring out of the man he loved.  He watched as tears were coming unashamedly to Noah’s eyes and smiled as Noah held onto his hand like a life preserver.     
  
    “You are a force of nature, Luke Snyder.”  Noah smiled and Luke let out a quiet laugh joined by many in the audience.  “With your love you have given me peace of both mind and spirit.  With your love you have given me the strength needed to survive and grow.  With your love you have given me understanding even when I probably didn’t always deserve it and with your love you have given me the sight to see this love for what it is, the hopes, dreams and desires for our life together.”   
  
    Noah slowly reached up and cupped Luke’s chin, quickly using his thumb to wipe away a tear rolling down Luke’s cheek.  “Here are my vows to you, Luke.  My love will always be your shelter.  It will shelter you from want.  It will shelter you from sadness.  It will shelter you from fear.  My love will fulfill you.  It will be your happiness and joy.  It will protect you from all of life’s trials.  It will provide us both with the strength to live through life’s journey.  All these things I vow.”   
  
    Noah blinked back tears as he gently reached down and brought Luke’s hands to his lips.  “I will love you with every breath, every heart beat and with every cell of my body.  I love you, Luke Snyder.”   
  
    Luke leaned slightly forward and smiled faintly.  “Do you mean that?”    
  
    Noah smirked remembering the same question he’d been asked after a Christmas card was read only a few years ago.  “Every word of it.”  He whispered back and watched as a glorious smile spread across Luke’s face.   
  
    Luke took a deep, shuddering breath.  “Wow, who said you weren’t good with words.”  He chuckled as he wiped his face.    
  
    “Noah.”  Luke gazed into Noah sparkling blue eyes and seemed to lose himself for a moment.  “For so long I was afraid.  Afraid of being alone and lonely.  I was afraid that I’d never have what my parents had or what my friends had.  Then into my life you walked, late I might add.”  Luke smiled.  “With your blue eyes and goofy smile and your oh, so injured heart.”  Luke reached out and tucked some hair behind Noah’s right ear.  “You were afraid of who you were, who you wanted to be and just as lonely as I was.”   
  
    Luke reached back down and gripped their hands tightly.  “God, knows our journey hasn’t been the easiest.  We’ve both made our fair share of mistakes and missteps, but the love that we share has always been there.  We’ve each been through injuries both physically, mentally and emotionally.  We’ve made it through a horrible marriage done out of the best of intentions.  We’ve had to deal with many regrets and we’ve made it through many crimes committed against us.”   
  
    Noah smiled sadly remembering the kidnapping and the most recent events.    
  
    “Noah, I love you so much.  You make me feel safe.  You make me feel loved and you make me feel I always have a place to come home to that I can find comfort and security.  So Noah I make these vows to you.  During the good times I will love you and share my life with you willingly, but during the bad time I will love you even more while comforting and supporting you.  I will care and sooth you in sickness and celebrate our life together when in health.  Every day of our lives from this day forward I will love you with every breath in my body and I will cherish you always.”  Luke leaned forward and leaned his forehead against Noah’s.  “Noah, you are my heart, my soul and my breath.  I love you so much, Noah.”   
  
    Noah pressed against Luke’s forehead and leaned quickly forward and dropped a kiss on his tear covered lips.  As they parted they could here sniffles from probably more than just Lily and Emma behind them.    
  
    “Please take the rings.”  Reverend Walters instructed.  Noah turned as a smiling Allison placed a ring in his palm.  Luke turned to a grinning Casey who handed him Noah’s ring.    
  
    “Do you Luke, knowing this man's love for you and returning it, realizing his strengths and learning from them, recognizing his weaknesses and helping him to overcome them, take Noah to be your lawfully wedded husband?   
  
    Luke’s breath hitched as he heard the word husband.  ‘Wow’ he thought as he saw the huge grin bloom on Noah’s face at the mention of the word.  “I absolutely do.”   
  
    “Do you Noah, knowing this man's love for you and returning it, realizing his strengths and learning from them, recognizing his weaknesses and helping him to overcome them, take Luke to be your lawfully wedded husband?   
  
    Noah gaze never wavered.  “I do with my whole heart.”   
  
    “Now, please place the rings on each other’s finger. As you do please let these rings not serve as locks–binding you together–but as keys unlocking the secrets of your hearts for each other to know, and thus bringing you closer together forever.   
  
    Luke looked down and realized that he was having a heard time seeing for the tears of joy streaming down his face.  He laughed as he realized that his hand was shaking so hard the Noah had to grab it with his own in order to slide the band home to be with its mate.    
  
    Noah brought Luke’s hand up to his lips and kissed the bands as tears started rolling down his own cheeks.   
  
    Luke swore that Noah was doing everything he could just to make him blubber like a baby but he didn’t care as he reached out and slide Noah’s ring onto his finger.  Luke interlaced their fingers and squeezed.  “Forever.”  He whispered as his eyes snapped up and met Noah’s.  “Forever.”  He repeated.  Noah squeezed back.   
  
    “May these two find happiness and contentment in their lives together. May they always live together striving to fulfill the vows they have made to each other today and may they ever remain compassionate and encouraging.  May they have years together that will be rich with the joys of life, and their days be long upon the Earth.”  The Reverend spoke to the assembled.   
  
    “By virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of Iowa, I now pronounce you Husband and Husband.”  He grinned at the two young men as they looked up in wonder.  “You may kiss your husband, now.”   
  
    “Finally!”  Luke breathed as he turned and nearly jumped into Noah’s waiting embrace.  Their lips meeting and merging as they clung to each other.  Luke giggled when he heard clapping and whistles coming from his family and slowly pulled away as he felt Noah’s lips turn up into a smile.   
  
    Noah stood, blushing as he and Luke turned slightly toward the crowd behind them and saw for the first time that their’s weren’t the only tear streaked faces.  All three of Luke’s parents had tears streaming down their faces.  Noah smiled as Emma blow a kiss his way and Lucinda gave him the thumbs up.  ‘God, I love my family.’ He thought as he turned back to his husband.   
  
    Luke reached out and grabbed his hands and drew him closer and leaned in to whisper in his ear.  “They’re going to freak in a second.”    
  
    “I know.”  Noah whispered back with a slight smirk.   
  
    Reverend Walters cleared his throat to draw the couple’s attention back to him.  “Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you, Mr.’s Luke and Noah Snyder.”   
  
    There was just the slightest pause before everyone broke out in applause.  Luke and Noah walked forward and were immediately surrounded by their loving family.  Lily reached out and silently drew Luke to her.    
  
    Holden walked up and placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze, unshed tears sitting in his eyes.    
  
    Noah looked into the eyes of a man that had been the father he had always wished he had.  “I’m finally a Snyder.”  He smiled.   
  
    “You already were, son.” Holden said as he pulled Noah into a fierce embrace.  “And don’t you ever forget it.”   
  
  
  
    The Snyder wedding party and guests stood aside as the catering company personal quickly and efficiently moved in to place the chairs they had been sitting in to witness the ceremony around the round dinner tables.  The area in front of the alter was now effectively the dance floor for the rest of the night.    
  
    Faith, Natalie and Liberty were now stationed right in front of the DJ’s table trying to talk DJ Samson out of the retro music selection that Luke and Noah had requested and tried to work in some of the more current rap and dance tones that they liked.    
  
    “If that’s your decision, I’ll respect it.”  Ken Davis was saying just as Luke and Noah walked up to speak with Kevin and a smiling Jade.   
  
    “What decision?”  Luke asked with a smile.  Gazing questioningly at his two friends.   
  
    Kevin quickly glanced at his frowning parents and then at the silently smiling woman at this side.  “I’ve decided that I’m not going to law school.”   
  
    “Oh.”  Noah said as he shifted a look at Mr. Davis.  He knew his son’s decision not to follow in his footsteps must sting.    
  
    Luke glanced between Kevin’s parents and Kevin and Jade and could see that there was still tension there.  “What?”   
  
    “What, what?”  Jade asked.   
  
    “Well, obviously there’s something else.  What are you going to be doing with yourself, Kevin?”  Luke asked with a smile.  “Are you going to become a private detective or crime fighter.  You aught too after everything you did to help Noah out.”  He meant it as a joke but his smile faded as he show the shuffling feet and lowered gazes.   
  
    “What!?”  Luke asked again.   
  
    “I talked to Margo.”  Kevin started raising his head and looking him directly in the eye.  “I’m going to be joining the next police academy class in the spring.”   
  
    Noah stood in shock and Luke’s mouth hung open.    
  
    “You’re going to be a cop?”  Luke asked incredulously.   
  
    Kevin nodded his head as he stood a little straighter.  “I want to help the victims, but I think I want to in a more direct way.”   
  
    Everyone stood in silence for a second.   
  
    “Well, I think he’ll be a great cop.”  Jade said in a huff.  “Margo better watch out, here’s the next Chief of Police right here.”  She smiled with almost possessive pride.   
  
    “Congratulations, Kevin.  I think you’ll do great.”  Noah said as he gripped Kevin’s hand in a handshake.  “Fight the good fight.”   
  
    “That’s what I’m hoping.”  Kevin smiled.   
  
  
  
  
    They watched as Margo snapped her cell phone shut and spoke hurriedly to Jack.  Their gazes shifting between where Holden, Lily and the majority of their family were and where Luke and Noah stood with the Davis’ and Jade.  Jack walked over while Margo went to talk to Tom.    
  
    “What’s up, Jack?”  Holden asked as he sipped at a glass of sparkling cider that the waiters were passing around.  Lily, Damian and Lucinda turned with the question and watched Jack come to a stop next to them.   
  
    Jack quickly checked over his shoulder to see where the happy couple was.  “Margo just got a call from the warden at Statesville.”   
  
    “This isn’t going to be good.”  Lucinda whispered shaking her head and rubbing her temple.    
  
    “Why was he calling?”  Lily asked as she too stole a glance to make sure Noah was still on the other side of the room.   
  
    “He said that they have a suspect in the murder of Eric Wilkerson.”  Jack frowned as he looked into the glass of cider in his hand.   
  
    “Don’t say it.”  Holden breathed as he too dropped his gaze to the floor.   
  
    “What?”  Damian asked in confusion.   
  
    Jack looked up and met Holden’s gaze, nodding his head slightly.  Holden blew out a breath and gripped his glass just a little bit harder.   
  
    “They believe Winston killed him.”  Jack finally admitted.   
  
    That was met with a stunned silence.    
  
    “Do they know for sure?”  Damian asked as he tried to casually look around to make sure no one was listening.  His eyes falling on Faith’s ashen face where she sat at a table just behind Lily.  Damian caught Lily’s eye and jerked it toward the girl.   
  
    Lily turned and saw the girls stricken look and went to sit by her.  “You mustn’t tell Noah, Faith.”    
  
    “I know.”  Faith whispered, swallowing loudly.  “They deserve to be happy, not sad on their wedding day.”   
  
    “We’ll tell them when they get back from their honeymoon.”  Holden said as he watched his wife and daughter.    
  
    “They’ll be in Rome for two weeks.”  Lucinda said.  “The warden should be able to get to the bottom of this by then.”   
  
  
  
    “Now the happy couple will step onto the dance floor to share their first dance as a married couple.”  DJ Samson said into the microphone.  The lights had been dimmed and everyone smiled as they watched the slightly embarrassed Noah and giggling Luke walk to the center of the floor.    
  
    “Going to pull out some of your flashy dance moves, Mayer.  Wait . . . Snyder!”  Luke smiled up at his husband.   
  
    “Shut up.”  Noah sighed.  “Just dance with me.”   
  
  
    (Place go to U-Tube and pull up Seal's Love's Divine.  That is Luke and Noah choice of song for their first dance as a married couple.  Go ahead, go do it.  I'm waiting.  LOL)   
  
  
  
    The brain was telling the hands to release the table edge it was gripping, but the hands were betraying the brain again.  The eyes watched as he danced on the dance floor.  Swaying in time to the song and smiling loving down into the eyes of his husband.   
  
    The heart was pounding and the heart wouldn’t listen to the brain either as the brain told it to ‘calm down, they won’t find out you sent him the note.’   
  
    The brain tried to tell the heart to stop racing and the hands to stop clinching.  The image came to the brain and it made the heart skip in the chest.   
  
  
_‘Would you . . . would you hate me if I had did what Damian did?  
    I could never hate you, Faith.’_   
  
  
    The mouth betrayed the brain as it opened and whispered.  “You said you could never hate me, Noah.”   
  
  
  
    “Now the happy couple invites their family and friends to join them on the dance floor.”  DJ Samson announced.   
  
    Luke and Noah as they continued to dance watched as all of their loved ones joined them on the dance floor.    
  
    Luke chuckled as Damian stood and first danced Meg on to the dance floor and then spun her around and then hurried over and took both Emma and Lucinda’s hands in his and lead them out onto the dance floor also.  He proceeded to spend the rest of the song trying to dance with the three unescorted women.   
  
    “Now, I see where you get your devilish charm.”  Noah whispered into Luke’s ear.   
  
    Luke smiled without looking at his husband.  He wanted to watch as all the people he loved joined them.  Casey dancing with Allison.  His hand placed on her now slightly bulging tummy.  His parents smiling into each other’s eyes like they were teenagers.  Tom and Margo Hughes dancing and watching their son and daughter-in-law with warm smiles on their faces.   
  
    Brad and Katie and Jack and Janet dancing side-by-side and laughing the whole time.  Ken and Dorothy Davis dancing while trying not to get caught watching their son dance with his new girlfriend.  Luke shook his head.  Jade and Kevin?  Wow, he hadn’t seen that one coming, but as he watched the couple in question dance, heads bowed together and Kevin slowly rubbing his hand in a small circle on her back, Luke wondered if he was perhaps watching the next couple that might be following them down the aisle.  Stranger things had been known to happen.   
  
    “Hey.”  Noah said pulling him out of his thoughts.  “You happy?”   
  
    Luke looked up into the clear blue eyes of his . . . husband.  “Happy doesn’t even begin to cover it, bubby.”   
  
    Noah grinned.  “Good.  That’s all I wanted to hear.”   
  
    Luke pulled his new husband closer to him as the continued to dance.    
  
_“Sono cosi' innamorato di mio marito.”_  Noah whispered.   
  
    Luke jerked back.  “What did you say?”   
  
_“Sono cosi' innamorato di mio marito.”_ Noah frowned.  “Did I say it wrong?”   
  
    A wide grin broke out on Luke’s face.  “How did you learn to say ‘I' m so in love with my husband in Italian?”   
  
    Noah smiled and jerked his head toward Damian who was still trying to dance, unsuccessfully or quite successfully depending on who you asked, with three different women.    
  
    “Sneeky, Mr. Snyder.”  Luke breathed as he turned back to stare into his husband’s eyes.   
  
    “Well, I had to know how to say more than cheese when we go to Rome.”  Noah smiled remembering the only word Luke had taught him before his last trip to Rome.   
  
    Luke considered his husband for a second.  _“Sei il mio lieto fine.”_   
  
    He watched as Noah tried to work out what he might have said and smiled as he saw the slight frustration.      
  
    “I give up.”  Noah sighed.  “What did you say.”   
  
    Luke smiled slowly and pulled their joined hands up to his mouth and place a soft kiss there.  “It’s a little truth that I’ve learned has just come true.”   
  
    “And what’s that.”  Noah smiled as he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his husband’s forehead.   
  
_“Sei il mio lieto fine.”_  Luke breathed, closing his eyes.  “You’re my happy ending.”   
  
    He looked up and cherishing hazel met adoring blue.   
  
    “You always have been.”  Noah breathed as their lips met once again as both wished, hoped and prayed that it would always be this way.   
  
**_“Get. A. Room.!!!”_ **   A chorus of voices called.   
  
  


**_THE END_ **

  
  



	28. Chapter 28

    The chains clinked against each other as he walked down the corridor.  The noise had long since stopped bothering him.  Just another annoyance he had had to get past since coming to Statesville but inmate Winston Mayer was nothing if not patient. 

  
    The guards had gotten him from solitary confinement and instructed him that he had a visitor.  He smiled as he walked remembering the interview he had had just a week prior with the State Police investigators, asking him if he had known anything about the death of Eric Wilkerson.   
  
_The three investigators had sat stunned when he had readily admitted to the murder of Wilkerson.  State Police officers Collins and Drew had quickly looked over to a silent third investigator, one who hadn’t introduced himself when Winston had arrived, seemingly waiting for something.  
    “Why?”  The unknown man asked from his seat in the corner of the room.  
    Winston slowly smiled.  “Do you have children?”  
    The middle aged man simply stared at him, not responding.  
    Winston shrugged his shoulders.  “He hurt my son, so justice had to be carried out.”  
    Any other person might have missed the slight tightening of the jaw line of the unknown officer at the mention of Winston’s son.  ‘So you know, Noah.’  Winston thought as he and the man locked gazes.  
    “Since it wasn’t common knowledge of who Mr. Wilkerson’s victim was how is it that you found out?”  Officer Collins asked.  
    Winston’s eyes snapped to the State Police officer.  “You want those answers and a confession?”  
    Both officers looked taken back by the statement.  
    “Of course.”  Officer Drew answered with a slight smile.  Maybe this Winston Mayer wasn’t as smart as everyone made him out to be.  He’d been told that he was highly intelligent and dangerous but here he was offering to confess to premeditated murder?  
    “Then you bring my son here and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”  Winston smiled at the officers.  
    The two officers jumped as the man in the corner suddenly stood slamming the chair he was sitting in into the wall.  He stood staring down at the smirking inmate in front of them._   
_“Not gonna happen.”  Detective Jack Snyder said in a calm voice.  He turned and walked out of the room.  As the door closed behind him he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.  He hit speed dial number three and waited.  The phone was answered on the second ring.  
    “Yeah, it’s what we thought.  He wants to see Noah.”  Jack said as he rubbed his jaw.  Clinching it to keep from speaking and telling Mayer exactly what he thought of him had made his whole face ache.   
    Jack listened to the conversation going on on the other end of the phone.  He could hear several voices talking back and forth.  
    “I’m heading to your house right now.”  He snapped the phone shot and started for the entrance of the prison already knowing that the next few hours weren’t going to be easy ones_   
  
  
    Winston came to a stop at the door to the Visitor’s room.  The two guards that had escorted him stood as one unlocked the door and opened it.  He had been all set to grin at Noah who was sure to be sitting waiting to meet with him.  His smile faded quickly as he stared into two sets of eyes he had not anticipated seeing.   
  
  
    The guards ushered him into the room and over to a chair on one side of a long table.  They quickly attached his shackles that ran from his wrists and ankles to the belt around his waist and than fastened that to a loop on the table that was bolted to the floor.    
  
    “No physical contact and no whispering.”  One of the guards said just before they exited the room.    
  
    Winston arched his eyebrow in surprise.  Usually during visitations at least one guard would remain in the room but they had both just left.  He sat staring at the eyes across from him and waited, wondering what had brought them to see him.   
  
    “Where’s my son?”  Winston asked.   
  
    Holden and Damian simply looked at Colonel Mayer, both holding steady gazes on him.   
  
    “I asked where’s Noah.  I told the State Police that I wouldn’t tell them anything else until I spoke with him.”  Winston continued.   
  
    “You’re not going to see him.”  Holden said calmly.  “He’s not coming.”   
  
    “We’ll just see about that.”  Winston smirked.  “I’m sure the investigators will convince him.”   
  
    “They’ve already talked to him and he’s said he’s not coming.”  Damian said with a smirk of his own.  “He actually said he didn’t care what   
happens to you.  He’s not your son any longer.”   
  
    “He’ll always be my son.”  Winston nearly hissed as he leaned forward slightly toward the men on the other side of the table.   
  
    “No!”  Holden snapped back.  “He’s  **_our_ **  son now.”   
  
    Winston started to chuckle quietly.  “Oh, that’s right.  You’re pervert of a son convinced my son to participate in that farce of a marriage in Iowa.”   
  
    Both Damian and Holden both sat still, shocked that Winston knew about Luke and Noah’s wedding.    
  
    “I suggest that if you knew what’s good for your son.”  Winston said looking at both of them.  “You better get him as far away from my son as possible.”   
  
    Holden’s eyes suddenly light up with hate as he leaned forward and Damian actually grabbed his shoulder in concern.    
  
    “You’ll never get anywhere near either of  **_my_ ** sons, Mayer.  Noah’s a Snyder now and he’s going to stay that way.  There’s nothing you can do about that and if you try anything, anything at all you **_will_ **  regret it.”  Holden stared at the Colonel for another second and then leaned back and shook off Damian’s hand.   
  
    “Oh, really?  That’s sounds almost like a threat.”  Colonel Mayer whispered as he sat back and gazed at the other men.  “Noah’s mine until the day he dies.”   
  
    “Maybe Holden wasn’t plan enough for you, Col. Mayer.”  Damian said with a slight smile on his face.  “Forget about Luke and Noah.  Don’t think about them, don’t contact them, don’t try anything that would cause them harm.”      
  
    “And if I don’t?”  Winston smiled again.   
  
    “Then I will kill you.”  Damian said with a smile still on his face.   
  
    “You do realize that they tape everything that is said in these rooms.”  Winston almost laughed.    
  
    “I wouldn’t be too sure of that, Winston.”  Holden said as he got up from the table and Damian followed behind.  They didn’t wait for an answer as they walked toward the door.   
  
    Winston turned and watched as the door opened and the investigator from a week ago was standing in the doorway.  When Holden and Damian walked through the door all three turned and looked back at Winston.   
  
    “Noah is  **_ours_ ** .”  Holden said quietly.  “You do anything to harm him or Luke and you’ll end up exactly like Wilkerson.  Is that crystal clear?”    
  
    “Turn the recorder back on, Munson.”  Jack said to the guard standing outside the room.  “We’re done here.”   
  
    Winston watched as the three turned and headed down the hallway and disappeared around a corner.  “We’re not nearly done at all.”  He whispered.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
    Luke stretched his arms over his head and smiled without opening his eyes.  He had to admit, being married wasn’t half bad so far.  His eyes slowly opened to see the first rays of morning sunlight leaking through the windows of their Rome hotel suite.   
  
    The first week of their honeymoon had been everything everyone had ever said it would be.  Making love.  Sightseeing.  Making love.  Gourmet dinners.  Making love.  Art galleries.  Making love.  Hot Italian guys.  And more love making with his hot husband.  Luke smiled.  He hoped the second week would be much more of the same.   
  
    Luke rolled over and reached for said hot husband but was met with an empty side of the bed.  He propped himself up while running a hand through his sleep tangled hair and looked around the bedroom for Noah.    
  
    “Noah?”  He called as he throw back the covers and grabbed his boxers from off of the floor, pulling them on as he stood and started for the door that lead to the living room of their suite.   
  
    As he walked through the door he stopped and stood looking at his husband that was sitting silently on the sofa with his cell phone in his hand.  He was turned looking out the window with a far away looking on his face.   
  
    “Noah?”  Luke called again softly.   
  
    Noah jerked at the sound of his husband’s voice.  “Hey, you.”   
  
    He walked slowly and quietly over to Noah and sat down beside him on the sofa.  He took the phone from his hand and hit the “last call received” button and saw his parent’s number.  “Why were my parents calling you?”   
  
    Noah looked away quickly but not before Luke saw the look.  He knew the look.  He’d seen it after going to the police station when he was still in the wheelchair.  He saw it when they had been sitting in Java discussing a letter Noah had gotten from Statesville and he had seen it when holding Noah as he called the police to turn in his fugitive father.   
  
    “What’s the Colonel done now?”  Luke whispered as he snuggled closer into Noah’s side on the sofa.   
  
    Noah sat, still gazing out the window.  He hadn’t wanted this to interrupt their honeymoon but he still wasn’t good with the whole ignoring the Colonel thing yet.   
  
    “Noah.”  Luke asked again more urgently.  “Talk to me.”   
  
    “Jack found out who was responsible for killing Wilkerson in Statesville.”  Noah said in a strangled voice.   
  
    Luke’s stomach fell.  Noah didn’t need to finish the thought or the sentence, he already knew where this was going.  Winston had murdered the last of Noah’s attackers.  His gaze too was pulled out the window.  Conflicting thoughts racing through his head.  The last man alive who had attacked and brutalized Noah was gone and that was due to Winston Mayer.  Murdered by Winston Mayer.  He didn’t know whether to feel glad or terrified.  How must Noah feel?   
  
    “Are they sure?”  He asked as he squeezed Noah’s hand trying to get him to look at him.   
  
    Noah turned.  Hollow blue meeting hazel.  “He admitted to it.”   
  
    “What?”  Luke gasped in confusion.  “Admitted to it?  But why?”   
  
    “He said he’d tell the police everything if I came to see him.”  Noah nearly laughed.  “He’s trying to control me even now.”   
  
    “You’re not going anywhere near that man!”  Luke said firmly.    
  
    He reached out and gripped the sides of his husband’s face, making him look him in the eye.  “Noah?”   
  
    “I already told Holden . . . dad . . . that I had no intention of ever going to see the Colonel again.”  Noah breathed in Luke’s scent trying to use it to quiet the fear and emptiness that was slowly creeping into his soul.  “I’m a Snyder.  Noah Mayer doesn’t exist any more.  The Colonel doesn’t have a son any longer.”   
  
    Luke watched as a shadow seemed to fall over his husband’s eyes.  Noah was putting up the wall that he did when he was trying to protect himself from the Colonel.  Protect himself from the effect the Colonel and what he said and did had on him.  He was letting the Colonel take away his happiness, his life, his future.  ‘Hell, no.’ was all Luke could think.   
  
    Luke quickly stood up and walked across the room toward the bedroom and then turned around facing his husband.  “Noah Snyder!”  He called challengingly.    
  
    Noah looked up at his husband and was shocked to see anger in his face.   
  
    “Noah.”  Luke snapped.  “You’re letting him ruin your . . . our honeymoon.”   
  
    Noah swallowed and realized that in his head all he was hearing was all the negative, hurtful, evil things the Colonel ever said to him.  He closed his eyes and whispered.  “I’m sorry.”    
  
    “NO!” Luke snapped.    
  
    Noah’s head snapped up at the anger in Luke’s voice.   
  
    “Not this time, Snyder.”  Luke glared at him.  “Are you **_his_ ** or are you  **_mine_ ** ?”    
  
    Noah’s eyes opened and locked on Luke’s.  His face was fierce and beautiful, yes Luke would hate to hear that, but he was beautiful and his now smoldering chocolate eyes held an open challenge and yes . . . want, desire, and need in them.   
  
    Noah was up and across the room before either of them realized it and stepped up into Luke’s personal space forcing him back against the wall with a not so gentle thud.    
  
_“Sono tuo._ ”  Noah breathed into Luke’s ear.  “I’m yours, Luke.”   
  
_“Sei mio?”_ Luke bucked his hips pitching Noah away slightly.  Luke loved the Italian that they’d learned here but saw the hesitation as Noah tried to work out what he was saying.  “You’re mine?”  Luke asked while leaning forward and seductively licked a path from Noah’s shoulder up to his ear.   
  
    “Prove it.”  Luke whispered into that ear.  He pulled back and stood for a second staring into Noah’s eyes that were mere inches away.  “ _Dimostramelo!"_   
  
    He was quickly and forcefully slammed back against the wall and was surprised to find his wrists being pulled up above his head.  Noah’s mouth crushed against his own, his tongue forcing it’s way into his warm, moist eager mouth.  Luke suddenly realized that he really, really liked this forceful Noah.    
  
    “Gahhahh!”  Luke moaned as he parted from Noah to breath.  He moaned again as Noah leaned heavily into him and pressed him against the wall.  He felt Noah forcing his leg between his own and rub up against his now rock hard erection.  His eyes nearly rolled back in his head as Noah’s mouth started to make its way down across his jaw line and start down his neck.    
  
    Luke stretched his neck to allow Noah more access but Noah’s hungry mouth was already traveling down his bear chest.  Stopping at each nipple and quickly running his tongue over each, leaving a hard, sensitive nub in his wake.    
  
    Noah had to release Luke’s wrist as he knelt down in front of his husband and reached out and gripped the waist band of Luke’s boxers and quickly pulled them down releasing the erection that had been trapped in them.    
  
    Noah’s eyes were mesmerized by Luke’s engorged c*ock bobbing right in front of him.  He quickly leaned forward and slowly took the tip into his mouth and ran his tongue around the crown and along the slit.    
  
    Luke’s breath caught as he looked down and saw Noah’s clear blue eyes gazing up at him.  His freed hands had already found their way into Noah’s soft dark curls and he slowly pulled Noah until his mouth popped off of his erection.  He suppressed a involuntary moan of loss as Noah looked questioningly up at him.    
  
    “You’re mine?”  Luke asked in a hoarse whisper.   
  
    “I’m yours.”  Noah said as he pulled against Luke’s hands and took Luke again deep into his warm mouth.    
  
    Luke groaned as his head slammed back against the wall and his eyes closed with the feeling of Noah’s hot mouth stroking back and forth along his length, his tongue pressing firm against the vain, the suction that was bringing him oh so close to the edge sooner than he wanted but was inevitable none the less.    
  
    He could feel Noah gripping his hips and was slightly shocked when he started feeling Noah actually pushing and pulling his hips further and harder.  He glanced down and saw Noah’s eyes locked on him again and saw for the first time a question, a request in those eyes.   
  
    Luke watched as Noah pulled his hips more forcefully forward and saw Noah opening his jaws almost impossibly wider to accept Luke’s full length.  He watched in fascination, really, as Noah pushed Luke’s hips back and saw his c*ock come almost completely out of his husband’s mouth and then Noah pull it in again.   
  
    His eyes snapped up to his husband’s and saw the request there again.  “I don’t want to hurt you, bubby.”  Luke’s whispered statement was cut short as Noah decided at that very second to apply additional suction as he pushed Luke’s hips back again.    
  
    “Noooooah?”  Luke sighed as he looked into those blue eyes again.  “Are you sure?”   
  
    As answer Noah dropped his hands to his sides and simply gazed up at him.   
  
    Luke reached out and gently ran his fingers into Noah’s hair.  He slowly started to move his hips while holding Noah’s head in place.  Watched as his c*ock slowly glided in and out of Noah’s mouth.  Watched as Noah’s now red, slightly swollen lips slid back and forth along his length.    
  
    If he was honest with himself he had always wanted to do this but had always been afraid to voice the fantasy to Noah.  Then after the attack it had never even been a consideration.  But here he was watching, marveling at the sight of his c*ock sliding back and forth as he controlled the speed.  The fact that Noah was so willingly and eagerly allowing Luke to fuck his mouth was probably the biggest turn on Luke had ever experienced.    
  
    The mere fact that Noah put such trust in him that he wouldn’t hurt him was enough to make Luke weep, but weeping wasn’t on the   
agenda right now as he felt the slight scrap of teeth along his sliding c*ock.  A slight whimper escaped his throat and he started to pump in and out faster, the grip in Noah’s curls tighter as he tried for leverage.   
  
    He could feel the tip of his c*ock hitting the back of Noah’s throat and watched as Noah seemed to be in almost a euphoric state as Luke’s thrusts grew stronger and stronger into his mouth.  Luke didn’t know how much longer he was going to be able to keep this up, he could feel the tightening of his balls and the tell tale tingling at the base of his spine that said that the edge was approaching at breakneck speed.    
  
    “Oh . . . gaahhhhh!” Luke screamed as his orgasm overtook him.  His knees gave out and he would have fallen if Noah’s strong arms had not caught him and held him upright.  Luke shook as the aftershocks coursed through him and he whimpered as he felt Noah continuing to suck him even after.  He slowly pulled out from Noah’s still eager mouth and slowly slid down the wall to sit in front of his wide-eye husband.    
  
    It was only than that he noticed that Noah was still hard and unsated, straining against the confines of his boxers.   
  
    Luke glanced up and caught Noah’s almost hungry gaze and reached out and yanked at Noah’s boxers.  Noah lifted enough to allow the boxers to be pulled down just enough for Luke to encircled his painfully hard erection with his hand and started to pump hard and fast.   
  
    Luke watched as Noah’s eyes slowly closed and he started to bit his bottom lip.  Luke watched as both the pain of held orgasm and the ecstasy played across Noah’s face.  God, he loved watching his husband get ready to cum.    
  
    “Oh, God.”  Noah breathed as his head snapped forward and he and Luke watched as white ribbons of cum poured over Luke’s hand and landed hot on both of their bodies.   
  
    They both sat there breathing hard, staring into each other’s eyes.    
  
    “You’re mine, Noah.”  Luke stated almost savagely as he squeezed just slightly at the now flaccid muscle in his grasp.  “ **_Mine_ ** !  Don’t ever forget it.”   
  
    Noah reached out and gripped the back of Luke’s neck bringing their mouths so close that Luke could feel Noah’s breath against his waiting lips.  “Was there really any doubt, husband?”  Noah whispered.   
  
    “No . . . not really.”  Luke smiled as leaned forward and captured Noah’s waiting lips.   
  
  



End file.
